Which parish to join/register?

[jilly4ski]

Hello forum people. I am in need of wise guiding principles.

So I live on the boarders of the territory of 3 parishes.

The one that we technically live in, is not super child friendly and has a lackluster liturgy to say the least. (I however found a good confessor there with short lines ).

The closest parish travel wise is actually my in-laws parish. With a good priest (they are in between pastors at the moment) orthodox good liturgy (iffy music ), kid friendly, etc.

The third parish, is a beautiful parish, with a good priest, lots of kids, good music. It is however, the farthest physically from us. It is the parish I would like to join/register, but the Sunday Mass times are not ideal. (Actually none of the Mass times are good). Mass is at 8am or 10:30am. 8 is just too early for me to wake up, dress and feed to small children, and 10:30 falls right in the toddlers morning nap slot, which makes him an absolute terror during Mass.

So we have just been going to the Church/Mass time that works best for us. Usually that ends up being the second parish with my in-laws, as their Mass time is at 10am, and then we head over to my parents house for Sunday dinner. But once or twice a month we end up going to the third parish or my Parent’s parish (not at the same time they go). Next weekend we are going to try to do a Saturday evening Mass at the third parish and see how well the kids are behaved (though since my kids and most kids have complete break downs between 4 and 5 it sounds like a recipe for disaster).

Anyways, I would be happy to let this situation continue, where we just go wherever, and donate as we visit. But I am pregnant with my third child and we need to get her baptized soon after birth. I would rather not have to go to the territorial parish and try to prove we are practicing Catholics and that we live in its territory and thus have a right to the sacraments without being registered. So we need to be registered somewhere, but feel bad registering at the third parish, if we are only there one week a month. I in particular don’t want to be members at my in-laws parish, but that is where we attend the most. The first parish I might go to for confession, but since its Mass times are the same as the other Churches it really hasn’t been on the list, but it is our territorial parish.

So, do any of you have some wise guiding principles to help us make this decision? Or your own experiences in picking a parish, especially when dealing with young children?

 

[Allegra]

You could just register at your home parish and attend where you like. That’s probably what I’d do. You may want to consider which school you prefer, if you intend you send your boys to the parish school. That’s about all my advice.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Your toddler won’t always be a toddler, but there may be more behind him…tough decision.

But it doesn’t have to be a permanent decision. And you can still attend the other parishes as you are able.

I am spanning 2 parishes at the moment. The one we have always gone to is quite heterodox - I didn’t know that when I reverted. But we moved, and now we are closer to a larger parish that is more orthodox, which I love. Hubby prefers the old parish. So I am truly betwixt and between, and I have no commitment to either, which I would NOT recommend.

But you are in a rather different season than I am.

What does your hubby think?

 

[EasterJoy]

You could just register at your home parish and attend where you like. That’s probably what I’d do. You may want to consider which school you prefer, if you intend you send your boys to the parish school. That’s about all my advice.

I’m a fan of giving the canonical parish a try (ours really grew on me after awhile, especially after the changing of the guard brought in a new pastor), but if your bishop does not mind having the faithful choose where to receive the sacraments, inquiring as to which parish has the best catechesis is probably the best advice. Moving isn’t some huge trauma, but kids in RE do like to feel as if they’re in their life-long parish with other children they’ve been seeing at Mass and parish events.

IMHO, the best kind of “child friendly” is a parish that teaches the faith the best, both in whether the classes are taught competently and in the model of the other parishioners.

Whatever you do, pray for your parish and your pastor. It makes a huge difference.

 

[jilly4ski]

I’m a fan of giving the canonical parish a try (ours really grew on me after awhile, especially after the changing of the guard brought in a new pastor), but if your bishop does not mind having the faithful choose where to receive the sacraments, inquiring as to which parish has the best catechesis is probably the best advice. Moving isn’t some huge trauma, but kids in RE do like to feel as if they’re in their life-long parish with other children they’ve been seeing at Mass and parish events.

IMHO, the best kind of “child friendly” is a parish that teaches the faith the best, both in whether the classes are taught competently and in the model of the other parishioners.

Whatever you do, pray for your parish and your pastor. It makes a huge difference.

Indeed, my in-laws parish and the third parish are both quite orthodox and both have parish schools. However, I don’t know if we will be able to send our kids to parish schools, or if we will even be in this particular area by the time they are that old. (My eldest only turns three next week). The territorial parish does not have a school, and I know nothing about their formation. The bishop does not seem to mind that people pick where they attend. I only discovered which one was the territorial parish, because they closed/merged a bunch of parishes, and had the maps online, but many steps removed from the actual archdiocese website.

 

[Rita77]

Indeed, my in-laws parish and the third parish are both quite orthodox and both have parish schools. However, I don’t know if we will be able to send our kids to parish schools, or if we will even be in this particular area by the time they are that old. (My eldest only turns three next week). The territorial parish does not have a school, and I know nothing about their formation. The bishop does not seem to mind that people pick where they attend. I only discovered which one was the territorial parish, because they closed/merged a bunch of parishes, and had the maps online, but many steps removed from the actual archdiocese website.

were I’m from 3 is not to young to start thinking about were to send kids to school. many parishes with schools have cheeper rates for registered parishioner. some schools have waiting list to get in. sending you kid to the parish preschool at 3 or 4 is offten the best way to get on the waiting list for kindergarden in some places.

 

[jilly4ski]

were I’m from 3 is not to young to start thinking about were to send kids to school. many parishes with schools have cheeper rates for registered parishioner. some schools have waiting list to get in. sending you kid to the parish preschool at 3 or 4 is offten the best way to get on the waiting list for kindergarden in some places.

lol, then we are definitely not in a position to send our kids to Catholic school. The biggest issue, is that we are in a very small apartment right now with another child on the way, will probably move not this year but next. Neither of the schools are good enough that we would drive long distances to keep the kids there.

 

[EasterJoy]

lol, then we are definitely not in a position to send our kids to Catholic school. The biggest issue, is that we are in a very small apartment right now with another child on the way, will probably move not this year but next. Neither of the schools are good enough that we would drive long distances to keep the kids there.

If you inquire, you will probably find that either parish school or parish religious education is normally required for 1-2 years before 1st Holy Communion in your diocese. Definitely check out what the diocesan and parish requirements are and the quality of the religious education programs for public school students in the parishes you are considering. The quality of instruction and the degree to which the RE director is a “fit” with any particular family will often vary enormously, even within the same vicariate. Sit in on the RE classes, if you can, and beware if that cannot be arranged for you. Find out if you, as a parent, would be allowed to teach or help in the same classes your child is in. Attend Mass at which First Holy Communion takes place, too. You may learn a lot.