Why am I doing this?

[Lizbert]

I have just found out that although my husband and I will have a Convalidation of Marriage ceremony, I will not be receiving the Sacrament of Matrimony. The reason; my husband is not Baptized. We were married over 30 years ago by a Presbyterian minister. When I asked the priest why I needed to go through this ceremony he said, the Catholic Church doesn’t recognize my marriage as valid and that other christian religions don’t view marriage as a Sacrament. So If I am not going to receive the Sacrament of Matrimony then why am I doing this?

 

[SMHW]

Lizbert:

I have just found out that although my husband and I will have a Convalidation of Marriage ceremony, I will not be receiving the Sacrament of Matrimony. The reason; my husband is not Baptized. We were married over 30 years ago by a Presbyterian minister. When I asked the priest why I needed to go through this ceremony he said, the Catholic Church doesn’t recognize my marriage as valid and that other christian religions don’t view marriage as a Sacrament. So If I am not going to receive the Sacrament of Matrimony then why am I doing this?

You would be doing this so your marriage would be considered valid by the Catholic Church, just as the priest said. The validity of your marriage is a separate issue from whether or not it is a sacrament. I assume you are Catholic and so are subject to the Church’s regulations regarding matrimony. These regulations are in effect whether or not you chose to marry a Catholic. (In fact, to marry a non-Catholic you must get the proper dispensation but since this is so common in today’s society most priests don’t make a big deal about the fact that they have made the arrangements for you to get one.)

If at some time after your marriage is convalidated your husband were to be baptized, your marriage would automatically become a sacrament.

 

[On_my_way]

I remember going to a friends wedding. Can I call it that? It was more like the branding of cattle. It was a high school where I live and it was with a non-denom. group. I don’t want to call it a church because it was in a high school court yard. But what they had was just improper in my mind. They had couples standing in line waiting to get married, like cattle waiting to be branded.

Is that the why to be married? I really hate to say this but the way those couples got married is just pathetic. We’ll serves them right because my friend is no longer married and his cousin who got married the same way is no longer married also.

I am not saying that thats how your were married. I was just sharing how other people might view marriages. Catholics call it the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony and other groups call it marriage.

 

[Lizbert]

Ok, let me try this again. What is the difference between the Convalidation Ceremony, without benefit of the Sacrament of Matrimony, we are going to do and the solemn dignified marriage ceremony performed by the Presbyterian Minister over 30 years ago. I will go through with the Convalidtion Ceremony because I want to fully practice my Catholic faith but it would be nice to understand the theological thread that leads me to do what I must do.

 

[mosher]

As you mentioned you are aware of the issue of your husband not being baptized. Remember, the gateway to all other sacraments is baptism. Without baptism sanctifying grace cannot enter the soul and thus other sacraments (which Holy Matrimony is) cannot take effect (be valid).

The rite that you will be participating in will be the Church recognizing your marriage as a natural marriage. As marriage existed before Christ instituted the sacraments there is such a thing as a non-sacramental marriage. This is what the Church will be affirming for you. This is especially important because you are a Catholic. I say this because usually the Church recognizes any marriage between a validly baptized couple (man and woman) as de facto valid unless you are Catholic. The Church imposed since the earliest times what is called “canonical form” on its own which means that unless there is special dispensation from the Bishop himself a Catholic cannot be married validly outside the Church rite of Matrimony. The rite that you will be participating in will be the Church recognizing the union apart from calling it a sacrament in as what I stated earlier is called a “natural marriage.”

I will be more than happy to clarify any point at your request as I think it is important for people to understand the complexities of marriage. And of course (even though this may not be an option) if your husband were to submit to baptism then you could have everything chaged into a Sacramental marriage and he will have received one of the greatest gifts that he could ever receive which is the remission of all his sins and the cleansing of Original Sin from his soul.

 

[Lizbert]

Thank-You!! That is what I was looking for, an explanation as to what I was doing. One last question. This is a Catholic etiquette question. Can or should we give some money personally to the priest who performs the ceremony or should any money we give go to the parish? If we give money to the priest, when should we do it; before the ceremony or after?

 

[Celia]

Lizbert:

Thank-You!! That is what I was looking for, an explanation as to what I was doing. One last question. This is a Catholic etiquette question. Can or should we give some money personally to the priest who performs the ceremony or should any money we give go to the parish? If we give money to the priest, when should we do it; before the ceremony or after?

I don’t think there’s any set rules, but after our convalidation ceremony we gave an envelope to the priest kind of dicreetly, after the ceremony was over. It was a check made out to him. We figured, if he wished the money to be put into the parish, he could cash it and still do it that way, but if he needed it himself he could do it that way too. It worked out o.k. for us. If in doubt though, maybe ask your church secretary.

 

[mosher]

Lizbert:

Thank-You!! That is what I was looking for, an explanation as to what I was doing. One last question. This is a Catholic etiquette question. Can or should we give some money personally to the priest who performs the ceremony or should any money we give go to the parish? If we give money to the priest, when should we do it; before the ceremony or after?

Just as in any ceremony that a priest provieds for a family it is customary but not necessary to give the priest a small stipend for his services. I have heard anything from fifty bucks to eight hundred dollars. I would ask people in your parish what the local norm is for your parish.