Where is Mary?

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White_Orchid

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I know the obvious answer is in Heaven. But as far as I can tell she is about as far from me as one can get. Either that or one of 2 things has happened… God has forbid her to speak to me for some reason or she is refusing to speak to me of her own.

Let me give you some background on things little, maybe it will help you understand where I’m coming from. I was raised in a horribly abusive home. My mother was diagnosed with some serious mental illnesses. My abuse came from her.

Needless to say I had it bad with mothers from the start. I was raised Methodist but I knew of the Catholic church for a long time and often wondered why she never came to me during those times. Jesus did. I have talked to him and I have heard his voice.
I’ve heard the voice of angels when they were protecting me and the voice of the enemy when he was attacking me.

As of the Easter Vigil, I have been a member of the Church. I would love to talk with her.
I have “prayed” to her, lite candles, tried keeping a journal of letters to her. I don’t even get a response from the Lord about her. It’s like she has dropped off the face of the Universe or something.

Why? I feel like I have been denied a mother’s love all my life and it hurts so much.

I know you are just suppose to take some things on faith but I carry a deep wound and I’ve even gone to Confession about it.

I’ve tried saying the rosary and I just feel alone.
I know she is Holy and is not being mean or cruel on purpose… Maybe this is just one of those things I’ll never understand. I just wish it didn’t hurt so much.

I guess deep inside I’m afraid she doesn’t care for me at all and if I ever get to Heaven, I don’t know how I’ll react to see her there.

I keep praying to the Lord about it. Trying at least not to become bitter. But in all honesty, there’s not much difference between sad tears and bitter ones- they are still tears and they solve nothing.
 
White_Orchid said:
I know the obvious answer is in Heaven. But as far as I can tell she is about as far from me as one can get. Either that or one of 2 things has happened… God has forbid her to speak to me for some reason or she is refusing to speak to me of her own.

Let me give you some background on things little, maybe it will help you understand where I’m coming from. I was raised in a horribly abusive home. My mother was diagnosed with some serious mental illnesses. My abuse came from her.

Needless to say I had it bad with mothers from the start. I was raised Methodist but I knew of the Catholic church for a long time and often wondered why she never came to me during those times. Jesus did. I have talked to him and I have heard his voice.
I’ve heard the voice of angels when they were protecting me and the voice of the enemy when he was attacking me.

As of the Easter Vigil, I have been a member of the Church. I would love to talk with her.
I have “prayed” to her, lite candles, tried keeping a journal of letters to her. I don’t even get a response from the Lord about her. It’s like she has dropped off the face of the Universe or something.

Why? I feel like I have been denied a mother’s love all my life and it hurts so much.

I know you are just suppose to take some things on faith but I carry a deep wound and I’ve even gone to Confession about it.

I’ve tried saying the rosary and I just feel alone.
I know she is Holy and is not being mean or cruel on purpose… Maybe this is just one of those things I’ll never understand. I just wish it didn’t hurt so much.

I guess deep inside I’m afraid she doesn’t care for me at all and if I ever get to Heaven, I don’t know how I’ll react to see her there.

I keep praying to the Lord about it. Trying at least not to become bitter. But in all honesty, there’s not much difference between sad tears and bitter ones- they are still tears and they solve nothing.
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You mention that you “tried” saying the Rosary. I’m assuming this means that you no longer say it. Pray the Rosary as often as you can.

Mary does love you. You just don’t have the internal deposition to feel the love. You are dwelling on the past too much. Only look to the future. Continue to pray to Our Lady and consecrate yourself to her.

Mary doesn’t speak to you just because you want her to. Asking Mary to bless you by speaking to you is a sign that you do not deserve the blessing. Asking for something special like that stems from pride. Release your pride, and you will experience the love of Mary. 👍

God bless you. :blessyou:
 
If you have truly heard angels and Our Lord Himself speak to you, then you were given a very, very, very rare gift. It is not something that a person normally experiences. Rather than require a miraculous intervention to justify each article of faith, I’d rejoice in the grace you have been given thus far and trust that our Lord is leading you in the direction you were meant to go - the Catholic faith.

Mary’s “absence” may simply be a test to see if you are willing to trust our Lord. It may be a life-long test with no reward in this life, but it will be a crown jewel in your heavenly tiara.

I often wonder how abandoned Christ felt on the Cross. That “absence” of his disciples and even his Father (“My God, My God, why have you abandoned me?”[Matthew 27:46]). I imagine his grief was infinitely more profound. So rejoice, you are now given a cross that will be your crown…just like Christ.
 
Windmill said:
If you have truly heard angels and Our Lord Himself speak to you, then you were given a very, very, very rare gift. It is not something that a person normally experiences. Rather than require a miraculous intervention to justify each article of faith, I’d rejoice in the grace you have been given thus far and trust that our Lord is leading you in the direction you were meant to go - the Catholic faith.

Mary’s “absence” may simply be a test to see if you are willing to trust our Lord. It may be a life-long test with no reward in this life, but it will be a crown jewel in your heavenly tiara.

I often wonder how abandoned Christ felt on the Cross. That “absence” of his disciples and even his Father (“My God, My God, why have you abandoned me?”[Matthew 27:46]). I imagine his grief was infinitely more profound. So rejoice, you are now given a cross that will be your crown…just like Christ.
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Actually GOD never abbandoned Jesus! How could HE since they are one 😉

He was quoting a Psalm 21:2 from the OT that start with those words but then goes on to glorify GOD who NEVER abandones us. Even when we think HE has.

HE HAS NOT.

Peace 👍
 
Don’t worry. It may be that you find it difficult to relate to Mary because of your experience with your mother. God understands, and so does she.

Some people find it difficult to relate with Jesus and God the Father because of difficult experiences with men in their lives. God understands that too.

Sometimes it helps to remember that just as Jesus is the perfect man, and everything a man should be, so too is Mary the perfect woman, and everything a woman should be. This idea may help you get past the misgivings you have that are preventing you from hearing her voice.

Don’t worry if you cannot. You are only human, and Mary understands that the painful experiences in your past make it difficult for you to feel an affinity for her and to hear her voice. That’s okay. All you need to do is trust that she is there for you and that she loves you.

Perhaps Marian spirituality is just not for you at this time. Be sure to try to love Mary as much as Jesus, our Saviour, loves his mother, and continue as you are, loving God in the way you do and you’ll be fine. You can always pray the Chaplet of Divine Mercy if the Rosary is too difficult now. God loves it, and He loves you too.
 
Dear sister (I assume you’re a woman),
I’m so sorry you suffered abuse as a child. I too have had some trouble relating to Mary. My mother wasn’t abusive, but . . .not the ideal mother. I don’t want to say anything mean about her, but I never had a close relationship. And the pictures and statues of Mary don’t encourage me to turn to her.
But Mary’s goal is to point us to her Son, and it sounds like you already know and have a good relationship with Him. If you are already there, perhaps she knows you are in good hands.
I pray more to St Joseph, saint of workers, stepparents, the unemployed. He is a steadfast friend. You could ask him to help you with your feelings of needing maternal care.
You can pray to her, and know she hears you. Why would you expect her to answer you back? That so rarely happens, it’s a miracle. We have the Bible, that’s how God usually communicates with us. And the few things that Mary said in scripture were “do what He tells you,” and “be it done to me according to your will.”
God bless.
 
I may be dense, but in what way do you want Mary to “speak” to you? I can think of different ways that this could happen. The first is that we hear her voice with our ears just like we hear other humans. This is very rare and there are many saints that never had this gift. The second way I am thinking of is by an infused thought, idea, or a set of ideas that come to mind during prayer. This may be more common, but certainly not (in my experience) a daily thing. The third way I am thinking of is a warm feeling that seems to assure us that our prayers are being heard. Since feelings are not dependable this can be fleeting and at times not even reliable because our moods go up and they go down.

In each of these ways, discernment is so important to make sure we are not imagining things or being led astray by our own desires or selfishness. Discernment is the process by which we check what we think and feel is happening in prayer with the teachings of the Church.

The last thing I want to add has to do with the effects of abuse. One of the byproducts of long term abuse often has to do with the brain responding in ways that cause depression. It is one way for the body to cope with the abuse. You probably know this all too well. In prayer we need to realize that we need healing in body, mind, and spirit. We also need to take actions such as proper diet, exercise, and making sure we are healthy through medical means. This takes time as you know. Healing is a process, and it takes time. Be patient with yourself. Be open to God and ask for full healing. God, in His grace, will heal you. He is healing you even now. Your relationship with Mary may be hard right now, but be assured of the reality that she loves you. In fact, your concern for this issue shows that she is reaching out to you.

I will pray for your continued healing and growth in body, mind, and spirit.

Peace,
Bonnie
 
Thank you all and thank you Bonnie.
In answer to your question- I have heard from the Lord in all of those ways- most often as a quiet whisper in my thoughts. I learned about discernment a long time ago and that is how I can tell if its the Lord or the enemy trying to fool me. 1st time I heard is voice was when I was being hurt by my mom and He was telling me what to do, to help me out of it. For the most part, it is easy for me to know that it’s Him- with Him there is no doubt when He talks to you. You know it and you know why and its not as often as I’d like. He comes on His terms and in His time but when I need Him most - He is there.

I have not found myself depressed but I have gone through some wonderful Christian counseling to deal with PTD. It’s just I have a lot going on in my life right now and I guess it hurt me more then I realized to feel so apart from Mary.

For those of you, others who are reading this, I have truly heard the Lord’s voice. I would not be alive today if it wasn’t for Him, His voice and protection. He has promised me He’d never leave me nor forsake me and I know this frustration has it’s purposes.

Thank you all for your wisdom, encouragements and prayers.
 
White Orchid, I hope you do understand how much Mary loves you.

Look at the Wedding Feast at Cana. She overheard the servants saying they were out of wine. She went to Jesus with their concerns. Only then did she speak to the servants, saying “Do whatever he tells you.”

I would also point to the example of Blessed Mother Teresa, who believed God was doing His work through her yet did not feel His presence in her life for 50 years despite fervent prayer and devotion.
 
White Orchard,

I too can understand you problems with your mother. My mother wasn’t much into physical hurts as in emotional and psychological hurting. With God’s help I have forgiven her and even have a speaking relationship with her now, she is in her 70’s. Its taken along time to come to that point but with the help of a good confessor I have been able to forgive her, how could I not, when I expect the Lord to forgive me?

I too can relate to what you have said about Jesus helping you when things were bad, my father was a very physical abuser when we were young kids (he mellowed as he aged and grew very close when I became and adult). There were times it felt like Jesus would actually take me in his arms and tell me things would be okay. And I made it through the rough times. Same with my guardian angel.

Only as I got older did I turn to Mary. I guess it was the issues with my mom that kept me from embracing the Blessed Mother. Now I am older it is her that I turn to when I need comforting. I dislike bad storms and we live on a ridge top here in KY. Sometimes we get awful windy storms that scare the daylights out of me. I pray to Mary to keep me safe and get me through it and she does. I have been in places saying my rosary and the smell of roses will permeate the air. It has happened in the dead of winter driving down a lonely country road on the way home from work. It comforts me to know that Mary is with me keeping me safe as I make my way home.

Perhaps if you can work with a good confessor and ask him to help you forgive your mother for all she did to you, then you will be able to turn to our Blessed Mother and embrace her in your times of need. She will not let you down. And I think she will actually help you in forgiving your mother. I know from my own experience it is a heavy burden to carry around and I felt so much better once I let all that anger go.

I will keep you in my prayers. God Bless. :gopray:
 
JerryZ said:
Actually GOD never abbandoned Jesus! How could HE since they are one 😉

He was quoting a Psalm 21:2 from the OT that start with those words but then goes on to glorify GOD who NEVER abandones us. Even when we think HE has.

HE HAS NOT.

Peace 👍
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That’s why I put “absence” in quotes. 😉
 
Our blessed mother probably took your petition to her son, our lord JesusChrist. Remember things happen when he feels its time no on our time.
 
Mary, Our Blessed Mother is in Heaven,hears all our prays,but she loves us more, when we say the Rosary. I,ve had many up and downs in my life,but I always turn to Mary the Mother of God,Jesus Mother now Blessed,Mother ,to Intercceded for you to her son Jesus, for we know that Jesus never refuses his mothers request,and to the question,why she has not appeared to you, is because,she chooses those,that are threw in Heart to her deovtion,Soul, Body, and Mine.Just keep saying the Rosary daily,and if you can say more do so,because this shows you love Our Lady very much.and if she see fit to ,she will come to you,but you also must make sacitfaces,and do penance,giving your tolal Love to her Immaculate Heart.Mary loves us all for we are her childern,but whatever you do ,do not abanded her,for only their her Inteccsion shall she bring us closer to God,and eternal happens.
 
I’m just curious. Where in the bible does it say that Mary answers prayers? I’m curious as to why people pray to her???
 
Rob03 said:
I’m just curious. Where in the bible does it say that Mary answers prayers? I’m curious as to why people pray to her???/QUOTE The Bible dosen,t mention it, but Mary, has answer many prays,for people that have gone to Fatima,or have gone to Lourdes, praying to her,for a Miricle to happen for them and thiers still people going too both places praying for her help, to heal them,and from time to time she does heal those that come in Faith . :harp:
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Thank you all for you interest in my post.
This has not been an easy journey. I just came into the church this past April and I came from a church that preached against talking to any one besides the Lord himself.

Last weekend I had a long talk with the Lord in church before confession. I told Him that if I had offended her some how or something that It was not my intention. I was going by the scripture that says “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16

I told Him that to keep both of us from being hurt any more then I would not speak to her unless it was within the Mass or unless He directed me specifically to speak to her through the priest. That way I would know for certain it was His direction and I would find peace about it.

Well… a few minutes later I’m in the confessional talking to my priest about my son who made me so hurt & angry I said a bad word lol (thus my need for confession) and guess what he tells me to do?

“You need to talk to Mary about this and ask her to intercede for you. You can pour out your heart to her because she is a Mother, she’s the mother of the church and she will understand what you are going through. She will intercede for you…”

So, we (Mary & I) had a very long conversation later the night. Then I heard her- she spoke to me in that same quiet whisper that I hear when the Lord speaks to me (only it was a female voice) She said “I do understand how you feel, and I will intercede on your behave…”

I have a peace in my soul and I know I’m on the right path- the Lord’s path.

Thank you all again for your encouragement and prayers!
 
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