Why are Funeral Masses So Much More Reverent and Solemn?

[Spiller]

I was thinking the other day – why are requiem Masses so much more solemn and reverent (at least in my parish) than a typical Sunday Mass?

• People dress-up
• People look for and embrace things like incense, bells, nice vestments, etc. They want the all the bells and whistles – or at least the bells and smells.
• People act as if they are going to the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass and not a social meeting prior to Sunday breakfast.

I really wonder why so many of us put our best foots forward for requiem Masses and not on every Sunday?

 

[SMHW]

Well, first of all people probably FEEL more solemn at a funeral.

Second of all, those in attendance at funerals may not be regular Mass-goers at the local parish or even Catholic so they are more likely watch and see what others do.

Thirdly, people cling to the “bells and smells” when their life is somewhat in chaos. As far as dressing nicely, it’s been my experience that people “dress-up” for what they consider to be special occasions.

People perceive funerals to be ‘special’ whereas they see Sunday Mass as more ordinary.

 

[Cristiano]

Probably because they realize that hell can be much closer than usually expected. Probably they feel the heat close enough to change attitudes for one hour.

 

[agapewolf]

I was thinking the other day – why are requiem Masses so much more solemn and reverent (at least in my parish) than a typical Sunday Mass?

• People dress-up
• People look for and embrace things like incense, bells, nice vestments, etc. They want the all the bells and whistles – or at least the bells and smells.
• People act as if they are going to the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass and not a social meeting prior to Sunday breakfast.

I really wonder why so many of us put our best foots forward for requiem Masses and not on every Sunday?

Well, thats your experience…definately not mine.

As a music director at a church, I play about 30 funerals a year. Most of them are unchurched folks coming that havcen’t been in awhile, some wearing hoochie clothes (one girl showed lots of cleavage and wore a rosary around her neck as jewelry…she wasn’t even catholic). We have lots of folks coming to communion and then immediately hugging and visiting with the family of the deceased on their way back…lots of these people aren’t catholic…we’ve caught a few that just hold it, and I have to motion to them to receive it (while singing and playing piano). They want bizarre non-Christian music…

We have “eulogies” where the people canonize the deceased a saint.
“I know gramma is in heaven”. geesh…then why are we here praying a mass for their soul?

They are almost as bad as weddings. My Sunday masses at my parish however, are mostly reverent people that want to be there to pray.

 

[Sarabande]

I was thinking the other day – why are requiem Masses so much more solemn and reverent (at least in my parish) than a typical Sunday Mass?

• People dress-up
• People look for and embrace things like incense, bells, nice vestments, etc. They want the all the bells and whistles – or at least the bells and smells.
• People act as if they are going to the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass and not a social meeting prior to Sunday breakfast.

I really wonder why so many of us put our best foots forward for requiem Masses and not on every Sunday?

I have to say the Sunday masses at our parish are some of the most reverent and solemn masses I’ve attended, so I don’t see much of a difference between the funeral mass and a Sunday mass where I’m from. Grant it, people are usually much better dressed at the funerals that I’m a musician for, but the reverence and solemnity isn’t really different at any of those masses.

In regards to your situation, I can only guess that it may seem more reverent because 1. mortality is hitting most of them in their faces due to the death of a love one and it is time that give them pause to review their own lives and mortality. 2. In regards to dressing up, it is expected at least in the northeast, otherwise they don’t want to be judged as someone who is disrespecting the family or the deceased. 3. It may seem more solemn because many people have spent all their energy crying or hurting over the loss of the loved one. 4. At many funerals I do, there are many people who aren’t Catholic and tend to be on their best behaviour. They are very still and quiet as they are watching and following along.

 

[Guitar]

Well, thats your experience…definately not mine.

As a music director at a church, I play about 30 funerals a year. Most of them are unchurched folks coming that havcen’t been in awhile, some wearing hoochie clothes (one girl showed lots of cleavage and wore a rosary around her neck as jewelry…she wasn’t even catholic). We have lots of folks coming to communion and then immediately hugging and visiting with the family of the deceased on their way back…lots of these people aren’t catholic…we’ve caught a few that just hold it, and I have to motion to them to receive it (while singing and playing piano). They want bizarre non-Christian music…

We have “eulogies” where the people canonize the deceased a saint.
“I know gramma is in heaven”. geesh…then why are we here praying a mass for their soul?

They are almost as bad as weddings. My Sunday masses at my parish however, are mostly reverent people that want to be there to pray.

Amen, sister.

We get the deceased’s grandchildren lying to us that Father said it’s OK to play some Celine Dion or Shania Twain bit of dribble on a CD and assuring us, “it’s quite spiritual, really”. Or they kinda try to stand over us - after all, it’s “their” funeral, it’s all about them, and we are just staff, so it’s up to us to do as told, right?

We get poor young kids who (commendably) understand that they should “dress up” but who (lamentably) only have jeans or immodest nightclub clothes … dressing up = going out clothes, and “business dress” is not in their repertoire. We hear “pop theology” and worse in eulogies. At times there is rather self-indulgent “rock star” behaviour on the part of some family members, and some treat the Mass as if it’s something to be “sat through” to tick the box for Mum’s wishes but then want to shoehorn their idea of what the funeral should have been like (totally secular or religious of another bent) into the space after communion.

My absolute favourite is when people decide that because 11-year old Darleen has started learning piano she might like to play the organ for gran’s funeral … I mean …

They’re not all like that of course, but still, about 50% of what I see at funerals is clueless at best (as opposed to intentionally disrespectful). Some funerals are little short of a circus and people get away with it because clergy and parish staff often make the judgement call that a burial is not a “teaching moment”. That sad dilemma often spills over into the music department.

 

[agapewolf]

We had a family who thought it was “cute” when they saw another family at a funeral have the grandkids put a flower in a vase under Mary’s statue, so they wanted to do it.

Well, I"m not even through the last song when someone comes up and takes the vase home with them. Nice.

 

[Sarabande]

Guitar and Agapewolf - I’m so sorry you have to go through that for funerals. It’s bad enough with the weddings. I guess I tried to just put it out of my mind, but it does bring to mind one funeral where the cousin-in-law of the deceased wanted to control everything and be the “star” of the “show”. The family didn’t even want her involved, but she made such a fuss, they let her do it to avoid any further conflict. The funeral itself was reverent, thank goodness, but that women sitting in the choir loft with me was everything but reverent. I don’t even want to get into the things she said and did. It was all about her with a tremendous sense of false piety and name dropping, that’s all I have to say.

The better funeral masses are the ones when the family just leaves it up to the priest for the mass and up to the musicians for the music.

 

[Flopfoot]

To the OP - Out of respect for the person who died of course.

 

[Guitar]

I was thinking the other day – why are requiem Masses so much more solemn and reverent (at least in my parish) than a typical Sunday Mass?

• People dress-up
• People look for and embrace things like incense, bells, nice vestments, etc. They want the all the bells and whistles – or at least the bells and smells.
• People act as if they are going to the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass and not a social meeting prior to Sunday breakfast.

I really wonder why so many of us put our best foots forward for requiem Masses and not on every Sunday?

Speaking for my parish …

It is certainly true that right, wrong or otherwise there is more of an expectation that one will dress up for funerals than for Sunday Mass, though as mentioned above, amongst those who don’t regularly attend, the results can be less appropriate than casual clothes. I see no particular interest in “bells and smells” or greater formality than on Sundays. Our parishioners certainly do not behave as if a funeral is a social but being the parish “officially” attached to a cemetery and crematorium, we have a lot of non-parishioner funerals for and attended by many non-churchgoers and as mentioned above the appearance is mostly not one of greater reverence than Sunday Mass with a regular congregation.

Sometimes funerals appear more reverent than weddings because people are naturally more subdued due to their unhappiness, or they feel that a quiet demeanour is appropriate in the presence of the bereaved. Sometimes it’s because, unlike weddings, there isn’t a lot of time to think of some of the “creative” ideas that pop up at weddings.

Overall I think you are right in that certain efforts are made for funerals that aren’t for Sundays, but I’m not sure it’s all for the right reasons or that the end result is always better, in fact I think its often worse.

 

[Guitar]

Guitar and Agapewolf - I’m so sorry you have to go through that for funerals. It’s bad enough with the weddings.

I remember your cousin-as-guest-artiste story - we’ve all got our share of them, eh wot? :console: And unfortunately such people are more likely to push themselves forward at a funeral where they might not even think of hijacking someone’s wedding music.

 

[Spiller]

To the OP - Out of respect for the person who died of course.

How come Jesus often doesn’t receive that level of respect?

 

[Flopfoot]

He does. We go to Mass every week for him. Do you notice, the days where we specially commemorate his death and resurrection (Holy Thursday through Easter) that people make an extra effort to be solemn and reverent? For example, the veneration of the cross on Good Friday. If we venerated the cross every Sunday then how would what we’re doing on Good Friday be extra special and fitting of commemorating Jesus’ death? Of course I’m not saying that we should be disrespectful at other times, every mass is a special part of our week and it’s for the glory of God, I’m just saying that at these one-offs we have to raise our hearts a little higher to show that it’s a particularly special mass - after all we have Good Friday every year but we only have our grandfather’s funeral once.

 

[Spiller]

He does. We go to Mass every week for him. Do you notice, the days where we specially commemorate his death and resurrection (Holy Thursday through Easter) that people make an extra effort to be solemn and reverent? For example, the veneration of the cross on Good Friday. If we venerated the cross every Sunday then how would what we’re doing on Good Friday be extra special and fitting of commemorating Jesus’ death? Of course I’m not saying that we should be disrespectful at other times, every mass is a special part of our week and it’s for the glory of God, I’m just saying that at these one-offs we have to raise our hearts a little higher to show that it’s a particularly special mass - after all we have Good Friday every year but we only have our grandfather’s funeral once.

You are missing the point entirely.

The people that I attend Mass with make a FAR greater effort when it comes to a requiem Mass. They dress formally. They show-up on time or even early. They wouldn’t think of leaving right after communion, etc. etc.

If we believe the Mass to be the unbloody re-presentation of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ to His Father that that alone should be more than enough for us to always make the greatest effort we can.

 

[quiet52]

I’ve seen both reverence and irreverence at the funeral Masses I’ve attended.

What I don’t like much during viewings prior to the Mass (for an hour to two hours) is when the family of the deceased sits in the front two rows, and everyone else goes up to hug them and socialize, oblivious to the fact their backs are to the Blessed Sacrament. They continue socializing in the pews before Mass. It’s usually the more devoutly-Catholic family members who stand at the back of the church to accept hugs and condolences during this time, and they do a better job of subduing their voices.

At a recent funeral I attended, several people gave their “eulogies” prior to the Mass – including the Catholic live-in girlfriend of the deceased, who shared about many details about “the good times” they shared and how she and her daughter were going to miss him. The celebrant didn’t attend this part – I don’t even know if he knew about the co-habitating, but during his homily he talked about this man’s being in heaven now.

My stomach was tied in knots one time – several law enforcement officers clomped into the church with their guns during the viewing. A few got up to leave a few minutes after Mass began. I don’t even know if any churches have policies re: guns in the church, but it was upsetting.

Most priests make some statement re: who can receive Holy Communion during funeral Masses now, it seems, but I still see non-Catholics, and non-practicing Catholics, defy this and receive.

I think for the most part, we see a degree of seriousness during funeral Masses because of the occasion, but not necessarily more “solemnless” than during a Sunday Mass. I have actually been told by a few people that they attend for the deceased and his/her family out of obligation rather than an intention to worship. But I believe that no matter what the intentions may be, God, who works in mysterious ways, works in their hearts anyway.

 

[agapewolf]

.

My stomach was tied in knots one time – several law enforcement officers clomped into the church with their guns during the viewing. A few got up to leave a few minutes after Mass began. I don’t even know if any churches have policies re: guns in the church, but it was upsetting.

=.

Law enforcement are required to have their weapons on them, to not leave them anywhere (where would they leave them unattended? in their car?)

and they “clomped”? thats a bit of a judgement on their hearts.

If they were rude or irreverant, thats wrong, but my experience with law/military funerals have been nothing but reverent and respectful. I don’t have a problem with law enforcement wearing their issued weapon as they are required. I would worry more about the gun being left somewhere unsafe.

Any place that says “no concealed weapons” has no say over legitimate law enforcement weapons.

 

[quiet52]

Law enforcement are required to have their weapons on them, to not leave them anywhere (where would they leave them unattended? in their car?)

and they “clomped”? thats a bit of a judgement on their hearts.

If they were rude or irreverant, thats wrong, but my experience with law/military funerals have been nothing but reverent and respectful. I don’t have a problem with law enforcement wearing their issued weapon as they are required. I would worry more about the gun being left somewhere unsafe.

Any place that says “no concealed weapons” has no say over legitimate law enforcement weapons.

I wish they’d “conceal” their weapons, then, if they’re required to wear them.

I used the word “clomp” not to judge, but because they did clomp – they could have made an effort like most others to be more reverent and didn’t need to be the noisiest walkers when they entered/walked in the church. Those who left after Mass began should have been more respectful and left before it started. I think their agencies should do a better job training them in these matters.

 

[Sarabande]

My stomach was tied in knots one time – several law enforcement officers clomped into the church with their guns during the viewing. A few got up to leave a few minutes after Mass began. I don’t even know if any churches have policies re: guns in the church, but it was upsetting.

If the policemen were on duty, but were able to at least pay their respects for a few minutes during the viewing, they usually have to keep their weapon on their person.

This year, within a matter of a few months we had two police officers murdered while on duty. Both police officers were Catholic and both had their funeral masses at our parish. The entire police force for our city, along with family, the mayor, etc. attended. I wasn’t paying attention to whether or not they had their weapons, but I know that the police officers who were directing traffic in front of the cathedral had their handguns on them. I’m not scared of the guns, especially if they are on the people who know how to use them, such as a police officer. But then again, I attend mass in a city where it’s normal to see police officers in uniform with their guns.

Our parish in the past has had to call in police during mass when we’ve had people (usually homeless or mentally disturbed) act out violently against parishioners or attendees. (It’s rare, but it has occurred a few times.) I’ve seen them come in during a funeral mass, discreetly walking on the sides of the cathedral and looking inside of the confessionals searching for a someone who was apparently running from them and snuck into the cathedral to hide. I only noticed because I was high in the choir loft, but thankfully, the rest of the congregation there for the funeral were towards the front and had no idea that they were there. Because of those instances, I actually feel safer when they are there, especially in the evening. (The area isn’t dangerous, but it is a city and you will see more crime or threats of crime there than in the suburbs.)

 

[missymichelle]

Wow! What an interesting question. Could it possibly be that the people there are sad because they have lost a loved one? Golly gee!