I’m going to do some reading offline before responding to the rest of your post, but I thought I’d respond to this now:
I’ll only speak for myself. A big part of why I believe in Jesus is that I believe there were signs from God that showed the apostles that Jesus was His Son. They saw proof from heaven. For me to worship a human being, I’m going to need some proof, because if it’s a mistake, it’s a serious violation of the first commandment. I don’t really care if Matthew or Luke thought or felt or believed that Jesus was the Son of God, what I care about is their account of the facts.
I see what you mean. I really do. I didn’t come to my faith that way. Perhaps that is why it doesn’t shake me. I came to faith largely on the sheer numbers of believers, the fact that I considered a rather large number of them as brilliant people, and that there were eyewitnesses who claimed they saw these things and ultimately died for that belief. I could conceive of no reason why people smarter than me would be willing to die for what they claimed to have seen with their own eyes unless it was true. No one speaks of course in the nativity narratives as being an eyewitness.
Now, if its only the infancy narratives in question, there are still many other miracles and signs, like the transfiguration and the resurrection, and those are still enough for me. But now the credibility of Matthew and Luke are in question. So if they fictionalized the story, it’s very important to me to understand this in a way that they didn’t intend to decieve. If they intended to deceive to convince their audience… well that doesn’t seem very Saintly to me, and it makes it hard to accept anything in their gospel. If like you said, it wasn’t deception, I can accept that… but it’s just really hard to understand how someone can mix fiction and history without intending to deceive. But I hope the books that patg recommended can help.