Where did the anti-family vibe come from?

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mschrank

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I got married 5 years ago to my wonderful wife and now we have 2 beautiful children. We have a nice house with a big backyard in a neighborhood full of other kids and we have a great sense of community here. I’m not rich (enlisted military) but I make a decent amount and it’s stable so I can keep my family well taken care of. I love life. Seriously, this is the happiest I have ever been.

I wrote that not to brag, but to lay out the next part of my post. Why on earth would anyone be against this kind of life, or not want it, or make disparaging remarks and prefer to be single or at least married-with-no-kids? I just don’t get it, it totally boggles my mind. There is such a strong anti-family sentiment especially amongst younger people and intellectual types.

I don’t understand this general idea prevalent in society, in some parts more than others (IMO, the attitude is more widespread in non-Latin Europe), that glorifies being single and living for yourself. How does such an unnatural and abhorrent ideal come to be so widely accepted?

It’s just not normal- pretty much all other cultures in the world glorify family and hold it to be life’s greatest good. I studied Chinese for 3 years in college and the character for “good” consists of a woman, a child, and a roof. I’m not making this up.

It doesn’t make sense historically, nor does it make sense experientially… I love my kids. Sure they irritate me sometimes, but I love them beyond words and they bring so much joy to my life. How could anyone not want joy, love and happiness and prefer self absorption and a very shallow kind of autonomy? So many people seem to want to hang on to a teenage lifestyle well into their 30s now, what a depressing existence!

Please… someone help me understand where this idea came from, why so many people believe in it, and what the heck is wrong with the world!
 
A lot of it comes from the sexual revolution. Women felt they had more control over their bodies via ABC, so they could have careers without having to worry about having a ball and chain (kids) tied around them. And unfortunately, a lot of these people look at families as old fashioned and behind the times.

Why anyone would want to be a single mom, I have no clue. It’s one thing if your spouse dies or if you are in a divorce, but why would anyone want to raised a child completely on her own with no thought of getting married is beyond me.

As for married couples that don’t want kids, my brother and his wife are in that category. They are in there early 30’s and still have time to change their minds. For them, it’s all about having fun. They like to go on nice vacations and have a good time. Kids would just get in their way so they don’t want them. All lot of people look at kids as a ball and chain, and they don’t want to lose their freedom.

That’s just my take, I’d love to see what everyone else thinks.
 
Glad your happy but statistics show that men are typically happier in marriage and women typically less happy than before. I think it’s naive to think that just b/c this lifestyle is great for you and in line with your life goals that that’s the way everyone would feel about it. Some people like living the city, some in the country, some are happy just staying home and raising the kids, some would never be satisfied just doing that.

None of this is a reason to use ABC or not have kids or be anti-family, but it doesn’t mean that it your experience with be shared by everyone.
 
It’s pure hedonism and selfishness. The Pill started this. We’ve just continued it until having children seems unnatural and rather wasteful, and untidy. We can have so much more fun without them, yes?

😦
 
Not everybody has an anti-family vibe.

I’m a single, never-married, middle-aged lady. Have been open to marriage and children and it would have been really nice to meet a Catholic man who actually followed the Pope … the guys that tended to be attracted to me were not ones that would have been good for me spiritually. Finally discerned through prayer when I was on one of the Catholic singles websites that marriage was not meant for me but rather that I was to pray for those who were married. As a pro-lifer, I’ve shown my support for the family as well by attending various March for Life events in Washington, D.C.

That said, yes there is a huge anti-family vibe in today’s society.

As for where did the anti-family vibe come from?
I would say, the world, the flesh, and the devil.
 
I think many people may also be scared of losing the sense of self they have created on their own. Most are no longer getting married from their parents house- they live on their own for 5, 10, 15 years. I can see how that may inspire apprehension about “how it will all work out,” then add all the drama the media places on the cost of children/how they “ruin” your life, etc.
 
I constantly ponder this…
I’m shocked that so many people in this day in age DON’T want children.:confused:
It’s one thing to not be able to have any, but to just not want any?

I also think TV and mainstream media tries really hard to make it seem like the nuclear family was “so fifties” or something, and that it is going out of style. I feel like same-sex marriages are just being shoved down our throats so that hopefully the world will get used to seeing it and accept it quicker.

I know what you mean,
i love having children. I can’t imagine seeing them as “little things” who just take me away from having a job, more money, and vacations! 😦

Wouldn’t it be something if we lived in a culture where if you had multiple children people looked at you as BLESSED and not just uneducated and/or crazy… hehe…YES, I know what ABC is, NO I don’t want to use it!😉
 
Aggies08 said:
I think many people may also be scared of losing the sense of self they have created on their own. Most are no longer getting married from their parents house- they live on their own for 5, 10, 15 years. I can see how that may inspire apprehension about “how it will all work out,” then add all the drama the media places on the cost of children/how they “ruin” your life, etc.
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Yes, that absurd publicity of “HOW MUCH DOES IT COST TO RAISE A CHILD?” :eek:

Like, it’s not a good investment so why bother?? :mad:

I can tell you that we’ve spent a lot so far, but being parents is priceless. One smile, the first “Mama” or “Dada” and the bill is paid in full.

To the people who think like that, I pity them. I deeply pity them.
 
You guys are all describing the symptoms… but it’s not normal though, is it? It’s like this crazy sickness has invaded society. How could you get so many people to believe in something being bad, when it’s actually good? It’s so socially and historically bizarre.
 
mschrank said:
You guys are all describing the symptoms… but it’s not normal though, is it? It’s like this crazy sickness has invaded society. How could you get so many people to believe in something being bad, when it’s actually good? It’s so socially and historically bizarre.
Click to expand...
It’s certainly not how God intended things.
 
I agree with the other comments that the advent of effective contraception is what unleashed the changes which the the OP describes. But I think the introduction of “The Pill” simply unleashed pre-existing desires. Humans throughout history have desired sex without children. Once that was possible, so was the possibility of sex without marriage. Marriage and parenthood used to be markers of becoming an adult, but the advent of effective contraception made those two things merely options to be chosen at one’s pleasure.

Many of you may not be old enough to remember this but, in the US, non-Catholics would occasionally make judgmental remarks about Catholic family size. The ideal of two children, maybe three (if necessary to get both boys and girls) has long been part of our culture.
 
mschrank said:
You guys are all describing the symptoms… but it’s not normal though, is it? It’s like this crazy sickness has invaded society. How could you get so many people to believe in something being bad, when it’s actually good? It’s so socially and historically bizarre.
Click to expand...
His name is Lucifer and he rules this earth until Jesus returns.

😉
 
TheRealJuliane said:
It’s pure hedonism and selfishness. The Pill started this. We’ve just continued it until having children seems unnatural and rather wasteful, and untidy. We can have so much more fun without them, yes?

😦
Click to expand...
Glad you’re able to diminish a childless couple to two simple adjectives. The fact is there are plenty of people who have children for selfish reasons. To feel loved, to fit in, to feel like the only way they can have any meaning is life is to have children over and over again. And as is on display here to feel better than other people.
 
Link0126 said:
Glad you’re able to diminish a childless couple to two simple adjectives. The fact is there are plenty of people who have children for selfish reasons. To feel loved, to fit in, to feel like the only way they can have any meaning is life is to have children over and over again. And as is on display here to feel better than other people.
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Your opinion is noted thank you for your comments. Please don’t hijack my thread. I’m not in college anymore I don’t debate people on the internet. I’m trying to expand my own understanding here.
 
mschrank said:
Your opinion is noted thank you for your comments. Please don’t hijack my thread. I’m not in college anymore I don’t debate people on the internet. I’m trying to expand my own understanding here.
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well, last time I checked this was an internet forum but if you are only interested in people validating your life I will gladly move on.
 
How does one “expand their own understanding” if they only want everyone to agree.

Also, aren’t you the one that asked:
“Please… someone help me understand where this idea came from, why so many people believe in it, and what the heck is wrong with the world!”

I am an older single Mother and while my son is old enough to be self sufficient he is my only child. Not my choice.

I was not so fortunate as yourself to have a wonderful spouse and a married life with a happy and bright future.

Having said that, I have been to more weddings and baby showers now in my later years than before. I see plenty of kids getting married, having children, and enjoying life. I also know those that do not have children and don’t plan on having any and believe this is their decision to make and not for me to judge.
 
Personally, this is how my spouse and I feel about this.
When we first got married, we loved the idea of kids…but we wanted time to get to know each other. We discussed this before getting married with each other and with our Priest and agreed at least a few years to get to know each other on an intimate level of living together was the best decision (we also had health reasons but mostly it was to get to know one another as husband/wife). I’ve never once regretted it. We have been trying to have kids for some time but because of health reasons it’s been difficult. We love getting to be Auntie and Uncle to not only our related but also to our 8 soon to be 9 God children. Some on here are o.k. with getting married and straight off having kids - and some are not o.k. with that. I’m so greatful we had those first few years (we actually had a five year plan) where we were just together. For us, this time helped us better prepare ourselves to become Auntie’s, Uncle’s, God Parents, kids who helped with aged parents/relatives and eventually parents. Personally, neither of us wanted to go from living on our own to married without some time (more than 9 months - and once you’re pregnant, everything changes, so when some say ’ you have those 9 months to get to know each other’ it’s not the same as having that time on your own IMHO - but if it works for you that’s wonderful) -
My mom always taught me ‘one man’s tea is another man’s poison’ -(no I"m not saying kids are poison before anyone goes off on me about that) - for us we needed that time - for others maybe it’s not their time to be parents - maybe their not ready (we’ve seen some we’ve thought ‘Gosh, maybe it’s best they haven’t had kids…’ - also seen others where we’ve thought 'what on earth were they thinking…their kids are more mature than the parents!) We have found out that no matter what kind of ‘family planning method’ you use if God wants you to get pregnant, you’re going to get pregnant. But for some like us, not having kids for the first years of marriage was the best thing for us in so many ways.
God Bless
Rye
 
Well… since you asked for opinions, here is mine. Perhaps you should thank God for having a house a wife and 2 kids.

I am a 42 year old women who never had kids because I never met a responsible man. I could easily say it is because all men are selfish expecting their wives to be the main bread winner and take care of the kids while they go drinking with the guys. But I don’t take on that attitude.

I accept God’s will for me and don’t make judgements on people with different lifestyles. I actually have to wonder if all those people who tell you they ‘don’t want kids’ are just trying to save face because they are jealous since they can’t have any.

Please don’t be so hard on people who are don’t have kids

CM
 
mschrank said:
I got married 5 years ago to my wonderful wife and now we have 2 beautiful children. We have a nice house with a big backyard in a neighborhood full of other kids and we have a great sense of community here. I’m not rich (enlisted military) but I make a decent amount and it’s stable so I can keep my family well taken care of. I love life. Seriously, this is the happiest I have ever been.

I wrote that not to brag, but to lay out the next part of my post. Why on earth would anyone be against this kind of life, or not want it, or make disparaging remarks and prefer to be single or at least married-with-no-kids? I just don’t get it, it totally boggles my mind. There is such a strong anti-family sentiment especially amongst younger people and intellectual types.

I don’t understand this general idea prevalent in society, in some parts more than others (IMO, the attitude is more widespread in non-Latin Europe), that glorifies being single and living for yourself. How does such an unnatural and abhorrent ideal come to be so widely accepted?

It’s just not normal- pretty much all other cultures in the world glorify family and hold it to be life’s greatest good. I studied Chinese for 3 years in college and the character for “good” consists of a woman, a child, and a roof. I’m not making this up.

It doesn’t make sense historically, nor does it make sense experientially… I love my kids. Sure they irritate me sometimes, but I love them beyond words and they bring so much joy to my life. How could anyone not want joy, love and happiness and prefer self absorption and a very shallow kind of autonomy? So many people seem to want to hang on to a teenage lifestyle well into their 30s now, what a depressing existence!

Please… someone help me understand where this idea came from, why so many people believe in it, and what the heck is wrong with the world!
Click to expand...
1st- Romanticism in the beginning of the XIX century. You must marry for love (meaning passion).
2nd- The 60ties.

But we could go back to Henry the VIII.
 
andremiguel said:
1st- Romanticism in the beginning of the XIX century. You must marry for love (meaning passion).
2nd- The 60ties.

But we could go back to Henry the VIII.
Click to expand...
If you wern’t supposed to marry for love then why does then the Priest shouldn’t be asking if you will ‘Love and Cherish’ until death do you part. I wouldn’t want to marry without love.
God Bless
Rye
 
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