Which church to belog to?

[sincere]

Our family has been attending three churches since summer has started. We have been members of our “neighborhood parish” for about five years now. We have never felt like it is our “home”. It is mostly geared towards the more elderly population. There are a lot of families, so much so that we have three sessions of Faith Formation on Wednesday night and two on Sunday morning. Yet, most of the parents don’t bring the kids to mass and the church doesn’t offer much in the way of youth programs or “family events”. The KoC pancake breakfast is about it. My son just made his First Communion in May and the priest’s homily didn’t even acknowledge the first communicants. He even talked about having sex before marriage, which I felt was inappropriate.

We really like a parish that is about twenty minutes from our home. There seem to be a lot of active parents and they have a teen mass where many, many teens attend, are reverant, and seem happy to be there.

I have a friend at our church, who does not have children, who keeps telling me that I shouldn’t leave my church family.

What are your opinions on this? Should we stick with our local parish and do what we can to help change the culture? I’ve tried talking with the priest. I’ve tried leading groups for parents. I teach 4th grade FF. We attend a Faith Sharing group, but none of the other members have kids, or their kids are grown. If we don’t stay and help change it, who will? But, can it change?

I feel bad to leave, but feel the family/kid culture at the other church will help my children feel comfortable growing up and may learn more about their Faith, since kids seem to be a priority.

Any advice would be helpful. My husband and I are feeling torn.

 

[judechild]

I’m no authority at all on parenting; (I’m eighteen, for crying out loud!) But… I’d say, you should go to the other parish. I’ve spent most of my spiritual life alone: alone in the pews, alone in prayer, alone at events, but in the parish I attend, there is a strong community feel, so that I know I’m not alone. That’s important, I think, in a parish. You say “yah, but, if we don’t stay, how’s the parish going to change?” The parish will probably eventually change, whether you’re there or not, but the important thing to remember is that you have a primary duty to your own spiritual development, and to the development of your children. If they feel outcasted, or like they don’t belong, how do you think that will reflect on their faith in the long run? I’d say, go to the other parish, and leave the other one in God’s hands and pray for its renewed vitality; you aren’t turning away for selfish reasons, you’re doing it for your children - and yes, for you too.

 

[kage_ar]

Will an extra 3/4 of an hour added to every Parish activity cause you to not participate in the fantastic events? With teens, it will work in almost an hour and a half of extra drive time…

Say youth event is from 6 to 8 PM.

You’ll leave home at 5:30, drop off the kids, drive back home. Leave home at 7:30 to pick up the kids and be home by 8:30. A two hour event becomes a three hour commitment. As long as you are committed to doing it, then, join the other Parish.

The other option is to find out what is up at your parish. If you have FIVE CCD sessions, you have hundreds of kids, hundreds of families with kids - maybe there are ways to get involved that you are not seeing. Have you talked to the Youth Minister?

 

[bpbasilphx]

My son just made his First Communion in May and the priest’s homily didn’t even acknowledge the first communicants.

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And was it supposed to?

 

[Rob_in_Oregon]

Dear Sincere,

If the driving time is not an issue, than what about this?

Which parish will inspire a more devout faith in your children? I’m leaning toward the more distant parish.

Our huge suburban parish is pretty good and we have two kids in the school. But it’s so big we often feel lost in the shuffle.

However, there is a marvelous parish 25 minutes away that has very reverent masses, brilliant preaching, and faithful, orthodox priests. When we have time, we attend Sunday mass there.

• Rob in Oregon

 

[Agatina]

How about another option? Contact the Bishop & explain just what you explained here and tell him you have a desire to stay & help but if there is not a priest that cares even about the fist communicants then you won’t stay. But I would explain your move to the Bishop. He can put another, younger, more active priest in your parish. At least he will know what is going on.
Good luck.
Sounds like you are doing more than your share to make it work.
Love in Christ,
Agatina

 

[mommamia]

My son just made his First Communion in May and the priest’s homily didn’t even acknowledge the first communicants.

---

And was it supposed to?

If the children made their first communion at that mass, then I would think YES!!

 

[sincere]

Thank you for your responses.

Judechild, thank you for putting my priorities in perspective. You are right. The faith of myself and my children really need to be foremost in my heart.

Kage_ar, I think we will do okay with the drive time. I’ve been involved with the youth minister and our FF director. Both are very nice people, but neither have ever worked with kids before. It’s difficult to explain, but they don’t seem to connect with kids. I can’t explain what is happening. Also, they both seem to have a “nobody cares anyway” attitude. When I suggest things, they just automatically say that nonone would help or no one will come. I understand their disappointment, at times, but believe that there are people who do want to be involved in their kid’s faith building.

bpbasilphx, I don’t think he should have “applauded” them or anything. I just expected the homily to somewhat talk on their level and encourage them in their faith and the experience of the day for them. And at very least, I just felt he could have not talked about sex.

Rob in Oregon, thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut. You also helped me to put focus back on my kid’s faith and not the strength, or weakness, of our current parish. My husband and I do believe that this other parish will inspire a more devout faith in our kids. We are aware that we are their first teachers, but we also know that as they grow, it will not be good to feel like they are the “only Catholics” and not have other people to guide them on their journey. There will be a day when mom and dad won’t be their only influence on matters of faith. This other church may help provide other people in their lives to help keep them on the right path.

Agatina, I will pray about that option and see where the Holy Spirit guides me.

Thank you so much for all of your (name removed by moderator)ut. We will continue to pray about it. You have definitly helped me to not feel so much guilt about leaving our current parish.