Why am I repulsed during Mass

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tom_c_1

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I have a disheartening problem. Over the last several months I have battled depression and a combination of anger and apathy toward God. I recently discontinued spiritual direction after about three years (I was losing interest over the course of six months prior to discontinuing). It has gotten to the point that I altogether avoid serious prayer and even am annoyed by prayer before meals or bedtime prayers with my kids.

Lately, during Mass, I find that even the thought of participating brings almost a sickening feeling. I no longer sing, prayer or try to reflect during appropriate times. I fear what is going on here. I go to Confession regularly but nothing comes out it. Prayer, meditation and even spiritual reading are all avoided. I’ve struggled with lukewarmness before, but this is something different. I fear I am struggling with something much greater.
 
Given the time of day that you posted this, it is unlikely you will get many replies immediately. Just let me assuage some of your sorrow and guilt by saying this: keep going.

Christ made you, gave you life, and put you where you are. Stick through it. Talk to a priest. Schedule a meeting. It doesn’t matter how bad you feel - if you care about your own precious life, your soul, you will see a priest. Tell him all your anger and hatred. Be honest. Don’t hold a single thing back. Let it flow out. They are there to serve, not to be offended. 🙂

I myself struggle with these same problems. Feel free to message me if you wish to talk. Just don’t do or declare anything rash. Thank God for the gift of life, simply. Rest a moment.
 
Classicist said:
Given the time of day that you posted this, it is unlikely you will get many replies immediately. Just let me assuage some of your sorrow and guilt by saying this: keep going.

Christ made you, gave you life, and put you where you are. Stick through it. Talk to a priest. Schedule a meeting. It doesn’t matter how bad you feel - if you care about your own precious life, your soul, you will see a priest. Tell him all your anger and hatred. Be honest. Don’t hold a single thing back. Let it flow out. They are there to serve, not to be offended. 🙂

I myself struggle with these same problems. Feel free to message me if you wish to talk. Just don’t do or declare anything rash. Thank God for the gift of life, simply. Rest a moment.
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I know folks on here advise this ad nauseum, but I’d make an appointment to talk with a priest or simply go to confession if option one seems too much for you to do right now. Tell him honestly what you are saying here. I had a huge problem–not quite the same as you, but certainly about as serious and a little embarrassing and I spoke to my priest today in confession. It’s just amazing the weight that was lifted from me and how it improved my outlook. Don’t give up quite yet, please!
 
The previous replies are really good… I would suggest you need spiritual stimulation…
I myself had years of wondering what on earth why was I at mass…
But went because of family… I now don’t go often but I found I feel better reading the bible and doing research on issues…that how I get my mental and spiritual stimulation…
It’s all about discovering God and your place in the grand scheme of things…
 
I have been reading through Fr. Jose Guadalupe Trevino’s “Rules for the Spiritual Life” and I found something that helped me to better understand a certain time of my life. It seems to be a very useful book.

“Rule VII: We must learn that it is not consolation but adversity that brings us close to God and unites us to Him.”

He goes on to explain four levels of adversity in prayer (or our relationship to God and heaven): Aridity (dryness, lack of consolation), Impotence (Aridity plus diminished ability to even think, much less to pray), and then Desolation, and Abandonment, mentioned below:

“[D]esolation. Over and above the experience of impotence, a person finds in spiritual things nothing but weariness, tediousness, and repugnance.
Last of all there is abandonment. This is the last and greatest trial that the soul can suffer in prayer. Not only does one here find spiritual things repugnant, but he feels himself abandoned by God. He is shaken by temptations against faith, and all spiritual things appear to be a farce. Temptations against hope work to convince him that he is reprobate, already lost. Temptations against love bring horrible blasphemies top his lips. He even appears to hate God.”

In spite of the bleakness, the purpose of these kinds of trials is not to destroy us but to draw us deeper into God.

🤷
 
Secretarymonday you made a great contribution… But what if a person is so weak that they barely have enough strength to breath…this is a concerquence of depression…
The o.p needs a severe dose of councelling and support… Repulsion of mass is just a part of the overal picture…
The book you mention, should be a good support reading, but I think the o.p needs more…
 
Phil_Marinus said:
Secretarymonday you made a great contribution… But what if a person is so weak that they barely have enough strength to breath…this is a concerquence of depression…
The o.p needs a severe dose of councelling and support… Repulsion of mass is just a part of the overal picture…
The book you mention, should be a good support reading, but I think the o.p needs more…
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Definitely. 👍
I didn’t mean to suggest that the OP should spend time reading insteadof getting psychological assistance.
Personally, when I am close to Depression, I have too much trouble reading anyway.
 
SecretaryMonday said:
I have been reading through Fr. Jose Guadalupe Trevino’s “Rules for the Spiritual Life” and I found something that helped me to better understand a certain time of my life. It seems to be a very useful book.

“Rule VII: We must learn that it is not consolation but adversity that brings us close to God and unites us to Him.”

He goes on to explain four levels of adversity in prayer (or our relationship to God and heaven): Aridity (dryness, lack of consolation), Impotence (Aridity plus diminished ability to even think, much less to pray), and then Desolation, and Abandonment, mentioned below:

“[D]esolation. Over and above the experience of impotence, a person finds in spiritual things nothing but weariness, tediousness, and repugnance.
Last of all there is abandonment. This is the last and greatest trial that the soul can suffer in prayer. Not only does one here find spiritual things repugnant, but he feels himself abandoned by God. He is shaken by temptations against faith, and all spiritual things appear to be a farce. Temptations against hope work to convince him that he is reprobate, already lost. Temptations against love bring horrible blasphemies top his lips. He even appears to hate God.”

In spite of the bleakness, the purpose of these kinds of trials is not to destroy us but to draw us deeper into God.

🤷
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What is the solution offered by Fr. Jose Guadalupe? I am not at the point of hating God, but everything else applies. Is this trial sent by God Himself?
 
KrazyKat said:
What is the solution offered by Fr. Jose Guadalupe? I am not at the point of hating God, but everything else applies. Is this trial sent by God Himself?
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Even Mother Teresa experienced this kind of trial:

"There is so much contradiction in my soul.—Such deep longing for God—so deep that it is painful—a suffering continual—and yet not wanted by God—repulsed—empty—no faith—no love—no zeal.—Souls hold no attraction—Heaven means nothing—to me it looks like an empty place—the thought of it means nothing to me and yet this torturing longing for God.—Pray for me please that I keep smiling at Him in spite of everything. For I am only His—so He has ever right over me. I am perfectly happy to be nobody even to God. . . . . "

Read more: blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/2007/08/mother-teresa-my-saint-of-dark.html#ixzz2eyEctMbg
 
KrazyKat said:
Is this trial sent by God Himself?
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I couldn’t tell you that, I’m just an anonymous person on the internet. Sometimes trials with similarities to yours occur naturally in the spiritual life, but a priest that you could meet with personally would be a better guide. Also, as suggested earlier by other posters, a doctor who may be able to help with the depression.

I think it is important that you don’t keep this to yourself, or try to solve it yourself. A trusted counselor, religious or medical, may be beneficial.

I’m sorry for your suffering!
 
I think a piece we are all missing here is that the OP says he was in spiritual direction up to what, 6 months ago. I suggest you get back to your director and discuss this with him or her. They know you better than other people, perhaps even more than your confessor. It might be important to check in with that person.

The other possibility is that you have entered a stage that your director is unsure about, has not experienced or is unclear about in some way. In that case, you might have to discuss this honestly with them and see if they can recommend someone more experienced or more knowledgable about these issues.

Somehow, your current state seems more spiritual than otherwise. But I am no Spiritual Director, so seek knowledgeable assistance. Not to beat a dead horse, but maybe your pastor?
 
the_phoenix said:
Even Mother Teresa experienced this kind of trial:

"There is so much contradiction in my soul.—Such deep longing for God—so deep that it is painful—a suffering continual—and yet not wanted by God—repulsed—empty—no faith—no love—no zeal.—Souls hold no attraction—Heaven means nothing—to me it looks like an empty place—the thought of it means nothing to me and yet this torturing longing for God.—Pray for me please that I keep smiling at Him in spite of everything. For I am only His—so He has ever right over me. I am perfectly happy to be nobody even to God. . . . . "

Read more: blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/2007/08/mother-teresa-my-saint-of-dark.html#ixzz2eyEctMbg
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This helps a lot. Thank you. !
 
Thank you for everyone’s suggestions. I have been leaning towards concluding this is more of a depression issue than a spiritual issue, but this revulsion toward prayer and Mass suggests some spiritual component as well. I have been under a great deal of stress at work lately. I have reached out to my original spiritual director who suggested a retreat and a book called Unbound by Neal Lozano. I started it but that is when these feelings really kicked in.
 
Dearest TomC,

Sometimes when things like this happen, it is because something very heartbreaking has happened in your life like a loss of a loved one; or, it may be just that God hasn’t answered your prayers before, even after asking and asking Him. Perhaps you feel abandoned by God and don’t feel like He cares about you at all. I know you are desperate to find answers to feeling like this, thinking these kind of thoughts. I have felt them at times in my life too. I think everyone has.

Please know that by taking the action of posting your problem here on this forum is a great step toward fulfillment of your need to be close to God again. It sounds like you are a wonderful person who is just simply misguided at this time. That’s alright. Remember that you have many many friends on this forum who are praying for your resolution to your problem.

I know that you may not want to hear this right now, at this very moment, but God is with you no matter what you think, do, or say. He never leaves you, even when you may want to leave Him. Do you know the “Footprints in the Sands” poem. When I start feeling down, or think “why have you left me, Lord?”, I recite that poem to myself. It says that when I thought He left me and there was only one set of footprints in the sand, it was because He carried me.

Take time. Talk with a priest. Talk with a trusted Christian friend. You are not alone. You are never alone. God is with you.

And MY prayers are with you, even if you cannot pray for yourself, my friend.

May God Bless you and Keep you in His loving arms from now until eternity.

Bless you!
 
I suggest we all pray for Tom_C in his trial just now. An Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be and the prayer to St. Michael the Archangel.

Tom, I hope your suffering is eased. Please try to stay as connected as you can - to us here, and to supportive people in your parish.

I loved that great redemptive Gospel this last Sunday - the prodigal son is a favorite and worth reading and rereading and meditating on. God’s Love and Mercy are greater than anything. Those of us prone to depression need to remember that more than most!

:grouphug:
 
tom_c said:
I have a disheartening problem. Over the last several months I have battled depression and a combination of anger and apathy toward God. I recently discontinued spiritual direction after about three years (I was losing interest over the course of six months prior to discontinuing). It has gotten to the point that I altogether avoid serious prayer and even am annoyed by prayer before meals or bedtime prayers with my kids.

Lately, during Mass, I find that even the thought of participating brings almost a sickening feeling. I no longer sing, prayer or try to reflect during appropriate times. I fear what is going on here. I go to Confession regularly but nothing comes out it. Prayer, meditation and even spiritual reading are all avoided. I’ve struggled with lukewarmness before, but this is something different. I fear I am struggling with something much greater.
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I don’t know your age, but men do go thru their middleage crisis, and women in similar fashion have their problem. Teenagers as well go thru some very fast changes, psychologially and physically, and Seniors too have their set.

Part of it could be that you are depressed with work or maybe other problems at home.

I would suggest to get out and hit the links or whatever you enjoy to unwind. Just for a period try to relax. A sound mind in a sound body. Work, prayer, and play…a balance.

We can do a lot for ourselves, for if we don’t love ourselves we can’t very well love our neighbor. Try to see the humorous side when possible. They say in articles all the time how laughter is one of the best medicines we have.

A professor once told us, “If you can laugh at yourself then you’re ok”.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.
 
avoiding prayer and nausea at the thought of holy communion could be a sign of demonic opression get deliverance
 
The only thing I can say to you is that you must keep going. Fight the good fight and battle on. I remember talking with my priest about how I no longer felt the same fervor or zeal in my spiritual life and that I no longer wanted to pray or attend Mass whilst before I would have been most enthusiastic in performing my religious duties. He said that it was a true trial of my faith, when we do something out of love and respect not just because we want to do it then it is all the more valuable, God is testing you my dear friend. Don’t fail Him.
 
ClaritateDextra said:
The only thing I can say to you is that you must keep going. Fight the good fight and battle on. I remember talking with my priest about how I no longer felt the same fervor or zeal in my spiritual life and that I no longer wanted to pray or attend Mass whilst before I would have been most enthusiastic in performing my religious duties. He said that it was a true trial of my faith, when we do something out of love and respect not just because we want to do it then it is all the more valuable, God is testing you my dear friend. Don’t fail Him.
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👍
 
To the OP, I know exactly how you feel because I’ve gone through the exact same thing. I don’t know how to fix it, because I haven’t found a solution for myself yet. Perhaps this is just a stage people go through, and we’ll both grow out of it.
 
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