I agree with this.
I’ve seen too many different parenting styles around today as well. Some parents “helicopter”, some are the “BFF” type with their kids, some parents are now single parents and what goes at mom’s house is quite different than at dad’s house, some parents think they need to become stricter to compensate for what the OP sees in other families, etc. etc. Some kids have no idea what discipline even means.
I think as well, its much easier to be in the OP’s shoes in never having been a parent and to have the OP’s particular point of view about parents being afraid to parent. I too thought I was the perfect parent and knew exactly what parents were doing wrong…then I had a child of my own and I realized I was too judgemental in my former point of view.
Amen to this.
My answer to the OP’s question is that many parents are confused due to the myriad of parenting styles that bombard them through various media as well as personal interactions with other parents.
Up until about 50 years ago in the U.S., most people held the same values, and most people used the same basic methods to parent. Oh, yes, there were the more permissive parents (that’s where all of us kids loved to hang out because they didn’t make us play outside, but instead, they would let come into the house and actually keep our shoes ON, and then they let us eat junk food while we watched soap operas!). And there were the strict parents (the ones who had their kids on a schedule and required chores before and after school and made the kids eat their greens). And there were the exremes–the abusers, the abandoners, etc., but thankfully, it didn’t seem that there were too many of these.
For the most part, there were tried and true parenting methods that almost everyone used, whether they were strict or permissive.
But nowadays, we have all kinds of methods of parenting, and even among Christians, there is no agreement. Just look at this thread!
So many parents just kind of sit there in hazy daze, unsure of themselves and unsure or what to do with their children. It’s hard to take action when you have dozens of different coaches yelling for you to do dozens of different things. It paralyzes you.
And often, husbands and wives disagree, and this is deadly when it comes to training and disciplining children. You simply can’t pull a child in two different directions–it results in the child getting torn to pieces.
Lots of people swear that when they have kids, none of this will happen to them. Well, it does. It’s not easy to parent these days.
I agree with those who say that they are afraid that they will be reported and that the DCS will come and take away their children. It happens. I spanked my children back in the 1980s, but I don’t think I would do it nowadays.
I also agree with all those who say there are some children who are simply not easy to discipline.
Finally, allow me to add that when it comes to things like going to Mass with children, there are parents like me who believe that a child under the age of 5 should not be expected to sit quietly for more than a few minutes. Now I know that some of you have success in training toddlers to sit during Mass, and I salute you. I wish you could have had my older daughter when she was a toddler. I’m thankful that we were Protestant back then, and I could take her to the nursery. Even in the nursery, she was a live wire–a loveable one, but still, she was so incredibly active and verbal. I didn’t know any better and I thought all children were like her, and it was only after I had my second child that I realize that my first child was way over the top! (In today’s world, she would have been labelled “hyperactive” or “sensory disordered” or some other term, and probably medicated.)
At any rate, I made it a point to not expect children to do adult things like sitting quietly for an hour. I wouldn’t call that “fear of parenting.” I would call it “sensible parenting,” or “keeping one’s sanity intact.”
BTW, the Church does not require children under the age of seven to attend Mass, so I would have been just fine as a Catholic! I would have done a “gradual” approach to Mass with my daughters. I would have brought them to Mass for just a few minutes when they were very young, and then gradually increased the time until they were able to sit through the entire Mass. I also would have done a lot of home education about Mass, and I would have taught them the songs and responses at home so that they would be able to participate. This means I probably would not have brought them at all until they were able to talk. But again, the Catholic Church doesn’t require that babies and toddlers be brought to Mass. So is that “fearful parenting?” If it’s good enough for the Holy Mother Church, it’s good enough for me!
My personal philosophy of new thread construction is to choose the title so that it sets the tone for the rest of the thread. Of course, you will still have people that positively enjoy taking offense and for whom righteous indignation is their drug of choice (although arguably less destructive than crack or heroin), but if you’ve been reasonable about the way you phrase things, then at least you can proceed with a clear conscience.