Why are my parents behaving like that?

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melvfe

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It’s going to be a long story here, so please bear with me!
I am physically handicapped and in uni. I am financially dependent on my parents. I have a Godfather, who is a priest.
Last year, I had some kind of spiritual darkness after my parents told me not to go for praying-over during a healing rally. They scared me into submission, and I suspect that they were very upset because my Godfather did not call my family up for testimonials. I was so terrified I went to find out why I had this darkness. The feeling was so empty that I nearly couldn’t study for my exams. I told my parents about it and they dismissed it as me being overreacting.
That led me to look for a lot of spiritual stuffs, and I got more and more interested in the Catholic faith. It also rekindled my interest in religious vocations. My parents are disapproving of me becoming a nun, saying that I am taking an easy way out.
I talked to my Godfather for the first time in life about some strange spiritual stuffs that were happening in my life. My parents told me to stop contacting him, and that they were very ashamed of me talking to him. Truth is I told my parents about all these before I told my Godfather, and they told me that only I could resolve the problems.
So, I started asking my parents to go for the Sacrament of Reconciliation. They prevented me from going, telling me that I was selfish because they had to pay for parking fees at my parish church.
So recently, there was another healing service (yeah, my Godfather is in charge of such services) and I really wanted to go. But my parents scared me so much, and threatened to disown me and leave me all alone if I went for it. So I did not go. But they are still very mad at me and call me selfish and ungrateful, and that I was not loyal to the family and did not trust my parents. They are ignoring me almost completely and giving me a very cold shoulder treatment. All because I wanted to go for the service, but my Godfather did not call us. My parents said that they would only go for the service if my Godfather calls us so as to give him help and nothing more.
My parents told me that healing services are useless and I told them that it’s because they’re going for the wrong motive. I told them that I really wanted to go for the service to get healing. I also told them that we must seek the Healer and not the healing, so that the Healer will heal us of anything He wants us to be healed of. They did not say anything about what I needed to be healed of which I told them.
Please help me. The next healing service my Godfather is next week. I am in need of healing. But I am concerned that I don’t have enough courage to not be afraid of my parents’ threats and all. THeir worst threat so far is that when they’re happy with me, they’ll do for me everything even if I want to do those things myself. So, they’ll leave me alone when I am angry and that’s when I learn to be independent. It breaks my heart a lot.
Ps my parents also disapprove of my friends, and actually told me to stop contacting my Godfather or they will call him and force him to disown me as his goddaughter. And they enjoy snooping around my computer…
 
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If you’re in uni, I’m assuming you’re an adult. You have the right to choose your friends, maintain a relationship with your Godfather, and go to the services that you want.

That you’re dependent on them physically and financially (and it sounds like they’re trying to make you emotionally dependent as well) makes things more complicated. I don’t know what kind of disability you have, but it would be ideal if you could establish some independence.

Does your Godfather know all this? I don’t think there’s anything in the world they could say to “force him to disown you as his Goddaughter.” If anything, I would think such a call would make him much more worried about you. From some of your previous posts, it sounds like he cares about you. I’m sure he’d want to help in any way he can, especially if he knew they are preventing you from receiving Reconciliation.

Are there any other adults in your life that you trust and can confide in?

I don’t know why your parents are doing this. I don’t know if it’s cultural, or if they’re really attached and think they’re the only ones who can take care of you, or if they perceive your Godfather and friends as some kind of threat… I really have no idea. But what I do know is you can’t go on like this. Maybe a counselor at your school will better understand the situation and help you find ways to become independent. I know too little to be of much use on that point, but please meet with someone. Strangers on the internet aren’t going to cut it.

May the dear Lord bless and keep you always!
 
I cannot bring myself to tell my Godfather all these because my parents have crafted a very nice image in front of him, and t hey want to maintain their reputation like that.
 
melvfe said:
t hey want to maintain their reputation like that
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They want. Ok, I get that. But what do you want? There is no way you can change this situation without stepping on their toes in some way, shape or form.

Your Godfather is a priest. You can trust him to keep your words confidential and not treat them any differently. That’s what priests are supposed to do - and they hear it all.

If you are truly opposed to involving him in this, is there someone else in your life you can confide in? What about at university?
 
No… I have my Godmother but she does not really care for me. As for university counsellors, I… move around in a wheelchair. Others would know that I got problems for counselling. I don’t trust these counsellors because they might keep records. And I am not a normal girl who can slip into a consultation room without anyone noticing. I tried to confide in some counsellor for a different issue last time and the whole school knew about it… I don’t want to run that risk again.
 
melvfe said:
I tried to confide in some counsellor for a different issue last time and the whole school knew about it… I don’t want to run that risk again
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Did they (the whole school) find out about the situation? If so, I don’t blame you in the least for being mistrustful. But if it’s simply that you don’t want them to think you have a reason to want to talk to someone… why not? Everyone needs someone to confide in sometime. And quite frankly, it’s none of their business.

If your Godfather is the person you trust, he’s the one I’d go to, if it was me in your situation. But I can’t make that step for you. I do wish you would speak to him or someone though. For the sake of your health.
 
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Thank you!

I have been getting a lot of anxiety attacks thanks to my parents ><
 
First thing, my answer is based on the assumption you live in the US.

People with serious disabilities are eligible for various support from both State and Federal programs. Universities also have a department that will help the disabled students to find these programs. This includes a stipend, medical insurance, reduced housing, a heath aide, transportation, etc.

There is no real reason to be held “hostage” by your parents simply because of a disability. People in wheelchairs live independent of parents. Make an appointment at your uni and begin the process of living independently.

Next, as a priest friend says “every Mass is a healing Mass”. Sacramental anointing of the sick is not limited to a special mass.

I am a disabled woman, if you want to PM me I will be happy to listen. You do not have to be infantalized simply because you have wheels.
 
Your country probably has its own programs for people with disabilities. Your university should be familiar with them.

(Can I ask which country? Ignore this question if it makes you uncomfortable - I know it’s none of my business)
 
Ok I won’t press it 🙂

Perhaps now I understand, a little bit better, why you worry about your parents’ reputation in the eyes of your priest. And your concerns about seeing a counselor. I am American. I love my parents beyond words, but what I was taught about social expectations and honoring our family is probably a little different from what you were taught.

May God guide you in your decision, and lead you to the best path. And may Mother Mary be always at your side.
 
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