Who goes to bed first?

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Timidity

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Just a light little poll about marital minutiae:

In your experience, who generally goes to bed first? I’m speaking about significant gaps between the two events… more than, say, 15-20 minutes.

Followed closely by:

Does it matter?

In our house the husband thinks it matters and he would prefer to go to bed at the same time and enjoy some pillow talk and laughter before drifting off to sleep.

The wife doesn’t think that it matters, and she would prefer to go to sleep rather than talking. After all, the purpose of bed is to sleep, and we’ve had all night to talk.

As a result the wife usually sneaks off to bed and is fast asleep before the husband realizes it. :rotfl:
 
Uh-oh, then I guess I have a problem. Lately, my wife has easily been to bed before me but that is because of the several meds her doctors have placed her on. Before that though, we would both go at the same time or me first. SHE would want to pillow talk and long conversations, spending time together, etc. . . likewise, I would be unconscious as soon as my body hits that nice cold bed. As a matter of fact, I’d be soo tired that if she felt it extremely important to have a conversation in bed, I would get very upset with her!!!
 
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Timidity:
In our house the husband thinks it matters and he would prefer to go to bed at the same time and enjoy some pillow talk and laughter before drifting off to sleep.

The wife doesn’t think that it matters, and she would prefer to go to sleep rather than talking. After all, the purpose of bed is to sleep, and we’ve had all night to talk.

As a result the wife usually sneaks off to bed and is fast asleep before the husband realizes it. :rotfl:
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…as a pattern of behavior it doesn’t exactly sound like a great foundation for intimacy…or very considerate of DH’s reasonable desire for time together…since you asked. Between kids, jobs, etc… we’ve all been there with the tank on empty at the end of the day and the only thing we want is sleep. But you have to give a little here. Sometimes when our kids were really little–since they were great sleepers (out almost as soon as their heads hit the pillow) we’d put them down early get into bed ourselves at 8:00. Even if you are tired–an evening of relaxation time–watching a movie, talking, etc. cuddled up together was a real treat.
 
I read an article once in the paper that I found intriguing. That spouses who got to bed at the same time tend to be closer. This is even if the other spouse is not going to sleep at that time necessarily (leaving after the other spouse falls asleep/different internal clocks). I have started doing this. I am a night owl and tend to stay up late and my hubby goes to bed early. I lay down with him when he goes to sleep.
 
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Timidity:
Just a light little poll about marital minutiae:

In your experience, who generally goes to bed first? I’m speaking about significant gaps between the two events… more than, say, 15-20 minutes.

Followed closely by:

Does it matter?

In our house the husband thinks it matters and he would prefer to go to bed at the same time and enjoy some pillow talk and laughter before drifting off to sleep.

The wife doesn’t think that it matters, and she would prefer to go to sleep rather than talking. After all, the purpose of bed is to sleep, and we’ve had all night to talk.

As a result the wife usually sneaks off to bed and is fast asleep before the husband realizes it. :rotfl:
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Is hubby looking to talk or maybe something a little more? It’s not unheard of to go to sleep rather than to say not tonight honey I have a headache.

I think a compromise may be in order here. Maybe on the weekends hubby and wife could spend some quality time in bed chatting and then during the week wife could hit the hay early if she prefers.

In our marriage it’s been different at different times. Right now hubby works afternoons and doesn’t get home until 2 am and I have to get up early most mornings for work so I have to go to bed alone. If I’m not working in the morning I try to stay up and wait for him if I’m not to tired and we chat a bit while he’s eating. He still doesn’t go to bed until after me but he’s usually laying on our bed playing the playstation to unwind so I don’t mind because he’s with me. we used to have the videogames in a spare room and then I would get kind of hurt going to bed alone at night.

Marriage is a compromise of two people that may have very different preferances. It almost always works best to meet in the middle. I doubt forced “pillowtalk” would be very fruitful.
 
I need at least an extra hour of sleep than my husband does. If we plan on getting up at the same time (like for sunday Mass), I go to bed first. Normally, though, we’ll go to bed at the same time, and I’ll sleep in an extra hour after his alarm goes off.
 
I am always in bed before my husband. He is a night owl. He gets his computer out about 10:00 in the evening and starts to do work. He used to get mad at me for going to be bed. He wanted me to stay up with him. But, I need at least 8 hours in order to function properly the next day. I wish I had his stamina. Stess energizes him. It makes me nuts.
 
My hubby goes to bed with me so we can talk and be together, but after I fall asleep, he leaves to do work or play the guitar. I hate to go to bed alone, and bedtime and dinner are the only times we have each others undivided attention.
 
I hit the bed by 9 PM every week night - DH comes in and we chat or whatever til I fall asleep. He is a nightowl (and gets to nap during the day) - while I HAVE to have my 8 hours. I’m the world’s lightest sleeper, he is is a snores like a bear, so, during the week, he actually sleeps in the guest room. Every weekday morning, he comes in to wake me up.

It works for us!
 
In our home dear hubby always goes to bed first. He needs at least 8 hours to function properly the next day, and being in the military, he has to be up early.

I, on the other hand, am a night owl. Due to a sleep disorder, it is not uncommon for me to go to sleep in the wee hours of the morning.

But most nights I will go to bed at the same time he does and just read a book or something.

As for “pillow talk”, forget it! I think hubby is asleep before his head hits the pillow, lol! And he sleeps like a rock. I had a coughing fit the other night (have a bad cold) and he didn’t even flinch.

I can totally relate to you, kage_ar. I am a very light sleeper too. If we had a guest bed, I’m pretty sure one of us would be in it most nights, lol. As it is, some nights I just have to boot him to the sofa… I always feel horribly guilty the next day, but thankfully he doesn’t mind.

Malia
 
In our house, the question would have to be rephrased to “Who falls asleep first?” My husband ends up falling asleep on the couch shortly after our daughter goes to bed at 8:00. So I guess I go to bed first since hubby’s already fast asleep on the couch. 😦
 
I couldn’t answer the poll because it is always different in our house. Mostly, we go to bed at the same time, but sometimes we have periods where I will always be in bed first, or my husband will. There are so many factors; If one of us isn’t feeling well, or we have a little one at the time, or if one of our schedules abruptly changes. I never thought about it as being an important issue in our marriage. Maybe I will start paying more attention. This is something to think about.
 
Hubby and i usually go to bed together around 11, unless on of us cant sleep or one of us is sick, then we go to bed when we feel like it, whether its together or not. we often stay up once we’re in bed to talk or read before going off to sleep. its actually my favorite part of married life, just going to sleep next to the one you love.
 
We usually go to bed at the same time. Sometimes he’s in bed before me, especially if he has to get up really early (he’s in military pilot training and needs his sleep!), but he always acknoledges me when I do slip in.

Now if you asked who gets up first, 100% HIM.
 
Oh, and as far as, does it matter?.. Well, I think it all depends on your situation. If you are both fine and dandy with your own bedtimes and can make up the intimate time, then good for you, whatever works. However, if one spouse is feeling neglected, then the couple needs to have a little talk.
 
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TarAshly:
… it’s actually my favorite part of married life, just going to sleep next to the one you love.
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I like this…
But, I usually go to bed after he does because I’m usually of this Forum either posting or just reading…:yup: :o
 
I am an early bird to my husband the night owl. No matter, I usually fall asleep on his lap as he watches the news (usually to sad for me to watch anyway). He always wakes me up to go to bed when he does, and I am well rested to get up in the morning to get his coffee ready. I would be grumpy if I had to stay up past 10:00 p.m. and he is such a happy camper if he can sleep in a little on weekends. It works for us.:yup:
 
me the husband because I have to work in the morning. I need about 7hours of sleep, I wake up at 7am every moring without an alarm. but in my case in rare cases where Im woke with an alarm , Im dead tired all day, if I wake up naturally Im fine all day. my wife is on disability and goes to bed a little later , but will stay up a few hours knitting if she cant sleep.
 
Wow, this is interesting, I guess I’ve never given it much thought myself, my hubby works shifts so sometimes he isn’t even home at night but when he is we seem to go to bed pretty close to the same time unless one of us really isn’t tired or we are dealing with a child who is up etc.
I know alot of time my husband will come to bed and talk to me until I’m too tired too talk and then if he can’t sleep he’ll get back up and read a book and I know I’ve done that before too but I know that we have some of our best conversations just laying in the dark at night yapping away like two best friends 😃
 
How about…the whole family goes to bed before the 17 year old?? 😃 That’s just cuz I pray the Rosary while everyone else sleeps (plus, I’m weird, I automatically wake up after 6 hours of sleep unless I have done something uncharacteristically tiring the day before. Then I might get 7 hours instead. I don’t actually need that much sleep, and I feel great every day)

Eamon
 
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