Where are you supposed to go when you can't even trust yourself?

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joshvanrad

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Lately I have been in some very dark places due to situations that I am having a hard time coming to terms with. I realize my faith is the main culprit- in the fact that I feel fearful of what is coming next and what God’s plans are. It has been a very difficult year so far and I am having troubles accepting the “bad news” that seems to keep piling up.

At any rate, I have known for a while that I have not been in the best of places emotionally or spiritually, but I did not think it was as bad as it actually is. For the past couple weeks I have been engaging in questionable and flat out sinful acts on a fairly regular basis. Finally it culminated in a truly regretful weekend. I have done things now that I feel unforgivable over, I did things that will undoubtedly affect other people in negative ways, and I feel like I can’t even trust myself.

I desire greatly to escape from the situations at hand and to do it in a healthy way, but the way things are going makes me just want to burrow deeper into these old vices. I feel torn in two directions and I can see which is the right and just way… but I am having troubles deciding to take that route.

I’m not exactly sure what I am looking for here, but I just needed to get all this out at the very least.

Ite in pace,
Joshua C.
 
I think this forum is a difficult place to get an answer for your situation. Have you confided with a close friend, a priest or deacon, or a spritual advisor (if you have one)?

I’d also recommend reading and praying over Job and the Psalms, but that’s just my intuitive response.

Prayers for you. :signofcross:
 
I would start with regular confession.

Be sure to come early so the priest will have more time to give you some pointers.

Obviously, don’t miss Mass.

Create time in the morning, and evening each day, to be with God in prayer and Bible study. Don’t miss days. Say three Hail Mary’s each day and ask the Mother of God to pray for you to have the gift of purity.

Don’t come close to sources of temptation.

Be willing to fast every now and then, or do without something. It will help you improve your perspective and it actually feels good.

Use prayer to St. Michael whenever you are tempted.

Good Luck
 
dedo said:
I would start with regular confession.

Be sure to come early so the priest will have more time to give you some pointers.

Obviously, don’t miss Mass.

Create time in the morning, and evening each day, to be with God in prayer and Bible study. Don’t miss days. Say three Hail Mary’s each day and ask the Mother of God to pray for you to have the gift of purity.

Don’t come close to sources of temptation.

Be willing to fast every now and then, or do without something. It will help you improve your perspective and it actually feels good.

Use prayer to St. Michael whenever you are tempted.

Good Luck
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I do almost all of those, but the issue is: for the past few months I have felt so desolate that there has been a huge disconnect between my spirituality and myself.

It started out with me doing confession every two weeks. Then it was every week. Now it has gotten to the point of maybe going twice a week. That was really the first sign I saw of my decline, shortly followed by the intense sense of desolation.
 
joshvanrad said:
I do almost all of those, but the issue is: for the past few months I have felt so desolate that there has been a huge disconnect between my spirituality and myself.

It started out with me doing confession every two weeks. Then it was every week. Now it has gotten to the point of maybe going twice a week. That was really the first sign I saw of my decline, shortly followed by the intense sense of desolation.
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Are you just going to confession or getting spiritual direction at the same time. I know that when my life fell apart, my family and friends did not notice or help. But I found a good spiritual mentor and he helped me find a good therapist. Between the two, I worked through many of my issues. I was finally able to go to confession because I felt that I could let go of the sin. Life was very different when I was able to leave the fog behind.
 
From your last post reading backwards, joshv, i wonder if you hadnt been burdened by unrelieved scrupulosity which disintigrated into self- fulfilled prophesy. ie., you FEEL beyond forgiveness, you attempt to ACT beyond forgiveness which feeds your feeling of being beyond forgiveness.

The main problem with scrupulosity- gone - beserk is this: it feeds on a lie: that a person can be beyond forgiveness. Only if one dies in despair or in unrepented mortal sin does one put oneself beyond the Mercy of our Loving God.

If you have any OCD tendencies, scrupulously can be a facet of that. But it can be a spiritual ill, too. I suggest you get a catholic therapist and a good spiritual advisor. Ask your priest for referrals. Submit to their direction completely.
 
monicatholic said:
If you have any OCD tendencies, scrupulously can be a facet of that. But it can be a spiritual ill, too. I suggest you get a catholic therapist and a good spiritual advisor. Ask your priest for referrals. Submit to their direction completely.
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Ditto. I’d just add that it wouldn’t be a bad idea to see your physician for a depression screening.

Luna
 
All of this is GREAT advice, and I’d recommend the same.

I’d like to add something extra; a little reminder for you, brother.

Remember, you are a child of God, created in HIS image. If you are truely repentant, God will welcome you back. Remember the prodigal son. You are your own worst critic. God loves YOU, and He knows what you’re going through. Of all the things He has to worry about in the universe, He never neglects His children.

Follow the advice of the previous posters, start with confession, perhaps see a therapist, pray regularly, but NEVER feel like ANYTHING you do is unfogivable.

May God bless you, grant you peace, and respite. :signofcross:
 
Things are starting to look up over the past couple days. I have had a few moments of clarity and I have been able to look through the situation as opposed to live in it. I am beginning to see what I must do to move away from these bad situations. Now I just need to start making the CHOICES which reflect a good and healthy life style.

Oh, and I do have a spiritual adviser, but that has kind of been a point of unease in the broad spectrum of things I have been having issues coming to terms with.

Ite in pace,
Joshua C.
 
Josh,

Not to resurrect an old thread, but I was wondering how things are going. 😃

God bless you.
 
loozcannon said:
Josh,

Not to resurrect an old thread, but I was wondering how things are going. 😃

God bless you.
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No apology needed. Thank you for the care and concern.

Things have been looking up lately. While I am still struggling to grasp certain situations and try to understand God’s meaning behind things, I have made some lifestyle changes that have helped me center my efforts back on my spirituality. I am just trying to take baby-steps right now, but I know there is a lot of change that needs to take place on the road that lies in front of me. I am focusing right now on not becoming overwhelmed and I keep reminding myself that God never asks more from us than what we can handle.

Ite in pace,
Joshua
 
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