Why Am I So Angry?!

[TJWeger]

Hello all,

I have been angry for a good while now about family members who keep falling away from the Catholic Church one by one, drip drip and drip. It so saddens me. My sister, a handful of in-law siblings, a number of nieces and nephews…and these are the ones I know about. Catholics who have left for a variety of reasons. One of the latest, was my brother-in-law, a good man and his Catholic convert wife, who joined a Lutheran church in an effort to save their marriage due to his wife’s “buyers remorse” on the Catholic faith. He is not practicing both. He has left and embraced Lutheranism. And brought their children into it.

I become very frustrated and angry because I fear I have not done enough to help so many sinking little ships. I do pray for them. I try to be a good Catholic as an example (not bragging). However, other than my sister, I have been silent speaking to them about the matter, particularly when it comes to the in-laws.

It is my understanding that feeling anger is not the sin. But I do act on my anger, venting with my wife who tries to understand and calm me. I have three children. I worry about all of them remaining Catholic in life.

Finally my question. Why am I so angry? Is it merely frustration? Lack of hope for their well-being? What do I do to combat this? Is is sinful for me to retain this anger which I would think is righteous anger?

Thank you and God bless you.

 

[Mayita30]

Hello all,

I become very frustrated and angry because I fear I have not done enough to help so many sinking little ships. .

Maybe the problem is here in this way of thinking. You think of them as sinking ships and maybe they are really sinking because they have been through so much in life. It is easy to say Yes to God when everything in Life seems great but when you are really down, will you still say Yes to God and follow him?.. I think the answer to this question varies for every person since all of us have different spiritual paths. We do not know what problems your family members have encountered for them to leave Catholicism but if you do become angry and try to convince them to come back, this may just lead them further away. I suggest to just be there for them and to help them in every way you can and not to share your ideas on religion for now and also the best solution is to pray for them.

 

[OhioM]

I’m so sorry and I can relate, although I’m still in the “extremely frustrated” phase, maybe not anger. I also have issues with the lukewarm Catholics, or lukewarm protestant Christians on both sides of the family. I will take someone on fire in their evangelical church over a lukewarm Catholic any day - who is striving to know God more? God can meet them there at least and work on the rest. So many people are barking up the wrong tree in life and I just want to shake them!

I have family members who claim to be Christian, but don’t go to church on Sunday except every so often. Jesus is not the focus of their lives day to day. The slightest excuse is all they need to not participate in the life of the church.

I get frustrated, then get annoyed with myself for the pride of thinking I’m so much more holy or something (which I know I’m not, necessarily), then I worry that maybe I’m just obsessed with religion, but then I realize that I love Jesus and need him so much and wonder how anyone can bounce around through life so aimlessly and I get sad for all of them.

The only answers I have is to pray for these people, pray for more patience, pray for their conversions, pray for a renewal in the local parishes so that people are drawn back in.

 

[Mayita30]

Hello all,

Finally my question. Why am I so angry? Is it merely frustration? Lack of hope for their well-being? What do I do to combat this? Is is sinful for me to retain this anger which I would think is righteous anger?

Thank you and God bless you.

It is frustration and probably hurt because it is something that you cannot solve and I am sure you care deeply for your family members. However, It is one’s personal decision or spiritual journey to remain being a Catholic. I believe all you can do is continue to be there for them and pray to the Holy spirit to help them in their spiritual journey

 

[TJWeger]

“I get frustrated, then get annoyed with myself for the pride of thinking I’m so much more holy or something”

Thank you so much for your response and advice.

What you said above is something I question myself…do i think I am better? Good to think about that and keep myself in check. But I know I am not perfect. Yet, I am so very grateful God has opened my eyes to the many blessings he has given to me. I want them to have that. I want them to answer the many telephone calls God is likely making to them.

 

[TJWeger]

It is frustration and probably hurt because it is something that you cannot solve and I am sure you care deeply for your family members. However, It is one’s personal decision or spiritual journey to remain being a Catholic. I believe all you can do is continue to be there for them and pray to the Holy spirit to help them in their spiritual journey

Thank you for your words of wisdom.

I know I am not in control of their lives or shouldn’t be. But I am in control of what I do. And I think maybe my anger is using up energy I could use to pray more for them! Maybe I should use my anger to be a better example and improve my own faith. Maybe anger is a sign this is a spiritual battle we are all facing. Soldiers do stuff and get things done and limit the venting/moping with their spouses!

 

[EasterJoy]

Thank you for your words of wisdom.

I know I am not in control of their lives or shouldn’t be. But I am in control of what I do. And I think maybe my anger is using up energy I could use to pray more for them! Maybe I should use my anger to be a better example and improve my own faith. Maybe anger is a sign this is a spiritual battle we are all facing. Soldiers do stuff and get things done and limit the venting/moping with their spouses!

Also, work on trusting that God thirsts for them more than you do.

When you pray, then, don’t forget to commiserate:
“Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how many times I yearned to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, but you were unwilling!”** Lk 13:34**

Our Lord wasn’t talking about anyone who wasn’t religious or didn’t care about religion. He was referring to people who thought they were doing the right thing, but weren’t.

Remember that, like Him, you are angry because you care. Then think twice about how you express that anger, though, and who bears the brunt of how you express it. More to my point, join your emotions to His caring, join your sacrifices to His sacrifice. This isn’t about you; it is far too big for you.

As Mother Teresa of Calcutta purportedly said: “God did not call me to be successful. God called me to be faithful.” If you are content to be faithful even when you are not successful and to repent and accept absolution when you fail, you will have a lot more peace.

Then don’t despair. The Catechism tells us that we are not to despair of those who die at their own hands in a suicide, because God can provide means of salvation we are not privy to. If we cannot know the fate of someone who seemed to have literally murdered themselves, whose fate can we know? Only those saints God has been pleased to attest to by miracles. Has God ever attested to a damnation? No. Therefore, we ought to take this as a sign that we are always to hope, always pray, without presumption but also without despair.

 

[jaimeleglise]

Continue praying for them and being a good example. Your sense of happiness and peace from being a Catholic may plant a seed and lead them back home to The Faith.
Forgive yourself of your anger and leave the results of your prayers to God. God is gently calling them back.

 

[jaimeleglise]

Also, read MDG Spencer’s post and article link from today regarding a woman’s love for the
Mass. The meditation about the unopened gifts may be something you may want to send in a card to those you are concerned about.

 

[1Lord1Faith]

“I get frustrated, then get annoyed with myself for the pride of thinking I’m so much more holy or something”

Thank you so much for your response and advice.

What you said above is something I question myself…do i think I am better? Good to think about that and keep myself in check. But I know I am not perfect. Yet, I am so very grateful God has opened my eyes to the many blessings he has given to me. I want them to have that. I want them to answer the many telephone calls God is likely making to them.

For me, it’s usually pride and a lack of trust in God that makes me feel frustrated when I see people who I think are not doing it right. But I used to be one of those people so it’s not very difficult for me to get over it. I think God lets people stray from Him just so His glory can be validated to everyone who already believes when the stray comes back. The older brother in the prodigal son parable did not understand this. I think we have to trust God with the ones who, seemingly, do not turn towards God.

I believe that someone can have a good relationship with God outside of the Catholic Church. I also believe the Church has the best to offer for fostering a relationship with God. In my experience, there are some really terrible ways to try to bring a fallen away Catholic back to the Church. One of them is telling them that you’ll pray for them, the implication being that they are doing something wrong, which will only ever come of as being condescending or holier than thou or “you don’t know me”.

Anyway, the best thing to do is get to the root of whatever problem your furrowing your brow over. If it’s the fact that your niece is marrying outside of the Church, then you could simply state that the Church offers pre Cana marriage prep to ensure that the couple is prepared for marriage, then ask if she’s read any books or taken any steps to ensure that she’s prepared for marriage. If it’s the fact that she’s marrying a Jewish guy, then get to the root of whatever you might see as a problem there, like if you have kids have you talked about what faith you might raise them in…then they will say, we won’t raise them in a faith, then you say, yes everyone says that, then things change- hence the marriage prep I mentioned before.

I think you can address root problems without even mentioning the Church in a proselytizing way, or sounding condescending about the way you think their faith journey is going for them.

 

[psalm90]

I don’t know the roots of anger, although I find that I’m angry at times, “like anybody else.”

you are describing a complicated set of circumstances which results in you being angry. I, too, probably hundreds of miles from you, “feel” about these people leaving the church.

I don’t know if it’s possible for you to question them on their reasons for leaving the church – sometime when you’ve calmed down – to see if there is some misconception that you can help clear up for them.

[by the way, nothing can make you angry unless you allow it to make you angry; try side-stepping that emotion when you feel it coming up – you have to find something that drains away that emotion]

In general, some people may be put off “by all the rules” of the Church, so it may be good to educate yourself on this point.

For example, going to Mass on Sat/Sun. “The third commandment” as Catholics count them – observe the Sabbath. Not many people question the interpretation of this commandment, as it basically did not require Jews to go the Temple every Saturday, for sure. And, synagogues were not around when this commandment was established.

So, no one can say this modern Church law is based directly on that commandment, when you really get technical and historical about things. The Sabbath was a day of rest in the home and in fact in modern orthodox Jewish families, they are not allowed to go father than a certain distance from their home on the Sabbath.

So, the modern Church obligation seems to have emerged historically as a tradition documented in Acts of the early Christians gathering on Sunday evenings.

Far, far beyond any obligation for attendance, the fact is, Jesus wants to give Himself to us in the Eucharist, to be intimately “in communion” with us. Our Christian goal in life is “divinization” - taking on as much as we can in our human nature, being united with the Divine, as St. Peter says.

People need to grow in their faith all of their lives, and some people are right – their obsession with rules doesn’t cut it – that’s right, because a relationship with Christ is about love, not rules. The rules point to the underlying mystery that is really being conveyed in the rules.

Deuteronomy 6:6 says that “[the] commandments … are to be upon your hearts.”
They are to be UPON our hearts so that, God willing, they will be written IN our hearts, by love. “Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.” You have to do the commandments to be benefit from them.

In Jewish morality, Jews are often urged to pray before they obey a command, so that they will be blessed by God for doing His will. And, remember, Jesus told His disciples, he who hears you hears Me. Listen for Jesus’s voice in the Church.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I become very frustrated and angry because I fear I have not done enough to help so many sinking little ships…

Well, the first though is perhaps you expect to much of yourself. You seem to think it is your job to make sure they stay in the faith. And it is NOT your job. Hand them over to God

As well, pray to the Holy Spirit as to why you are so angry. He will provide better answers than the internet

 

[TJWeger]

As well, pray to the Holy Spirit as to why you are so angry. He will provide better answers than the internet

Good thoughts. Thank you.

 

[TJWeger]

A

More to my point, join your emotions to His caring, join your sacrifices to His sacrifice.

Wow…so much wisdom. Thank you. I especially like the your quote above. That is something I have not done!

 

[TJWeger]

Continue praying for them and being a good example. Your sense of happiness and peace from being a Catholic may plant a seed and lead them back home to The Faith.
Forgive yourself of your anger and leave the results of your prayers to God. God is gently calling them back.

You bet…I am trying to be a good example but in humility. Hoping they see what I do without me knowing! And then the Holy Spirit working on them.

 

[TJWeger]

I think God lets people stray from Him just so His glory can be validated to everyone who already believes when the stray comes back.

I had not thought of it that way. So far, none of the family members have returned. But they are all young (under 50) and, hopefully, God will give them time to answer his loving phone calls.

I believe that someone can have a good relationship with God outside of the Catholic Church.

I think that too for Christians and those who believe God who have always been outside the Catholic Church. However, what makes me pause is the Catholic who rejects the Church and not out of ignorance of what the Church offers us. My brother-in-law left for the Lutheran Church to appease his wife and, hopefully, mend their marriage as they wanted a better social outlet. This drives me nuts as that’s not the essential purpose of the Catholic Church. I know I could have made a similar decision in my life except for the grace of God, but it is so frustrating seeing how satan finds his way into the cracks, you know?

In my experience, there are some really terrible ways to try to bring a fallen away Catholic back to the Church. One of them is telling them that you’ll pray for them, the implication being that they are doing something wrong, which will only ever come of as being condescending or holier than thou or “you don’t know me”.

Oh, man…I hope I haven’t or never do that. I suppose the only time I might say something like that is if they tell me they are confused about where they should go with their faith life or, of course, they are shaky in their Catholicism.

I think you can address root problems without even mentioning the Church in a proselytizing way, or sounding condescending about the way you think their faith journey is going for them.

Good points. I have to remember that because in my frustration I want so hard to persuade them of their misstep. My wife tells me she is thinking God is allowing them to have a detour. We’ll see if they grow in faith. But if a Catholic becomes a good Lutheran, how can they go to Heaven? Unless they never thereafter commit a moral sin. He omits from his life the gifts of Holy Communion and Confession. I guess we have to wait and see in the afterlife how the Lord handles that one.

 

[TJWeger]

In general, some people may be put off “by all the rules” of the Church, so it may be good to educate yourself on this point.

Very interesting. Thank you. It seems this is the number one reason I hear or read about when it comes to Catholics leaving the faith! I always try to tell them the good Lord give us these safety rails, signs, traffic lights, etc. to prevent us from hurting ourselves as we drive our way through life.

 

[rinnie]

Hello all,

I have been angry for a good while now about family members who keep falling away from the Catholic Church one by one, drip drip and drip. It so saddens me. My sister, a handful of in-law siblings, a number of nieces and nephews…and these are the ones I know about. Catholics who have left for a variety of reasons. One of the latest, was my brother-in-law, a good man and his Catholic convert wife, who joined a Lutheran church in an effort to save their marriage due to his wife’s “buyers remorse” on the Catholic faith. He is not practicing both. He has left and embraced Lutheranism. And brought their children into it.

I become very frustrated and angry because I fear I have not done enough to help so many sinking little ships. I do pray for them. I try to be a good Catholic as an example (not bragging). However, other than my sister, I have been silent speaking to them about the matter, particularly when it comes to the in-laws.

It is my understanding that feeling anger is not the sin. But I do act on my anger, venting with my wife who tries to understand and calm me. I have three children. I worry about all of them remaining Catholic in life.

Finally my question. Why am I so angry? Is it merely frustration? Lack of hope for their well-being? What do I do to combat this? Is is sinful for me to retain this anger which I would think is righteous anger?

Thank you and God bless you.

I understand your anger and pain, but if you dwell on it, it will only get worse. I also have some of these problems. I learned to pray for them, and trust God to bring them back to the fullness of the truth.