Where are all the devout young women at?

[Ridgerunner]

So, where does that leave the college freshman man or the college senior woman? Up a creek, that’s where.

.

Not entirely. The freshman male can exercise patience and the senior woman can insinuate herself into graduate school events. When I was in graduate school, junior and senior women went to our events and were quite welcome to do so.

 

[Xantippe]

Not entirely. The freshman male can exercise patience and the senior woman can insinuate herself into graduate school events. When I was in graduate school, junior and senior women went to our events and were quite welcome to do so.

Yes.

But I think it would be very easy for either the senior girl or the freshman guy to just despair, rather than realizing the structural problem.

 

[marymary1975]

When you want to meet ice skaters, you go to a:

1. basketball game
2. garden club
3. car show
4. skating rink

When you want to meet “devout” Catholic women, you go to a:

1. Liberal college
2. Newman center
3. non-Catholic “fun” youth group
4. traditional-leaning Catholic college

(Answer Key–“D” for both above).

OP, you’re in the wrong place to meet “devout” Catholic women. If your main goal in college is to meet a Catholic girl for purposes of marriage, transfer to a good, old-fashioned Catholic college, but even there, you will be disillusioned, as many people at these schools are there to get away from their parents and PARTY!

And I agree with everyone else here. Stop thinking about meeting girls, and concentrate on taking advantage of all the opportunities that college gives you to get involved (it sounds like you’re already doing that–good for you!), getting the best grades you can, and getting your degree in a field that has lots of job opportunities. Most women will list “has a good job” as the most attractive trait about men!

I agree so much with what Cat says. I think your problem is that you are looking in the wrong place. You are never going to find a practicing catholic woman in a place where people go to run away from their parents and party and living the crazy life and if there are, they will be difficult to find because they probably barely socialize with anyone if you are interested in a devout girl then you should look at the places where a girl like that would go: a prayer group, a pro life group, bible study, activities at the parish.

I agree that with regard to College you should focus on studying and job opportunities and then try to get involved at your local parish

 

[Ridgerunner]

I agree so much with what Cat says. I think your problem is that you are looking in the wrong place. You are never going to find a practicing catholic woman in a place where people go to run away from their parents and party and living the crazy life and if there are, they will be difficult to find because they probably barely socialize with anyone if you are interested in a devout girl then you should look at the places where a girl like that would go: a prayer group, a pro life group, bible study, activities at the parish.

Let me dissent just a little. I would never discourage a young man from looking for devout girls at prayer groups, etc. However, let me say a word in favor of the other girls. There are plenty of them who arrive at college every bit as confused and lost as is a male freshman. They think they need to be in the mainstream of things and often do things against their better judgment, just as young men do.

I maintain that most of them are nevertheless fundamentally good girls, many of whom, particularly after they have matured a bit, will make fine women.

I’m almost embarrassed to admit that at one time in college and then again in graduate school, I dated two “party girls” who later became nuns. Am I to consider them not devout now?

 

[CompSciGuy]

Let me dissent just a little. I would never discourage a young man from looking for devout girls at prayer groups, etc. However, let me say a word in favor of the other girls. There are plenty of them who arrive at college every bit as confused and lost as is a male freshman. They think they need to be in the mainstream of things and often do things against their better judgment, just as young men do.

I maintain that most of them are nevertheless fundamentally good girls, many of whom, particularly after they have matured a bit, will make fine women.

I’m almost embarrassed to admit that at one time in college and then again in graduate school, I dated two “party girls” who later became nuns. Am I to consider them not devout now?

Well, they probably weren’t too devout at the time they were “party girls” so I don’t think you have much of a point. Thank God they had their conversion experience, not every party girl turns out that way. The point that Cat was making is that if you want to find a devout girl, go where the devout girls would go. That is all.

 

[llenadegracia]

I dated two young men for a significant period of time (over a year each) while in college…I am in my third year and 21 years old.

When I finally stopped worried about dating, I started really loving college. I could view my male friends as friends and not potential dates. I started forming solid relationships with young men and I love it! My two best friends from college are both young men…though neither of them happen to be practicing any religion.

For a long time, I thought I needed to be dating someone. I feel called to marriage…so naturally I need to be dating someone, right? I learned over time that I truly needed to work on growing individually. I am decisively locked into college for another year until I graduate (as in…I’m not moving anywhere), so when I finally thought everything through I realized my focus on desiring a relationship with a young man so badly truly inhibited my ability to grow as an individual. This may not be the case for you…but I ultimately realized my desire for a dating relationship stemmed from just enjoying the stability. When I was dating long-term, I had stability and the concept of a “future” (which obviously changed!) and someone to chat with every night… when I stopped dating, I learned to find those things within other areas of my life. I found stability in my faith, friends, and family. I found my concept of a future in personal goals and a long-term commitment of service…

Ok…I have to run off to class! But that’s a little bit of my experience. Like everyone said…and you’ll get tired of reading this…relax!!

 

[Ridgerunner]

Well, they probably weren’t too devout at the time they were “party girls” so I don’t think you have much of a point. Thank God they had their conversion experience, not every party girl turns out that way. The point that Cat was making is that if you want to find a devout girl, go where the devout girls would go. That is all.

How could one who never knew either one of them judge them? How could he possibly know whether they had a “conversion experience” or were simply in a gradual process of becoming more spiritually heroic than either you or I will ever be?

Wasn’t it Chesterton (or was it Belloc? Wilde?) who said “The Catholic Church is for saints and sinners. For the merely respectable, the Anglican church will do.”

I know I will be castigated for this, but I would far rather associate with sinners who are struggling to become saints than with people whose whole striving is for a respectability with which they wish to persuade themselves and others.

I’m not condemning the truly devout. I’m merely saying that neither they nor those who seem too much “in the world” are always what they seem to be on the surface. One must carefully observe and discern. Personally, in my dating days, I found that process delightful.

 

[StSentry83]

Well, they probably weren’t too devout at the time they were “party girls” so I don’t think you have much of a point. Thank God they had their conversion experience, not every party girl turns out that way. The point that Cat was making is that if you want to find a devout girl, go where the devout girls would go. That is all.

I get your concerns, but I think it’s a pretty sad world if being serious about one’s faith and being highly sociable are mutually exclusive things.

 

[hwriggles4]

Philly88:

There are quite a bit of good suggestions here. Since you are 18 or 19, I wouldn’t look at finding a “serious girlfriend” as a freshmen, even if your mom and your friends back home keep pestering you by asking, “do you have a girlfriend?” Personally, I would take my freshmen year as a time to get to know my college surroundings (sounds like you are doing that) by getting involved and making friends. However, you do need a balance between studies, spiritual, social, and service, as well as sleep (at your age, I sometimes slept 4 hours a night).

I do have a few suggestions:

1. If your school is group oriented (some schools are), look at some group activities, like dances, or set up a games night one Saturday evening in the lounge of your residence hall. That’s good wholesome cheap entertainment. Invite a co-ed group over.
2. One Catholic school I attended (and the only one - it wasn’t Steubenville, a UD, or Ave Maria), a large portion of the student body (at least 2/3 literally) was either pre-med or pre-law (I was pre-med but I later left to do other things). I found many of these students were not too interested in serious relationships, because of the commitment it takes to begin a career. Many doctors and lawyers do not marry until their mid-30’s (and some even early 40’s), so “traditional dating” was not really on their radar screen. We did go to formals, dances, movies, parties, etc. together, but this Catholic school was not a “dating” campus. I am embarrassed to say that this particular Catholic school did have a reputation for a “hook up culture”, with one night stands being common, and a higher incident of drinking among other things, which was one reason I left to do other things.
3. Speaking of the “hook up culture”, it seems harder today for many college students to find friends who share traditional values. This has been a dilemma for many college students, but sadly, it seems to have gotten worse over the past 20-25 years. The best advice I can share is to be discerning about who you want to hang out with outside of class and laboratory.
4. Philly 88, if you are looking for a campus where “traditional dating” is encouraged, I highly recommend Ave Maria University in Florida. It’s expensive, but 1 out of 5 students married a classmate. Just last year, the 2014 graduating class had 22 engagements out of 194 students.
5. If you are around Philadelphia, you may want to get on the SEPTA train one Sunday and go to Mass at Immaculatta, Villanova, LaSalle, and see what is happening there. I think U Penn has a Catholic center downtown that has a 10:00 p.m. Mass on Sunday evening. A few years back, Temple was noted for having an excellent Catholic Student Center. Making a visit could give you some good ideas, and you can even make some new friends.

Hope this helps a little. I thought the suggestions from Xantippe and llenadegracia were really good.

 

[Estevao]

OP you have to realize that it’s very hard for even devout Catholic women to avoid the allure that being a young college student presents to “have fun” and neglect the faith. All those good looking cool, bad-boy varsity guys who aren’t spending their time in mass, all those crazy parties, all those popular songs brainwashing them with catchy beats to go crazy and party, all those secular minded girl friends egging them on to have fun and “you go girl!”, all those lukewarm or out-right apostate professors at supposedly “catholic” colleges filling their minds with doubts about the holy faith and its importance in their lives, all those pastors who don’t have the balls to call women to a higher level like Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen would do - but then constantly berate men to “man up” and make Christian men seem like passive wusses, unlike the attractive irreligious bad boys who don’t have their natural virility berated out of them -, all the social losses they will suffer from not “fitting in” if they take the faith seriously. It’s not an environment conducive to piety (or maybe it is? but it doesn’t make it seem like the thing to do).

 

[Xantippe]

OP you have to realize that it’s very hard for even devout Catholic women to avoid the allure that being a young college student presents to “have fun” and neglect the faith. All those good looking cool, bad-boy varsity guys who aren’t spending their time in mass, all those crazy parties, all those popular songs brainwashing them with catchy beats to go crazy and party, all those secular minded girl friends egging them on to have fun and “you go girl!”, all those lukewarm or out-right apostate professors at supposedly “catholic” colleges filling their minds with doubts about the holy faith and its importance in their lives, all those pastors who don’t have the balls to call women to a higher level like Venerable Archbishop Fulton Sheen would do - but then constantly berate men to “man up” and make Christian men seem like passive wusses, unlike the attractive irreligious bad boys who don’t have their natural virility berated out of them -, all the social losses they will suffer from not “fitting in” if they take the faith seriously. It’s not an environment conducive to piety (or maybe it is? but it doesn’t make it seem like the thing to do).

I don’t think I’ve ever sat through a homily that sounded anything like the one you describe, and I’ve been going to campus ministry Masses for years and years.

That might possibly exist among our Protestant brethren, but I’ve been going to Mass just about every week for 17+ years and never heard anything like that. As a rule, priests very rarely preach on the nuts and bolts of marriage or dating or gender issues. And why should they? They’re supposed to be preaching the Gospel rather than “stuff I read on the internet”.

I’m pretty sure I’ve never heard a Catholic priest use the term “man up”–thank goodness!

 

[pianistclare]

I don’t think I’ve ever sat through a homily that sounded anything like the one you describe, and I’ve been going to campus ministry Masses for years and years.

That might possibly exist among our Protestant brethren, but I’ve been going to Mass just about every week for 17+ years and never heard anything like that. As a rule, priests very rarely preach on the nuts and bolts of marriage or dating or gender issues. And why should they? They’re supposed to be preaching the Gospel rather than “stuff I read on the internet”.

I’m pretty sure I’ve never heard a Catholic priest use the term “man up”–thank goodness!

Me either.

 

[Natural_Family]

It’s great that you’re so interested in developing your faith life. It’s a very natural desire to have others to share that with and help you become closer to Christ. Since you aren’t finding that fellowship on campus yet and there isn’t a retreat or further faith development being offered, have a look at what is being offered elsewhere during your holiday breaks. Going to a retreat or conference helps spark the enthusiasm needed to get us over the humps and is a great place to develop friendships with others who share your values. Here is a list which could help you begin your search to find such a retreat or conference catholicity.com/links/53/
When you find what suits your interest, locality and budget, you can advertise it to the others in your campus groups and invite them to go with you.
In the meantime, my prayers are with you as you offer up the current difficulties and endeavor to succeed in your studies.

 

[marymary1975]

Let me dissent just a little. I would never discourage a young man from looking for devout girls at prayer groups, etc. However, let me say a word in favor of the other girls. There are plenty of them who arrive at college every bit as confused and lost as is a male freshman. They think they need to be in the mainstream of things and often do things against their better judgment, just as young men do.

I maintain that most of them are nevertheless fundamentally good girls, many of whom, particularly after they have matured a bit, will make fine women.

I’m almost embarrassed to admit that at one time in college and then again in graduate school, I dated two “party girls” who later became nuns. Am I to consider them not devout now?

I am not saying that a party girl cannot eventually mature and become a devout person. In fact I myself went to the University with a guy who at school was an outspoken satanist and he had a massive conversion and now a days is a devout catholic priest so of course anyonecan cchange. But the topic here is at the present moment he is looking for a specific kind of girl. He has all the right in the world at the present moment to look for a girl that fits what he wants to because is not me or you the ones that are going to date that person, it is him. And if that person does not make an appropriate match for him then the relationship is going to be in trouble.

Second I believe is a terrible idea to enter into a relationship with someone under the thinking “I am going to change him/her” or well that person will eventually change. Women do that a lot and 90% of the time they crash into a wall because no one changes anyone. If a party girl is going to mature and live a devout life is because of her own mind and because she, by herself, discovered that that is the right thing, but not because she got a catholic boyfriend who is trying to make her change her lifestyles. In the latter case most likely that relationship will fail.

Now if you mean dating someone who is currently devout but had a sinful past, that is another story. But from what I read in your post is more along the line of the oh I will date her/Jim and wait until there is a change which tends to he an awful idea (and the root of too many divorces).

 

[marymary1975]

How could one who never knew either onthat, them judge them? How could he possibly know whether they had a “conversion experience” or were simply in a gradual process of becoming more spiritually heroic than either you or I will ever be?

Wasn’t it Chesterton (or was it Belloc? Wilde?) who said “The Catholic Church is for saints and sinners. For the merely respectable, the Anglican church will do.”

I know I will be castigated for this, but I would far rather associate with sinners who are struggling to become saints than with people whose whole striving is for a respectability with which they wish to persuade themselves and others.

I’m not condemning the truly devout. I’m merely saying that neither they nor those who seem too much “in the world” are always what they seem to be on the surface. One must carefully observe and discern. Personally, in my dating days, I found that process delightful.

If you want to hang out with sinners to show them by your example how living the word of God is better or to talk to them about God with evangelization purposes or just to do good, that is perfectly fine. In fact we all should be doing that.

But, entering into a romantic relationship/ marriage with someone that, let’s say, Lives a sinful life with the idea that you are going to change that person or rescue that person is a terrible idea and 90% of the time (and maybe even note) that relationshipwill be doomed to an uunhappy ending.

 

[angelic06]

…I will date her/Jim and wait until there is a change which tends to he an awful idea (and the root of too many divorces).

^^^^This I agree with wholeheartedly.^^^^

 

[angelic06]

If you want to hang out with sinners to show them by your example how living the word of God is better or to talk to them about God with evangelization purposes or just to do good, that is perfectly fine. In fact we all should be doing that.

But, entering into a romantic relationship/ marriage with someone that, let’s say, Lives a sinful life with the idea that you are going to change that person or rescue that person is a terrible idea and 90% of the time (and maybe even note) that relationshipwill be doomed to an uunhappy ending.

^^^^This too.^^^^

 

[RACJ]

So I go to a small college that is very liberal and has a student body that generally isn’t too interested in religion. Even though 1/3 of the student body is Catholic, only a small amount show up to weekly mass and only a handful of those people say the prayers/new translation and sing. There is a Catholic Ministry (Newman Center) on Campus but there is only 20 active people in it, me being one of only two freshman that are active in it and one of only three guys in the whole group. Although it’s nice to have a small group go to the Newman Center, the majority of the people really aren’t devout and are fine with just mass and Newman fellowship dinners. No one aside from me and two girls ever go to the confession offered after Mass, we haven’t gone on a retreat yet and I’m the only one who is pushing for more retreats, and no one even openly talks about their faith or what Christ is in their life when we have fellowship dinners at Newman, we’ll say grace and then people pretend like he doesn’t exist. I can’t be more involved in Newman, I’m already on the E-board and another leadership position, and I’m also super involved in a non-denominational Christian group on Campus that is like a youth group. The non-denom. is way more fun and although they’re pretty much all Protestant they do love Christ and have a fire for him in their hearts. Even through being involved in both organizations, I’ve yet to meet a devout girl who loves Christ AND is compatible with me. I’m not involved only to meet a girl, I do it to serve Christ, and I trust in God’s plan whatever that is. The lack of devout Christian girls is hard, I just thought that it would be easier for a devout guy to find a girl but it seems impossible. I don’t want to only limit myself to a devout Catholic girl who is an active Catholic, because if I did then I would die alone because I have met only 2 at my school. It’s disheartening and I just would like to see if there are actually young women out there who are deeply devout and love Christ. Maybe some ideas to meet other girls…

I agree that there are WAY too few devout young women today. But I would try to join young Christian singles sites and area groups if any exist where you are. Now I am Baptist, but there are really some wonderful young Christian females at my small church, on fire to serve God. Good luck to you, and keep the Faith!

 

[pianistclare]

I agree that there are WAY too few devout young women today. But I would try to join young Christian singles sites and area groups if any exist where you are. Now I am Baptist, but there are really some wonderful young Christian females at my small church, on fire to serve God. Good luck to you, and keep the Faith!

Well, there are many “unchurched” young women who have bought into the secular view of sexuality and love.
It’s fault of our culture. We have devalued morals and faith based lives.
A person is going to find nice girls in churches. That’s pretty much been the deal all along.

 

[Xantippe]

Well, there are many “unchurched” young women who have bought into the secular view of sexuality and love.
It’s fault of our culture. We have devalued morals and faith based lives.
A person is going to find nice girls in churches. That’s pretty much been the deal all along.

And, as a secular friend of the family once pointed out, girls that go to church often wear dresses!