Which is the real marriage

[dandesmommie]

A dear friend of mine ( practicing Catholic) married her husband (also a PC) 2 years ago.
He had previously been married to a non catholic outside of a Catholic Church without the needed dispensations etc. so anulment was granted on lack of form, etc. The problem is that his family has been acting as if this “second” marriage is the invalid one. One of his nieces even told my friend that the “first” wife was Uncle’s real wife. This whole family had attended the first “marriage” and one of his sisters was even a bridesmaid, however they all politetly declined to even go to my friends wedding.
What is your advice as to how she should behave around his family. She will not refuse invitations from them or even speak up because she does not wish to alienate him and his relatives.

 

[Seatuck]

A dear friend of mine ( practicing Catholic) married her husband (also a PC) 2 years ago.
He had previously been married to a non catholic outside of a Catholic Church without the needed dispensations etc. so anulment was granted on lack of form, etc. The problem is that his family has been acting as if this “second” marriage is the invalid one. One of his nieces even told my friend that the “first” wife was Uncle’s real wife. This whole family had attended the first “marriage” and one of his sisters was even a bridesmaid, however they all politetly declined to even go to my friends wedding.
What is your advice as to how she should behave around his family. She will not refuse invitations from them or even speak up because she does not wish to alienate him and his relatives.

The church has declared this first attempt at marriage invalid. End of story.
Does the family know this? Are you sure a decree of nullity was given to him? Seems like there is more to the story here. If it truly was given then this family is wrong. They may still have fond feelings toward the first “wife” but the marriage was invalid.

 

[dandesmommie]

Oh yes, I have seen the decree from the tribunal myself, that is how I know they stated defect of form and one other defect (can’t remeber what exactly it was called)( I really do not want to ask her to see the document again).

 

[Miserissima]

Funny thing, when my husband and I had our marriage convalidated, his family asked, “Why are you getting married again? You know we won’t send any presents or money!”

Perhaps it’s because his family has an emotional bond to your friend’s frist wife, or perhaps they really thought/hoped that his first marriage would be the only one and they’re disappointed. Perhaps they think he found a “legal loophole” and didn;t live up to his obligations. I could speculate until I am blue in the face…

I think your friend’s wife can only win them over by combining infinite patience, grace under pressure, and prayer, which will take time for his family to see.

 

[1ke]

As a previous poster said, there are an infinite number of reasons his family might be acting this way, none of them very Christian.

Your friend is doing well to ignore them. However, it is her husband’s job to put a stop to this nonsense in his family. He must be the one to confront his family and tell them to stop making rude comments, acting like children, etc. He must stand up for his wife and stand up to his family, set the boundaries, and stick to them. If his family cannot behave, he is the one who must defend his wife and set boundaries on attendance at events, communication, etc. He must make it clear he will not tolerate this behavior towards his wife. They need to get this solved before they have children and the children see his family mistreating his wife.

 

[gardenswithkids]

A dear friend of mine ( practicing Catholic) married her husband (also a PC) 2 years ago.
He had previously been married to a non catholic outside of a Catholic Church without the needed dispensations etc. so anulment was granted on lack of form, etc. The problem is that his family has been acting as if this “second” marriage is the invalid one. One of his nieces even told my friend that the “first” wife was Uncle’s real wife. This whole family had attended the first “marriage” and one of his sisters was even a bridesmaid, however they all politetly declined to even go to my friends wedding.
What is your advice as to how she should behave around his family. She will not refuse invitations from them or even speak up because she does not wish to alienate him and his relatives.

Is the family Catholic? If they are, they should have raised strong objections when their family member married outside of the Catholic Church his first time around.

The first marriage was a marriage in the eyes of the state–and that’s probably how the family is seeing it–BUT it was not a Sacramental marriage. That may seem like a technicality to some people, but during the annulment process, the Church is looking to see if a Sacrament took place. Legal contracts can be dissolved through legal means, but Sacraments cannot be dissolved.

I would suggest your friend be polite and cordial to her husband’s family and that she pray for them, her husband and her marriage. Let her husband deal with the ugly comments by his relatives.