Why are there so many mean-spirited people on these forums?

[aimee]

I agree-I wish everyone would just act like me!

I agree, estesbob

 

[Crumpy]

…this indicates to me that these “members” of the forum do not have a true commitment to Jesus Christ… seeing as how they don’t seem to emulate Him too well…

…

1. I think that there are a lot of “questions” or “comments” that are really in the category of "baiting." They’re specifically trying to get “a rise” out of somebody. This happens so often in the gospels, when the scribes or pharisees or somebody comes along to “test” Jesus.

There are so many threads started on the same subject, like homosexuality, that don’t really break new ground It seems that people want to say something with their suggestive questions.

1. I think it’s true, that people in these forums just aren’t all at the same level of maturity: spiritually, physically, intellectually, socially, etc. Couple that with the openness of these forums, and you’re going to see a lot, and people won’t be at their best at all times.
2. My “complaint” (to extend the original post) is that there aren’t enough quotations of scripture, catechism, encyclicals, etc. in response to questions. And, I think that reflects that we all want to give our opinion rather than a more studied answer.

I’ve been reading the Pope’s recent book, Jesus of Nazareth, which is the best book I’ve ever read. In it, he’s so patient and thorough and his intelligence and expertise is dripping on every page. He uses scripture and other references in such a smooth, non-confrontational way to tell a very beautiful and eternal story.

His book is a response to several types of biblical criticism, that center on the idea that the gospels don’t give a true picture of the historical Jesus. Not only does he provide his answer refuting these critics, but he does so in the most elegant way, which could serve as well as a model here for those who submit any post in any thread.

 

[m134e5]

It is easy to say what’s on our minds when we are sheltered behind a computer screen, and do not know the people who read our posts- and when we know we likely will never meet each other this side of eternity. We also are on this forum primarily to talk about our Faith. Most of us have other things that we do that may have nothing to do with the Faith- that the people we do those things with may not even know about our faith. There are some that seem to live for these forums, but for most, this is just a small part of a big part of our lives (though CAF is informative).

Online forums also tend to attract introverted people who normally think a lot more than they talk (sometimes, our thoughts are unrealistic and our thoughts can be too harsh if we say them out loud- it is easier to do that without restraint online).

I see a lot of posts on here that propose solutions to problems that are totally unrealistic. I’ve seen posts where the authors seem to get totally bent out of shape over the smallest things- and I wonder if they find any happiness in life.

I have been on CAF for quite awhile now. When I first joined, there were some really radical posters on here- both from the traditional end of the spectrum and the progressive end. Groups tend to mellow down after they have been around awhile, and online forums are no exception. I have seen other forums that make any lack of charity that is on CAF very easy to overlook (a sedevacantist board I came across a few years ago seemed like the people on it would stone the priest to death for making honest mistakes, and made many other ridiculous claims…I am very glad I never met anyone like that before I became Catholic- if I had, I would have run as far away from the Church as I could get…and I feel sorry for anyone unfortunate enough to meet them)

 

[Pax]

Charity should always come first. Sometimes discussions involve debate and emotions can come into play. Most of us that participate in the Apologetics Forum realize this and struggle to keep things under control.

Can we do better? I think so.

 

[Bennie_P]

1. I think that there are a lot of “questions” or “comments” that are really in the category of "baiting." They’re specifically trying to get “a rise” out of somebody. This happens so often in the gospels, when the scribes or pharisees or somebody comes along to “test” Jesus.

There are so many threads started on the same subject, like homosexuality, that don’t really break new ground It seems that people want to say something with their suggestive questions…

I have found myself fall into these traps.

1. I think it’s true, that people in these forums just aren’t all at the same level of maturity: spiritually, physically, intellectually, socially, etc. Couple that with the openness of these forums, and you’re going to see a lot, and people won’t be at their best at all times.

I agree, and once again I find myself thinking that people should see it “my” way, I hope I’m starting to be able to present my position, then let it go and not get pulled into senseless debates. I have to understand that many of my current postions, have come after long periods time of study, meditation and prayer - so if a person doesn’t see it the way I do, then, maybe it isn’t time for them to have the same understanding. On the other hand I may need to take time and look back and see if my postion is sound. I find myself typing up a response, look at it then deleting it if it seems to be out of anger or if would just promote anger.

1. My “complaint” (to extend the original post) is that there aren’t enough quotations of scripture, catechism, encyclicals, etc. in response to questions. And, I think that reflects that we all want to give our opinion rather than a more studied answer.

Agreed. 100%

I’ve been reading the Pope’s recent book, Jesus of Nazareth, which is the best book I’ve ever read. In it, he’s so patient and thorough and his intelligence and expertise is dripping on every page. He uses scripture and other references in such a smooth, non-confrontational way to tell a very beautiful and eternal story.

His book is a response to several types of biblical criticism, that center on the idea that the gospels don’t give a true picture of the historical Jesus. Not only does he provide his answer refuting these critics, but he does so in the most elegant way, which could serve as well as a model here for those who submit any post in any thread

Great book, it is a true model to follow.

I really like your insight on this –

 

[Traditional_Ang]

It is easy to say what’s on our minds when we are sheltered behind a computer screen, and do not know the people who read our posts- and when we know we likely will never meet each other this side of eternity. We also are on this forum primarily to talk about our Faith. Most of us have other things that we do that may have nothing to do with the Faith- that the people we do those things with may not even know about our faith. There are some that seem to live for these forums, but for most, this is just a small part of a big part of our lives (though CAF is informative).

Online forums also tend to attract introverted people who normally think a lot more than they talk (sometimes, our thoughts are unrealistic and our thoughts can be too harsh if we say them out loud- it is easier to do that without restraint online).

I see a lot of posts on here that propose solutions to problems that are totally unrealistic. I’ve seen posts where the authors seem to get totally bent out of shape over the smallest things- and I wonder if they find any happiness in life.

I have been on CAF for quite awhile now. When I first joined, there were some really radical posters on here- both from the traditional end of the spectrum and the progressive end. Groups tend to mellow down after they have been around awhile, and online forums are no exception. I have seen other forums that make any lack of charity that is on CAF very easy to overlook (a sedevacantist board I came across a few years ago seemed like the people on it would stone the priest to death for making honest mistakes, and made many other ridiculous claims…I am very glad I never met anyone like that before I became Catholic- if I had, I would have run as far away from the Church as I could get…and I feel sorry for anyone unfortunate enough to meet them)

m134e5:

I think this is as right as anything you could say - The anonymity of these forums can be a two edged-sword. On the one hand, shy, introverted people others might never listen to, or take seriously, can have influence they could never have otherwise. That’s because others don’t see the degrees or lack thereof, the money or poverty, the athletic ability or physical disabilities, etc. those posting might have. All those reading the blogs see are the arguments and whether or not they make sense to them.

On the other hand, the anonymity of these forums means that we almost never feel the connections with each other that cause us to care enough about each others’ feelings to edit ourselves as we do when talking to those we know in person. That faceless anonymity also means that we never see the expressions on the faces of those who are hurt by our words and actions, or hear the cry of their voices when they are hurt. That fact makes it easier to not care if they are hurt.

I find that the only way I avoid falling into the trap of the 2nd is that I try to pray before I get on to the computer and before I post, and I try to remember that, no matter how irritated I am at the poster I’m replying to, that poster is a child of God created in the image of God who is so precious to God that Christ died for him.

I hope this helps further the discussion.

Your Brother in Christ, Michael

 

[distracted]

Excuse me for saying but what specific examples of rudeness are you referring to? I’ve yet to encounter the mean-spiritedness you speak of.

Well, i have found many - i have to stop and think which were the worst examples… Right off the top of my head, i recall the vegetarian topic that came up in one forum. Some vegans got pretty irate at being given info that conflicted w/ their pre-conceived notions of what is healthy/what is not… and expressed their irritation w/ rude comments…

And i could come up with other examples - however right now i am in a “good” mood and don’t feel like looking back through the “archives”… I’ll tackle that project later today, i think.

Don’t u have any examples? If so, consider yourself blessed. It seems most people on these forums have had some problem or another…

And whoever said that thing about this forum - “Spirituality” - being one of the better ones, i agree… As “they” say, There really is a difference between spirituality and religiousity…

 

[distracted]

They even had a janitor clean up the bloody vomit around her as she lay dying. No doctor cared to lift a finger to help her even though they had the time and resources to do so. It’s not only the rudeness of society that scares me but also the seeming death of charity and the strong tendency toward violence. I hope those incidents are not indicative of the spiritual bankruptcy of this nation as a whole.

Wow… weird stories. But sadly, the incidents ARE indicative of our spiritual bankruptcy… I’ve seen a big change in people’s “respect” for others or lack thereof over the yrs…
My opiniion is, it pretty much goes back to Martin Luther, who believed that we are saved by faith alone - the old “once saved always saved” thing… I mean, if u think about it, if such a thing were true, as all 2 many Americans believe, why should we bother b eing good…? Yet, if we are dealing with an absolutely Holy God who hates evil and punishes it (chastizes us…), well, its a different story…
It seems only committed Catholics and a few others really believe in that kind of God anymore… Most people seem to think that “everyone” or virtually everyone is going to make it to Heaven in the end… when the scriptures tell us just the opposite… (The way that leads to eternal life is narrow and there are few who find it …).

 

[edwest2]

There are mean spirited people out there. And whoever said that society encourages it was right.

In the early 1960s, society and the media were more in tune with a polite, gentle culture. Now, the word Xtreme is placed in front of everything. An old MTV slogan was “Too much is never enough.” And young people are treated to walking and talking embodiments of rudeness, incivility and man belittling other men, the so-called “shock jocks.” The music also seems to convey a harshness that is unwanted by gentler folk.

And baiting on Christian forums does occur. Sometimes people who don’t agree with Christians come to forums like this to “have fun” or to rile people up. In another thread about a law that would help prevent DVD copying, a loud, and impolite poster said that companies needed to “evolve, or die.” Hardly a rational way to look at both sides of the issue.

There are also obsessed posters who believe (or claim to believe) that in 25 years, say, gay marriage will be no big deal, priests will get married, and so on. And then they back that up with what I call the “insistence argument,” which boils down to, “I insist it will happen and therefore it will.”

Our Christian compassion should not be abused by people who are here just for that purpose. Judgemental? You should be. Just like when you meet someone, hear what they have to say, and after you’re sure about what you heard, thinking, “This person is anti-Catholic at the very least…” And yes, there are a few people that behave in a disturbed manner. No need to be a professional of any kind to determine that.

That said, I do want to say that this place is called Catholic Answers, but I’ve seen a few people that have offered ideas that are clearly not Catholic. And we don’t always have to wait for a Moderator to make a judgement call.

God bless,
Ed

 

[distracted]

m134e5:

I find that the only way I avoid falling into the trap of the 2nd is that I try to pray before I get on to the computer and before I post, and I try to remember that, no matter how irritated I am at the poster I’m replying to, that poster is a child of God created in the image of God who is so precious to God that Christ died for him.

I

Very good advice. It goes back to what Jesus commanded us to do: “Love others as i have loved you.”

To me, that is the sum of the Scriptures… If we only knew what real love was I mean, to me, love involves putting yourself in another’s shoes… That’s not easy, but then, it isn’t really all that difficult either, seeing as how we are all human beings, all created in God’s image, all loved by Him… but i guess some don’t see that… Some posters are not Christian (and don’t always admit it…). But then “Christians” can be the worst…

Anyway, i guess the bottom line is, we either do things our own way or the Lord’s way…
God bless…

 

[distracted]

There are mean spirited people out there.

Quite a few, more than ever, it seems…

Sometimes people who don’t agree with Christians come to forums like this to “have fun” or to rile people up.

Right - and they don’t tell u they are not Christian… Pretty cowardly, huh??

Judgemental? You should be. Just like when you meet someone, hear what they have to say, and after you’re sure about what you heard, thinking, “This person is anti-Catholic at the very least…” And yes, there are a few people that behave in a disturbed manner. No need to be a professional of any kind to determine that.

amen to that!
I get so tired of hearing that accusation: “Judgmental”… We are supposed to make judgments as to whom to be involved with and whom not… When people are rude to me, whether at the forums or elsewhere, i stay away from them because i figure they don’t live by the same rules as i do… t herefore, they cannot b e (100%) trusted… If i don’t take care of myself, who will??
There are some very dangerous people out there. And dangerous can mean “mentally” abusive as well as physically… The world is a troubling place and we Christians don’t need any more to disturb us than what we already have to deal with… A person can get depressed and not even really know WHY he/she is depressed - a hateful person at these forums doesn’t help… A depressed or troubled person is a less effect witness, etc…
God bless…

 

[distracted]

One example of rudeness: I think it was the evangelization forum, someone replied that to witness for Christ at an AA meeting was
"the lowest thing i ever heard of (in missionary work)…

Huh???

So what is the lowest thing YOU’ve ever heard of in missionary work??

(Maybe calling someone else’s efforts “the lowest thing…”???).

 

[Katie1723]

I have read many of the posts on these forums and about 10% or so seem to be written by people who have serious emotional/psychological problems… the most problematic of which is that, through their words, they seem to show that they don’t “love others as [Christ] has loved [them]”.

…

Wow…and here all along I thought I was pretty normal.

Kathy

 

[Mirdath]

One example of rudeness: I think it was the evangelization forum, someone replied that to witness for Christ at an AA meeting was
"the lowest thing i ever heard of (in missionary work)…

Huh???

So what is the lowest thing YOU’ve ever heard of in missionary work??

(Maybe calling someone else’s efforts “the lowest thing…”???).

That was me, and I was careful to distinguish between ‘witness’ and active proselytization. Care to explain just how taking advantage of people at the worst, most vulnerable points in their lives, isn’t monstrous?

 

[water]

CAF welcome people with different beliefs - some people might not mean to be rude but they probably said what they thought it was right

 

[estesbob]

That was me, and I was careful to distinguish between ‘witness’ and active proselytization. Care to explain just how taking advantage of people at the worst, most vulnerable points in their lives, isn’t monstrous?

Agreed. It would get one booted out most of the meetings i have attended over the years-in fact I would be one of those doing the booting.

And yes the sound you hear is that of Hell freezing Over…

 

[Mirdath]

Agreed. It would get one booted out most of the meetings i have attended over the years-in fact I would be one of those doing the booting.

And yes the sound you hear is that of Hell freezing Over…

Hahaha, we can’t disagree on everything

 

[contramundum7]

Care to explain just how taking advantage of people at the worst, most vulnerable points in their lives, isn’t monstrous?

Yeah, it’s right up there with what happened to the Jews in the Holocaust, etc…

 

[contramundum7]

Agreed. It would get one booted out most of the meetings i have attended over the years-in fact I would be one of those doing the booting.

And yes the sound you hear is that of Hell freezing Over…

Whatever…

Since you mention Hell, you may need to consider that you could be on your way there… Jesus didn’t boot anyone out of anything, except in the Temple when he saw that people were NOT focused on him… (as opposed to the person who IS focused on HIm at an AA meeting).

It seems to me that certain people on this forum hold AA.to be sancrosanct… more holy than the Church.

Oh well… Must not be Catholic…

 

[contramundum7]

It is easy to say what’s on our minds when we are sheltered behind a computer screen, and do not know the people who read our posts- and when we know we likely will never meet each other this side of eternity.

So true… which would tend to prove that some people only seem to be focused on this world…

It’s really sad how true it is that, as Jesus said, “The way to eternal life is NARROW and there are FEW who find it.” [emphasis added]

Relevence?? Well, some on the forum write as though they don’t believe there will be such a meeting in eternity… and also as though there will be no real accounting of their behavior…

And the sad thing is, maybe there really WON"T be any meeting in eternity… i mean, we are not all going to the same place.

It is hard to get into Heaven. Anyone who preaches otherwise is a heretic…

It is sometimes hard not to be rude (apparently)… and yet Jesus requires that we refrain from our natural inclinations and do as he did… He loved (loves) everyone and He treated all people with respect. He would never kick anyone out of an AA meeting (for one…) for talking about their Experience, Strenght and Hope (even if that ES & H is Him ).

I’ve been to many AA meetings, have talked about Jesus and about how He has helped me. I have never been kicked out - for that or any other reason. Thank God, the people on this forum who “worship” AA are not, apparently, generally representative of those who attend…

God bless…