Where to find a good wife?

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TravisBickle

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I feel like people today, especially women, lack values. No loyalty, no integrity, no devotion. Where to find a good wife and what attributes should I be looking for? Obviously, physical appearance is important but it’s not the number one priority for me. I rarely go to church and there are barely any young people at my church.
 
TravisBickle said:
I feel like people today, especially women, lack values. No loyalty, no integrity, no devotion. Where to find a good wife and what attributes should I be looking for? Obviously, physical appearance is important but it’s not the number one priority for me. I rarely go to church and there are barely any young people at my church.
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Well, if you’re looking for a faithful Catholic wife, not attending weekly Mass is not a great selling point.

I’ve shared this here many times.

My husband and I attended the same parish.

Sometimes we even went to the same Mass. He looked old due to his hair…late 30’s. I looked young…early 20’s. We both attended parish events. We both volunteered. We both had friends who were parishioners who knew we were looking for someone.

We both went to diocesan TOT events. We both swear we never saw each other, yet photographs by the people running the event prove we both had attended several events together.

We both had about given up on Catholic Match. I had been on Ave Maria for years with no good “hits”. The men on there seemed wacky. I had an old CM profile that I had started in college so I decided to try that. I only had a couple days left on my subscription, his had lapsed. (he also had paid for about 6 months) I had decided to give up dating for Lent after two years of “putting myself out there”. I had 2 other men I was speaking to and let them know that I needed to pray and would be back at Easter. I was closing everything up when I saw the “match”. A man with a pretty terrible profile picture but we had something in rare common–a school we both went to that was online. At that point I really just wanted to say “hey I get you, I also went to XYZ school” just to be nice and encourage him.

He paid $15 to renew his membership to view that message and we got to talking. By Easter we decided to be exclusive.

The rest, my friend, is history.
 
If you want to catch Alaskan Salmon, you don’t go fishing at a beach in Key West.

If you desire to meet faithful, Catholic women you become the man they are looking for. A faithful, practicing Catholic who does more than stamp their mass card each Sunday. Volunteer, support your parish and other charities with time/talent and treasure. Have a solid prayer life, make a weekly Holy Hour.

Go on a retreat at least once per year, it can be as simple as the Lenten retreat at a nearby parish or a Catholic Men’s Conference or a silent retreat at a nearby monastery, but, make growing in your faith as important as a golf/gaming weekend with your buds.
 
TravisBickle said:
I feel like people today, especially women, lack values. No loyalty, no integrity, no devotion.
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Oh honey, where to find a wife isn’t your actual problem.

And you “rarely go to church”… what’s that about?
 
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Well, I think I am holding women to very high standards whereas I do not expect much from men.
 
Maybe you should think why you make that huge difference between men and women as their soul count, even in marriage?

If you think bad of men, you probably think bad of you or except low standards for youself, and no women with “high values” would take a man with low standards, right?
 
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It is somehwat of a rule in my opinion. It does not apply to everyone and as you have already noticed, I am obviously an exception just like I am looking for the female exception which does not necessarily make it any easier.

I don’t know why I make that huge of difference between men and women.
 
It means that I don’t go there often. Not because I don’t believe in God, but much more because I lack time and there are no young people at my church.
 
TravisBickle said:
I don’t know why I make that huge of difference between men and women.
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Then please think of it before conidering dating and marriage.
Isn´t it a bit easy to simply say “men are worse that women”? Sounds like a permission for youself to behave less good than your future wife.
 
Are you not aware of the obligations to attend Mass on all Sundays and Holy Days? Or are you not a Catholic?

Living the sacramental life of the Church and pursuing your own holiness is the first step in finding a holy spouse.
 
TravisBickle said:
It means that I don’t go there often. Not because I don’t believe in God, but much more because I lack time and there are no young people at my church.
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🤨

There are weekly Masses from 4pm on Saturday to 6pm on Sunday in drivable distances most times.

Who attends the Mass is of no consequence. The CARA study at my previous parish had something like 95% of people 18 were also over 30. (At the time I was in my early 20’s).
 
You have GOT to be kidding.

I know sooooo many beautiful, devout, loyal young single woman these days! Practicing her faith is a powerful way for a woman to practice loyalty, devotion, and integrity.

But not one of them would go out with you, because they are looking for a Catholic man of integrity and deep faith.

A man who rarely goes to church would not be a good match for them.
 
May I ask:
  1. How old are you?
  2. How are you “obviously an exception”?
 
  1. 22
  2. I know my peers and I get along with them, but I am more mature. At least I think so.
 
TravisBickle said:
  1. 22
  2. I know my peers and I get along with them, but I am more mature. At least I think so.
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I’m trying to find a way to say this without getting flagged.

You are NOT “more mature” than your peers. There are many of your peers who don’t act hypocritical and demand from women what they themselves won’t give. They might do things you find immoral or irresponsible, but they are atleast living their belief system.

You have the hubris to come to a Catholic message board, declare you want to find a good, faithful wife but you do nothing and present yourself in any way desirable for a good, Catholic woman.

You are Catholic only by word, living a life of mortal sin while trying to pass yourself off as some kind of “catch” with no idea why you aren’t being snatched up.

Young people aren’t at Mass? Boooo freaking hooo.

You work a lot? Really? The average American works 47 hours a week PLUS their average 30min each way commute plus on average they have 2 children to care for plus a growing number have an aged adult to look for plus they are going to school full or part-time plus they must run a house and pay bills. They manage to eek out an hour a week.

Honestly, the kids in the Edge program (11 to 13yo’s) could come up with better excuses than “I’m busy” and “not enough kids my age”.

The FIRST thing I looked at on my CM profile was if a Man (and let’s be real…men live their faith, boys make excuses) attended Mass.
 
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Tough love. But I agree.

OP should definitely focus on self improvement before finding someone
 
Attending Mass regularly is a very, very good thing; never ever a bad thing regardless of who else is present. Attending Mass is about you and your relationship to the Lord, it is never about whoever else happens to be there.

However, it is usually insufficient by itself in too many parishes if it is desired to meet that special someone via the Church.
 
Zzyzx_Road said:
Attending Mass regularly is a very, very good thing; never ever a bad thing regardless of who else is present. Attending Mass is about you and your relationship to the Lord, it is never about whoever else happens to be there.

However, it is usually insufficient by itself in too many parishes if it is desired to meet that special someone via the Church.
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I made the assumption that I would never find anyone at my parish. Afterall, there were only 2% in my age range 20-35.

In reality, you’re not looking to meet 50 people your age, you’re looking to meet one.

It took the internet to connect us, but we did go to the same parish. We were both faithful, active Catholics.
 
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