Why are Catholic men missing in prolife ministry?

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As we look out at the world of men (males) who struggle with paternity, we often wonder why or what is happening in society. We should wonder is why not? Why are we surprised, when there is such a shortage of good Catholic men to guide their brothers? Therefore, why should some men not be lost in the culture of death and at a complete loss as they face the daunting task of parenting?

This is not to say that those who have walked themselves into situations where they face unexpected fatherhood bare no responsibility for their actions and for their choices before or after. It is easy to point the finger and wag our tongues at so many men who do not step up to the plate and become good Christian fathers who embody the very presence of the Fatherhood of God. Yet, other men, who claim to have found the loving Fatherhood of God and claim to live in the Spirit of the Father, do not reach out and share the Gospel with their brothers.

It is very easy to condemn a culture of death and to sentence those facing life-threatening choices such as abortion and contraception from the comfort of our homes. Such a person is like the judge who sits in judgment on his bench and condemns the guilty man for his delinquencies; but when his day in court is over, he retires to his quiet and serene suburban home. On the way home, he deliberately bypasses the riotous and noisy neighborhoods where the delinquents that eventually will find their way into his courtroom are being bread and formed. Such a judge may feel that he is doing something for society by passing judgment. The truth of the matter is that while he has time that is not on the bench, he does nothing for the community that passes through his courts on a daily basis. In other words, he does nothing to put himself out of a job.

The same is true about Catholic men who sit in judgment of their brothers who are considering abortion or even worse, who have participated in an abortion by providing the dastardly service, taking the life of an unborn child or pushing the mothers of the children whom they conceived to submit to such a horrid crime. We go to pregnancy centers, prolife workshops, provide education to men who are struggling with the challenges of poverty, addictions, violence, displacement and a lack of sexual integrity. It is a challenge to bring these men into the centers, the churches, and the community of believers. Evangelization and service to them can seem an insurmountable task, because there are not enough workers in the vineyard. In other words, there is a critical shortage of Catholic men who serve their brothers and evangelize them.

The prolife movement has become feminized, as if abortion, euthanasia, the destruction of human embryos, the unscrupulous use of the death penalty and the killing of infants who were not killed by abortifacients were a women’s issue. Middle-age women and teens are at the forefront of the prolife movement, especially among Catholics. Catholic men attend workshops and lectures and then go home. However, one third of the people affected by crimes against human life, ultimately against God, are men. Another third are women and the last third are the unborn children.

We need to challenge men to step up to the plate and be good fathers. We need to evangelize young men instead of handing them condoms. It is our duty to bring all men back to Jesus. However, we need men to evangelize their brothers. These can be married men or single. They can be secular or consecrated religious. Teams of consecrated celibate men and married men are the ideal missionary team. Together, we can present the big picture of what men can be.

If you’re male and are reading this, ask yourself if God is calling you to serve your brothers in the prolife ministry by walking the journey with them. Don’t worry about not having anything to contribute or not knowing what to do. Those of us who are in the ministry will walk with you and together we can walk with our brothers. Just bring the gift of your masculinity before the Lord and put it at the service of your brothers.

Why are Catholic men missing in prolife work?

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
Sorry if its a somewhat short answer to your great post.

But I think it has something to do with the secular influence on the issue. Whenever a man gets involved in abortion issues it always comes down to “Well you are a man what would you know!”. Personally, in the talks that evolved into debates I have had with people, both men and women on the pro-death side get extremely offended simply because I am a man and it is supremely arrogant for me to “tell a woman what to do with her body”.

I suppose one could say the same thing for an issue like masturbation and pornography - it seems it’s more of a man’s “problem”.

But I think you’ve made a great point, there is no male and female evil. Evil is evil and should be stopped. But its difficult when the enemy makes certain claims and usually they get the upper hand in this culture.
 
Where I live, I don’t see men missing at all. I reject your premise entirely.
 
I think men are missing from pro-life ministries in about the same proportions that they are missing from the Church as a whole!

I think it is a variety of factors.
  1. Men in general are having an identity crisis. While society has quite rightly objected to the past probems of domination and abuse associated with patriarchal leadership, the current solution seems to suggest that the difference between men and women is nothing deeper than physical ‘plumbing.’ Men sense this isn’t correct, but are attacked by screeching hordes if they say it out loud, so they sit down and shut up. They sense that they are supposed to lead, but haven’t had any positive (name removed by moderator)ut about how to DO it without appearing to be dominators. So they don’t (and that’s a problem that I don’t mean to imply is caused by women. Men simply haven’t been tough enough to take their lumps and stay involved).
  2. Work/career has become an idol in our culture that consumes the entire life. I’m considered a borderline slacker at the office because I refuse to do more than 40 billable hours a week, but that doesn’t count 45 minutes of lunch and 2 hours of commuting each day (can’t afford housing closer), plus more than a few non-billable CAF sanity breaks! That’s 11+ hours away from home every day, and many to most put in MORE. Add in those actual crisis times that require working late into the night and it simply isn’t feasible to attend any sort of weeknight gathering for most. And since this schedule means that we see our kids for about 1.5 hours/day before bed on weeknights, we ain’t too eager to sign up for weekend activities away from the family either.
  3. Sports has become the OTHER idol for most men. It’s the one place men are still applauded for being agressive and goal focused and are not castigated for simply wanting to engage in men-only endeavor. Unlike work, I think this one should be drastically cut down in priority in most men’s live (and have done so myself).
 
jmj603 said:
Where I live, I don’t see men missing at all. I reject your premise entirely.
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You’re very fortunate where you live. This is not the case around the country. The scene around the country is pregnancy centers being managed by women. Workshops, parenting courses, retreats for post-abortive parents, counseling for parents in crisis pregnancies, baby supply rooms, hospice care and counseling, all being managed by women. On average, most of these programs have 10 women to every one male.

Most dioceses around the country do not have programs for expectant men, post abortive men, men who are struggling with end-of-life issues. In most dioceses that have pro-life ministries they report that they cannot bring men in for their services, because the men don’t come. In the diocese where the men come to parenting classes, workshops and post-abortive retreats, it’s because these are being led by other men. But there are only a handful of them around the nation, probably less than 20 in a nation that has several hundred dioceses.

Married men join organizations such as Knights of Columbus. Single men join religious communities such as the Dominicans or enter the diocesan seminaries. Very few married men join the pro-life ministry in their diocese. Those who do are usually responsible for fund-raising, not direct service to other men. The men who enter religious life or the diocesan priesthood end up in parishes. The number of male religious and diocesan priests who are full-time pro-life ministers are less than 100 in the United States. There is an absence of men , religious and secular, active in direct service to other men who are afflicted by the culture of death.

If you have men in direct service to other men, in your area, count your blessings. That is very rare.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
NewsTheMan said:
Sorry if its a somewhat short answer to your great post.

But I think it has something to do with the secular influence on the issue. Whenever a man gets involved in abortion issues it always comes down to “Well you are a man what would you know!”. Personally, in the talks that evolved into debates I have had with people, both men and women on the pro-death side get extremely offended simply because I am a man and it is supremely arrogant for me to “tell a woman what to do with her body”.

I suppose one could say the same thing for an issue like masturbation and pornography - it seems it’s more of a man’s “problem”.

But I think you’ve made a great point, there is no male and female evil. Evil is evil and should be stopped. But its difficult when the enemy makes certain claims and usually they get the upper hand in this culture.
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That’s the whole argument about not telling other people what to do. The argument “We shouldn’t be telling other people what to do,” doesn’t really hold water. Someone is always telling us what to do and we’re always telling others what to do. It happens within the family. Governments and their citizens are constantly sending each other messages on what to do and what not to do. Friends do it all the time and so do spouses.

Walk down the street and you’ll see disembodied messages: “Keep off the Grass”, “Stay Right”, “Do Not Enter”, or “No Loitering”. If you take away America’s signs, most Americans wouldn’t know what to do. We’re used to be told what to do and which way to go. Aren’t our souls, minds and bodies involved?

I know hundreds of men who are going to be fathers or who have gone through an abortion and are asking, “What do I do?” There are not enough Catholic men out there to answer them. We need consecrated and married brothers out there to answer them.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
In the crucible of identity politics, it’s very difficult for men to get involved.
 
JReducation said:
Most dioceses around the country do not have programs for expectant men, post abortive men, men who are struggling with end-of-life issues. In most dioceses that have pro-life ministries they report that they cannot bring men in for their services, because the men don’t come. In the diocese where the men come to parenting classes, workshops and post-abortive retreats, it’s because these are being led by other men. But there are only a handful of them around the nation, probably less than 20 in a nation that has several hundred dioceses.
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I read all the posts, and kept coming back to the above quote. You’ve hit the perverbial nail on the head.

It’s a sad commentary, isn’t it? 😦
 
asia53 said:
I read all the posts, and kept coming back to the above quote. You’ve hit the perverbial nail on the head.

It’s a sad commentary, isn’t it? 😦
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This is the ministry that I have done since I retired. When I began to setup the first men’s programs in our diocese I looked around for other diocesan models. I had to do a lot of calling and writing before I found a handful of dioceses that had something for men. The reason was always the same. “We can’t get Catholic men to run these ministries and the men who need to be served will come once or twice and when they see women leading, they leave.”

The idea is that Catholic men, religious and lay, serve men who struggle with the question of abortion, euthanasia or who are post abortive or post euthanasia. The Catholic laymen involved in pro-life ministry are involved in fund-raising and praying in front of abortuaries. It is the laywomen who do the hands-on ministry. A few men are involved in administrative work.

What is needed is men who will run:
  • classes for expectant fathers
  • workshops for other men
  • education programs for other Catholic men
  • Gospel of Life Retreats for men
  • healing retreats for post-abortive and post-euthanasia men
  • chastity programs for the younger men and teens
  • peer support groups for new fathers who are in distress
  • and men who go on fishing expeditions to find these men in need
These men are lacking. I know this, because I’ve been trying to do this for over two-years and have had three men step-up and volunteer, in a diocese that is very pro-life, with two very pro-life bishops (Thank God), and one million Catholics. I’m sure that these are not bad Catholics. I wonder if they are gun-shy.

The Knights of Columbus have a wonderful site on fatherhood. But the information is not disseminated. The men who need the message are usually unaware that this information is on the internet or do not havae access to the internet. Of the men that I serve, one or two have the financial resources to have internet. Most are very poor. The men who come to pregnancy centers and other diocesan pro-life ministries come for material assistance. But we run the risk of becoming social workers, as Mother Teresa once said. The Gospel of Life is not a social service program. The material needs should be addressed along with the spiritual needs. There are many organizations that provide material assistance. That is only part of the ministry. Evangelization means walking with the person whom you’re feeding.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
I would like to say that I agree with this post. Every time I pick up a Catholic magazing, I see an article about the evil of abortion. Since only women can have abortions, it seems like a “woman’s sin.” In other words, it is just like centuries ago when women were considered to be some kind of inferior people who tempted men to sin.

It takes two to tango!
 
Listener said:
I would like to say that I agree with this post. Every time I pick up a Catholic magazing, I see an article about the evil of abortion. Since only women can have abortions, it seems like a “woman’s sin.” In other words, it is just like centuries ago when women were considered to be some kind of inferior people who tempted men to sin.

It takes two to tango!
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Abortion, euthanasia, embyonic stem cell destruction, infanticide, the disproportionate application of the death penalty and every other assault on the dignity of man offends God and scars men and women.

As you rightly say, “It takes two to tango.” It also takes both genders to correct a wrong and to proclaim the Gospel of Life.

So, does this mean that some of the guys reading this are going to call their local diocese and volunteer to do some hands-on ministry in pro-life? 😃

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
NewsTheMan said:
I think it has something to do with the secular influence on the issue. Whenever a man gets involved in abortion issues it always comes down to “Well you are a man what would you know!”. Personally, in the talks that evolved into debates I have had with people, both men and women on the pro-death side get extremely offended simply because I am a man and it is supremely arrogant for me to “tell a woman what to do with her body”.
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Yes only the irony never occurs to them that, although the majority of pro-abortion agitators are men, and every opinion poll ever taken has shown that men are on average more pro-abortion than women (why wouldn’t they be? since abortion allows men to copulate with whomever they want whenever they want, with no material consequences for them, only for the women and children), but no pro-abortion male ever gets told to butt out of the abortion debate because of his sex.

A man needs to be very self-confident, eloquent and assertive to b e able to be a pro-life activist in the face of this criticism from the tiny minority of unrepresentative pro-abortion woemn who will relenhtlessly trash-talk him as a misogynist, “anti-women’s rights”, etc. etc. If he tries to talk back to them in similarly aggressive terms he appears a bully and they make enormous capital out of this.
 
I think I have done a lot to help the pro-life cause. I attempted to start a pro-life group on a college campus. I have prayed outside of clinics. I regularly attend the March for Life. Pro Life causes and issues are very important to me.

Other men may not be doing their part but I am doing my part.

One problem is that abortion DOES mainly effect women. Even if the boyfriend pushes for it, the woman can still say no. There is nothing stopping the woman from telling her boyfriend to pound sand. Women get abortions because THEY want the abortion in that time and moment.

It is hard for me as a guy to make a woman want to carry her baby to term. Unless she gives up the idea that her body belongs to her, there is only so much that a guy can do. Only women seem to be able to have influence over other women in this regard. Abortion was created by feminists and the only way to reserve it is through feminism.

I will continue to work hard to stop abortions. The life of the child is too valuable and important to allow such an evil to occur.
 
We don’t just need men to stand outside of abortuaries to pray or go to marches. We also need men to work directly with other men: expectant fathers, new fathers, post-abortive fathers.

Then there are men who are struggling with other life issues, especially euthanasia. Some are post-euthanasia and others are confused and have a loved one who is sick or elderly.

These men need other men to walk beside them. We cannot narrow the pro-life issue to fighting abortion. We must widen the scope to include service to those men who are affected by the culture of death. These men are best served by other men.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
JReducation said:
These men need other men to walk beside them. We cannot narrow the pro-life issue to fighting abortion. We must widen the scope to include service to those men who are affected by the culture of death. These men are best served by other men.
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Understood. However, perhaps what would inspire, motivate, or simply instill curiosity is to widen the circle of such men beyond Catholic men, and to involve women in a different way. I’ll explain.

Not to be conniving about it, but every man I’ve met has been motivated by goals, and the more personal, the more sustaining. In our current culture men have little to wait for. It’s not uncommon for even Catholic couples to be engaging in premarital sex. About 20 years ago on a newsmagazine (might have been “60 Minutes”) there was a segment about the chastity movement among women. This was not a religious effort per se – by affiliation or by suggestion. I don’t even recall religion being mentioned. These were modern young women who were getting tired of giving away their bodies as a price for ongoing relationships with men, or even very temporary relationships with me. What we have right now in this country is essentially informal prostitution, with intangibles (important social intangibles) substituted for cash payments. And keep in mind that in this country, the vast majority of abortions occur from extramarital pregnancies.

For many men who are not practicing Catholics, the idea of a conceptus being a person they are both responsible for and feel committed to is often an abstraction, if that is the product of unmarried love. Marriage changes that for most men. Because they now relate differently to that woman, because they’re “signed on” – invested – they do perceive pregnancy as a live relationship and something that is theirs, not just “hers.” I think that is an easier way, as ‘reverse’ as it sounds, for them to become involved. I notice, for example, that when married men talk about this issue, it is in a very different (convinced) tone than when young men just ‘in the pro-life movement’ talk about it. I think the way to reach men is through the concrete, not the abstract – married men to single men.

Thus bringing us back around to chastity and marriage. If more than half of the single, available women in this country were to begin refusing sex with casual strangers and dates, postponing sex until marriage and refusing to separate sex from marriage (which is a Life principle), my belief is that would do far more to elevate the consciousness of both Catholic and nonCatholic men, then any pro-life support group. Because when women do things in significant numbers, it affects men and they talk about it. Whether they like or don’t like what the women are doing, they notice and they start wondering why it’s happening – at least when it affects themselves. Having women praying rosaries at abortion clinics doesn’t cut it for men. They can blow that off as being irrelevant to them.

I don’t disregard your suggestion, but I’m suggesting that women have way more power and influence over men then they realize, and have not begun to use it. And it doesn’t involve praying in front of abortion clinics.

For a woman to witness that she is not just a collection of body parts, but that she demands that any bodily love be in the context of a covenantal relationship as a whole person, with her body not detached from her soul and her future, is a very powerful statement. Women have abandoned that, which disorients men, because at the very least unconsciously (some men are more aware than other men), men look to women to represent a spirituality. They may not model their behavior after female behavior, but the women they respect and return to (friends, relatives, and a true romantic relationship) will embody a spirituality that they sense is there, even if unspoken. JMO.
 
I think this is beautifully stated and I cannot add anything to it to make it better; therefore, I won’t even try. LOL In my ministry, I work with women as well as men. I try to work with the couple. Most of the time, they are not married. They live together. It’s very important to help the women come along this journey as well, to grow from being body parts on the market to becoming fully alive human beings, real partners, real mothers, and fully adult Christian women who are in charge of their lives and who take responsibility for their choices. This certainly has an impact on the men in their lives.

It is this ministry to the women that has moved me to start the parallel ministry to their male partners. The men had come to me and asked, “Brother, can we get together?” I jumped at it. The challenge is that I was sent alone to work in this ministry with about 200 female volunteers that cover 111 parishes and five centers. We also have 35 high schools and two universities that want us to visit them. When I walk in, the boys come over and ask, “Brother, are you coming back?” I can’t be in all places at one time.

After a great deal of prayer, I had a dream, literally. I dreampt of St. Joseph. When I awoke, I realized that he wanted to go out to the men. I prayed about it. One day, as I prayed, I suddenly felt as if our Holy Father Francis were very close telling me to take St. Joseph to these men and older boys. I began. The numbers grew. The next step was to keep up. I realized that I had to do something. I wrote to about 15 dioceses and called at least another 25. None had anything like this. I prayed again. I finally came upon a Protestant ministry for men who are either expecting a child, have a newborn or have aborted a child. I watched very carefully. I saw how the men who ministered to them were not just preachers, but they were their brothers, walking with them, through the memories, in the case of those who had undergone an abortion or those who had accelerated the death of a loved one by taking away a feeding tube. They walked along with the fathers who were still expecting or had newborns.

It became very obvious that the answer was to bring together Catholic men to walk along with the partners of the women in our ministry. In other words, to bring Catholic men to walk with other men, not in isolation from women, but in a program where there are times and activities together and times and activities by genders. Then I hit another challenge. The Catholic men were not coming. So I went out to recruit them. I have been working with two very holy men, one is single and the other is married. Of course St. Joseph always comes along too. I even carry a statue of St. Joe with me where ever I go.

I began to write a manual for this new ministry. That’s when it ocurred to me to bring this idea to the internet. I figured, if we can do this in our diocese, other people can do it in their own. The Holy Father did encourage us to use technology to evangelize. That’s how I got the idea of a Brothes for Life blog. Then I thought, why not share on CAF where there are many Catholic men. That’s how I got here.

We (the Church) needs men all around the country to work with women to renew the human family. That’s what this is about. It’s not just protesting abortion or euthanasia, but it’s healing the wounds of disintegration caused by promiscuity, irresponsible use of medicine, and irresponsible use of our legal system. All of these things aggravate the wounds of Christ on the cross. St. Francis teaches us to embrace the cross. This has a double meaning. It means to embrace sacrifice. It also means to heal the crucified.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF 🙂
 
I know I am turned off completely by the prolife movement due to the graphic images and its use of deception. Men tend to deal with arguments and solutions and frankly, I don’t see either at work in that movement. This movement tends to take scripture out of context and read meanings into it that are not there.

Also, is not Priests for Life, men?
 
Brother JR, I think you need to address the fact that men, mainly, are working their butts off to provide for their families.

It is not easy to conduct pro life activities from 8-10PM at night, or on weekends between childrens’ activities. Women who do not work and retirees are the main participants in the day time activities, aren’t they?
 
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