Why are we obliged to have Godparents

[Xantippe]

So now I can tell my relatives that one of them can be the proxy for the real Godmother, a person I met on an anonymous internet forum. That should go over well.

Hey,

Didn’t you meet your HUSBAND online?

(Or am I thinking of somebody different?)

 

[Allegra]

The solution is education not elimination.

I don’t propose to eliminate the tradition, but simply make it optional.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

It is nice for me to see that some people even care that their child’s godparents actually be a good practicing Catholic. My godsons brother has a godfather who is not even sure god exists and said when his godson turns 18 he can be the first one to take him to a strip club

When I was becoming Catholic, I knew not any practicing Catholics. Actually I did know one but she had moved 3000 miles away just a year earlier. My Parish Deacon had to help me find a godparent. I had never met her before and she is like 8 years younger than me (Big difference considering I was only 28 at the time) I remember my best friend asking me “Why don’t I just be your godparent?” I had no reservations what so ever telling him “No” because he is not a practicing Catholic. Not that he could have been my godparent anyway, as he is not confirmed yet. He was not upset about it. Or if he was, he did not complain to me about it.

I would have loved to have had a godparent that I really knew and that I knew would continue to be in my life for a long time but it just was not possible in my circumstance.

 

[Allegra]

Hey,

Didn’t you meet your HUSBAND online?

(Or am I thinking of somebody different?)

I did, but it wasn’t anonymous. And my family was pretty scandalized by that too, at first. Though they just thought it was weird, they didn’t feel it was a rejection of them in favor of a stranger.

 

[Allegra]

What’s up to you is how you present it to the child. “Oh, look, your godmother sent you some Magnifikids/beautiful liturgical calendar/a pretty rosary for your First Communion!” focuses on what is there, rather than what’s not there. There’s an emphasis on gratitude.

I don’t think I’d use the “good Catholic” verbiage to the rejected relatives, as that would be insulting.

Your husband works at a church, right? Does he have any ideas? If I were you, I would hand this off to him.

My husband is just as burned out on this issue as I am. We had actually thought we were “all set” for this kid, because his aunt and uncle had agreed to come down from Wisconsin. They’re both Baptized and actually fall into Church every now and then too. Unfortunately, his aunt called the other night and informed us that they can’t come because the doctor told her not to drive that long because of the risk of blood clots and they can’t take the train because his uncle is a former trucker and truckers don’t take trains. I suggested our nanny. She’s practicing, she teaches PSR, and she sees the kids four days a week. She’s at least likely to be in our lives until our child is in kindergarten, so that’s something.

 

[Xantippe]

I suggested our nanny. She’s practicing, she teaches PSR, and she sees the kids four days a week. She’s at least likely to be in our lives until our child is in kindergarten, so that’s something.

Very good!

 

[MomaMary8]

Allegra,

Can you repeat the godparents? If you have one or two who are currently fulfilling the role, could you ask them again? I’ve had to repeat godparents. We’ve moved quite a lot, so local friends were not always stable in our lives. We have sadly discovered overtime that the godparents chosen from DH’s family were not good choices, and we will not be selecting from that side of the family for this baby. We’ve used and re-used godparents on my side of the family. Its at the point of ridiculousness.

To all: Please correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t godparents/sponsors develop in the history of the Church as a way to vouch for an entering church member? They needed a way to make sure someone wasn’t entering the Church just to find out who were members and turn them in (to be killed.) This was my understanding of the origination of the sponsor role. Security.

I find choosing godparents the most difficult part of having a baby. When discovering I’m pregnant I feel great joy and awe. The next major emotion is …well not so upbeat. It’s usually DH that says “great, now we have to pick out godparents” in a voice dripping with dread and sarcasm.

 

[Xantippe]

Allegra,

Can you repeat the godparents? If you have one or two who are currently fulfilling the role, could you ask them again? I’ve had to repeat godparents. We’ve moved quite a lot, so local friends were not always stable in our lives. We have sadly discovered overtime that the godparents chosen from DH’s family were not good choices, and we will not be selecting from that side of the family for this baby. We’ve used and re-used godparents on my side of the family. Its at the point of ridiculousness.

To all: Please correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t godparents/sponsors develop in the history of the Church as a way to vouch for an entering church member? They needed a way to make sure someone wasn’t entering the Church just to find out who were members and turn them in (to be killed.) This was my understanding of the origination of the sponsor role. Security.

I find choosing godparents the most difficult part of having a baby. When discovering I’m pregnant I feel great joy and awe. The next major emotion is …well not so upbeat. It’s usually DH that says “great, now we have to pick out godparents” in a voice dripping with dread and sarcasm.

I get the feeling that non-relatives who get asked to be godparents get asked A LOT–like Allegra’s example of the deacon with the vast collection of godchildren.

 

[1ke]

My husband is just as burned out on this issue as I am. We had actually thought we were “all set” for this kid, because his aunt and uncle had agreed to come down from Wisconsin. They’re both Baptized and actually fall into Church every now and then too. Unfortunately, his aunt called the other night and informed us that they can’t come because the doctor told her not to drive that long because of the risk of blood clots and they can’t take the train because his uncle is a former trucker and truckers don’t take trains. I suggested our nanny. She’s practicing, she teaches PSR, and she sees the kids four days a week. She’s at least likely to be in our lives until our child is in kindergarten, so that’s something.

They can still be the sponsors. They need not be physically present at the baptism. The Church allows for proxies.

 

[Allegra]

Allegra,

Can you repeat the godparents? .

Unfortunately, not. If we could, we would. My daughter’s Godfather is my stepbrother and he is hasn’t been speaking to the family since August because my mother wouldn’t keep his dog when he went out of town. Therefore, I can’t even verify that he is going to attend this one. My daughter’s Godmother now lives in Florida and can’t afford to come up for my son’s Baptism.

 

[Allegra]

They can still be the sponsors. They need not be physically present at the baptism. The Church allows for proxies.

My husband is looking into this with our pastor, but he hasn’t gotten word back yet. I’ve heard of this happening, but it was usually done in the case of the preferred Godfather being at war or sick in the hospital. I don’t know if father will allow it for “trucker pride”.

 

[UbiCaritas]

Well, as a person “in the business” as they say, I’m really saddened by the negativity.

No wonder our children don’t see the faith as any big deal.
It’s hard to catechize children without proper spiritual influence.

It’s not a parent’s fault of their relatives see it as a formality and a membership card that they get punched.
But the reality is that it’s a Sacrament.
One we don’t enter into lightly on behalf of our children.
Surely SOMEONE in a person’s life is a suitable sponsor.

It can be really, really hard to make friends at a parish.

DH and I have been attending our current parish for 3 years. I’ve taught classes there for the last two and a half years, plus volunteered for various things. DH isn’t as able to help because he works traditional hours, but he does make a point of going to certain events, including a major fundraiser for the archdiocesan seminarians, every year in addition to Mass. Basically, yes, we’re involved at the church, and unless we’re sick or on vacation, we attend Mass there every Sunday and holy day.

Six months ago, I decided (with, of course, the pastor’s okay–in fact, his hearty support) to start a mom’s group in no small part because I wanted to better connect with the other moms at our (huge, 3,000+ family) parish. I was tired of not knowing anyone there beyond the older woman I teach classes with and a nodding acquaintance with the staff. I wanted the sort of fellowship and support that knowing other moms can bring. And yes, I had ideas of us all helping one another to grow in faith, and be the sort of friends one can ask to be one’s kids’ godparents. Because, in my not so humble opinion, that’s a good part of what a church should be.

Six months in, there are two other moms attending that group. Two. We leafleted like there was no tomorrow, notified everyone we could think of, told the parents at faith formation and ditto the mother’s day out program, etc. They’re nice women, and it’s good to have met them, but I think we’re all feeling the strain of six months of no success in terms of getting any sort of numbers. The whole thing is incredibly depressing. It honestly seems like no one cares at all about making friends at church around here.

 

[Allegra]

It can be really, really hard to make friends at a parish.

DH and I have been attending our current parish for 3 years. I’ve taught classes there for the last two and a half years, plus volunteered for various things. DH isn’t as able to help because he works traditional hours, but he does make a point of going to certain events, including a major fundraiser for the archdiocesan seminarians, every year in addition to Mass. Basically, yes, we’re involved at the church, and unless we’re sick or on vacation, we attend Mass there every Sunday and holy day.

Six months ago, I decided (with, of course, the pastor’s okay–in fact, his hearty support) to start a mom’s group in no small part because I wanted to better connect with the other moms at our (huge, 3,000+ family) parish. I was tired of not knowing anyone there beyond the older woman I teach classes with and a nodding acquaintance with the staff. I wanted the sort of fellowship and support that knowing other moms can bring. And yes, I had ideas of us all helping one another to grow in faith, and be the sort of friends one can ask to be one’s kids’ godparents. Because, in my not so humble opinion, that’s a good part of what a church should be.

Six months in, there are two other moms attending that group. Two. We leafleted like there was no tomorrow, notified everyone we could think of, told the parents at faith formation and ditto the mother’s day out program, etc. They’re nice women, and it’s good to have met them, but I think we’re all feeling the strain of six months of no success in terms of getting any sort of numbers. The whole thing is incredibly depressing. It honestly seems like no one cares at all about making friends at church around here.

My parish is starting a small group program similar to what goes on at a CRHP formation team. I’d like to participate in that and hopefully make friends with someone with Godparent qualifications by the time my next kid comes along. The groups haven’t started meeting yet.

 

[Xantippe]

It can be really, really hard to make friends at a parish.

DH and I have been attending our current parish for 3 years. I’ve taught classes there for the last two and a half years, plus volunteered for various things. DH isn’t as able to help because he works traditional hours, but he does make a point of going to certain events, including a major fundraiser for the archdiocesan seminarians, every year in addition to Mass. Basically, yes, we’re involved at the church, and unless we’re sick or on vacation, we attend Mass there every Sunday and holy day.

Six months ago, I decided (with, of course, the pastor’s okay–in fact, his hearty support) to start a mom’s group in no small part because I wanted to better connect with the other moms at our (huge, 3,000+ family) parish. I was tired of not knowing anyone there beyond the older woman I teach classes with and a nodding acquaintance with the staff. I wanted the sort of fellowship and support that knowing other moms can bring. And yes, I had ideas of us all helping one another to grow in faith, and be the sort of friends one can ask to be one’s kids’ godparents. Because, in my not so humble opinion, that’s a good part of what a church should be.

Six months in, there are two other moms attending that group. Two. We leafleted like there was no tomorrow, notified everyone we could think of, told the parents at faith formation and ditto the mother’s day out program, etc. They’re nice women, and it’s good to have met them, but I think we’re all feeling the strain of six months of no success in terms of getting any sort of numbers. The whole thing is incredibly depressing. It honestly seems like no one cares at all about making friends at church around here.

I’ve often felt that for a woman, making woman friends means facing pretty much what the guys face when trying to ask women out, but worse in some ways, because you need more than ONE.

When my oldest was a toddler, I also tried to put together playgroups–some success, but similar story. Lots of RSVPs and then crickets.

 

[pensmama87]

I’ve often felt that for a woman, making woman friends means facing pretty much what the guys face when trying to ask women out, but worse in some ways, because you need more than ONE.

When my oldest was a toddler, I also tried to put together playgroups–some success, but similar story. Lots of RSVPs and then crickets.

I ended up in a regional group and that has worked well. There’s about 150 listed members, but out of that, 25 show up regularly to things, three from my parish. We still have a lot of no-shows (I actually did that to someone yesterday because the baby was just not having it, like babies do) but it seems we need a net that large.

 

[Xantippe]

I ended up in a regional group and that has worked well. There’s about 150 listed members, but out of that, 25 show up regularly to things, three from my parish. We still have a lot of no-shows (I actually did that to someone yesterday because the baby was just not having it, like babies do) but it seems we need a net that large.

Yep.

I haven’t gotten around to going to their events yet, but we also have a city-wide Catholic mother’s group, and there are about 70 women listed, but a much smaller fraction than that signs up for particular events.

 

[Allegra]

I’ve often felt that for a woman, making woman friends means facing pretty much what the guys face when trying to ask women out, but worse in some ways, because you need more than ONE.

When my oldest was a toddler, I also tried to put together playgroups–some success, but similar story. Lots of RSVPs and then crickets.

Besides that, playgroups and parish groups might be a good way to network for volunteers, playdates, and pineapple cake recipes, but realistically, you aren’t guaranteed to find the kind of lifelong friends that you can trust to make a decade-plus commitment to the spiritual well-being of your child.

 

[pensmama87]

Besides that, playgroups and parish groups might be a good way to network for volunteers, playdates, and pineapple cake recipes, but realistically, you aren’t guaranteed to find the kind of lifelong friends that you can trust to make a decade-plus commitment to the spiritual well-being of your child.

But you’re not guaranteed that in any other way, either. At least if it’s through the Church, you’ve got a better shot at it than secular groups.

 

[Allegra]

But you’re not guaranteed that in any other way, either. At least if it’s through the Church, you’ve got a better shot at it than secular groups.

I’m not putting the knock on parish groups. You could make lifelong friends that way and I’m sure some people have. I just don’t think it’s fair to suggest that if you haven’t, then you aren’t doing your part in parish life or something like that. My husband and I are both very active in our parish, but we haven’t formed the kind of relationships where you ask someone to make a very long-term commitment to your family. Frankly, I think to form such a relationship would require more time than we’ve had in our parish, or at least for us it would.

 

[maryjk]

Besides that, playgroups and parish groups might be a good way to network for volunteers, playdates, and pineapple cake recipes, but realistically, you aren’t guaranteed to find the kind of lifelong friends that you can trust to make a decade-plus commitment to the spiritual well-being of your child.

Maybe you are looking at this the wrong way.

Yes, your child’s Godparent certainly should be praying for your child. And it would be nice if they are near enough to be there physically as well.

But these people don’t have to be life long friends of yours.

When my son chose his Confirmation sponsor, he chose someone our family didn’t really know. We had seen him at Mass, in the Confession line, and we knew that he sent his kids to Sunday School.

And my son saw him praying, both before and after Mass. My son’s theory was, he wanted to be like that when he grew into a man.

In the past 6 years, our families have gotten together a few times, but most of our interaction is a few conversations before and after Mass. Most of those are either my son telling his sponsor how he is doing in school. Or the sponsor telling my son that he is praying for him.

That’s it. No family vacations together. No hanging out all of the time. Just prayers and checking in.