Who else enjoys being alone?

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bluerose

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Let me start by saying I have a wonderful husband to whom I’ve been married for over 30 years and we are each other’s best friends and enjoy each other’s company as well as an adult son who lives with us. We have a great family life together and I wouldn’t change a thing.

But I do like to spend time alone. I don’t mean with friends, either. I mean, I like to do things and spend time alone. I like going to a coffee shop or cafe and have a cup of coffee or a meal by myself. I like to go shopping by myself. I like to go for long drives in the mountains alone and don’t even turn the radio on. I like to go for walks alone. And I think this bothers my husband somewhat. He claims to be concerned about me going places alone that something might happen to me (he is somewhat overprotective, but that may stem from the fact that two of his brothers have lost their wives at young ages, though from illness, not accidents) but I think he is a little jealous that I have time to do stuff alone and that I sometimes PREFER to be alone than with anyone else. I think he thinks I don’t like to be with him and is hurt that I would enjoy myself without him.

It sounds selfish, but I like to be able to choose where to go, what to do, where to eat, what time I eat, etc. without having to consult another person. I like to be able to listen to what I like on the radio or not turn it on at all. I like to be able to be quiet and not have to carry a conversation. I like to be able to stop and take a picture or explore a little roadside stand without being concerned about another’s desires. I like to be on my own timeline, without having to worry about getting home at a certain time or having to be someplace on another’s schedule.

Of course, I don’t mean all the time, just once in a while to get a day to spend doing what I like or want to do without feeling obligated to cater to someone else.

Does anyone else feel like this, or is it just me?
 
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Yes, I feel this a lot! For me, being alone is just a way to recharge my batteries and restore some peace to myself, if that makes sense. I love spending time with friends and family but it does wear me out. I wonder if you might be an introvert? And perhaps your husband is an extrovert, so he doesn’t really understand why you would want to spend time alone?
 
Ha! Here’s where it gets interesting… I’m considered extremely extroverted, but that’s because my jobs have mainly been dealing with the public (I work in a wine-tasting room and I used to be a full-time cake decorator), but since I am an artistic person and also a published author, I like to spend time alone to recharge my creative batteries.

My husband, on the other hand, claims to be very shy though he is a manager in his career field and also works with the public. He used to be a lot more shy when we first met (he went through cancer treatment the year before we married) and was always very introverted. He has come out of his shell considerably over the years, mostly thanks to me, or so he claims.

I do feel that I am primarily an introvert though I can put on my “public” persona when needed at work.
 
I need a lot of alone time. My husband was really good about that.

I was an only child and I liked having time to think, read, work on projects, and decide what I was going to do without being hassled by siblings, or even friends. I learned pretty quickly that most of the rest of the world thought this was abnormal. I was supposed to be “lonely”. Teachers, nuns, my friends’ parents constantly asked me, didn’t I want a little brother or sister? I would say No and they wouldn’t accept it. I had several “best friends” through elementary and high school, but the one I remember most fondly was an only child like me who also spent a lot of alone time.

This carried over into adulthood to the point where I’ve always thought I’d be great as a hermit, or as an astronaut living in a space station without seeing humans for a year. Astronauts can chat with Mission Control, which is pretty much the same as poking the Internet. (I actually looked into becoming an astronaut at one point.) But even if I didn’t have that, I think I could cope. I always wonder how I’d deal with solitary confinement, like would I freak out or would I adapt to using it for prayer time or writing a book in my head.

Part of the reason I’m not in a hurry to get married again is that I doubt I could find someone who was as understanding of my need for solitude or distance as my husband was. Anyway it’s not bad having my time to myself.
bluerose said:
I do feel that I am primarily an introvert though I can put on my “public” persona when needed at work.
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Oh yeah, I have one of those too. It’s like putting on a business suit. It looks good and the minute I get home I take it off as fast as I can and put on my t-shirt and shorts and turn back into myself.
 
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🤚 I like being alone sometimes. Since I have young kids, I’ll take just being awake when everyone else is asleep.
 
I love being alone and need a lot of solitary time or I become exhausted. Yes, being around other people tires me out and has, in the past, resulted in my doing things like falling asleep at the wheel 😬

Fortunately, The Husband understands this and allows me the time I need to be by myself. On the other hand, I know there are limits to his generosity, and I don’t want him to feel neglected. Despite my best efforts, that has happened upon occasion. Nevertheless, I don’t think that it’s unreasonable for one or both spouses to desire some solo time and I would be wary of someone who would begrudge his wife or her husband the opportunity to ever be on her/his own.
 
bluerose said:
But I do like to spend time alone
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I get that, I have friends, but sometimes, I just want to be by myself. (So I can think about the woman I have a crush on because I’m not with her, and write letters she’ll never read, because I am devious).
I think my issue is that I don’t like crowds, and sometimes, with being partially deaf, and not liking loud noises to begin with (unless I make them, or I am listening to music), most of the time, it is just easier (and preferred) for me to be by myself.
 
Like St Arsenius said: ‘Many times I spoke, and as a result felt sorry, but I never regretted my silence.’
 
After 40 years of being alone, I’m pretty much tired of it at this point.
 
I am a creative person, and I need alone time to get my projects done. I don’t like having to stop because I need to make dinner or because it’s 1:00am. Sometimes I just need to keep going. I find solutions to things I am working on, come up with new ideas and think about many things during my alone time.

Luckily, my husband likes to do his own thing too for parts of the day, so it all works out.
 
I like being alone. I’m fine if I don’t socialize with anyone for maybe even two weeks. Just give me my computer and internet, some movies, my music keyboard, a pen and paper, some language study books and I’m all set.
 
I LOVE solitude! LOVE IT!!! Luckily my husband likes to be alone as well so we have zero conflict about it.
 
Those feelings you have about being alone…I offer them up for the conversion of sinners and in reparation for sins against the sacred heart of Jesus and the Immaculate heart of Mary!!! All my time is offered to people who need me more than I WANT to be alone! But I understand your love of being alone and in the quiet.
I really think crowds and noise are two of Satan’s biggest distractions for souls!
 
Being alone can be a very nice, restorative thing.

Being LONELY is always destructive, depressing and sad. Pray for all the lonely people out there.
 
I am quite comfortable being alone. Some people need to be in almost constant contact with other people. I can happily go for long stretches by myself, and I look forward to being alone again after spending much time in the company of others.

One thing I have found, however, is that when I’m alone and my thoughts become negative, like worrying or feeling discouraged, then connecting with another person almost always improves my mood.
 
I really do enjoy time with other people, especially the co-workers at my winery job, and I get a lot of compliments on my customer service skills. And I really love when my husband and I get time to go places and hang out at home.

But because I have an artistic/creative temperament, there are times when my eclectic taste in what interests me can be clearly baffling, if not tiring, to my friends and family. No one really wants to watch TV shows about cold cases or mysterious disappearances or unusual cake decorating techniques (told you!), or take a drive in the mountains just to take pictures of old buildings or poke through antique shops or roadside stands. Oh, maybe once in a while, but certainly not as often as I like nor for as long. I always try to be considerate of other people with me, so if we’re out and about and I suggest stopping somewhere that interests me, I cut it short because I know whoever is with me isn’t going to be as interested as I am. I also like to be able to set my own pace and schedule. When I go to lunch with my family or friends, I let them take the lead on where to go because they tend to be pickier about places to eat (my in-laws are the worst about this, though I love them dearly!) and they always seem to have something else they need to do and we find ourselves watching the clock.

But make no mistake, as much as I enjoy time with family and friends, I do like to spend time alone and do my own thing without worrying about boring anyone else. I find it amusing that most of my friends and family cannot understand why ANYone would want to spend time alone like that. My mother-in-law once expressed shock and concern when I mentioned a cute little cafe I had discovered and, when she asked who I went with, told her, “No one, I went alone”. She couldn’t imagine going out to eat alone!

That being said, many times when I go out on my “exploratory” treks, I find myself taking my husband back to see what I found so we can share it. He’s the only one who really appreciates my likes and we often find new things to share that way.

As far as being lonely, I have experienced far more loneliness being around certain people than I ever have being alone. I try to avoid people like that and I’m thankful to have developed the ability to be alone rather than cling to people who make me feel lonely.
 
INTP master thread? 😛

I need a significant amount of alone time, which can be difficult for my wife who needs constant company. We find a balance and make it work.

My wife has always been baffled by my ability to relax while doing absolutely nothing. I think that’s why I like fishing: I can stand there for hours doing nothing, and I still feel productive!
 
Lobster_Johnson said:
My wife has always been baffled by my ability to relax while doing absolutely nothing. I think that’s why I like fishing: I can stand there for hours doing nothing, and I still feel productive!
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Ha! My husband and son and I went to Estes Park, CO several years ago and they decided to try fishing for the first time. I thought my husband would have a nervous breakdown! He’s such a “type A” person, always busy doing something, that it was driving him mad to just stand there and wait! He’s more of a “results oriented” person, so fishing without catching isn’t really his thing!

On a related note, last weekend, I was at a farmers and crafts market to sell my books. For four hours, we sat behind the table, and literally did NOTHING except for interact with potential customers and make a few sales. My husband remarked that it was the first time in a long time that he had really relaxed!
 
bluerose said:
It sounds selfish, but I like to be able to choose where to go, what to do, where to eat, what time I eat, etc. without having to consult another person
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I like being alone, and so does my husband, and we often go on little road trips without each other.

He collects typewriters and will often drive to small towns or Chicago suburbs to pick up his latest acquisition, and sometimes I’ll go along and sometimes I don’t.

I love looking at old homes, historical sites, graveyards, old churches, etc. --so often I’ll take off for a small town somewhere in Northern Illinois to pursue my interest…and that’s OK with my husband. Sometimes he comes along, and sometimes he doesn’t.

I’m a little troubled by one of your statements (the one I quoted above). I’m sure I’m taking this the wrong way, but just in case younger people are reading this thread and getting the wrong idea, please allow me to give my opinion (I’m 63, BTW, and married for 41 years.)

My husband and I do NOT go anywhere without consulting each other, describing our route, giving an estimated timetable, and calling each other if there are any changes in our plans. We tell each other if we are going out to the grocery store, or for a walk around the block.

We also let each other know about meals–if one of us will be eating supper on the road, we let the other know so that they’re not home waiting to eat until we get home. Or if we decide to take a side route to a different site, we call each other.

I hope you agree that this is wise in this day and age. You say you like to watch cold case shows on TV–well, I’m sure you, like me, do not want to end up being one of those cases!

Spouses should look out for each other. We need to know routes, plans, destinations–if, God forbid, something happens–and it doesn’t have to be something criminal–it could be something like car trouble and a cell phone that runs out of juice and the nearest farmhouse is two miles down the road and it’s dark and snowing!–the spouse will have a better chance of coming to the rescue if they know a travel itinerary!

And if I’m alone, and I get the feeling that something isn’t quite safe–I call my husband and keep him on the phone until I am out of the troubling zone–and he’s fine with that! Again, it’s just love for each other, not some kind of obligation to consult with him.

Like I said, I’m sure this is what you meant by your statement about “consulting another person.” 🙂

Safety first!
 
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