Which parent was right?

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Good for you, Dad.

If that had been my son, I would have walked over and thanked him and apologized to him and then my son would have been in for it.
 
The man was offering an adult opinion on the child’s behavior. Since when is that ‘parenting’ - something exclusively reserved for parents?

Where I live, parents are actually thankful when another adult helps out like that, as the kids are more likely to take an ‘objective’ outside opinion of their behavior more seriously than the parents’.
 
yellowbicycle said:
The mother heard the man, I’m not sure if she had heard what her son had said, but she came over, said nothing to her son, but instead said to the man ‘What gives you the right to parent my child? You have NO RIGHT! You should have come and gotten me instead of reprimanding a child who was not yours.’
And the man said ‘I didn’t think the boy should use that language in front of other children. I simply told him so.’

Okay, what do you think? Was the man right? The woman? The foul-mouthed boy? Everybody? Nobody?🤷
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There are two issues here that are getting mixed up.
  1. Does an adult male ever have the right to speak to a child who is a stranger to him when they are both in a location of mutual interest?
  2. Does an adult male have the right to offer an opinion about language which is appropriate to use around others (specifically women and children)?
Well, there are some mothers who would question whether the man had a right to say so much as, “Hello,” to their child. And I can understand the caution. But I believe a Dad has the right to tell ANYONE, adult or child, to keep the language clean around his child. So unless it has reached the point where men should never speak to child this man had a clear right and responsibility to say what he said.

And hearing something like that from a man probably will have a much greater impact on that boy than if it came from a woman.
 
The dad was in the right.

The mom was acting like a dufus.

If it was my kid he would have a gotten scolded right then and there, and would have apologized to the dad right before we left the park to go home and have Jr. spend time in his room before I decided on his punishment.
 
Physical correction and verbal correction are two different things. This situation was resolved nicely with verbal correction. My personal opinion is that it is ok for adults to correct children verbally if the parent is not doing something immediately. I do not agree with physical correction by adults other than a parent or caregiver with express permission. (I separate the two because generally in my family if it’s ok for someone to correct a child verbally, it’s naturally assumed that it’s ok for someone to correct a child physically too and I do not agree with that because some family members are far too liberal with their idea of a spankable offense).
 
I’m very relieved to hear these responses.
I was afraid the whole world had gone mad!
I thought that too - the man wasn’t disciplining the child, he was asking him to watch his language. He would have asked the same of an adult male, or female for that matter, who was there if the situation had arisen, I’m sure.
I know if I were that boy’s mother, my face would have been purple from embarrassment!
 
PaulinVA said:
“You’re absolutely right ma’m. I shouldn’t have to parent your son. Why don’t you teach him that cursing in public is wrong?”
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Right on! :clapping:

As for the mother’s silly behavior, this brings to mind something I read recently (especially item #10):

How to raise a juvenile delinquent
  1. Begin in infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living.
2. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he’s cute. It will also encourage him to pick up cuter phrases that will blow off the top of your head later.
  1. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is 21, and then let him decide for himself.
  2. Avoid the use of the word “wrong.” It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and that he is being persecuted.
  3. Pick up everything he leaves lying around - books, shoes, and clothing. Do everything for him so he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility onto others.
  4. Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Be careful that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized, but let his mind feast on garbage.
  5. Quarrel with your spouse frequently in the presence of your children. In this way they will not be too shocked when the home breaks up later.
  6. Give the child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you had them?
  7. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration.
    **
  8. Take his part against neighbors, teachers, and policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child.**
  9. When he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, “I never could do anything with him.”
  10. Prepare for a life of grief. You will be apt to have it.
fatheralexander.org/booklets/english/child_e2.html
 
Morwenna said:
Right on! :clapping:

As for the mother’s silly behavior, this brings to mind something I read recently (especially item #10):

How to raise a juvenile delinquent
  1. Begin in infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living.
2. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he’s cute. It will also encourage him to pick up cuter phrases that will blow off the top of your head later.
  1. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is 21, and then let him decide for himself.
  2. Avoid the use of the word “wrong.” It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and that he is being persecuted.
  3. Pick up everything he leaves lying around - books, shoes, and clothing. Do everything for him so he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility onto others.
  4. Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Be careful that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized, but let his mind feast on garbage.
  5. Quarrel with your spouse frequently in the presence of your children. In this way they will not be too shocked when the home breaks up later.
  6. Give the child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you had them?
  7. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration.
    **
  8. Take his part against neighbors, teachers, and policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child.**
  9. When he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, “I never could do anything with him.”
  10. Prepare for a life of grief. You will be apt to have it.
fatheralexander.org/booklets/english/child_e2.html
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I agree with this completely! And in addition to number 10, I would also underline number 2. I have reared three kids to adulthood, spousehood and parenthood (in that order). I have been so horrified at grown-ups who think bad language from a child is “cute”. Even the principal of one of the “Catholic” grammar schools my kids attended, thought it was so cute when a four year old called her a name he had hear frequently on The Simpsons. I’ll leave it to you to figure it out.

But, as the mother of two girls and a son, I would add another number in this list:

Allow your daughter to dress up like a little tart as early as possible. Give no thought as to how she will see herself in later years. Then you can also wonder why young men think of her as a slut.
 
Peggy_in_Burien said:
I agree with this completely! And in addition to number 10, I would also underline number 2. I have reared three kids to adulthood, spousehood and parenthood (in that order). I have been so horrified at grown-ups who think bad language from a child is “cute”. Even the principal of one of the “Catholic” grammar schools my kids attended, thought it was so cute when a four year old called her a name he had hear frequently on The Simpsons. I’ll leave it to you to figure it out.

But, as the mother of two girls and a son, I would add another number in this list:

Allow your daughter to dress up like a little tart as early as possible. Give no thought as to how she will see herself in later years. Then you can also wonder why young men think of her as a slut.
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Peggy, you are so right. :sad_yes:
 
*My dad told me stories when I was little, of neighbors spanking him, when they saw him doing something wrong…and then, he got spanked from his own dad when he arrived home and heard the news from the neighbors. :eek: Now, that’s extreme…😛

I think the dad did the right thing…I don’t think I would have said I’m getting the ranger…that was over the top, but I think I would have told the boys to watch their mouths…

So, I think the dad was in the right, but went a little over board with the ranger comment. *
 
The dad was correct. It’s not even so much that he was trying to parent someone else’s child. He has the right to be in a public place without hearing offensive language, especially from a 10-year-old kid. Poor parenting from the mother is likely what has the boy speaking like that in the first place.
 
*Yellow–I read your thread topic to my dd who is 13, and she said ‘mom, absolutely the dad was right. Kids nowadays are so disrespectful.’ Out of the mouth of a …KID herself. 😃

I find it hard to believe that the mom didn’t hear, when you could hear it. :rolleyes: I wouldn’t have scolded the dad, but she might have done so out of embarassment that her son was using that language to begin with…let’s hope, she was embarassed. :o Maybe not. lol Never know nowadays-a lot of parents let anything fly. *
 
SMHW said:
And hearing something like that from a man probably will have a much greater impact on that boy than if it came from a woman.
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For all we know, that man at the park may have been the first adult male figure to have tried to impart some sense of right and wrong to that boy. It could also be that there is no constant/stabvle/positive male figure in that boy’s life - the mother could be widowed/divorced/knocked up and never married the father - or, for that matter, in a lesbian relationship. Who knows? It’s just refreshing to see ANYONE - male or female - take a stand for what is right in this day and age.
 
whatevergirl said:
*Yellow–I read your thread topic to my dd who is 13, and she said ‘mom, absolutely the dad was right. Kids nowadays are so disrespectful.’ Out of the mouth of a …KID herself. 😃

I find it hard to believe that the mom didn’t hear, when you could hear it. :rolleyes: I wouldn’t have scolded the dad, but she might have done so out of embarassment that her son was using that language to begin with…let’s hope, she was embarassed. :o Maybe not. lol Never know nowadays-a lot of parents let anything fly. *
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Smart 13 year old! 🙂
 
PaulinVA said:
“You’re absolutely right ma’m. I shouldn’t have to parent your son. Why don’t you teach him that cursing in public is wrong?”
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ooh, I love that! The Dad was within his rights, I think, since his kids were within earshot.
 
purplesunshine said:
It could be the mom wasn’t even taught right I grew up saying *hit all the time. My parents, friends, elders, townspeople all said *hit and no one considered it a swear word. Infact, it was preferred to other words that WERE swears. Maybe it was because I was around an army base…I have no idea.

I moved not too far away and to my chigrin discovered it was a swear. I moved even farther away and it seems to be an even worse swear. Eight years later, its still something that slips out ALL THE TIME. I’m working on it, but its hard to break a habit enforced from youth.

If it was like that in my town, I’m sure it was like that in other places. While everyone should look out for other children’s behavior, there’s also a big “stranger danger” factor and strange ways creeps attract children. Appealing to young boy’s desires to be men is one of them. The dad had all the best intentions, but I wouldn’t say he was right. The mom wanted to defend her child, and it sounded like she would of if given the chance. Some strange guy she doesn’t know is giving her son a lecture about being a man? I’d of been upset, too.
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Great points. See that is how I feel about this. The mom was right there, she could have been brought into the discussion. Let me tell you about an incident with my daughter - she had been coming home from school and had the start of a migraine, her friend who was homeschooled at the time was leaving with her mom. My daughter did not acknowledge or at least loudly acknowledge the friend, she probably couldn’t even see straight at that point let alone see someone, well, this mom decided she should chew my daughter out for not acknowledging her daughter, umm, no, she did not do it on purpose, she was even obviously dragging and looked ill. I was shocked and did not say anything at the time. I ended up calling the mom and telling her that I did not appreciate her correcting my daughter when she did not even know what was going on! This woman’s attitude about “parenting every one elses children” and telling them how to parent ended up being the reason I ended my friendship with her.

No, there is a time to correct other children and a time to ask the parents to do so. Since the mom was there she could have been asked to come talk to her son about his language. Different scenario if mom was not there.

Due to the perverts our there this was an inappropriate interaction between that dad and that child - again, the mom was there, let her know what was going on and let her correct her child (yes, that is part of parenting!)

Brenda V. (obviously with a not very popular opinion about this)
 
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