Where do you find Good Catholic woman/man now a days?

[MacQ]

Finding good Catholic woman or man is quite a challenge today. Even going to the Church and finding someone ones age is hard to find. If I had the means I would open up a Catholic Coffee shop so we can all meet and share coffee, books, and Catholic music together. This would be a great place for companionship and spiritual support. :juggle::bible1::grouphug:

Find a parish that has lots of ministries and lots of social groups. Join in.

I was at a table at a church function last week where there were 3 (happy!) young couples who all met at the church through the Young Adults group or on volunteer activities.

 

[JWH123]

These are published policies? Or your perception? Just curious.

Not published, but rather the answer a single person receives when inquiring about involvement. The parish can’t publish it because they’d be opening themselves up for a lawsuit!

 

[MacQ]

If I had the means I would open up a Catholic Coffee shop so we can all meet and share coffee, books, and Catholic music together. This would be a great place for companionship and spiritual support. :juggle::bible1::grouphug:

In the present climate, you might run into trouble…unless you just made it a catholic bookstore, and had a coffee shop inside, and hosted some book studies or something.
A catholic only coffee shop would bring out the activists…

 

[MacQ]

Whenever I attend Mass at any other time, I am the only single person there, and I’m looked upon like a leper by the congregation, all of whom are married couples with 2-5 kids in tow.

Want to sing in the choir? Gotta be married. Want to be an usher? Gotta be married. Eucharistic Minister or Lector? Singles need not inquire. Other ministries of the Church? Marrieds only. A single person might be allowed to work at the weekly Bingo game, but that is about it.

Sorry, I am in disbelief, and wondering whether you are assuming things that aren’t so or misconstruing things.
I suggest you ask to meet with the priest, and ask for his take on your assumptions. Maybe he can correct your assumption…or if that is happening, he needs to know it.

Edit: Pianist Clare said it much better below.

 

[pianistclare]

Not published, but rather the answer a single person receives when inquiring about involvement. The parish can’t publish it because they’d be opening themselves up for a lawsuit!

Write to the pastor. I seriously doubt this is policy. You must have misunderstood. OR, Maybe he needs to know that the info from his Stewardship people or his Secretary is misleading. Do some good with what you felt. Be an instrument of change.
Or maybe just sign up for the Lector class and show up. They won’t ask you to leave, I promise.

 

[henpecked]

I’ve been to a few Catholic Meetups and few Catholics join or are not interested in getting together for some odd reason. Many of the Catholics and Christians can be found at parties and dances though

when I was a single Catholic, I moved to a big city for my first job out of college. I tried joining the local Parish singles group, attended a meeting - it was a small group of 4 friends only and I didn’t feel welcomed. They talked about things among themselves - it was obvious they were the singles group. And I had the disadvantage of growing up Catholic in the Bible belt. I probably could have gotten serious with a Protestant female friend I had back then, but I know there was no way she would accommodate the Catholic requirements around raising children. Yeah - it was hard. I guess it still is.

 

[runwaymodel]

when I was a single Catholic, I moved to a big city for my first job out of college. I tried joining the local Parish singles group, attended a meeting - it was a small group of 4 friends only and I didn’t feel welcomed. They talked about things among themselves - it was obvious they were the singles group. And I had the disadvantage of growing up Catholic in the Bible belt. I probably could have gotten serious with a Protestant female friend I had back then, but I know there was no way she would accommodate the Catholic requirements around raising children. Yeah - it was hard. I guess it still is.

That is so odd. My Parish is very welcoming of singles and any new comers. I’m quite involved and have never felt like an outsider even though I agree that the majority of the attendants are married and older. Maybe I’m just blessed with an outstanding church.

 

[Xantippe]

That is so odd. My Parish is very welcoming of singles and any new comers. I’m quite involved and have never felt like an outsider even though I agree that the majority of the attendants are married and older. Maybe I’m just blessed with an outstanding church.

Parishes vary a lot.

 

[Sarcelle]

The reason I fear that the Church has pushed singles to the sidelines, and probably right out the door is this. There was an article published this week indicating that more than half of Americans over 16 are single, for the first time in our country’s history that is the case. The Catholic Church is the largest church in America (even though people say Protestants outnumber Catholics, there is no such church as “Protestant”–there are a few Baptist churches, some Methodist churches, Presbyterian, Church of Christ–you get the point, and none of these churches is larger than the Catholic Church, not even close.)

So 50 percent of American adults are single. Therefore, the percentage of Catholic adults who are single should be somewhere around 50 percent, maybe a little lower or higher. When I go to Mass, the rate is closer to 2 percent, and I am not exaggerating, and I am counting the priest since he is a single American.

Are all the single people in the “Protestant” churches or the Mormon church? Don’t be ridiculous, many of those churches preach that ONLY the married will go to Heaven (read Albert Mohler’s rubbish sometime; you’ll see what sort of indoctrination goes on in the Southern Baptist sect, “be fruitful and multiply” is more important than the 10 Commandments to them). The Catholic Church is the only one whose official teaching doesn’t include such tripe, though what is being “taught” from the altar takes some liberties with this, such as having married couples stand up for a “special blessing” between Communion and the Concluding Rite. (That’s how I factually know of the paucity of single attendees, almost nobody aside from me remains seated; actually I sometime remain kneeling with my head bowed only looking up for a half second, worried that maybe I am living in mortal sin; oh well, at least I am IN church so maybe God will have mercy on me for this mortal sin that I’m supposedly a party to.)

So where are all the single people who are (officially) Roman Catholics? By and large, they aren’t in church! I’m not going to speculate on their excuses, just point out that they aren’t attending Mass beyond maybe Easter Sunday when a lot of Catholics come out of the woodwork. Further, can one truly blame them?

Yes, the pressure to marry is tremendous in some Protestant churches.

The assumption is if you are of a certain age and not married, you are not as Christian as the married folk. Single men have it harder. While single women are looked upon with pity, single men are viewed as a threat.

 

[Sarcelle]

Parishes vary a lot.

True

I once went to a parish which had it’s women’s activities centered on how to be a good wife and mother. The men’s activities were a lot more varied.

That did not bother me as there were other programs that centered around other activities such as Bible study, apologetics and catechism. Both men and women could attend.

 

[Sarcelle]

Write to the pastor. I seriously doubt this is policy. You must have misunderstood. OR, Maybe he needs to know that the info from his Stewardship people or his Secretary is misleading. Do some good with what you felt. Be an instrument of change.
Or maybe just sign up for the Lector class and show up. They won’t ask you to leave, I promise.

You sure about that?

Some parishes are run by cliques.

While I agree it may not be part of official policy to discriminate against singles, it is all too easy to do so informally.

 

[pianistclare]

You sure about that?

Some parishes are run by cliques.

While I agree it may not be part of official policy to discriminate against singles, it is all too easy to do so informally.

If you feel the parish is run by cliques, you have to buck the system. Do not allow yourself to be pushes out. Sign up. Show up. Be prepared. Be Prompt.
People who have a clique mentality count on others backing down. I know what you’re talking about I’ve seen it. But it remains that way when people back down.
I’ve never allowed anyone to say I couldn’t do something, if I really wanted to be involved. Make yourself indispensable, and prove them wrong. One can’t complain if one won’t be willing to be part of the solution.

 

[Naskor]

In my area, you probably wouldn’t have too much luck finding one at Mass except for the earliest one on Sunday morning. Whenever I attend Mass at any other time, I am the only single person there, and I’m looked upon like a leper by the congregation, all of whom are married couples with 2-5 kids in tow. At 8:00, there are a fair number of singles scattered throughout the less than half filled church.

The Church has pushed singles to the sidelines in almost everything. The only single adults who are allowed to have any positions of true involvement in the Church are the priests and nuns, and the deacons if they are just on the path to ordination (but the 2 deacons at my parish are permanent deacons as they are both married). Want to sing in the choir? Gotta be married. Want to be an usher? Gotta be married. Eucharistic Minister or Lector? Singles need not inquire. Other ministries of the Church? Marrieds only. A single person might be allowed to work at the weekly Bingo game, but that is about it.

I really wonder how many single people who were Baptized and raised Catholic through the age of 18 have just decided to give up practicing the Catholic faith because they feel that the Church doesn’t need or recognize them anyway. I don’t think it’s just a handful.

We must go to the same parish.

I think my parish discourages dating amongst it’s youth because we’re an ethnic parish and a lot of us are kin and don’t even know it. My grandfather once told me that this elderly couple that I sat near for years and years were actually blood relatives!

 

[JorduSpeaks]

If you feel the parish is run by cliques, you have to buck the system. Do not allow yourself to be pushes out. Sign up. Show up. Be prepared. Be Prompt.
People who have a clique mentality count on others backing down. I know what you’re talking about I’ve seen it. But it remains that way when people back down.
I’ve never allowed anyone to say I couldn’t do something, if I really wanted to be involved. Make yourself indispensable, and prove them wrong. One can’t complain if one won’t be willing to be part of the solution.

Single people (who don’t want to be single) tend to naturally feel like they are an outsider. Some, who have been single for a long time, fear that they may be inherently less valuable than other people. For many of these, it is absolutely essential for survival that they not dwell on or entertain such thoughts. Intentionally putting themselves in a situation where these negative beliefs and feelings are reinforced by an outside source could be potentially catastrophic.

 

[pianistclare]

Single people (who don’t want to be single) tend to naturally feel like they are an outsider. Some, who have been single for a long time, fear that they may be inherently less valuable than other people. For many of these, it is absolutely essential for survival that they not dwell on or entertain such thoughts. Intentionally putting themselves in a situation where these negative beliefs and feelings are reinforced by an outside source could be potentially catastrophic.

YUP. And, in order to not become a “hiding from people sort of person” or a person who always feels unwelcome is to be active. You’re not going to meet someone by not going out, and you’re not going to be able to serve in minister if you don’t keep trying to find where your gifts lie. Those things are dependent on our own responses, not on other people. In life, there are always negative people, awkward people, selfish people. We have to overcome this. It’s called making our way. God helps us. Our guardian angels prays for strength for us. Keep pluggin away at it. It doesn’t get better, but it never will if we throw up our hands.

 

[Jennifoo]

Exactly, why is it that both can’t meet and live happily ever after…or at least be together with the Lord? Dance places and drinking don’t really impress me to meet a partner but as one person has stated perhaps that’s where we need to be.

I love to dance but NOT the kind of dancing that is done at bars. I drink in moderation but not at bars-they can be pretty seedy in my area.

I had some negative experiences online, including a popular Catholic site-it was totally devoid of any men suitable for me. I’m thinking of trying Catholic match but I’m a bit wary now.

It is SO hard to meet nice Catholic men in my area. You wouldn’t think it would be that way in the Midwest but it has been.

 

[JorduSpeaks]

Honestly, at this point I couldn’t care less if a girl’s Catholic or not. I’d just like to have some kind of reassurance that I’m not completely repulsive once every other decade. That seems to be asking a bit much, though. Any idea how I could go about lowering my expectations to something more realistic?

 

[Xantippe]

Honestly, at this point I couldn’t care less if a girl’s Catholic or not. I’d just like to have some kind of reassurance that I’m not completely repulsive once every other decade. That seems to be asking a bit much, though. Any idea how I could go about lowering my expectations to something more realistic?

So, have you asked anybody out this month? (With a date and a time and an activity stated in advance, of course.)

If you make it to a second date, you have demonstrated that you are not completely repulsive.

Good luck!

 

[Zzyzx_Road]

No one is entitled to a boyfriend or girlfriend as the case may be, let alone a spouse. God doesn’t deliver them right to your doorstep fully formed, no work necessary on your part. Life ain’t fair that way, that’s just how that is, you are measured in part by how well you deal with that. Recall the parable of the talents. Pray all you want but understand this: if you don’t get your rear end out the door, you’re not giving the Lord any opportunities to put someone in your path. Pray all you want, but no substitute for putting in the effort.

About being single and having trouble getting signed up: the first parish I stayed long enough to be a member at following my reverting to Catholicism allowed me to sign up for eucharistic ministry. Did a few other things for them here and there. The area was very dense with family so it was a very, very family-oriented parish, yet I was welcomed into the ministry ranks without any issues. But no single women in my approximate age range interested in me so I dated outside. Did have one older widow who liked me but she was almost halfway to my mother’s age.

After moving around for a few years, I’m in a different parish now and it looks like I’m pretty set for the next few years so I just signed up recently to do eucharistic ministry again. Though it will be several weeks before I can start, it is looking like I will get to serve again in that capacity. This time, I’ll see if it’s possible to build a social circle in this parish and meet someone through it. In the meantime, I’ll continue to date outside the church as before.

The important thing, like I said before: get yer rear end out of the house.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Finding good Catholic woman or man is quite a challenge today. Even going to the Church and finding someone ones age is hard to find. If I had the means I would open up a Catholic Coffee shop so we can all meet and share coffee, books, and Catholic music together. This would be a great place for companionship and spiritual support. :juggle::bible1::grouphug:

How about the confession line? Seriously. Or try going to adoration at different times and days.

They are out there. I promise you.