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sifted_1
Guest
is not one born every minute?
- Status
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Cockney_Clive
Guest
Your wife should get herself a decent lawyer and appeal this conviction and sentence. I am pretty sure that even in Florida that was not a lawful arrest you made Officer.
While an Officer can and does often arrest and charge the perpetrator that assaults them, in this case the perpetrator was not just any old violent citizen. She was your wife. That’s a recipe for bias and emotionalism being a factor in this arrest. What I am saying here is that you had a grudge against her. This does not make for decent decision-making and even less does it make for good policing.
And also sounds like the testimony you made in court was not, perhaps totally truthful since even you seem to intimate that you ‘beefed it up’ a little?
I think that they ought to take your badge away. Or else you should do the decent thing and resign.
While an Officer can and does often arrest and charge the perpetrator that assaults them, in this case the perpetrator was not just any old violent citizen. She was your wife. That’s a recipe for bias and emotionalism being a factor in this arrest. What I am saying here is that you had a grudge against her. This does not make for decent decision-making and even less does it make for good policing.
And also sounds like the testimony you made in court was not, perhaps totally truthful since even you seem to intimate that you ‘beefed it up’ a little?
I think that they ought to take your badge away. Or else you should do the decent thing and resign.
M
mjdonnelly
Guest
Kind of like the officer who was shot and killed while having sex with another man’s wife. He was shot by the husband.
The media made a big deal about what a “hero” the cop was. I know what the law is meant for, and getting beat up by your wife during an argument just doesn’t seem to meet the standards.
D
deb1
Guest
This was my exact thought. Young children can be much more aggravating then adults. They throw tantrums, talk back, and embarrasse you in public. Most of us, as adults, have a level of natural control. Some, sadly, do not or must learn such skills. If your wife would result to violence with you, how would she react to a child. A frying pan to the head would kill a young child.
I am a bit disturbed by some of the posts. I don’t think most people are as disturbed by the breaking of the marital bond as by a subconscious disbelief in the severity of female on male abuse. There was a post a couple of months back in which a woman complained of much less severe abuse. The majority of the posters urged her to leave the situation and get help.
I am in the minority here but I don’t think that you did wrong in testifying against your wife. If you told the truth and didn’t exagerate the violence, I don’t see the problem. You hadn’t forgiven her yet, but sometimes that takes time. I would imagine that being struck by someone you trust and have an intimate relationship is like a betrayal. Sometimes forgiveness simply takes time. Answer this, even if you wanted your wife set free, how could your honest testimony have prevented her from getting five years? It seems like the outcome, as long as he remains honest and doesn’t lie, would have been the same.
You do need help to figure what attracted you to her in the first place.
T
The_Angelus
Guest
One thing nobody’s mentioned here:
What happens when she gets out???
My guess is she’s not exactly going to feel great about you. Jail time rarely does favors for relationships, and if you think it was bad before… nuff said.
Forgiveness on both sides would be good. If you can turn over a new leaf, start afresh, whatever… make some sort of arrangement that “Let us never strike each other with frying pans, so help us God” and go to some serious marriage counseling. But it takes two to make a marriage work.
Might want to start thinking about the future now, when you still have time to plan for it.
What happens when she gets out???
My guess is she’s not exactly going to feel great about you. Jail time rarely does favors for relationships, and if you think it was bad before… nuff said.
Forgiveness on both sides would be good. If you can turn over a new leaf, start afresh, whatever… make some sort of arrangement that “Let us never strike each other with frying pans, so help us God” and go to some serious marriage counseling. But it takes two to make a marriage work.
Might want to start thinking about the future now, when you still have time to plan for it.
D
deb1
Guest
Because of the anger that the abusive spouse might feel, do you think that women should not testify against their abusive husbands?
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The_Angelus
Guest
Um, sorry, did I say that? I don’t quite get the connection.
No, I think that women who are being abused should testify.
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deb1
Guest
Perhaps, I misunderstood you. It sounds like you are saying that the abusive spouse’s anger should be taken into consideration when deciding on the punishment. You said that jail time rarely does favors for relationships and if it was bad before
If a woman had been struck by a man would you use the same reasoning?
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Darrel
Guest
Felony assault against your wife? It’s called get a few stitches and seperate until this violence problem can be settled. I have to wonder what made her so angry since you never mentioned what this is all rooted in. She didn’t just split your head because she wanted to fight about “something”.
Now your in here asking people who know half the story if you did the correct thing. It was wrong for her to assault you thats a given. Did the old PD ego flare up? Sounds to me like you failed to seperate your family from every other incident you run into and just hooked her up like any other perp. I would have figured I was dragging my own name through the mud and gotten a bandaid on my way to the motel.
-D
Now your in here asking people who know half the story if you did the correct thing. It was wrong for her to assault you thats a given. Did the old PD ego flare up? Sounds to me like you failed to seperate your family from every other incident you run into and just hooked her up like any other perp. I would have figured I was dragging my own name through the mud and gotten a bandaid on my way to the motel.
-D
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pnewton
Guest
I think Angelus brings up a good point. After testifying against a spouse and letting her have 5 years of separation behind bars, I can see where she would never want to see the face again. He chose the role of police officer over husband.
As a husband, I do have a double standard. I would totally understand why a woman would run to the law if abused. I would not however, do the same if I was in that situation. Counseling, separation of even divorce are all things I would consider. Tossing my wife in prison would not be on the table. I take seriously the admonish to love my wife as Chirst loves His church and try to hold myself to a higher standard than I would if the situation was reversed.
As a husband, I do have a double standard. I would totally understand why a woman would run to the law if abused. I would not however, do the same if I was in that situation. Counseling, separation of even divorce are all things I would consider. Tossing my wife in prison would not be on the table. I take seriously the admonish to love my wife as Chirst loves His church and try to hold myself to a higher standard than I would if the situation was reversed.
B
BioCatholic
Guest
#1. i was raised in a “For God and Country” family. my grandfather, father both served in the marines. My uncle was a coastguardsman. my two brothers are in the military, 1 in the 3/7 marines currently serving in Iraq, and the other is with the 2nd expeditionary force. since birth we were taught “Unit, Corps, God, Country”. so i dont take lightly to attacks on my family.
#2 our fight started about money, stemming from a cell phone bill where my brother in Iraq calls me once a month. her being angry, called my brother a “godless soldier”, hence, i said something to the sort “At least the has the [guts] to get out there and do something instead of just sitting in church hoping no one will attack us” then BAM.
as far as actually arresting my wife, for those legal experts, TECHNICALLY no, i did not fully “arrest” her so to speak. whenever there is a possible conflict of interest, another officer must make the arrest. it is just so much easier to say arrest, as opposed to “detain” her, which can be so confusing. so yes, if i HAD taken her to the police station myself, i would have been guilty of kidnapping. how many of you know the difference between “detain” and “arrest”?
after getting hit, i went to charles (narcotics officer) house 3 houses down. i put a 5x9 bandage under some gauze for the cut, wrapped it, and went with charles back to my house. charles wanted to diffuse the situation.
charles spoke to her and told her not to “make things worse” by resisting arrest or saying anything that would incriminate her. he told her that we had to call the police. i placed my handcuffs on her and waited for the police to arrive. when they got there, the duty sgt. is really the once who lawfully placed her under “arrest”, but because i had made a lawful “detention”, the “fellow officer rule” applied.
she actually seemed visibly distressed about what happened. she just sat there just staring at the floor, not saying anything. thats why i had no trouble with her after the assault. i think she realized that she royally messed up, and was about to pay the price.
as far as a jusry trial. NEVER HAPPENED. all that happened was a grand jury deciding in indict her (about 2 months after all this), and her lawyer pleading her down INSTEAD of going to trial. 3 weeks after signing the plea, she allocuted in court, and the judge read testimony i had given at the grand jury.
the most damaging statement from me, and was:
PROSECUTOR: at the time, did you believe your wife was going to kill you?
ME: anytime someone with a weapon attacks me i always assume they are going to kill me, so yes.
now the prosecutor did ask a “leading” question, and i did answer truthfully. it was such a narow question designed to maximize the damage against her, and i knew exactly what he was doing. but i had to truthfully answer because at the moment of the assault, it did cross my mind that she might just beat me to death.
i dont know how much more i can lay out here, short of the grand jury testomony, but she broke the law, and i helped them put her in prison. partly out of anger, which i will have to pay for to God, and partly because i am a police officer, and thats my job.
#2 our fight started about money, stemming from a cell phone bill where my brother in Iraq calls me once a month. her being angry, called my brother a “godless soldier”, hence, i said something to the sort “At least the has the [guts] to get out there and do something instead of just sitting in church hoping no one will attack us” then BAM.
as far as actually arresting my wife, for those legal experts, TECHNICALLY no, i did not fully “arrest” her so to speak. whenever there is a possible conflict of interest, another officer must make the arrest. it is just so much easier to say arrest, as opposed to “detain” her, which can be so confusing. so yes, if i HAD taken her to the police station myself, i would have been guilty of kidnapping. how many of you know the difference between “detain” and “arrest”?
after getting hit, i went to charles (narcotics officer) house 3 houses down. i put a 5x9 bandage under some gauze for the cut, wrapped it, and went with charles back to my house. charles wanted to diffuse the situation.
charles spoke to her and told her not to “make things worse” by resisting arrest or saying anything that would incriminate her. he told her that we had to call the police. i placed my handcuffs on her and waited for the police to arrive. when they got there, the duty sgt. is really the once who lawfully placed her under “arrest”, but because i had made a lawful “detention”, the “fellow officer rule” applied.
she actually seemed visibly distressed about what happened. she just sat there just staring at the floor, not saying anything. thats why i had no trouble with her after the assault. i think she realized that she royally messed up, and was about to pay the price.
as far as a jusry trial. NEVER HAPPENED. all that happened was a grand jury deciding in indict her (about 2 months after all this), and her lawyer pleading her down INSTEAD of going to trial. 3 weeks after signing the plea, she allocuted in court, and the judge read testimony i had given at the grand jury.
the most damaging statement from me, and was:
PROSECUTOR: at the time, did you believe your wife was going to kill you?
ME: anytime someone with a weapon attacks me i always assume they are going to kill me, so yes.
now the prosecutor did ask a “leading” question, and i did answer truthfully. it was such a narow question designed to maximize the damage against her, and i knew exactly what he was doing. but i had to truthfully answer because at the moment of the assault, it did cross my mind that she might just beat me to death.
i dont know how much more i can lay out here, short of the grand jury testomony, but she broke the law, and i helped them put her in prison. partly out of anger, which i will have to pay for to God, and partly because i am a police officer, and thats my job.
B
BioCatholic
Guest
what made her so angry is that i attacked her for sitting in church praying for the war and terrorism to stop, while my brother is fighting in iraq doing the real work. my brother is no saint, so she feels he is “godless”. she attacked him, so i went right back after her and attacked her way of “helping the world”, just like she attacked my brothers way of serving.
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Darrel
Guest
hehe,
I think I know the difference between detain and arrest. Here is the bottom line my friend. It’s like my father (marine) always said. “Family comes first” and “what happens in this house stays in this house.”
You could have very easily not involved law enforcement in this at all. You treated a very bad fight with your wife like an incident and failed to seperate work from home. How many other cops do you work with who would drag there wife in for assault?
It’s not right what she did I will give you that. But what you did was unwise and driven by ego and vengence. If you can drop the charges and start working on fixing your family you should. The only thing you realy did is decrease the chances for reconciliation and dragged your dirty laundry through the legal system. If you were realy a true victim you would have drawn down on her and called for backup. You walked down the street and got some gauze. Did you go to the hospital and get X-rayed? Did you have a skull fracture?
-D
I think I know the difference between detain and arrest. Here is the bottom line my friend. It’s like my father (marine) always said. “Family comes first” and “what happens in this house stays in this house.”
You could have very easily not involved law enforcement in this at all. You treated a very bad fight with your wife like an incident and failed to seperate work from home. How many other cops do you work with who would drag there wife in for assault?
It’s not right what she did I will give you that. But what you did was unwise and driven by ego and vengence. If you can drop the charges and start working on fixing your family you should. The only thing you realy did is decrease the chances for reconciliation and dragged your dirty laundry through the legal system. If you were realy a true victim you would have drawn down on her and called for backup. You walked down the street and got some gauze. Did you go to the hospital and get X-rayed? Did you have a skull fracture?
-D
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cmgeo
Guest
My Good Friend,
I am not all that familiar with the legality of the issue etc.
But as a Catholic Husband, I feel you should have forgiven her
and not have her arrested. Is there a way to get her out of Jail?
If I were you, I would never do such a thing even if my wife were
physically abusive.
Think about it, She may have a point in saying that you could also serve the country by praying for it through intercession
Think about St Therese who became a patroness of Missions
with out ever stepping out of the Convent. If you believe in prayer
you could achieve a lot through prayer.
Even if she is 100% wrong, she was living her life out for you
So then why would you use all that power that you have to
put her in jail? If things are not really going well I would suggest prayer and counselling with an expert priest.
If it still does not improve and you fear for your safety stay away
for a while or something. But dont get her punished.
Assume that she is ALL wrong. Still why do you think that
she is driven to this point of doing something like this
She must be going through a lot of psychological turbulance.
Can you try to figure out what might be the cause of such
emotional imbalance?
I think as a husband it is your duty to support her emotionally
and physically. Thats the vow that you professed in the Church
Try to get her out ASAP and be open to God’s grace and Love
All the Best
George
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catsrus
Guest
20 years ago, my (ex) husband, the cop, was emotionally abusing me beyond my emotional capacity to bear. Girls calling the house in the middle of the night, notes in his pockets when I did the laundry, negative remarks about my abilities as a wife and a woman. He no longer wanted to be married, said he.
One night, as a woman was leaving the apt., as I was on my way in, I snapped and punched him. He threw me down the cement flight of stairs to the 2nd flr. apt.
Screamed he was having me arrested for punching him.
I fled the state and him forever.
He seemed to think a badge and a gun not only made him an attractive “catch” but that his cop status placed him and his “job” above our marriage.
There are ALWAYS 2 sides to a story.
Anyone who thinks their “job” trumps their marriage should not be married.
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pnewton
Guest
What you said about two sides to every story struck me. While we do not get but one side here, the fellow parishoners probably know her side, too. None of them support his decisions. Perhaps if the first decision had been to walk away from the arguement, tragedy could have been avoided.
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Pondero
Guest
There are some crazy laws in Florida.
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Princess_Abby
Guest
BioCatholic,
As I read more of your thoughts regarding this issue, it appears that you need far more help and guidance than we, or any internet forum, can possibly give you.
Please go seek counseling from a Catholic therapist.
You seem to feel very justified in your actions simply because you acted within the fullest extent of the law. While that may be true, I don’t find any charity in your actions against your wife whatsoever. It seems that you put your job and even your brother’s ego before your marriage. There is something inherently wrong with this thinking. There is also the consideration that just because we are ABLE to do something, doesn’t mean we SHOULD. I think this applies to your situation.
Please go to catholictherapists.com and find someone professional to speak to about this.
Abby
P.S. My brother is a marine in Iraq, too. He is serving our country. He leaves behind his own family, including his little 18 month old daughter. Every night before she goes to bed, she kneels down with her mother and prays for the safety of her father. She knows all the right places to say, “Yes, Lord” and “AMEN!”
Prayer shows a beautiful reliance upon God. A soldier is certainly using the gifts God has bestowed upon him, but there is no less courage in trusting our Lord to provide safety for both our troops and our homeland, through prayer.
Would you rather have your wife fighting in Iraq, instead of praying for the safety of those actively in combat?!?
As I read more of your thoughts regarding this issue, it appears that you need far more help and guidance than we, or any internet forum, can possibly give you.
Please go seek counseling from a Catholic therapist.
You seem to feel very justified in your actions simply because you acted within the fullest extent of the law. While that may be true, I don’t find any charity in your actions against your wife whatsoever. It seems that you put your job and even your brother’s ego before your marriage. There is something inherently wrong with this thinking. There is also the consideration that just because we are ABLE to do something, doesn’t mean we SHOULD. I think this applies to your situation.
Please go to catholictherapists.com and find someone professional to speak to about this.
Abby
P.S. My brother is a marine in Iraq, too. He is serving our country. He leaves behind his own family, including his little 18 month old daughter. Every night before she goes to bed, she kneels down with her mother and prays for the safety of her father. She knows all the right places to say, “Yes, Lord” and “AMEN!”
Prayer shows a beautiful reliance upon God. A soldier is certainly using the gifts God has bestowed upon him, but there is no less courage in trusting our Lord to provide safety for both our troops and our homeland, through prayer.
Would you rather have your wife fighting in Iraq, instead of praying for the safety of those actively in combat?!?
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CheesusPowerKid
Guest
I agree that, since we are only getting one side of the story, it’s hard to make any judgements or decisions…I think what struck me the hardest was that a: you said something that hurt her enough to provoke her to hit you with a frying pan, and b: you did not hesitate to arrest her AND you did it out of anger…No offense, but I think that if I was your wife and I knew you wouldn’t hesitate to arrest me, I might have hit you with the frying pan too.
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Friar_David_O.Carm
Guest
I think you did the right thing. If this would have happened the other way everyone would be applauding the woman for doing what you did.
Yes you should forgive her, but that does not negate the legal punishments.
Most States have the same sort of spousal abuse laws on the books to protect the victims.
pnewton:
Yes you should forgive her, but that does not negate the legal punishments.
Most States have the same sort of spousal abuse laws on the books to protect the victims.
Come on now… So much for the two being one fleshing when one is swining a deadly weapon at the other one’s head. And to just stress something, he said he is willing to lay down his life for his wife, not have it taken by her.
- Status