Where does a young, faithful Catholic guy meet faithful catholic girls?

[jeanannemarie]

I’m asking because i’m in somewhat of a tough situation. I live in a rural area where there aren’t many people my age in general, and most people (women included) who are my age aren’t living the best lives and their aren’t really groups for men my age. So what’s a good place to meet Catholic women? The nearest large city is about an hour away, but haven’t’ found anything like a theology on tap or young persons catholic group, at least that’s active. I also don’t want to use online dating. I used match for a while and did meet some interesting people, but even if i used a Catholic site, i don’t think it would be good. So are their any suggestions?

I share your frustration, dear young man, as I have been watching my daughter go through just the same things. She will be 31 soon and feels the same as you. We talk about this and pray about it, wondering just how to proceed. However, I think not everyone here understands the deficit of opportunities in the rural areas. People here are few and far between, not likely to be Catholic, and extracurricular activities are almost non existent. My daughter has tried the online thing, mostly Ave Maria and it has not worked out well, either. She has no desire to live in a city and the difficulties go on and on. I am not trying to discourage you further, but in reading your post, I couldn’t resist (the mother in me) in letting you know you are not alone. If we could just figure out how to get the singles together in one place to meet, lots of matches would no doubt take place!

 

[benjammin]

I share your frustration, dear young man, as I have been watching my daughter go through just the same things. She will be 31 soon and feels the same as you. We talk about this and pray about it, wondering just how to proceed. However, I think not everyone here understands the deficit of opportunities in the rural areas. People here are few and far between, not likely to be Catholic, and extracurricular activities are almost non existent. My daughter has tried the online thing, mostly Ave Maria and it has not worked out well, either. She has no desire to live in a city and the difficulties go on and on. I am not trying to discourage you further, but in reading your post, I couldn’t resist (the mother in me) in letting you know you are not alone. If we could just figure out how to get the singles together in one place to meet, lots of matches would no doubt take place!

Wow, I really feel for you. It’s too bad there aren’t many catholics in my area. My area is a little different. People are “Catholic” and most would say they are “good catholics” but a lot of people my age that graduated from my catholic high school are heavy partiers who really don’t go to church except when mom and dad show up or drag them in. Even the parents aren’t that great and fall into temptation. It’s just an area where catholicism is more cultural than really a religion. Also to those who are telling me to go online, I agree it is a miracle, but i’d like to meet people in person. To be honest the only dates i’ve done have been online through match. Unfortunately god made me painfully shy with girls and online seemed easier. It makes me feel like a loser to think like this, so I’d rather meet people one on one.

 

[jeannetherese]

Wow, I really feel for you. It’s too bad there aren’t many catholics in my area. My area is a little different. People are “Catholic” and most would say they are “good catholics” but a lot of people my age that graduated from my catholic high school are heavy partiers who really don’t go to church except when mom and dad show up or drag them in.

Keep an eye on our forums and see how many Catholic Reverts are here. Sometimes it takes us a while to discover how much we really do need Our Lord and how blessed we are in His Love. If you give those kids that are your age another 10 years, it’s likely that some of them will have discovered this. And those who come back to their faith, (based on scanning forums here) tend to have a pretty clear understanding of why they are back.
May God bless your classmates and guide them home.

 

[jeannetherese]

If we could just figure out how to get the singles together in one place to meet, lots of matches would no doubt take place!

Perhaps this is the opportunity to organize a rural get together online for next summer?
You could create a rural get together for CA members thread and start working towards finding a common ground for a weekend meet-up/camp out. We have one person online who knows how to use skype-and could probably teach the technologically challenged.
Would Catholic Answers Forums support such an endeavor/ I have no idea-but there’s a moderator out there somewhere who can answer your questions.
By the time you get to your meet up you will have had a year to talk online. sometimes building a support community is the way to get started.
So far, I’m seeing some rural Midwest and Texas people…
Just an idea-I wonder if your daughter or some of the other young posters would consider making a drive to an area for a weekend of visiting and mass.
As i mentioned in a previous post to Benjammin, given demographics someone is likely going to have to move if marriage is the long term goal. However, in a get together of dedicated Catholics who all appreciate staying home, there will at least be understanding of the values behind that desire, and hopefully, extra support for a potential spouse who might wind up having to visit home a few times a year. And people will make friends with others who can support them in their chastity and in their desire to live good lives while seeking a spouse.
Just and idea for the younger ones to think about…

 

[SeekNFind]

I never thought I would be saying this, but I think you should consider online dating. I would stick to one or both of the popular Catholic dating sites. I was very hesitant about joining but after reading success stories, I prayed about it and trusted God. I have seen some high caliber men on there. I had actually given up on the idea that these kind of men existed, but I was wrong. They are out there and so are their female counterparts! Think of it as another avenue of putting yourself “out there” and exposing yourself to a wider pool of people you wouldn’t have met otherwise.

I never seem to meet anyone at Mass, adoration, confession eek etc but I guess you might spot someone there? Good luck

Also continue praying for and about your spouse. This is VERY important!

 

[Nils]

You have my full sympathy, I know what you must be going through! I my self live in one of the least religious countries in world, and only 100 000 of us are Catholics…

People do however meet, even here! My best friend married a very nice Catholic lady shortly after he realized that he was not going to become a Priest. Be patient, sometimes God wants to surprise us. My friend is also a bit shy, but he got to know this girl gradually when helping out at church. Meeting someone online is good, but if you are not comfortable talking to new people, I believe it is better to meet someone as friends in a natural way first… Trust your instinct on this one!

This also brings up a really important topic that jeannetherese addressed already! A lot of times I see married people, usually women, coming alone to Mass. When I helped out with preparation class for first communion, I noticed that a lot of their children did not even know their Hail Marys, and when they Priest asked whether they see their parents pray together at home, they said “no!”. Of course it would not be like this if people found a spouse they could rely on helping and supporting them in holiness…

I really do wish you the best of luck in your search! Also try praying a novena to Our Lady for help, she will select someone for you I am sure!

PS. Living at home is not bad! If I met a girl who was living with her family instead of in a singles apartment, I would take that as a great sign! Living on your own is not natural, especially if you have people whom you love close by! (Coming from someone living on his own) /DS

 

[Typist]

I would stick to one or both of the popular Catholic dating sites.

I don’t need a date myself, and I’ve probably forgotten how anyway, but I’m curious about how such a site would work.

Is any effort made to ensure forum members are who they say they are? As example, would such a site require a letter from the prospective forum member’s priest?

Does the church itself sponsor such dating sites? Or is that a ridiculous idea?

I ask this because I’ve made my living online since 1995, and am thus interested in such things, but know nothing about dating sites in general, or religious dating sites in particular. It seems like a powerful tool, if managed professionally.

 

[SeekNFind]

I don’t need a date myself, and I’ve probably forgotten how anyway, but I’m curious about how such a site would work.

**Is any effort made to ensure forum members are who they say they are? ** As example, would such a site require a letter from the prospective forum member’s priest?

Does the church itself sponsor such dating sites? Or is that a ridiculous idea?

I ask this because I’ve made my living online since 1995, and am thus interested in such things, but know nothing about dating sites in general, or religious dating sites in particular. It seems like a powerful tool, if managed professionally.

There’s no background checks per se but there are several questions that require you to state clearly your opinion about what the church teaches. Of course, anyone can lie I guess, but as the Bible says, you will know a person by their fruit. I also like that there is no handle on these sites. It’s just your name/number. No “sexygirl4u” or “blueeyedhunk” LOL.

I don’t know if the Church sponsors these sites, but in several of the success stories I read on AMS, people stated they heard about the site through EWTN or their church bulletin or their priest. I just think it’s another avenue to connect with someone on this very specific requirement that might be hard to find. I very much believe God has a hand in leading us to our spouse, but we can make it easier if we’re “out there.”

 

[Typist]

Thank you for educating me.

It’s just your name/number. No “sexygirl4u” or “blueeyedhunk” LOL.

Ha, ha! That’s funny. So I guess “OldFart4You” is out of the question then? No, seriously, I have a letter from my priest certifying that I’m an old fart. He told me to go the forums, to go, you know, anywhere. Anywhere else.

 

[teresadeavila]

Wow, I really feel for you. It’s too bad there aren’t many catholics in my area. My area is a little different. People are “Catholic” and most would say they are “good catholics” but a lot of people my age that graduated from my catholic high school are heavy partiers who really don’t go to church except when mom and dad show up or drag them in. Even the parents aren’t that great and fall into temptation. It’s just an area where catholicism is more cultural than really a religion. Also to those who are telling me to go online, I agree it is a miracle, but i’d like to meet people in person. To be honest the only dates i’ve done have been online through match. Unfortunately god made me painfully shy with girls and online seemed easier. It makes me feel like a loser to think like this, so I’d rather meet people one on one.

Hmm, perhaps those “good Catholics” may need a good friend like you to bring them back to the church. No money for college/university? Perhaps you need to find federal student loan assistance, loans, or apply for a job in another city or town to raise some money to attend school someday. My hubby started out at a laundry assistant at a hospital, they paid for his college in a tuition reimbursement program, and years later, he is a financial controller of a company. Ya never know.

 

[feed_me]

What are these websites again?

 

[JeraldW]

FWIW I met my girlfriend at a Catholic young adult retreat. .

Meeting former postulants at the steps of the monastery made me LOL. Desperate, but might work.

Frequent a Catholic bookstore, and when you see an attractive ring-less young lady, pull out a copy of Fulton J Sheens “three to get married”, and ask her if she would like to dicern with you to be part of this threesome.

Another thing I had thought of in my single days was to get a job at a steel mill on the Ohio river, and -convieniently- hang out on Stuebenville’s campus on my days off… … I visited the campus when one of my friends entered into it, man, a single guy who feels called to marriage has it MADE there. Or any other good orthodox Catholic college.

Carrying around a cute puppy at said locations, like one said, would only augument these situations.

 

[smak_84]

I realize this is still an online idea, but it’s the best I’ve got.

You’re already doing it. Right here in this thread. Just scale it up.

Start a website/forum dedicated to bringing young Catholic men and women together in a supportive environment. Aim it at your geographic region.

Lots of people must have the same problem you do. Be the guy who helps solve their problem. Be a leader, and put yourself in the middle of the solution.

If you work hard at helping everybody else with this same challenge, you won’t have to find a good Catholic girl, she’ll find you.

Good luck!

Typist has hit the nail on the head. You’re going to have to think outside of the box on this one, and you’re going to have to put a few miles on your car in the process.

This problem is an epidemic in parish life. Most rural-area parishes completely drop the ball on this one. When family life was more tight -knit, and parishes still had fun events happening, this wasn’t as much of a problem. Nowadays, you’re going to have to do some work.

For young 20-somethings, you’re going to have to build something - a young adult group, and you may have to start from scratch (yes, you will have to use “young adult” or something like that, so people can actually find it in a Google search).

Go out, make some Catholic friends, and start to build a core group of people from 18-35ish. Find somebody to setup an accessible website, a Facebook page, or something so you can keep people posted of what events you have coming up.

Use movie nights, game nights, campfires, bible studies, etc. (fun, social, non-class-like things until your group gets some serious movement going). Also, see if there’s any place that this group can call “home” (somebody’s basement, part of a parish hall, an old store-front), and get a TV and a few tables and chairs and some couches, and then advertise it in all of the parishes with a 1 hour radius of where you are (if you’re living in a rural area, you guys should be used to a 45 min trip to pretty much anywhere). Find somebody who’s also got their wits about them with religion knowledge, so when questions are inevitably asked, they can be answered - priests may not be able to do this, as they are usually busy people.

I hope this helps.

There is a need here - build it, and they will come.

 

[smak_84]

What’s keeping me here honestly is the fact I have no money, and as of yet no job. Even if I get one, unless it’s really far away I will probably commute since I still live with my mother. Thats another issue altogether. I still live at home and its not a great faith environment. My mother is a catholic convert who never really went over to the catholic way of thinking (she’s spiritual but religious and still sees herself as an ELCA lutheran), and even though she’s fairly supportive (she loved that I was a part of the Newman Center, but when I suggest being a focus missionary or something like that she always brings up how would I make money
and things like that. She would be supportive of me getting my masters, but I want one in history and geography and I don’t know if a place like Benedictine in Atchison KS would have that. I also don’t think TLM would be a great idea (at least regularly) just because I go to mass here in my parish and fortunately my diocese is the most orthodox in the country so the parishes are all in line. Anyway though there seem to be a lot of obstacles, and those are just the beginning:hypno:

In the end, it’s not your mom’s life. You may have to be brave enough to make a few mistakes in the course of growing.

 

[SeekNFind]

What are these websites again?

The dating websites? Ave Maria Singles and Catholic Match.

 

[benjammin]

Typist has hit the nail on the head. You’re going to have to think outside of the box on this one, and you’re going to have to put a few miles on your car in the process.

This problem is an epidemic in parish life. Most rural-area parishes completely drop the ball on this one. When family life was more tight -knit, and parishes still had fun events happening, this wasn’t as much of a problem. Nowadays, you’re going to have to do some work.

For young 20-somethings, you’re going to have to build something - a young adult group, and you may have to start from scratch (yes, you will have to use “young adult” or something like that, so people can actually find it in a Google search).

Go out, make some Catholic friends, and start to build a core group of people from 18-35ish. Find somebody to setup an accessible website, a Facebook page, or something so you can keep people posted of what events you have coming up.

Use movie nights, game nights, campfires, bible studies, etc. (fun, social, non-class-like things until your group gets some serious movement going). Also, see if there’s any place that this group can call “home” (somebody’s basement, part of a parish hall, an old store-front), and get a TV and a few tables and chairs and some couches, and then advertise it in all of the parishes with a 1 hour radius of where you are (if you’re living in a rural area, you guys should be used to a 45 min trip to pretty much anywhere). Find somebody who’s also got their wits about them with religion knowledge, so when questions are inevitably asked, they can be answered - priests may not be able to do this, as they are usually busy people.

I hope this helps.

There is a need here - build it, and they will come.

This does help, its just getting it off the ground. Also, I don’t know how I would get to meet Catholic people in another city, since they probably have groups already (though I can’t seem to find them. My diocese does a terrible job of advertising events like this. Even in my catholic high school we didn’t here of events like Stuebenville conferences and when they would have TEC retreats, no one from our area came.) Anyway, I agree the internet is good, but most of my catholic friends live far away (since I went to school about 2 hours from my home and most of them live even farther away). Some good news though is I found out that there is a nearby theology on tap at a large university. My only problem is i’m not a student anymore and I don’t want to be that creepy guy who goes even though he isn’t a student. Unfortunately, it only operates in fall, but it might work.

 

[poirot]

You’ll probably find her doing her thanksgiving prayer after Mass. In my parish, I started noticing this guy (I think my age) doing his thanksgiving prayer. It’s just recently that he started doing this. Nothing impresses me more than a guy doing his thanksgiving prayer. Unfortunately, he doesn’t know I exist. Hope you find someone in your church.

 

[jeannetherese]

This does help, its just getting it off the ground. Also, I don’t know how I would get to meet Catholic people in another city, since they probably have groups already (though I can’t seem to find them. My diocese does a terrible job of advertising events like this. Even in my catholic high school we didn’t here of events like Stuebenville conferences and when they would have TEC retreats, no one from our area came.) Anyway, I agree the internet is good, but most of my catholic friends live far away (since I went to school about 2 hours from my home and most of them live even farther away). Some good news though is I found out that there is a nearby theology on tap at a large university. My only problem is i’m not a student anymore and I don’t want to be that creepy guy who goes even though he isn’t a student. Unfortunately, it only operates in fall, but it might work.

There are also jobs at large universities-maintenance, plumbing cafeteria work, janitorial work , security work, and full time employment oftentimes give s you FREE or very low cost tuition. You might want to start visiting their job boards online regularly if the school is within commuting distance. What a great opportunity. (thanks to theresadeavila for getting this line of thinking off the ground:thumbsup
I have participated in college reading/discussion groups while not attending school. I just asked permission to join and did all the reading. You’ll fit right in and some members will be extra grateful that someone did all of the reading and asked a helpful question or was able to share an idea about a question they asked. I hope you try it out.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

You’ll probably find her doing her thanksgiving prayer after Mass. In my parish, I started noticing this guy (I think my age) doing his thanksgiving prayer. It’s just recently that he started doing this. Nothing impresses me more than a guy doing his thanksgiving prayer. Unfortunately, he doesn’t know I exist. Hope you find someone in your church.

I had a similar experience like this on Saturday night while I was Confession doing my thanksgiving prayers and additional prayers for some priests. I had never seen him there before, but I caught him looking over at me, so I looked at him. There was a moment there.

I often wonder how that would go over in marriage prep. Meeting your spouse at Confession. I could see going to Confession become more popular.

 

[SeekNFind]

What is thanksgiving prayer after mass? Is it just praying more prayers or is it an official prayer?