Why Are You In Your Present Parish?

[NCSue]

Why are we in our present parish?

Well, first off, we’re converts, and we attended RCIA at the parish we continue to attend. So we learned about our faith here. But we’ve also developed a church family over the years since we joined the church.

I believe that one very important characteristic of the Catholic faith is our emphasis on the importance of community. The ties wie form within our parishes are very important to me. Our church family is almost as close to us - and in some ways CLOSER to us - than is our “real family”. For one thing, our “real family” doesn’t share our faith in the Catholicism as being the true Church. So while we are joined by blood, we are separated in faith.

A few years ago, a new priest was assigned to our parish. Frankly, I have had problems with this man. His manner has been divisive, he has been hurtful to me personally, and many people who were “charter members” of our church have left since his arrival. I spoke to him about my concerns and explained that, as a result of our conflicts, I found myself having problems deriving benefit from Mass. He advised me to find another church. I told him that I was committed to my parish and to our parish family, and that he & I would have to learn to get along with each other!

God in his mercy has granted me the great grace of being able to let the non-essentials go. I’ve been able to forgive the hurtful things this priest has done. I have prayed for him - and I continue to pray for him.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this:

Choose a parish. Stick with it. Develop relationships. Learn to love. Learn to work through conflict. Pray for your parish and for your priest. Love others there.

The church is the crucible where our faith is tested and perfected. We learn to love God and His children there.

 

[Callixtus]

Why are we in our present parish?

Well, first off, we’re converts, and we attended RCIA at the parish we continue to attend. So we learned about our faith here. But we’ve also developed a church family over the years since we joined the church.

I believe that one very important characteristic of the Catholic faith is our emphasis on the importance of community. The ties wie form within our parishes are very important to me. Our church family is almost as close to us - and in some ways CLOSER to us - than is our “real family”. For one thing, our “real family” doesn’t share our faith in the Catholicism as being the true Church. So while we are joined by blood, we are separated in faith.

A few years ago, a new priest was assigned to our parish. Frankly, I have had problems with this man. His manner has been divisive, he has been hurtful to me personally, and many people who were “charter members” of our church have left since his arrival. I spoke to him about my concerns and explained that, as a result of our conflicts, I found myself having problems deriving benefit from Mass. He advised me to find another church. I told him that I was committed to my parish and to our parish family, and that he & I would have to learn to get along with each other!

God in his mercy has granted me the great grace of being able to let the non-essentials go. I’ve been able to forgive the hurtful things this priest has done. I have prayed for him - and I continue to pray for him.

I guess what I’m trying to say is this:

Choose a parish. Stick with it. Develop relationships. Learn to love. Learn to work through conflict. Pray for your parish and for your priest. Love others there.

The church is the crucible where our faith is tested and perfected. We learn to love God and His children there.

NCSue, God Bless you - what you have said should be an example to us all!

 

[thunderballs75]

Whoever told you they don’t vary is a liar. While they SHOULDN’T vary, they always do. Some are more traditional than others. Most are not traditional anymore.

 

[Incomplete]

Cat:

Faithful are the wounds of a friend. You are correcting me firmly, but I do not for a second question your love for me as a brother in Christ.

I am, however, the brother that every sister wants to slap into the middle of next week…one body part at a time if necessary. Shall I interpret your post as acknowledgement that God does indeed have a specific place in a specific local church for me, but that in order for me to see it, I must first demonstrate obedience? Then let Him move me around as He sees fit? Could that be why I am failing to get the “You are now home” message: because I need to seek first the Kingdom, and trust that the rest shall be added?

This is well said.

To go along with what you’re saying, for myself, I was reasonably content where I was for many years, but God had other plans. I wasn’t looking for another parish, but God led me and my family elsewhere anyway. It’s a place I would never have gone on my own, not in a million years. The night we walked in, I had no idea I was being led.

But we needed to be there (still need to be there.) I can’t begin to express what I’ve learned, how I’ve grown, how my life revolves around God in a way it never did before. I still belong to the parish our family joined in the early 1990s, and if God leads us back, we’ll go. But for now I’m certain we’re where God wants us to be. But it was over a decade from the time we joined the parish we are still members of to the time we were led to another parish.

 

[OhMalley]

I am a likely future immigrant to Catholicism, so this question is born of ignorance rather than malice.

I thought being a Catholic was like being a voter: You could only go to the precinct to which you were assigned. “Not So,” I’ve been told. So, I’ve been praying constantly to be led to the Parish where I “belong” and have attended Mass at 5-different ones in hopes of recieving the knowing “You’re Home, Bubba.”

A Catholic acquaintance informs me that I’m being too Protestant about this. He says that, other than stylistic differences between Priests, every Parish is the same. I can hit a different one each week, and it won’t matter. Being a member of the Body is all that counts.

I concede the point that some Protestants - especially us Charismatic/Pentecostal types - have to guard against over-reliance on emotionalism. Even smart Pentecostals caution against this. Still, I recoil at the thought that God has not prepared a special place for me in a group where I need their specific charisms, and where they are incomplete without mine. Just show up for feeding somewhere/anywhere on Sundays, and I’m good to go.

Talk to me, y’all: Do I need my attitude adjusted? How did You arrive at “Home?”

I’m the 7th generation of my family to worship at my parish. My main parish that is.

I also attend a much smaller parish. The level of fellowship is far, far higher than my main parish. It’s a lot more than any other Catholic parish I have attended. Much more Protestant in this regard. Those who hop around from parish to parish truly miss something important.

Most Catholics I know that actually still attend Sunday Mass are ticket-punchers. Whatever impacts their life the least is what they opt for. Most have no idea what they are missing.

 

[GodIsGracious]

Cat gave you an excellent answer. Since you are a convert, I too think you should attend the church that is in your area. I will answer your question last.

I haven’t read all responses so someone may have already said this. Every (Latin Rite) Catholic church has the same mass and same readings. Which is why you can go to your local church in “your precinct” or one across town. That’s what is so beautiful about the Catholic Church. I’ll give you an example that had me amused, to be honest, but it was said out of innocence, I am sure.

Someone I know converted to Catholicism. I don’t know what Protestant denomination he went to prior. Anyway, I was amused by his comment because I thought for sure he’d have gotten this in RCIA. I guess not. He had gone to Mass early on a Sunday morning because he and his family were going to Six Flags. I think they were having some sort of Catholic day here at Six Flags in Arlington. Anyway, that evening they noticed there was a Mass being said so they decided to attend. His comment? That he was “amazed” that the Mass at Six Flags that evening had the EXACT SAME readings as the Mass he attended in the morning. He then said, “What are the odds?” LOL! I LOVE that! Why? Because the odds are pretty much 100%. hehe

I like how Cat said that you need to get used to the idea that you are no longer in charge. So, while you are discerning Catholicism, attend the parish that is in your area.

I had started this exact same thread on whether I “must” attend my parish or if I could attend another parish. My motives, however, were different. Knowing that the Mass is the same everywhere, I’m more “traditional” when it comes to how I would like a church to look. My complaint is that so many parishes, especially up in the area I live, look so very … well, “protestant.” i.e. They’re bland, “theatre in the round” type churches and I just don’t like it. Living in Dallas, TX, I’m in the heart of the bible belt. To give you an example: there is a wee Protestant church across from my apartment complex. I drive north to work and on the SAME ROAD I pass by two, MEGA Protestant churches. oi. So I think there is probably a lot of that influence in this area.

Here is the thread I started:
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=319543

Bear in mind that Christ IS PRESENT at any Catholic Church, regardless of its architecture. I know that.

So now I’ll answer your question.

I attend two parishes. A Roman Catholic Church (Latin Rite) and a Byzantine Catholic Church (Eastern Rite) since the man I am dating is Byzantine. We alternate between the two.

One of the beautiful things I love about the Catholic Church is that it appeals to ALL of your senses. Sight, sound, smell, touch, taste. It’s a full body experience.

That being said, I attend the Roman Catholic parish I attend because I do not like the rather … uhm… bland looking churches in my area. Many remind me too much of Protestant churches, I hate to say it, but they do. I love Gothic architecture and so one of the churches I attend has a “cross” like church. What I mean by that is if you were to look down on the church from the sky you’d see a cross. The architecture is more Gothic in nature. Also, I am attending an adult confirmation class there. (I also hope to move in the area anyway.)

And, get this, I LOVE this. My church has a communion rail. I LOVE THAT! And it IS used.

It’s more “traditional” in that sense.

As I said, the other church, Byzantine Catholic, I attend because it’s the only one in this area and that’s my boyfriend’s parish. Since we’re both in communion with the Bishop of Rome, either of us can receive communion at either of the two churches.

I grew up Catholic and left for a while. And the reason I attend the Roman Catholic church I attend is due to visual aesthetics and it feels a bit more “traditional.” (With the exception of the EMHCs… but that’s a different discussion.)

Anyway, I suggest you do what Cat suggested, attend the church in your area until you are comfortable and familiar. Don’t consider going to another church until after you’ve converted.

But do know this: regardless of the church’s architecture, Christ is present in EVERY Catholic church. Even though visually it might “look bland” to me, I definitely feel His presence.

 

[Dempsey1919]

Those of us who prefer the Extrordinary Form of the Mass sometimes have no choice and must move to another parish. Most parishes do not offer the Traditional Latin Mass and this causes Traditional Catholics to visit many different churches in search of the Mass of All Time. Personally, I am more than willing to visit several different parishes in order to worship God in the manner that I feel called to do so.

It is my belief that the Redeemer wants me to worship him in the Extraordinary Form. I was born long after Vatican II and spent most of my childhood attending the Ordinary Form of the Mass. I left the Church for many years, and thanks to the grace of Christ I returned a few years ago. God revealed the Extraordinary Form of the Mass to me, and I have been attending this rite ever since my return into the Church. The older form of the Mass strengthens my faith and sets my mind upon heavenly things. I truly believe that Christ wants me to attend the Tridentine Mass, and this is why I have no issues with visiting several different churches in order to attend this Mass.

 

[Saint_Sebastian]

I am a likely future immigrant to Catholicism, so this question is born of ignorance rather than malice.

I thought being a Catholic was like being a voter: You could only go to the precinct to which you were assigned. “Not So,” I’ve been told. So, I’ve been praying constantly to be led to the Parish where I “belong” and have attended Mass at 5-different ones in hopes of recieving the knowing “You’re Home, Bubba.”

A Catholic acquaintance informs me that I’m being too Protestant about this. He says that, other than stylistic differences between Priests, every Parish is the same. I can hit a different one each week, and it won’t matter. Being a member of the Body is all that counts.

I concede the point that some Protestants - especially us Charismatic/Pentecostal types - have to guard against over-reliance on emotionalism. Even smart Pentecostals caution against this. Still, I recoil at the thought that God has not prepared a special place for me in a group where I need their specific charisms, and where they are incomplete without mine. Just show up for feeding somewhere/anywhere on Sundays, and I’m good to go.

Talk to me, y’all: Do I need my attitude adjusted? How did You arrive at “Home?”

Your understanding is really not that far off. Of course you can choose a parish to belong to and I am certain you will find as you enter into the Catholic Church that it is not always possible to receive help of any sort from all parishes, rather I believe you will find that once you assign yourself to a parish, all of your services will evolve from that parish and should you desire service elsewhere, you will need a reference from your Parish Priest to go elsewhere for services such as Baptisms, Weddings, Funerals, Confirmations. Usually receiving Confession and Mass can be acceptable at any Catholic Church without references or pre approval.

So your initial perception that you are “assigned” to a parish is for the most part correct in the sense that in order to receive services beyond Mass and Confession, you usually do need special permissions from your Parish Priest and I write from experience. To give you example, I was asked by my daughter to serve as Eucharist Minister at her wedding and in order to do so, I had to obtain [permission or reference] from a Priest who knows for a fact that I have either been trained in Eucharist Ministry or have served as Eucharist Minister in the past. Fortunately for me I was able to obtain a reference from my former Parish Priest from 1996 and was eventually allowed to serve.

Being Catholic in America is much like being American in many other aspects of life. You will need to show evidence of education, references, ministerial positions held, convictions, affiliations etc. in order to serve in the Church in any capacity. If your goal is simply to attend services without assuming any capacity in the Church, then you can move about at will to any Parish without credentials although many Catholic can and will question your presence there including the Priest.

I visited a Parish out of my state and the Priest refused me Holy Communion until I met him after Mass to explain who I was and where I was coming from. When he discovered my faith, he gave me Holy Communion immediately.

 

[mary_bobo]

Whoever told you they don’t vary is a liar. While they SHOULDN’T vary, they always do. Some are more traditional than others. Most are not traditional anymore.

I see you are new to the forum. Welcome. But please go back and read the forum rules. We do not call people “liars”.

 

[Incomplete]

I visited a Parish out of my state and the Priest refused me Holy Communion until I met him after Mass to explain who I was and where I was coming from. When he discovered my faith, he gave me Holy Communion immediately.

Wow. That surprises me, and I’m sure it’s uncommon. My husband travels all over the country and has never been refused Communion.

 

[Sillara]

We attend our current parish because it is the only English-language parish around with RE for our children. We travel 1.5+ hours to get there, including walking a mile to the train station (one way) with five children.

There are two parishes closer to us, but they are in Japanese. Our children do not speak sufficient Japanese to participate in the parish, and the parishes have little to no RE.

So we go to downtown Tokyo. It’s a nice parish. We like it. We tried to go to one of the closer ones, and during that time Daughter #2 made her First Holy Communion and Baby #4 was baptized.

All other Sacraments for anyone have been at our new/old parish, the one where my husband and I were Confirmed. (We’re converts from Protestantism.)

 

[Madaglan]

I attend an Orthodox parish and not a Catholic one, but at one time I went through the process of attending different churches in search for one which I felt was spiritually healthy.

I never had good feelings about the Latin Catholic parish where I attended much of my
later childhood and teenage years. However, I remember having positive feelings for the Latin Catholic church which my parents attended until I was about 6, when the church decided to plan a new parish, and my parents were placed with the planting group. On my way to work each day, I pass by this older church and experience positive reactions. During and following college, where I attended a different Latin Catholic church, I began to look around for a Catholic church that had that which I sought:

1. traditional Catholic environment - i.e. Marian devotion, saints devotions, Crucifix above the altar, etc. Not necessarily “Traditional” Catholic at this point in my life though.
2. Community - parishioners were not strangers to one another. They engaged as a large group in activities outside of Mass.
3. Warmth - parishioners cared and loved one another.

With these in mind, I somehow found my way into a multi-parish Catholic Charismatic group. The people in this group were great, deeply committed to growing in holiness, and were very close to Mary and the saints. I might have stayed with them longer, except for the speaking in tongues, prophecy and other things with which I couldn’t find spiritual agreement. Later, when I attended an Eastern Catholic parish, I felt as though I fit right in. Several months later, when I attended a Tridentine Latin Mass, I thought it quite beautiful, but it was about 50 minutes away from where I lived, and so far as I could tell, there was no coffee hour afterwards. By that time though, I was growing more Byzantine in perspectives and when I moved to a different state, started attending a Byzantine church exclusively.

I attend the Orthodox parish I do because it is the closest one to me.

 

[BlyssfulDreamer]

I am at my NO parish because of where I live and it is a very reverent parish, as they go. The current priest strays on his homilies, but other than that, I am pleased with it. However, I have found a TLM oratory where the FSSP are at and I am now an associate there. I am pleased to have the best of both worlds, contribute to both and love it. But…my heart is with the TLM oratory and frequent services there more than at my parish of registry.

 

[Dempsey1919]

However, I have found a TLM oratory where the FSSP are at and I am now an associate there. I am pleased to have the best of both worlds, contribute to both and love it. But…my heart is with the TLM oratory and frequent services there more than at my parish of registry.

Same here.

I attend both Forms of the Mass and I find great spiritual benefit at both, but as you said, my heart is with the Extraordinary Form of the Mass. I would love to join an FSSP parish but these are extremely rare in the UK and there are none in my area. I see no problem in moving parish if it benefits you spiritually and causes you to grow in holiness. If the opportunity arrives in the future, I will leave my current parish to attend an FSSP parish. At this stage in my spiritual life, I am feeling more called towards the celebration of the Usus Antiquior.

 

[weepixie71]

Ok, you guys are Way over my head with most of that. But the parts that I understand are parts that I have felt guilty about.

I have heard some wonderful Priests. But I find many churches to be about as awe-inspiring as a TGI-Fridays. (No pun intended). Am I wrong to desire to be put in awe? Or is that my personal responsibility, and not that of the church architect?

there are many different types of masses and yet they are all dogmatically the same. no matter what parish, the priest will not speak out against the dogmas.
as for as style of mass… you will just have to hunt.
there are several different novus ordo masses: english charismatic, english solemn, latin, and aramaic aka byzantene (the language Jesus Christ Himself spoke).

you also have tridentine: these are low mass, high mass, and solemn high mass. these masses are only done in latin. and have deep Catholic roots. it has had very little change in 1500yrs.

there is also the eastern orthodox mass: now this one i do not hardly no anything about. ive never attended one.

i hope this helps explain simply what is out there for you.

God be with you on your jouney and i hope Christ welcomes you to His Church soon.

 

[The_Fool]

I attend a parish miles past the nearest one because I have obligations, and because I am usually in the area for Mass. I have seen no grave offense to send me flying away, the temperature there is lower than at home, and just driving conditions to get there in the summer ensures whoever shows up at Mass wants to be there. I might not agree too much with the music (the songs used), but the priests are solid, faithful, and everyone who helps out is enthusiastic for our communal expression of love.

 

[EasterJoy]

I arrived in our present parish because I called the chancery office and asked what parish our home is in. The person on the other end of the line sounded a little as if you could have knocked her over with a feather that anybody asked, but that’s where I went.

Frankly, I wasn’t too thrilled with it when I started. I didn’t like the architecture much (it has grown on me since), the homilies weren’t anything to write home about, although they were doctrinally sound. For several years, too, I was so busy with trivial things and then with my young children that I wasn’t really involved. (It would have been fair for someone there to ask me the same question you did: “What are you doing here, again?”

Little by little, though, I started doing the work that had to be done there. (By this, I mean both the work of liturgy and the kind of the more manual type.) The more I did, the more I wanted to do. Also, before that, when it came time to assign a new priest to our parish, I prayed that God would send just the right one. Suffice it to say that God made a splendid choice. My appreciation for long-time parishioners also grew, the longer I was there.

My advice would be this: unless you have a compelling reason to go elsewhere–for instance, if you need a parish that offers the TLM or priests that speak your mother tongue or whatever it is that you know you need–start with your geographical parish. Whatever parish you do choose, really give yourself to that parish. Make a commitment. After awhile, it will become more and more clear whether or not you belong there. I don’t mean that you’ll judge whether your brothers and sisters measure up. I mean whether or not you can give what they need from you and vice versa; that is, whether you can be fruitful there.

Note that I did not say “want.” I said “need”. You are not going to know what that is unless you tend to your prayer life and make charitable work part of your spiritual life. That will clue you into their needs and abilities to give, and your own. Then you’ll have an idea if you are a kidney or blood vessel cell, finally settled in and humming away in a kidney, a pancreas cell trying to be a hand, an eye cell trying to be an ear, or, God forbid, a liver cell trying to make a go of it in a liver that isn’t connected to the Head.

Changing metaphors, now: mostly, avoid unneeded transplants. You’ll grow the best if you find a single steady spot, grafted onto a solid part of the Vine. Once there, do all you can to stay there, regardless of what the seasons bring, knowing and accepting that there are, everywhere you go, easier and harder seasons. At least, that is what I think works best.

Oh, and always keep your parish and especially your priests in your prayers. If you’re going to trust in God to provide what you need, it is best to start by asking Him to provide, and to end with a “thank you!”

 

[CKNICKERBOCKER]

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=340631

I AGREE WITH CAT THAT THE CHURCH IS TERRITORIAL. I wouldn’t say not to listen to a church that doesn’t offer the Latin mass. The guidelines as to whether or not to offer the Latin mass, has a lot to do with age the the priests, and familiarity and knowledge of the rite, or ability in the Diocese to train priests in the rite. If the mass has been asked for and acknowledged, yet still does not have the demand, the pastor is in his right to say no, and to refer those interested, to other parishes that do offer the mass.

The advantage of having your parish close to home that is if you do grow in your faith and you do want to go to daily mass, or volunteer more, you have a distinct advantage of being able to, without a lot of extra driving and effort. Priest and pastors usually change parishes every 4 to 8 years anyway. Eventually, you will have to say farewell to a favorite.

 

[GodIsGracious]

The advantage of having your parish close to home that is if you do grow in your faith and you do want to go to daily mass, or volunteer more, you have a distinct advantage of being able to, without a lot of extra driving and effort

This line brought to mind another point: you will be generally closer and more likely to be neighbors with other parishoners of your neighborhood church. This will give you an opportunity to get to know them, be closer, start to form community, since our church is a community church.

 

[BernadetteM]

I converted from an Anglo Catholic parish. The parish close to me was very unconfortable. There were some abuses in the Mass and it was much more protestant than my former church.

Then I found another parish which I liked. The priest was traditional. He would have 30 acolytes during the Mass, all boys. The parish was mixed with more modern thinking Catholics and traditional ones.

Then he got ill and had to retire. The new pastor started asking for new people to stand up and introduce themselves and then we were to clap. On Easter, he went from one parishioner to another of different ethnic backgrounds with a microphone and asked them to sing a song in their language. That was it for me. He also made sure that girls were now acolytes. Sorry but to me being an acolytes encourages boys to become priests and why he would change everything so radically I have no idea.

Then God led me to a wonderful parish. It is very traditional. The Pastor offers the TLM each Sunday. Although I don’t attend it, I attend the NO Mass which is quite lovely. They are very reverent in this church. In my former parishes people talked alot before and sometimes during Mass. The priest faces east. It is a small building compared to most, but I feel much more of a community there.

They have many organizations people can be involved in. They offer confession often. The children are taught to reverence Christ on the altar by the age of two or three. People are polite and quiet while in church and many do devotions before and after Mass.

They sing lovely traditional hymns. I think it is what Vatican II expected the NO Mass to be.

Yours in Hearts of Jesus and Mary

Bernadette