Why are Catholic men missing in prolife ministry?

[JReducation]

Brother JR, I think you need to address the fact that men, mainly, are working their butts off to provide for their families.

It is not easy to conduct pro life activities from 8-10PM at night, or on weekends between childrens’ activities. Women who do not work and retirees are the main participants in the day time activities, aren’t they?

Actually, mnistry to men is an evening activity, not a daytime activity. Many of our men work during the day. It’s an evening ministry as are youth ministry, religious education, Knights of Columbus and many others. There are also career women involved in pro-life ministry. They too have jobs, children, husbands and homes to care for. A few hours a month is doable. No one is asking anyone to do this every night.

The question of the thread is not true in the Raleigh Diocese.

Raleigh has some good outreach programs to men.

I know I am turned off completely by the prolife movement due to the graphic images and its use of deception. Men tend to deal with arguments and solutions and frankly, I don’t see either at work in that movement. This movement tends to take scripture out of context and read meanings into it that are not there.

Also, is not Priests for Life, men?

The immorality of killing unborn children, killing embryos to harvest their stem cells, accelerating a sick person’s death is not taking scritpure out of context. It’s not allowed.

Yes, Priests for Life is made up of men. They’re priests. They are a drop in the bucket. They do wonderful work, but more is needed in the local communities. Priests for Life cannot be in every community. They support, they educate, they lobby and they inform the rest of us.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

 

[jmj603]

You’re very fortunate where you live. This is not the case around the country. The scene around the country is pregnancy centers being managed by women. Workshops, parenting courses, retreats for post-abortive parents, counseling for parents in crisis pregnancies, baby supply rooms, hospice care and counseling, all being managed by women. On average, most of these programs have 10 women to every one male.

And if you look at the sex ratio of who designs pro-life websites, you’ll see that it’s mostly men. The nurses are women, but the doctors are men. Pregnancy center CEOs and CFOs are men, whereas the receptionists are women. There are men’s jobs and women’s jobs. Let’s get real please.

 

[JReducation]

And if you look at the sex ratio of who designs pro-life websites, you’ll see that it’s mostly men. The nurses are women, but the doctors are men. Pregnancy center CEOs and CFOs are men, whereas the receptionists are women. There are men’s jobs and women’s jobs. Let’s get real please.

Most Catholic centers and diocesan programs are operated by women. But that’s not an issue. Many women do a great job in administrative posts. There are also many good female doctors and male nurses. These jobs are not really categorized as male or female. I would never say that being a physician is a man’s job and being a nurse is a woman’s job or that being a CEO or CFO is a man’s job. We have some great women doing these jobs, just as we have some great male nurses, receptionists, secretaries and childcare workers. One-on-one ministry with men is one of those that works well when it’s done by men. It’s the nature of the male population that we serve in the pro-life ministry.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

 

[stephe1987]

Men are often missing because women kick them out of the pro-life groups (you don’t know anything) and these days men are not trained to act like men so many of them are too scared to stand up and try to stop abortions. Men also don’t have rights to their children; if a woman aborts the baby there isn’t anything he can do about it to stop her.

I’d also like to point out that abortion is not the death penalty. The baby did not do anything wrong; it was the parents who were irresponsible (fornication/adultery and now want to abort), not the child. The Church is against abortion. Death penalty is killing criminals who keep acting out and committing terrible crimes. The Church does not have an official stance on the Death Penalty issue and there are people on both sides.

 

[jmj603]

Most Catholic centers and diocesan programs are operated by women. But that’s not an issue. Many women do a great job in administrative posts. There are also many good female doctors and male nurses. These jobs are not really categorized as male or female. I would never say that being a physician is a man’s job and being a nurse is a woman’s job or that being a CEO or CFO is a man’s job. We have some great women doing these jobs, just as we have some great male nurses, receptionists, secretaries and childcare workers. One-on-one ministry with men is one of those that works well when it’s done by men. It’s the nature of the male population that we serve in the pro-life ministry.

So you’re a proponent of gender equity. How could I have guessed?

“Most Catholic centers and diocesan programs are operated by women” - Did somebody take time to do a study? Could that time have been better spent doing something else?

Reality check: how many new dads learn how to take care of babies from their dads? And how many from their wives?

Speaking as a man, the last person I would ever want to hear advice from is a male “lay minister”.

 

[JReducation]

So you’re a proponent of gender equity. How could I have guessed?

Gender equity is not an issue here. If someone can do a job and do it well, the gender is not important. I for one cannot point fingers in that direction. My mother, sister, daughter and three sisters-in-law were all physicians. They were very good at it. I’ve seen men who are very good school teachers, nurses and office managers. We have a female chancelor in a diocese and she’s excellent. She has been an asset to our diocese. I have seen men and women work in teams and do wonderful things for God and man. That’s not what we’re talking about here.

“Most Catholic centers and diocesan programs are operated by women” - Did somebody take time to do a study? Could that time have been better spent doing something else?

They are recorded every year when the directory is updated. I did not have to research it. All I had to do was open the directory. There is an organization whose job it is to keep track of every Catholic ministry in the country and who is where. They put out a directory called The Kennedy Directory. Almost every diocese in the USA also has a directory, the one that can afford it.

Reality check: how many new dads learn how to take care of babies from their dads? And how many from their wives?

Speaking as a man, the last person I would ever want to hear advice from is a male “lay minister”.

Ministry to men is not about teaching them to take care of children. It’s much more involved thatn this. In fact, that part is taught by pediatricians, nurses, childcare workers, child development experts, teachers and other experts on childcare, they are male and female.

Ministry to men involves:

• counseling men considering abortions
• serving as spiritual companions to men who are post-abortive
• helping expectant fathers be better Christian men and better Christian fathers
• serving on retreat teams in the healing ministry, especially Rachel’s retreats
• guiding men through the moral principles of sexual integrity
• teaching men Christian spirituality
• walkng with men through unresolved issues that often lead them to seek sex instead of love and marriage
• serving as role models for men who don’t have male role models in their lives
• listening to them as they tell their stories
• being available to talk when they need it
• standing by them when they have to make end of life decisions for parents or other loved ones
• navigating Evangelium Vitae with them
• modeling fatherhood
• modeling as husbands
• visiting and talking to male groups where women are not allowed to go
• serving as coaches and role models for younger men and older teens who don’t have males to teach them about chastity and sexual morality
• and a lot more that the men often need

We take our example from the work begun by Mother Teresa’s Missionary Brothers of Charity who run such men’s programs in their missions, along with lay volunteers. It’s a wonderful ministry. It brings Christ the older brother to other men through those who serve as their brothers.

If you do not feel called to do this, you do not have to do it. But please do not discourage others from serving Jesus in this ministry. The unborn, the infant, the frozen embryo and the elderly and sick who are vulnerable depend on their fathers, brothers and sons doing the right thing. The man who has been part of an abortion or has accelerated the death of another and now feels the pain and sorrow for what he has done needs help. These men are often lost and need the support and companionship of men of faith.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

 

[jmj603]

All I had to do was open the directory.

And the statistics you came up with about diocesan employees nationwide was…?

And for comparison, which other diocesan job titles did you look at?

Ministry to men involves:

• serving as spiritual companions to men who are post-abortive

And again, most men I know–myself included–if some guy offered to become my “spiritual companion”, I would punch him in the face and walk away. Try to come up with a gender appropriate job that doesn’t make people feel uncomfortable, and you’ll probably find that pro-life men are already doing that job. We don’t need to create false panics that only serve to divide people.

Any man who hears the job description, “modeling as husband”, and volunteers, probably needs to have a talk with his wife.

 

[JReducation]

I actually have some really good news. Since we started this thread, I received six PMs from men who want to know where they can serve. I was able to find the names and email addresses of the right people in their dioceses to contact.

I believe that the misconception is that pro-life ministry targets only pregnant women. Men often shy away from doing direct service, because they think they won’t know what to do. When men hear that there are men who come to pro-life ministries looking for assistance and that they really like working with other men, it triggers enthusiasm and interest in other Catholic men.

Just today, I was leading a support group for expectant fathers. We had a young man arrive. He was new. At the end of the meeting, he approached us and said, “This was great. I expected to sit through classes. But this was better, because we got to talk about things. I’ll be back next week, if that’s OK.”

I asked him what he was taking with him and he said, “I think that I learned a lot just listening to men who are already fathers and husbands… There are some things that I have to think about that I never thought about before.”

We run another group for men who have been connected to euthanasia. It’s a very beautiful ministry. These are men whose loved ones have been helped to die before their time. This generates a lot of anger, pain, sadness and loneliness in everyone involved. What often happens to the guys is that they feel uncomfortable sharing their feelings with family and friends. They often wonder if God has forgotten them or if God can or will forgive them for having made the wrong choice. While going to confession grants them absolution, they often need healing. Confessors often share that they don’t have the skills or the knowledge necessary to help these folks heal.

As I said before, one of the greatest influence in this ministry has been Mother Teresa. We don’t hear much about her brothers or their volunteers. But there are many of them. They have several thousand brothers and several hundred volunteers who work alongside the brothers. One of the ministries that they do is healing ministry. Mother had a vision (not a literal one), of men ministering to men. Their effectiveness is incredible. Unfortunately, we don’t have enough of them in ouir country. They only exist in a handful of dioceses. The Franciscans felt the call to branch out into this area of ministry. There are three Franciscan communities of men who do this full-time, along with lay volunteers. There are more coming.

Fraternally,

Br. JR, OSF

 

[SKWill]

We don’t just need men to stand outside of abortuaries to pray or go to marches. We also need men to work directly with other men: expectant fathers, new fathers, post-abortive fathers. Then there are men who are struggling with other life issues, especially euthanasia. Some are post-euthanasia and others are confused and have a loved one who is sick or elderly. These men need other men to walk beside them. We cannot narrow the pro-life issue to fighting abortion. We must widen the scope to include service to those men who are affected by the culture of death. These men are best served by other men.

I was originally going reply that men aren’t missing from pro-life ministries. Thank you, Br. JR, for your follow-up posts clarifying what you are asking. You are right, more Catholic men need to be active in pro-life activities beyond pro-life vigils and marches, such as those in your bullet list from last night.

jmj603:

And again, most men I know–myself included–if some guy offered to become my “spiritual companion”, I would punch him in the face and walk away. Try to come up with a gender appropriate job that doesn’t make people feel uncomfortable, and you’ll probably find that pro-life men are already doing that job. We don’t need to create false panics that only serve to divide people. Any man who hears the job description, “modeling as husband”, and volunteers, probably needs to have a talk with his wife.

jmj603, I would argue that Catholic gentlemen are called to serve as “spiritual companions” to each other and to serve as model husbands and fathers to each other. For example, are not members of the Knights of Columbus called to support each other as Catholic gentlemen in ways such as what Br. JR is advocating? Otherwise it would be just a mutual insurance club.