Where are all the children?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Jennifer132
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
J

Jennifer132

Guest
Hello, I am a Protestant, looking into converting. We have five children. We visited Mass (and this was no small parish by any means) and we were the largest family there. We even got a few “large family” comments, even the priest himself seemed a little surprised that we had five kids. Given the teaching on contraceptives, where are all the large families? And if it is a mortal sin to use contraceptives, aren’t devout Catholics worried about that?
 
It may depend on your area of the county. Our parish is part Hispanic and have lots of kids. As for the contraceptive part, sadly many Catholics now are poorly catechized and seem to believe it’s okay, especially since their pastors don’t talk about it to their congregations, I also attend a larger parish from time to time and they do have some larger families. But in Utah, that’s very common.
 
Welcome to CAF!

A few points:

Not all parishes are the same. Our parish has lots of families, but a lot of neighboring parishes do not. There are lots of reasons (e.g. where do families live, do they feel welcome). If a parish has multiple Masses, you might find different populations at each. Some families split Masses, too, because that works for them.

Regarding family size in general, I like this post on Catholic All Year very much: Dear Newlywed, You’re Probably Worried About the Wrong Thing. Of course some Catholics use contraception, and they shouldn’t. But fertility problems are very, very common, as this post discusses.

(Not to mention Catholics are not all called to large families - some families may be called to use NFP for a time, long or short, or to avoid pregnancy completely.)
 
pensmama87 said:
Welcome to CAF!

A few points:

Not all parishes are the same. Our parish has lots of families, but a lot of neighboring parishes do not. There are lots of reasons (e.g. where do families live, do they feel welcome). If a parish has multiple Masses, you might find different populations at each. Some families split Masses, too, because that works for them.

Regarding family size in general, I like this post on Catholic All Year very much: Dear Newlywed, You’re Probably Worried About the Wrong Thing. Of course some Catholics use contraception, and they shouldn’t. But fertility problems are very, very common, as this post discusses.

(Not to mention Catholics are not all called to large families - some families may be called to use NFP for a time, long or short, or to avoid pregnancy completely.)
Click to expand...
Right.

It’s also true that even at the same parish, different Masses will draw different demographics.
 
Jennifer132 said:
Hello, I am a Protestant, looking into converting. We have five children. We visited Mass (and this was no small parish by any means) and we were the largest family there. We even got a few “large family” comments, even the priest himself seemed a little surprised that we had five kids. Given the teaching on contraceptives, where are all the large families? And if it is a mortal sin to use contraceptives, aren’t devout Catholics worried about that?
Click to expand...
My husband and I have no children. Does that mean we use contraceptives?

I would encourage you to try “not” to judge a book by its cover-- be it the Catholic faith as a whole or individual people within it. People are called to, or end up with, various family sizes for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the number of people who are postponing marriage and family until much later in life. There are as many reasons for family size as there are people. We are called to discernment, not to a specific number of children.

We are called to responsible parenthood, and that could mean a different family size for you than me or my neighbor. We are also called to generosity in parenthood.

I personally know many large Catholic families, many small Catholic families, and several couples who have had no biological children (some of whom have adopted and some who have not).

I don’t assume there is contraception going on in any of those families.

What I will say is that for many people in the West, it can be difficult to hear God’s call to generosity. God bless you for yours.
 
1ke said:
My husband and I have no children. Does that mean we use contraceptives?

I would encourage you to try “not” to judge a book by its cover-- be it the Catholic faith as a whole or individual people within it. People are called to, or end up with, various family sizes for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the number of people who are postponing marriage and family until much later in life. There are as many reasons for family size as there are people. We are called to discernment, not to a specific number of children.

We are called to responsible parenthood, and that could mean a different family size for you than me or my neighbor. We are also called to generosity in parenthood.

I personally know many large Catholic families, many small Catholic families, and several couples who have had no biological children (some of whom have adopted and some who have not).

I don’t assume there is contraception going on in any of those families.

What I will say is that for many people in the West, it can be difficult to hear God’s call to generosity. God bless you for yours.
Click to expand...
Hello, and thank you for your reply. I just wanted to point out that I wasn’t “judging” anyone. I was just wondering where all the large families were given that contraception isn’t allowed, I had assumed I would see more large families than in the general population. We have a large family quite by accident, both through adoption and biological.
 
Jennifer132 said:
Hello, I am a Protestant, looking into converting. We have five children. We visited Mass (and this was no small parish by any means) and we were the largest family there. We even got a few “large family” comments, even the priest himself seemed a little surprised that we had five kids. Given the teaching on contraceptives, where are all the large families? And if it is a mortal sin to use contraceptives, aren’t devout Catholics worried about that?
Click to expand...
It could be where you live versus where I live, but we have 8 children and we aren’t the largest family at our church. There are currently 3 coupkes (including my family) with 8 kids under the age of 21, several older couples with 8+ grown children, and many 4 kid and growing families. I do wonder myself at times why the Catholic family size is shrinking. There have always been small families (1-3 kids) and families that have not been able to have any children, but now this seems to be the rule and not the exception. Thank you for your generosity and welcome to the Catholic Church. I hope you are able to make yourself at home with Jesus in the Eucharist.
 
Jennifer132 said:
Hello, I am a Protestant, looking into converting. We have five children. We visited Mass (and this was no small parish by any means) and we were the largest family there. We even got a few “large family” comments, even the priest himself seemed a little surprised that we had five kids. Given the teaching on contraceptives, where are all the large families? And if it is a mortal sin to use contraceptives, aren’t devout Catholics worried about that?
Click to expand...
Hi Jennifer - welcome to CAF! 🙂

Many families in my parish are smaller with two, maybe three children at the most. This is for a variety of reasons. One thing I have heard from a couple of my Catholic friends married to non-Catholics is that their husbands chose to get vasectomies even though they wanted more children.

When we lived in California, we had a group that we belonged to that had very large families. We were a small family with only four children. There were six, five, seven, nine and even 13 children in these families. These friends were all married to Catholic men that believed in being open to life.

I can understand your question and hope that my response provides some possible answers to your question.

God bless!
 
We also have to take into account the fact that many women now work outside the home. Plus, with all the time-saving gadgets around the house fewer people are needed to do chores. Add to this the pressures of having a nice house, two cars, insurance for health and life and property, education, and so on–the cost of raising a family has gone up and up and up. Many are spacing children through one means or another. The right way is NFP, but there are Catholics who resort to contraceptives through human weakness or outright rejection of Church teaching. Let’s face it, it’s harder to be a faithful Catholic in this area of life than for our Protestant brethren for whom contraception is not prohibited.

And there’s a lot of pressure from society to conform to the zeitgeist of our times. Following Vatican II (which did not change Church teachings) many believed the Church was going to change her teachings on contraception and when she didn’t rebelled. However, we are now seeing a revival of orthodoxy in many dioceses as people are seeing the damage the contraceptive mentality has wreaked. It will take time for our young people to fully embrace every aspect of their Catholic faith, but it’s happening. This is why we put our trust in Christ and not in current trends inside or outside the Church.
 
1ke said:
My husband and I have no children. Does that mean we use contraceptives?

I would encourage you to try “not” to judge a book by its cover-- be it the Catholic faith as a whole or individual people within it. People are called to, or end up with, various family sizes for a number of reasons, not the least of which is the number of people who are postponing marriage and family until much later in life. There are as many reasons for family size as there are people. We are called to discernment, not to a specific number of children.

We are called to responsible parenthood, and that could mean a different family size for you than me or my neighbor. We are also called to generosity in parenthood.

I personally know many large Catholic families, many small Catholic families, and several couples who have had no biological children (some of whom have adopted and some who have not).

I don’t assume there is contraception going on in any of those families.

What I will say is that for many people in the West, it can be difficult to hear God’s call to generosity. God bless you for yours.
Click to expand...
Yes. People are getting married later or not getting married at all. This could put a limit on the number of children born to a marriage.

Catholics who use contraception usually do not go to mass and some may go only on Easter or Christmas.
 
DRE here.
One thing that we see are families where the parents come to church regularly, but don’t feel the need to “pressure” (their words) into coming to Mass.
Sad but true. Many children attend Formation classes until after First Communion and don’t return unless they need Confirmation later. People over commit their children to sports, and other extracurriculars, although they’re willing to skip Mass. :rolleyes:

Not EVERYONE, of course, but many.
 
You can’t assume that a couple contracepts because they don’t have x amount of children. My husband and I have never used contraception and we have two children. NFP does actually work for a majority of the couples that use it and people don’t really get married in their late teens or early twenties like they used to. Also, lots of families with young children don’t feel like their young children are appreciated in Mass, so they either don’t bring them, don’t go at all, or hide out in the cry room.
 
You should see our parish.

The 10:30 Mass is packed with kids.

I’m pretty sure the average number of kids is 3+ per family.

Last week at Mass, in the front four pews, there were 18 kids.

Our parish does draw a more orthodox crowd…but we’re in a city that has quite a few Catholic Churches and ours in the only one that does EF and one of two that does perpetual adoration.

So, it totally depends on the Church you go to.
 
Sometimes the large families are there but are not visible.

We have five children and hope to have more someday, but we don’t bring the little ones to Mass every week. People who don’t know me personally might think I have only one, two, or three children, or even none, depending on which children come with me to Mass, or which ones go with their father to the other Mass.

Also, many families with teens might allow their kids to go to different Masses. And some families have members in the choir or in altar serving or helping as ushers.

So, often, we are there, the large families, but you just can’t see that right away, until you get to know the people and start to recognize their family at different Masses or are serving at Mass.

Welcome to CAF! I am a convert of six years. My husband and older children and I converted together.
 
Mine are at home with my wife. At least they’d better be, or she’s gonna hear about it for misplacing them.
 
Jennifer132 said:
Hello, I am a Protestant, looking into converting. We have five children. We visited Mass (and this was no small parish by any means) and we were the largest family there. We even got a few “large family” comments, even the priest himself seemed a little surprised that we had five kids. Given the teaching on contraceptives, where are all the large families? And if it is a mortal sin to use contraceptives, aren’t devout Catholics worried about that?
Click to expand...
I have heard the joyful noise of quiverfuls of children at the Eastern Catholic, Eastern Orthodox and Latin Mass parishes.
 
Jennifer132 said:
Hello, I am a Protestant, looking into converting. We have five children. We visited Mass (and this was no small parish by any means) and we were the largest family there. We even got a few “large family” comments, even the priest himself seemed a little surprised that we had five kids. Given the teaching on contraceptives, where are all the large families? And if it is a mortal sin to use contraceptives, aren’t devout Catholics worried about that?
Click to expand...
Can’t speak to overall trends, but I think you’ll find the old cliche of Catholics having huge families is massively overstated. I’ve been surrounded by various nominally Catholic families my entire life and I’ve only known 3 that had more than 3 kids. One family had 4 kids due to a late unplanned arrival, one had 5 due to having had 4 girls and their father desperately wanting a son (which their 5th child was), and one family had 10.

But otherwise all the other families were typically 2 kids with some 1 and 3 kid families thrown in. Some were smaller through NFP, some through natural sterilization issues, some due to simple age related issues (older parents), some through modern contraception, some through intentional sterilization (my own Catholic mother had her tubes tied after her third, my brother was born). You’ll find that not all Catholics follow Catholic teaching to the letter, or at all in many cases, but even when Catholic teaching is followed big families aren’t in any way a given. And even when they do have big families, just as others have said, just because you don’t see them doesn’t mean they don’t have them. The family I mentioned with 5 were pretty regular mass attendees, but it was rare all 5 of their kids were with them at any one time for various reasons.
 
Something to think about too.

We have 35 alter boys in our Parish and, at least, 10 serve for each Sunday Mass. A lot of families look smaller if you aren’t counting the one or two boys they have that serve.

When I first met a Church friend of mine, who does daycare for my two youngest daughters, she was pregnant and I asked if it was her third child?

No, it was her fifth because she had two sons who served.
 
Jennifer132 said:
Hello, I am a Protestant, looking into converting. We have five children. We visited Mass (and this was no small parish by any means) and we were the largest family there. We even got a few “large family” comments, even the priest himself seemed a little surprised that we had five kids. Given the teaching on contraceptives, where are all the large families? And if it is a mortal sin to use contraceptives, aren’t devout Catholics worried about that?
Click to expand...
I don’t get it either when people are like oh they’re so devout and have two kids and you’re like whah??? Then they’ve started this NFP thing forget be fruitful and multiply even the new testament says women are saved thru childbirth. God bless you and your family and welcome to the Church (broken as it may be sometimes!!!)
 
jmjZelie said:
Sometimes the large families are there but are not visible.

We have five children and hope to have more someday, but we don’t bring the little ones to Mass every week. People who don’t know me personally might think I have only one, two, or three children, or even none, depending on which children come with me to Mass, or which ones go with their father to the other Mass.
Click to expand...
That is often the case with us. My wife attends a Traditional Latin Mass in the mornings. She might have anywhere from 1 to 5 of our kids. I bat cleanup and take whomever is left to an evening Mass. There have also been a few times where my wife took 2 in the morning, I took 3 in the afternoon, and our 2 teens drove themselves to an evening Mass. A few weeks back was the first time my wife and all 7 of my kids were in the same pew.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top