Why are we obliged to have Godparents

[Allegra]

Maybe you are looking at this the wrong way.

Yes, your child’s Godparent certainly should be praying for your child. And it would be nice if they are near enough to be there physically as well.

But these people don’t have to be life long friends of yours.

When my son chose his Confirmation sponsor, he chose someone our family didn’t really know. We had seen him at Mass, in the Confession line, and we knew that he sent his kids to Sunday School.

And my son saw him praying, both before and after Mass. My son’s theory was, he wanted to be like that when he grew into a man.

In the past 6 years, our families have gotten together a few times, but most of our interaction is a few conversations before and after Mass. Most of those are either my son telling his sponsor how he is doing in school. Or the sponsor telling my son that he is praying for him.

That’s it. No family vacations together. No hanging out all of the time. Just prayers and checking in.

Who said anything about family vacations and hanging out? In order for the child to check in with the sponsor, they have to at least be available by telephone or email. If the person moves out of that parish and is not willing to make the extra effort to check in, then there isn’t much of a benefit. I’m still stuck explaining to my relatives why a person who is completely absent from my child’s life was chosen over someone who genuinely cares about them, interacts with them regularly, and is both physically and emotionally present to guide them if they need help.

 

[pensmama87]

I’m not putting the knock on parish groups. You could make lifelong friends that way and I’m sure some people have. I just don’t think it’s fair to suggest that if you haven’t, then you aren’t doing your part in parish life or something like that. My husband and I are both very active in our parish, but we haven’t formed the kind of relationships where you ask someone to make a very long-term commitment to your family. Frankly, I think to form such a relationship would require more time than we’ve had in our parish, or at least for us it would.

I guess the way I figure it, I don’t need them to be very close. It’s nice to have that, but if they will take their “official” duties seriously and are likely to remain faithful, that is good enough for me.

 

[underacloud]

I’m still stuck explaining to my relatives why a person who is completely absent from my child’s life was chosen over someone who genuinely cares about them, interacts with them regularly, and is both physically and emotionally present to guide them if they need help.

You can explain to them that the Church requires a practising Catholic as a Sponsor (“Godparent”).

That they fail to see this is directly related to why they are unsuitable options.

So - let’s put it this way - you can blame the Church for your choice. If your relatives don’t buy into this and make it about you, well, you’ll just have to own it. It is your faith and sometimes you are called to give account of it.

Matthew 10:35-36 (NRSVCE)
35 For I have come to set a man against his father,
and a daughter against her mother,
and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law;
36 and one’s foes will be members of one’s own household.

 

[maryjk]

I guess the way I figure it, I don’t need them to be very close. It’s nice to have that, but if they will take their “official” duties seriously and are likely to remain faithful, that is good enough for me.

Exactly. I can’t guarantee that I will be in the same city, 10 years from now. And we moved from where our son was baptized, when he was 7. His Godfather is still in touch. But not his Godmother. His sponsor still lives close, but I don’t anticipate my son staying in this area after he graduates from college. If that happens, I expect that he will hear from his sponsor with a Christmas card.

You can explain to them that the Church requires a practising Catholic as a Sponsor (“Godparent”).

That they fail to see this is directly related to why they are unsuitable options.

So - let’s put it this way - you can blame the Church for your choice. If your relatives don’t buy into this and make it about you, well, you’ll just have to own it. It is your faith and sometimes you are called to give account of it.

That is what I told my sister. “You have to be a practicing Catholic.”

In fact, my son’s godparents had to produce a letter from their parish.

 

[pensmama87]

In fact, my son’s godparents had to produce a letter from their parish.

As far as I can tell, this is a requirement throughout our diocese. I’m not sure how strictly it is followed, but our parish takes it seriously.

That could also be part of the reason nobody has been offended - if you’re not regularly going to Mass, or registered as a parishioner somewhere, you won’t be permitted by the Church to be a godparent anyhow.

 

[phil19034]

I don’t propose to eliminate the tradition, but simply make it optional.

If it becomes optional, it will be eliminated because it won’t be used.

The long term solution is better teaching regarding this.

 

[phil19034]

My husband is looking into this with our pastor, but he hasn’t gotten word back yet. I’ve heard of this happening, but it was usually done in the case of the preferred Godfather being at war or sick in the hospital. I don’t know if father will allow it for “trucker pride”.

For one or two of my siblings, neither God Parent could attend because they lived far away, so my grandparents proxied for them.

 

[phil19034]

As far as I can tell, this is a requirement throughout our diocese. I’m not sure how strictly it is followed, but our parish takes it seriously.

That could also be part of the reason nobody has been offended - if you’re not regularly going to Mass, or registered as a parishioner somewhere, you won’t be permitted by the Church to be a godparent anyhow.

This is a requirement everywhere, except when you select a sponsor from your own parish.

(though sometimes a parish might simply call another parish instead of having the potential sponsor get a letter from his/her pastor)

God Bless

 

[Allegra]

If it becomes optional, it will be eliminated because it won’t be used.

The long term solution is better teaching regarding this.

Why would that be? Rosaries are optional, and the vast majority of Catholics still use them.

 

[phil19034]

Why would that be? Rosaries are optional, and the vast majority of Catholics still use them.

The vast majority of Catholics do not pray the Rosary. The vast majority of Practicing Catholics do, but I don’t know a single non-practicing Catholic who prays the Rosary.

Good God Parents are an opportunity to evangelize both the parents and the God child.

The real issue here is the Protestant understanding of Godparents and the societal role they have in protestant culture. This protestant understanding of Godparents is not the same as the Catholic Sponsor.

God Bless!
Phil

NOTE: The more I see this discussion (in this thread, in other threads, and in my own family) the more I believe the use of the term “Sponsor” vs Godparent would be much better.

 

[Allegra]

This is a requirement everywhere, except when you select a sponsor from your own parish.

(though sometimes a parish might simply call another parish instead of having the potential sponsor get a letter from his/her pastor)

God Bless

Our parish didn’t call anyone for my first child. There was no one to call. If this IS a universal requirement, it isn’t being universally required.

 

[Allegra]

The vast majority of Catholics do not pray the Rosary. The vast majority of Practicing Catholics do, but I don’t know a single non-practicing Catholic who prays the Rosary.

Good God Parents are an opportunity to evangelize both the parents and the God child.

The real issue here is the Protestant understanding of Godparents and the societal role they have in protestant culture. This protestant understanding of Godparents is not the same as the Catholic Sponsor.

God Bless!
Phil

NOTE: The more I see this discussion (in this thread, in other threads, and in my own family) the more I believe the use of the term “Sponsor” vs Godparent would be much better.

Quibbling over percentages aside, the rosary is still a very prevalent, and yet not at all obligatory, devotion. Stations of the Cross is another. The point is that there is no reason to believe that making Godparents optional would eliminate the tradition. Lots of people find tremendous benefit in it. If you truly think that no one would do it if it were optional, perhaps we ought to reexamine why and how we do it. People tend to take seriously things that they see a benefit from.

 

[dans0622]

This is a requirement everywhere, except when you select a sponsor from your own parish.

(though sometimes a parish might simply call another parish instead of having the potential sponsor get a letter from his/her pastor)

God Bless

Hello,

It’s not a requirement everywhere. I’ve never had to supply a letter of any sort. More generally, I’ve heard (just here on the forum) of this being done but haven’t seen a law to this effect. That being said, I can accept that some dioceses might have law/policy that says such a letter should be submitted.

Dan

 

[1ke]

This is a requirement everywhere, except when you select a sponsor from your own parish.

No, it isn’t a requirement ‘everywhere’. It certainly is not a requirement of Canon Law.

In our own diocese the office of catechesis supplies such a form if we want to use it to gather sponsor information. The bishop has not published any Particular Law nor even a “policy” requiring it. Therefore, it remains simply a suggestion.

 

[UbiCaritas]

This is a requirement everywhere, except when you select a sponsor from your own parish.

(though sometimes a parish might simply call another parish instead of having the potential sponsor get a letter from his/her pastor)

God Bless

I live in one of the largest archdioceses in the US, and nope, not a requirement here.

Now, the godparents are supposed to be practicing Catholics and not have any canonical impediments, but the only thing that the churches here ask for is a signed form letter from them saying that they understand the role of a godparent, are willing to fulfill it, and are practicing Catholics. No checking with a parish, requirement of baptismal certificates, or anything else of the sort.

(Whether or not this is a good idea is a matter for debate, probably elsewhere. )

 

[Kelfa28]

This is a requirement everywhere, except when you select a sponsor from your own parish.

(though sometimes a parish might simply call another parish instead of having the potential sponsor get a letter from his/her pastor)

God Bless

No, it’s not.

One of the reasons we had some major blowback from family members about choosing a practicing Catholic for Godparents was when my sister and BIL got there son baptized.

The two of them never attend Church unless they are invited to a wedding or funeral. They also have an invalid marriage, according to the Church.

The very first Church they contacted had no issues with the fact that they had never been to Church there, the marriage wasn’t valid and neither of them had finished their sacraments.

Also, despite having faithful Catholics in the family (hubby and I), they went with other non-practicing Catholics who never attend Church.

Nothing was needed to be verified or accomplished.

Now my sister is even more hurt and confused because we still can’t use her.

Our Church needs verification but the one they used didn’t.

 

[alphawoman]

Quibbling over percentages aside, the rosary is still a very prevalent, and yet not at all obligatory, devotion. Stations of the Cross is another. The point is that there is no reason to believe that making Godparents optional would eliminate the tradition. Lots of people find tremendous benefit in it. If you truly think that no one would do it if it were optional, perhaps we ought to reexamine why and how we do it. People tend to take seriously things that they see a benefit from.

The issue is adverse selection. The people most in need of godparents would be the least likely to seek them. If it’s an issue of an adult opting out of an optional devotional, that’s one matter. But it’s a more serious matter if a child is deprived of an important source of instruction in the faith because parents opt out. Really, godparents are spiritual insurance for children being raised in the faith.

Practically speaking, many people make token choices of godparents on their child’s behalf already, or godparents aren’t active in the child’s life. There exists a minimum threshold of interaction below which influence on the child becomes trivial. IMHO, a godparent is someone in close contact with the child, who actively lives the faith in day to day interactions with the child and others, and who actively instructs the child in the faith. That’s what I do as a parent, so that’s what I would expect from someone invested in helping my child grow up in the faith.

For full disclosure, my son’s godparent is my BIL, who is in minimal contact with DS. I would change DS’ godparent if I could. That would be a nice option for the church to consider; options to add a sponsor after baptism if the original is a dud.

 

[Allegra]

The issue is adverse selection. The people most in need of godparents would be the least likely to seek them. If it’s an issue of an adult opting out of an optional devotional, that’s one matter. But it’s a more serious matter if a child is deprived of an important source of instruction in the faith because parents opt out. Really, godparents are spiritual insurance for children being raised in the faith.

Practically speaking, many people make token choices of godparents on their child’s behalf already, or godparents aren’t active in the child’s life. There exists a minimum threshold of interaction below which influence on the child becomes trivial. IMHO, a godparent is someone in close contact with the child, who actively lives the faith in day to day interactions with the child and others, and who actively instructs the child in the faith. That’s what I do as a parent, so that’s what I would expect from someone invested in helping my child grow up in the faith.

For full disclosure, my son’s godparent is my BIL, who is in minimal contact with DS. I would change DS’ godparent if I could. That would be a nice option for the church to consider; options to add a sponsor after baptism if the original is a dud.

All the more reason for the Church not to force parents to choose a person when no one who is likely to fulfill the job description is available.

 

[CradleJourney]

All the more reason for the Church not to force parents to choose a person when no one who is likely to fulfill the job description is available.

Or, create a type of ministry of people able and willing to be Godparents and have them educated and ready for those who do not have family/friends that are willing to fit the bill. I know our parish actively seeks out and supports those who might have a calling to be an RCIA sponsor - and offers to connect those in the program with them if the person seeking to join the Church needs one.

I know it would have been nice to have such a service available to us because we landed in the same boat you’re facing with pretty much all of our kids until the oldest became old enough to godparent the youngest. And it’s not just family members - try asking someone in the parish (here at least) and their response is “isn’t that a family thing? Don’t you want your sister/mom/cousin/whatever to do it?” and basically they decline.

And I know that the priests we have would pretty much say the same thing - just ask someone. sigh

It is a hard and difficult situation for many, many Catholic parents and I wish the Church (and it’s members) would quit acting like it’s not an issue - when for many parents (esp. busy and/or introverted ones) it really, really is!

 

[AClaire11]

I’m 7 months pregnant and still have no idea what we’ll do about Godparents. All of our family members and friends are either lapsed or not members of the Church. While I do have some friendly acquaintances and “outer circle” friends (if that makes sense) in our parish, there’s no one I feel close to or would keep in contact with if we moved to a different city tomorrow.

As for my own godparents, my uncle is one and while he and his wife have sent me presents, kept in touch, and are probably my favorite extended family members, I wouldn’t say they have offered me any guidance or spiritual assistance beyond whatever prayers they may have said on my behalf. And my godmother…there’s a picture of her holding me as a baby and I don’t think I’ve seen her since.

I’d still feel bad about the situation if godparents were optional, because it’s just tough to see other people with huge support networks when yours is minimal at best, but at least then I wouldn’t be forced into choosing someone who will likely not be a part of my child’s life once we move.