Which one is easier to cope with

  • Thread starter Thread starter danielle90
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

danielle90

Guest
So this has been on my mind for quite some time now.
This morning I lost a cousin to cancer; he had been fighting for some time now and recently it had taken a turn for the worse to a point where his throat was blocked and he couldn’t eat.

A few years back I also lost someone very dear to me, however she was not sick or anything.
She died as a result of drowning.

My question is is it better(or easier to deal with) to know or not to know in terms of death.
Personally I think its better to know cause you’re somewhat prepared for the unexpected, whereas when it comes as a surprise its surely a surprise and its more painful, harder to find healing and harder to talk about.

What do you think.
 
Both are very hard especally with young persons.

It is good to know a person didnt suffer. Its a psycological relief. Its also a psycological relief for us to say goodbye. Really it depends on the person which need is stronger.

Ill pray for those you lost.
 
My dad died of heart disease 9 years ago as was pretty much anticipated. He was in a hospital the last few days and I talked to him a lot about a number of things, including his expectations of how I should take care of my mother “when the time comes.”

My brother died July 23 which was not. He was found, slumped over his computer.

They are both hard. One was recent, the other further back in time. They have a combination effect, especially because they promote me from baby of the family to decision making role. My mother is now very sick so it’s down to her and me, and I’m calling the shots. Like I said, a few months ago my role since I was born was the “baby” of the family.

Other aspects are the same. You can’t ask questions and get a verbal answer, for example, from either one. So there is a function of my life that is disconnected, either gradually or suddenly.

I think there are different “types” of hardness. One is adjusting to doing things without the person logistically – getting kids to school, making important decisions. Another are various emotional aspects of it. Yet another is what has to be done – like do you have to take care of a large estate, empty/prepare/sell a house?

Knowing in advance has certain advantages. I say it depends on the individual person and the situation as to which is “more difficult” overall.

Alan
 
There is anticipatory grief with those people who are dying from old age, cancer, etc.

Sudden deaths are so shocking emotionally and spiritually. All of us die, but sudden deaths hit with such overwhelming impact.
 
Another thing I noticed was the different way the deaths hit my mother. There were several factors – one was anticipated, the other not, one a son and the other a husband.

She has obviously not quit grieving the 2002 death, but the sudden death of son in 2011, combined with stress of emergency cancer surgery – and with all the grieving and stress (and 2002 rekindled) she developed selective memory, and for a period even had delusions and hallucinations.

Alan
 
My dad went into Intensive Care, very ill, 3 weeks later, he was gone. Sudden death is the worst–no warning, the finality of losing the loved one. My mom developed selective memory, too. Certain events, people who called, etc–she doesn’t remember, or remembers wrong. I believe from shock. They had been married/together for 54 years.

My best friend fought Hodgkin"s Disease for 9 years, painfully, agonizingly; Chemo, Radiation, body changes, remission, cancer came back, eventually death. How can you prepare for someone’s death as you watch them dying every day? I know of no way to prepare.
 
I don’t think that one is "easier’ than the other to cope with.
They are different.
I work in a skilled nursing facility (nursing home) and most of the people who come to live with us are in end-stages of various debilitating diseases
that rob them of their dignity and sometimes their humanity.
It is often very difficult to watch, and I take consolation in knowing that,
in doing my job, I am giving all of my residents a “bright spot” in their day.
I have also watched many friends & loved ones slowly fade away. It is never easy.

I have also been touched by some very sudden, senseless and tragic deaths in my life time.

If I have learned anything from my experiences,
it is to never let anything go unsaid, there is no guarantee for tomorrow. Sometimes it is too late to make ammends,
and the guilt and sorrow that can be associated with that,
IMHO, is worse that any grief over the loss of the person.
 
It just so happens that in today’s Gospel Simeon tells the Blessed Virgin Mary, “And you yourself a sword shall pierce.” When Joseph and Mary presented Jesus in the Temple the old prophet Simeon is the bearer of this news! And we know that this is one of the sorrows of Mary in that one day she will see her Son crucified. So she inevitably suffered with this all of her life, knowing that her Son was to go through a cruel death.

In some ways, we all know that we will die in one day. It is just a matter of the timing. On one hand it can be a blessing to be able to prepare for one’s death and to be able to tie up loose ends. On the other some say there is no suffering for the victim of a quick death! But we don’t really know. We know that the family members and friends of those who pass away suffer in some way. I remember when my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer, I cried the most upon first hearing but then grew to accept that he was to eventually pass away.

These are hard things. I know that what is great out the Catholic faith is that it prepares us for not so much life on earth but rather how to have it abundantly in the next.

Neden
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top