Hi Jim, I can relate to your wife. Ten years ago, I expereinced a traumatic life-altering injury to my back, neck, hips - basically most of my spine. The doctors and specialists all say (present tense) I can improve by degrees, but it is permanent. Back then - I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling many, many days and nights. So, I had a blessed poster of the Sacred Heart put up on my ceiling over my bed. I read the Word of God. I prayed. I cried. I agonized. I suffered and continue to suffer immensely chronic pain. I do not take narcotic pain killers. It is pretty intense. I understand to some degree - on the surface- your anger. It seems like fear of “How long, oh Lord, will this continue? Why did you choose her of all people? She’s so kind and loving and works so diligently for Your kingdom!” (or thoughts to that effect) and my empathy for you both swiftly wells up in my heart.
Consider for a moment… I am a sinner. A child of God. A wife. A mother. A sister and daughter, niece and aunt. I have many, many roles. The most important role in my whole life is being a disciple of Jesus. He doesn’t call us to a “proverbial” cross. He calls us to His cross of suffering and agony. It IS “THE WAY” and in His wisdom, he does not deny us any good thing to bring us to repentance, to sanctify us, and to use us for His good and perfect pleasure - especially for the conversion of sinners. I know it is a bitter cup for you, my brother.
You said - isn’t there anything else she can do besides pray? Yes. The answer is trust God and seek diligently for what He is trying to show her. And You. Meditate on His Cross. Meditate on His passion. Meditate on the devotion / prayer of the Way of The Cross. Each station is a doorway into something the Lord, in HIs great love and mercy has placed there for you to discover.
He understands your anger. He understands that you do not yet understand. It is in the trudging along under the weight of the cross, and in the looking back that one discovers the lessons for today - in retrospect and trustful surrender. I am here to tell you - it’s not just words… Suffering has extreme merit. It is a process to accept our sufferings for the merciful hand of our August and Majestic God. He IS sovereign. Sometimes, it would be nice if we got to be Sovereign for a day, but that never, ever happens, thank God. We’d mess everything up.
I did not understand why the injury I was granted by God had to be permanent (meaning just for this lifetime - not really permanent in the big picture of forever). I did not understand how I could be so dramatically changed through no fault of my own. It was in loving God, trusting Him, and accepting this from HIs hand that I began to see everything so very clearly.
Nobody likes to suffer. But, there is such joy to be found in accepting our sufferings from God and watching carefully to see what wonderous, transforming, Holy things He will do with them.
Just because we love God, because we serve God, we are not immune to being stricken. *God’s love is not a pampering love. It is a sanctifying love. *This event in your lives will build your faith as nothing else could. God knows what He’s doing.
Trust God first, and then He will show you. But trust Him. Trust Him with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. I pray that God in His rich mercy and love give you all the graces to receive what He has given you and fill you with His Holy Spirit, and His overwhelming glory. Please be at peace with God. He loves you truely, deeply, and eternally.
Trust His judgment and His ways, and highly exult Him, for His mercy endures forever. He holds especially the tears of His beloved. Not one is lost or counted as nothing. Give Him your tears and struggles. Render unto God what is God’s. All of our love without always perceiving all of HIs love. All of our trust - not because we can see where it is that He is leading us, but because He alone is trustworthy. All of our worship, for He is Holy. May the Lord of peace surround and preserve you always.
