Okay since you asked. I was born in 1959 in Vallejo California to a devoutly Irish Catholic mom and nominal Portuguese Catholic father. Mom saw to it that I went to Catholic School. She wanted me to become a Catholic priest. I wanted to be a priest too until puberty kicked in and I knew that celibacy was out of the question. By 7th grade I was expelled. Turns out that they frown on boys smoking marijuana. Go figure! I started public school in 8th grade and I went downhill from there. By 16 I moved to a cousins house in San Jose California as I was having trouble at school in Vallejo. My cousin, my age, taught me about drugs, cutting class and sex with his many girl friends. My aunt was always sick and unable to watch us very well so we roamed about all hours of the night doing drugs, alcohol,sex etc. Eventually I dropped out of high school. Somehow I always seemed to find stable employment but I was so into drugs that I was always broke. By age 24 I went to prison for the first time. An 8 year term for possession for sales. When I got out I swore off drugs and promise myself that I would never go back to prison again. That was 5 prison terms ago. My mom constantly prayed the rosary for me but I felt she was wasting her time. I was an avowed Atheist by this time. When I got together with Dad we would bash religion and religious beliefs. I hated religion and the Catholic Church in particular. Anyway after getting out of prison for the 5th time swearing off drugs, like always, eventually I started using again and was arrested for possession six months after I got out. But this time they were looking to put me away for good. I knew that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life in prison so I posted bail with the intention of committing suicide. I’ve suffered with depression most of my life so I thought about suicide many times but this time I was done with this life. I got out of jail and went back to my car which was also my home at this time and thought about how I was going to end it. I Googled how to kill yourself and found one that I liked. In the morning it would be over. For some reason I called out to a God that I no longer believed in. I can’t remember what I said ver batum but something like if you exist and there is a God and you can hear me and you’re all powerful and loving like they say you are and you’re all knowing and you even care, you see that I am going to kill myself here and you know I am serious. You’d better touch me here. If you don’t do it for me do it for my mom whom prayed everyday for her wayward son. Now she’s gone and I’m old. Where are you? Do you even exist? Or even care? I fell asleep and woke up 2 hours later and the desire to kill myself was gone. The next day everything started to change. I started to change. I started saying the rosary and got involved in Narcotics Anonymous meetings. I self enrolled into out patient drug programs. When I went back to court the judge was impressed on how well I was doing and gave me a break. For a while I was going to mass 7 days a week. But now I’m working I only go on Sundays. I am now in the knights of Columbus and am involved in pro life. So there you have it.
