Seriously?! Being protective of my mother is a sign of respect for her. I would not let anybody speak to or about my mother rudely, especially not my brother.
I agree with a lot of what you say, but I’m not sure about this. I think children (especially very young children) CAN and DO teach us a lot about life if we let them. We adults are caught up so much in the rat race of modern life. We are so occupied with trying to earn, paying bills, and generaly jockeying for position in society. Children who are not yet old enough to be caught up in all of this can teach us much about slowing down and enjoying simple things. My little guys are fascinated with the world: leaves falling from trees, flowers, the ocean, rain, etc. They find it all so amazing. And it IS so amazing if we allow ourselves the time to appreciate it. How much beauty in life do we miss because we have “important” adult things to attend to? Children see how incredible God’s creation is, and most of the time we adults don’t even notice because it’s old news to us. Children also enjoy the simple pleasure of the company of the people they love. Nothing makes my kids (ages 3 and 1.5) happier than for me to just sit down with them and read or sing or tickle them. How often do most adults just enjoy being with the ones they love without worrying about what they should be getting done? Also, young children are at ease with themselves and unworried about appearances and so on. My son will gladly walk outside in 90 degree heat with a scarf and cowboy boots on because he likes the way it looks. He’ll break out dancing when he hears music he likes. We adults are far too concerned with what other people think to be ourselves many times. So I feel that we can learn much from our children.No, your observations are very valid. We have been treating children as little adults for quite a while now, and the media including Disney movies, shows children independent of adults and in fact, far SURPASSING adults in intelligence and wisdom. There are many people who believe, for example, that children cannot lie!
**If you listen closely, in the media you will hear echoes of, “We can learn from our children…” which is total BUNK. Especially to Catholic Christians, as we know that our children are born with the stain of original sin and they are in no way wise nor qualified to teach us about life. ** There’s a commercial that I hear regularly on the radio, where a father intones about his son, “Did I teach him, or did he teach me?” or nonsense very close to that. Well, Dad, if you have to wonder, you probably didn’t teach him a whole lot!
How anyone who has ever cared for small children can argue with a straight face that we are not born self-centered is beyond me.I was in junior high when John Lennon’s *Imagine *album came out. At the time I remember thinking that imagining no heaven seemed crazy. But I saw that many of my peers couldn’t have agreed more with Lennon. (This was a Catholic school.) The idea that children come into the world unspoiled and have to learn to hate was already in existence but this song probably cemented it for a lot of people.
I think that song just goes to show how idyllic many adults see childhood. But of course no one’s childhood was that idyllic if for no reason other than that children are not that way!
But plenty of adults are determined that children/childhood should be that way. And of course we should have what we want, right?
I think children do teach us a lot about what it means to be children of God.
Just maybe their parenting style didn’t change…perhaps YOU are a different child and needed different rules. Perhaps since you were the “test child” they learned what worked and didn’t work. My brother claims this all the time, and the other 3 of us find it bizarre and concieted.
My friend’s 11 year old has figured that out.Remember Barney? When I first met my stepdaughters they were in the throes of Barney-mania and loved to sing his theme song. Only they put a uniquely three-year-old twist to it by chanting:
A lot of people seem think that if you don’t like reality then you can choose not to live in it.
My friend is actually the expert on this. For her it’s not punshing the already henpecked child and punshing the henpicking as an added offence.Would you be willing to come over some time and talk with my youngest stepdaughter? She’s constantly trying to parent and mother hen her twin, and I can’t remember the number of times she’s gotten in trouble for tattling on or trying to implement a tween’s version of a discipline system on her sister. Her sibling, her father, and I all would very much appreciate anything you can do to affect a change in her behavior.
Luna
Keep trying, that’s all we can do. We have gotten to the point that the offending twin gets to ride alone in back in “car time out” (no talking) or just sent out of the social circle so the only person who enjoys the behavior can have some time to himself to enjoy it, and it still goes on. We have added chores as a penalty: they still can’t help themselves when they see an opportunity to be an authority on how their twin ought to live his life. At our house, we particularly frown on parenting your twin with the parent present. That is extremely unwelcome interference. Not only is it piling on–an annoying habit in any circumstance–but we also let them know we take it as a comment that our parenting is inadequate. It is absolutely forbidden, but they can’t seem to help themselves. It is one aspect of “do unto others” that twins seem to have an especially hard time with.Would you be willing to come over some time and talk with my youngest stepdaughter? She’s constantly trying to parent and mother hen her twin, and I can’t remember the number of times she’s gotten in trouble for tattling on or trying to implement a tween’s version of a discipline system on her sister. Her sibling, her father, and I all would very much appreciate anything you can do to affect a change in her behavior.
Luna
Yes, I do think parents are afraid to “parent”. They instead want to be their child’s friend and you cannot be your child’s friend because your role is the parent. When you become a doormat and try to be your child’s friend, you are handing over the control as parent to the child. Parents are both working these days and have little time for actually being together so I think they become doormats to avoid arguing and to keep the peace.On another thread, one poster said it was impossible to go to mass alone with two children (an infant and a two year old) because the two year old runs off during mass.
I am a twin and my father is in the military. My mom took us everywhere and neither me nor my brother ever ran off more than once or twice. The reason for this was because in our household, running off (or any misbehavior) resulted in a punishment.
Spankings when we were younger, time outs and loss of privileges as we got older.
It seems that now parents take a more laissez-faire approach when it comes to parenting.
I sat behind two children and their grandparents at mass the other day. During the mass, the grandparents and the children sat in this arangement:
:slapfight:
The children fought and pushed and argued the entire mass.
It was crazy to me! Grandparents should have cracked the code by now. They should be the pros in the parenting arena and their seating arrangement should have been more like this:
:blackeye::hey_bud::byzsoc::blackeye:
So apart from my little joke and crazy assumptions here’s my questions.
Are parents afraid to parent?
If so, what’s the difference between then and now?
When you only have twins, this means that only the victim is going to lose out on dessert, for having the audacity to howl when he’s been punched himself. But yes, we have seen “NBA reactions” to minor retaliations that were provoked, so we know what the “victim” is sometimes trying to pull!
My parents acknowledge that their parenting style has changed… It is not judging them. It is not aggrogant. It is a fact.Just maybe their parenting style didn’t change…perhaps YOU are a different child and needed different rules. Perhaps since you were the “test child” they learned what worked and didn’t work. My brother claims this all the time, and the other 3 of us find it bizarre and concieted.
It’s really not up to you to judge your sibilings. They’re not even grown yet and you are. You are not raising them you are not the parent. And quite frankly you are being arrogant in suggesting that they’re suddenly raising your sibilings different and aren’t “parenting” to your standards. It’s incredibly presumptious. Do you really, truly honestly remember every infraction you said and did at 13? Really?
You’re “protecting” your mother might be JUST WHY she dosn’t/didn’t respond. Why can’t you get that?
We can be reminded of things, especially the joy and innocence of childhood itself (at least some of it, for some people). But children cannot “teach” anything because they are at the beginning of their lives. Maybe this is also influence from Eastern religions that support reincarnation, which would say that your child could have lived more times than you have and be an “old soul.” I hate that expression, 'He has an old soul. What? Everyone’s soul is the same age! Eternal! :dts:
This worked fairly well until they started getting hair on their legs. Then someone stole my child and gave us a kid who does not even vaguely understand the concept of anyone else deserving respect and who has apparently has not been disciplined in his entire life. One is still fine, the other goes between being fine and being…I don’t who this person even is!
LOL
Thank you both for your wisdom and advice. I’m going to have my husband read through these tonight as we re-think our game plan for dealing with this behavior.
In this case it’s tattling sibiling trying to parent two others. It’s different with twins, certinally because it’s a victim/aggressor dynamic witht two. This is what my friend does…she dosn’t have twins, so it’s different.
I’m glad you found this funny, and I hope that your rude comments make you feel like you achieved something today. Great way to touch people’s hearts. Thank you.LOL
So their parenting has changed. You DID suggest that their handling of your youngest sibiling was lacking.
Sorry buddy, you don’t it all.
Some kids are easier to raise then others. Some are just late bloomers. I found alot of useful information and tips on the following link, “Empowering Parents” and have bought one of their parenting programs called "The Total Transformation Program’. As a parent of a “troubled teen”, I found that arguing was not an option and that it was just fueling the fire and as soon as I removed myself and locked myself in my room the arguing stopped. Now he had no one to argue with. Anyway check out the website, maybe it will help:This worked fairly well until they started getting hair on their legs. Then someone stole my child and gave us a kid who does not even vaguely understand the concept of anyone else deserving respect and who has apparently has not been disciplined in his entire life. One is still fine, the other goes between being fine and being…I don’t who this person even is!
Once I told a priest friend, the uncle of many children, that kids have these stages: the suicide watch (when you have to look for all the things they could use to die on), then “living under surveillance” (when everything you say or do will be reported back to anyone who cares to listen), to…I wasn’t sure what the third stage was. His answer? “As nearly as I can tell, the third stage is ‘Try Not to Kill Them.’”
