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Image_of_God
Guest
Subject to such harsh criticism? I mean, if you don’t want to have children, lets someone else give a place that your child would have had to their child.
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catherineajt
Guest
When people are overly critical (to the point of being insulting) about another family’s or individual’s life choices, I see that as the critical person taking the other person’s choices to be an indirect criticism of the critical person’s life. Put another way, the person ladling out the criticism feels, at some level, guilty or ashamed of their own life choices.
I think the people who are the harshest critics of large families know deep down that their choice to have a small family–or no children at all–is based on very selfish reasons.
**Disclaimer: I am not saying that ALL people who have small families or no children are selfish. I do think that those who say the nastiest things about large families or the Duggars in particular, are the ones whose family size choices are based more on selfish reasons, rather than prayer and discernment.
I think the people who are the harshest critics of large families know deep down that their choice to have a small family–or no children at all–is based on very selfish reasons.
**Disclaimer: I am not saying that ALL people who have small families or no children are selfish. I do think that those who say the nastiest things about large families or the Duggars in particular, are the ones whose family size choices are based more on selfish reasons, rather than prayer and discernment.
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OutinChgoburbs
Guest
Are you talking about people with large families being subjected to criticism for having large families, or are you talking about the Duggars’ appearances on TV and some oftheir lifestyle choices?
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maria29
Guest
I am wondering this too.
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Image_of_God
Guest
The former.
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OutinChgoburbs
Guest
Because people have been conditioned to believe “breeding” is somehow going to leave everybody on the planet starving and lashing out in warfare against each other for resources, and because people think they have the right to tell others what to do (butting their nose in when they ar not asked). So, I vote for ignorance and severe rudeness!
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willj1365
Guest
Is this the family that has been on the Today show and has something like 18 children?
I have heard about them at the ‘water cooler’ at work, and I remember seeing them on TV about a year or so ago. (I really don’t watch TV news that much anymore). My wife and I have 4 children and feel happy and proud to have been blessed, but we can also sometimes feel a bit overwhelmed.
I have never been one to criticize someone’s choice of a big family - I find myself being more critical of couples who choose not to have any children. That being said, when I saw this very large family and the way they ‘run’ the house, it seemed a little unfair to the children and rest of the family. It may just be me and my idea of being a father, but at a certain point I would think the number would be overwhelming and the close bond with each child would be compromised since you would be so incredibly busy keeping it all going.
I have heard about them at the ‘water cooler’ at work, and I remember seeing them on TV about a year or so ago. (I really don’t watch TV news that much anymore). My wife and I have 4 children and feel happy and proud to have been blessed, but we can also sometimes feel a bit overwhelmed.
I have never been one to criticize someone’s choice of a big family - I find myself being more critical of couples who choose not to have any children. That being said, when I saw this very large family and the way they ‘run’ the house, it seemed a little unfair to the children and rest of the family. It may just be me and my idea of being a father, but at a certain point I would think the number would be overwhelming and the close bond with each child would be compromised since you would be so incredibly busy keeping it all going.
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ChooseLove
Guest
incredibly busy is right! gosh just with our small number 
some days are non stop! can’t imagine going on 18… heck 10 pregnancies was enough for this 40 something body
i also think the kids should not be as responsible as they are for their siblings. they are NOT the parents. and what is with everyone dressing the same
some days are non stop! can’t imagine going on 18… heck 10 pregnancies was enough for this 40 something bodyi also think the kids should not be as responsible as they are for their siblings. they are NOT the parents. and what is with everyone dressing the same
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Gigglin4God
Guest
To me if someone is blessed with that much love in their hearts to have as many children as these people do it is great. I have a cousin now who has like 7 children and she would love to have even more. I dont criticize her at all. I am just blessed to know such a person that would have that much love in their hearts to bear children. I know for myself I couldnt do that but I dont get all rude and nasty about it. It just shows their selfless giving to God for all of the gifts that He has given to them. My mother comes from a family of 10 kids and my husbands mother comes from a family with about that many children as well. I have 2 sisters and 3 brothers and my husband has 1 brother and 6 sisters. I dont look down on any of that. I think that is a blessed gift from God to be able to have that kind of love in your hearts. So Duggars, I’ll be your huckleberry and give you the 
on whatever your hearts should so desire. God Bless All who choose life over abortion any day!
on whatever your hearts should so desire. God Bless All who choose life over abortion any day!
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gardenswithkids
Guest
That being said…you criticize that large family’s choice anyway. People criticize large families because they can’t imagine doing it themselves and think no one else can or should.
Some criticism is motivated by mis-placed humanitarianism. Some fear the planet doesn’t have enough resources to support an increasing human population. They may fear they or their own children and grandchildren will have to do with less because the products of large families (aka other human beings) use too many resources. Some subtle selfishness exists, but few ever come right out and directly say, “I don’t want *your *grandchildren breathing my grandchildren’s oxygen.”
Beyond environmental concerns, some like the poster above, express concern for the welfare of the children in large families. Many suspect no parent can *really *have enough love for all those children. (When I was pregnant with my second child, I didn’t know how I could love that next child as much as I loved my first either. I learned that love mulitiples.) Some nice Christian folk might forget the “God shaped hole in everyone’s heart.” No parent, regardless of how wonderful and loving, can give all the love a child needs. Parents represent God, but we are not God. God doesn’t expect parents to be Him, but He allows us to give our children life and love.
Children find love from other family members beyond just parents. Some people may think older siblings shouldn’t really participate very much in the care of younger siblings. Maybe they had no siblings or only siblings close in age and can’t picture it. Maybe they did have to care for younger siblings alone without the help of others while mom and dad were away from the family. A large family living close together and co-orporating for the good of everyone simply isn’t the experience of many people in our modern society.
It comes down to a modern society that frequently screams about “reproductive freedom” and “personal choices” that really has very little respect for the reproductive freedom and personal choices of parents who have large families.
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willj1365
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I was really just questioning the wisdom in this particular case - (not criticizing) and if I were to find myself in a situation where I was responsible for many children, I know God would give me the ability to do it.
This is absolutely NOT where I am coming from - I understand there are people out there like this, but this is not where my concern was coming from at all.
I do not doubt the ability of the parents to love all their children - I know exactly what you mean when you say ‘your love multiplies’.
I think this is where I have the most difficulty, and again - I am really only talking about this extreme example. To see this particular family have the older children doing certain jobs and filling roles that the parents should makes me question if there is a line that is crossed. Thats really all - I don’t harbor any anger towards them or think they are causing emotional harm to their children or anything like that - I simply ask the question, is it necessarily a wise decision to have a family this large? And if I believe the ‘water cooler’ talk - they are expecting another?
I would never argue that they should NOT be able to have a family as large as they want. I just wonder if it is responsible when the family is this large - responsible to the other children, not to the environment, society or anything. Parents have a responsibility to raise the children (and not leave that responsibility to the older children in the family).
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Fitswimmer
Guest
Some of the criticism that I have heard is that the Duggars have declared their home to be a church so that they do not have to pay taxes. If that is true, or if they are somehow using their large family in order to get free stuff or avoid the responsibilities that other less famous families have-then the criticism is deserved.
As far as how many children they have-that’s between them and God.
As far as how many children they have-that’s between them and God.
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gardenswithkids
Guest
I didn’t think you were. I cited environmentalists who want population control first because I think they primarily drive the criticism of large families.
Good. I figured you would since you have four children of your own.I’ll share a little story from my work that happened years ago. I applied for a job at a place a couple hours away from where I grew up. The woman who read over my application saw where I was from and asked if I knew the _____ family. Of course I did–they went to my parish and everyone knew that family. The fourteeth child was in my older sister’s class, the fifteenth a grade below me at my Catholic school. (Those weren’t even the youngest.) The woman at the office, who was several years my senior, knew one of the older sisters. Another of the older-middle sisters babysat me on occassion; she was a great babysitter. The grammar school children in that family all dressed alike–the girls wore white blouses with plaid skirts and the boys wore white shirts with navy pants. We didn’t think anything weird about it at all, since we all wore that same uniform.
We thought the mom and were simply very fertile, good Catholics. The family had minor celebrity status in our community, but it never occured to us that that could make national news.Families in the past did things differently than we do today. It was not uncommon to see older siblings helping raise younger siblings. The story of St. Therese shows us that her older sisters acted as a mother figure for her after their mother died. I don’t want to copy the Druggar family in all they do–they aren’t even Catholic–but I certainly think Catholics shouldn’t criticize the Druggars for having a large family.
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Rob_s_Wife
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:yup:
I suspect this to be true the majority of the time. It’s a completely different philosophy of parenting and living and most simply cannot or will not comprehend that it can also be a happy a life.
All they see is what they perceive to be lacking. Usually compared to what they would not be willing to give up.
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