Why bother to get confirmed?

[FutureSaint]

The teenage daughter of a friend of ours (regular Mass goers), who is a former altar server, has decided to drop out of the Confirmation program at their church and not get confirmed.

(I also know the son of some friends who actually went through a entire 2-year local program then opted to not get confirmed, but his parents very rarely go to Mass, so I wasn’t surprised. Disappointed, but not surprised.)

It seems that these programs are failing to impress the value of Confirmation onto these youths.

If you had to tell a disinterested teenager why it’s worth it to get confirmed, what would you say?

 

[smndtupidisaftr]

It’s not something that one line would convince them. I’m guessing they’ve grown up in a Catholic culture that was not very deep. They would be a lot more receptive, at least I would be if in the same situation, if they knew the history, they mystery, and the saints. But again, that’s not something that you can teach in one lesson.

 

[FutureSaint]

Assume this one is a lost cause (for now) but you could change the program for other teens.

Two questions:

1. (Still) Why should one bother to get confirmed?

[Playing devil’s advocate, sure, it’s an expected Sacrament and, sure, you get a Holy Spirit “boost” but why bother? Baptism cleanses your sins and claims you for Christ, First Communion gets you the Eucharist, what does Confirmation get you?]

1. If you were in charge of a confirmation program what would you do to try and instill a love of the church even if the teens don’t come in very interested . . . being typical teens.

 

[jpjd]

As a teacher of our parish Confirmation class, I can attest that this is a difficult age group. My experience is, unless the child has been brought up in a devout home where the family’s faith is primary and not cultural (and sometimes even then), the child is at high risk to lose interest and fall away in the teen years.

Confirmation class attempts to teach the doctrines of the faith and should provide activities and service opportunities for putting Church teachings into practice. At the same time, we need to teach these lessons in a vibrant way to keep the attention of these youth who are used to a fast-paced, secular culture. It can be difficult for teachers to do this, (Before anyone jumps in to flame teachers, I would suggest that if you think you can do a better job, please step up to the plate.) and consequently some teens will lose interest. Also, even devout teens can rather easily be side-tracked by the strong lure of the temptations of secular society.

I agree with the previous poster that at this point, there’s probably not a sound bite that would reinvigorate a disinterested teen. But in an effort to try, I would emphasize to the teen that in a world where things seem to be constantly changing and often challenging, our faith is a rock, and keeps us on a path to what is right and good. Confirmation is a sacrament where teen receives the strength of the Holy Spirit to live as a Christian. It is exciting (to me, anyway) to think of a teen receiving these graces to help him.

It’s interesting that you phrase the problem in terms of what the sacrament “gets you.” If you are looking for something tangible, well, there isn’t anything tangible that Confirmation gets you. (As an aside, I’ve always been fascinated that Ash Wednesday is so popular, and I think it’s because Ash Wednesday “gets you” ashes. If it was “just” a Mass without anything (other than the Eucharist) being given out, I bet it wouldn’t be any more well-attended than your basic Holy Day of Obligation - which in my experience, they are attended in much fewer attendance numbers than Ash Wednesday. And yes, I know Ash Wed is not a Holy Day of Obligation; I’m just saying.)

 

[teachccd]

As a teacher of our parish Confirmation class, I can attest that this is a difficult age group. My experience is, unless the child has been brought up in a devout home where the family’s faith is primary and not cultural (and sometimes even then), the child is at high risk to lose interest and fall away in the teen years.

Confirmation class attempts to teach the doctrines of the faith and should provide activities and service opportunities for putting Church teachings into practice. At the same time, we need to teach these lessons in a vibrant way to keep the attention of these youth who are used to a fast-paced, secular culture. It can be difficult for teachers to do this, (Before anyone jumps in to flame teachers, I would suggest that if you think you can do a better job, please step up to the plate.) and consequently some teens will lose interest. Also, even devout teens can rather easily be side-tracked by the strong lure of the temptations of secular society.

I agree with the previous poster that at this point, there’s probably not a sound bite that would reinvigorate a disinterested teen. But in an effort to try, I would emphasize to the teen that in a world where things seem to be constantly changing and often challenging, our faith is a rock, and keeps us on a path to what is right and good. Confirmation is a sacrament where teen receives the strength of the Holy Spirit to live as a Christian. It is exciting (to me, anyway) to think of a teen receiving these graces to help him.

It’s interesting that you phrase the problem in terms of what the sacrament “gets you.” If you are looking for something tangible, well, there isn’t anything tangible that Confirmation gets you. (As an aside, I’ve always been fascinated that Ash Wednesday is so popular, and I think it’s because Ash Wednesday “gets you” ashes. If it was “just” a Mass without anything (other than the Eucharist) being given out, I bet it wouldn’t be any more well-attended than your basic Holy Day of Obligation - which in my experience, they are attended in much fewer attendance numbers than Ash Wednesday. And yes, I know Ash Wed is not a Holy Day of Obligation; I’m just saying.)

I am also a Confirmation facilitator and I have been doing this for a few years. You hit the nail on the head on all counts. Unless one works with the youth they cannot know the reality of what it takes to communicate the faith to young people who come from a variety of backgrounds. For the OP there is no magical answer. It is a cooperation between family life and the facilitator. Ultimately the facilitator is the final twig in the nest and not the nest itself. Parents need to take on more responsibility and even when they do there is always the chance that kids will walk away. Why? Because they are individuals with free will and they will make their own decisions.

 

[Karen107]

Just as a teen becomes a highschooler they have to learn to take their education under their wing and own it, because face it, parents will eventually not be there to make sure they’re doing their homework. And a teen must own their faith as well. From that perspective, teens must become engaged in what they’re learning. Creative ways of teaching them is a plus. Make it pertainant to them, Make them to honest to goodness real mission work so that they understand what it means as a Catholic Christian to serve the poor. Inspire them the best way you know how to Love the Lord! Take them on a retreat like St. John Bosco youth day at Holy Hill Retreat house in Wisconsin and make them experience a High mass for youth. Twas new to me and wow I wish they did things like that when I was young. Surround them with monastary brothers who smile and love the Lord. They might get a kick out of their brown robes… Have someone who’s up on apologetics to do a fast paced Q&A with them. Bring in a priest or nun to answer any of their questions in small groups. Bring youthful music to them. Have them act out the life of a saint. Christian yet Catholic rock or folk players that they can enjoy. Better yet attend a World Youth Day! If you can swing it. There are so many creative ways to have our youth catch the spirit. Our youth have so much to offer their eyes are open and ready to expand, but we need to do what we can on our part to inspire it and adults also need to be up on their faith, or they can’t expect their young to be. Youth ministers… Work with the families. Engage them as well. When planning a program have the sponsors attend workshops with the confirmand and if the sponsors cant attend them have the parents go so that everyone can be a participant. ANd Pray that the Holy Spirit descend on them and have the student pray for that as well. There are sooo many COOL things about our church we should bring out all we have!!!

Oh the question? Why? because it’s confirming their beliefs. It’s no longer the parents wishes, it’s the confirmands.

 

[TimothyH]

The teenage daughter of a friend of ours (regular Mass goers), who is a former altar server, has decided to drop out of the Confirmation program at their church and not get confirmed.

(I also know the son of some friends who actually went through a entire 2-year local program then opted to not get confirmed, but his parents very rarely go to Mass, so I wasn’t surprised. Disappointed, but not surprised.)

It seems that these programs are failing to impress the value of Confirmation onto these youths.

If you had to tell a disinterested teenager why it’s worth it to get confirmed, what would you say?

I would explain that confirmation is your personal participation in Pentacost.

Before Pentacost, the disciples were locked in the upper room out of fear. After Pentacost, they spoke out boldly, not afraid even to die. That’s what Confirmation is, your personal participation in Pentacost. That is what I would tell them. That is what I told my daughter who will be confirmed this March.

The early Church anointed children right when they were baptized. All this nonsense about endless classes and papers and plays and service activities is quite rediculous. These are mysteries, profound and mystical encounters with Christ himself. Two years of preparation is part of the problem, not the solution.

I would make them go to a silent retreat at a monastery in the week or two leading up to their confirmation. No cell phone, no internet, no street clothes, just robes, and no talking, for a whole weekend. Let them wake up at 4:00 AM and pray with monks and nuns, go to Mass with the Brothers, go to confession and sing vespers and compline in the cold abbey Church. Let them bow to the tabernacle when 30 or 40 brothers chant “The God who is, who was, and who is to come at the end of the ages. Amen”. Let them learn lectio divina and how to meditate.

All this activity is the problem not the solution. They need to sit still. There is enough stimulation and activity in their lives. Adding more stimulation and more activity only makes things worse. Let them learn how to find Christ in silence. Let them experience the mystical aspect of our faith.

Nothing is more radical than the mystical experience of encountering Christ.

-Tim-

 

[runningdude]

The teenage daughter of a friend of ours (regular Mass goers), who is a former altar server, has decided to drop out of the Confirmation program at their church and not get confirmed.

(I also know the son of some friends who actually went through a entire 2-year local program then opted to not get confirmed, but his parents very rarely go to Mass, so I wasn’t surprised. Disappointed, but not surprised.)

It seems that these programs are failing to impress the value of Confirmation onto these youths.

If you had to tell a disinterested teenager why it’s worth it to get confirmed, what would you say?

Two students dropping out from two different parishes does not prove that confirmation programs are “failing”.

 

[PrayRosary]

I would explain that confirmation is your personal participation in Pentacost.

Before Pentacost, the disciples were locked in the upper room out of fear. After Pentacost, they spoke out boldly, not afraid even to die. That’s what Confirmation is, your personal participation in Pentacost. That is what I would tell them. That is what I told my daughter who will be confirmed this March.

The early Church anointed children right when they were baptized. All this nonsense about endless classes and papers and plays and service activities is quite rediculous. These are mysteries, profound and mystical encounters with Christ himself. Two years of preparation is part of the problem, not the solution.

I would make them go to a silent retreat at a monastery in the week or two leading up to their confirmation. No cell phone, no internet, no street clothes, just robes, and no talking, for a whole weekend. Let them wake up at 4:00 AM and pray with monks and nuns, go to Mass with the Brothers, go to confession and sing vespers and compline in the cold abbey Church. Let them bow to the tabernacle when 30 or 40 brothers chant “The God who is, who was, and who is to come at the end of the ages. Amen”. Let them learn lectio divina and how to meditate.

All this activity is the problem not the solution. They need to sit still. There is enough stimulation and activity in their lives. Adding more stimulation and more activity only makes things worse. Let them learn how to find Christ in silence. Let them experience the mystical aspect of our faith.

Nothing is more radical than the mystical experience of encountering Christ.

-Tim-

Nice.

 

[FutureSaint]

Two students dropping out from two different parishes does not prove that confirmation programs are “failing”.

I stand corrected. Perhaps “failing those two students”. I guess I’m a bit pessimistic.

I’ve been sitting in on some confirmation classes with my daughter and I’m disappointed. Recently, they spent over an hour cutting out pictures from magazines to drive home the point that what society says happiness is is not always what makes us truly happy. The only thing that seemed remotely educational was when one of the collages included a woman in a bra. “God made us as sexual beings. He made us attractive to the opposite sex, for us to find a partner in marriage . . .”, etc. I thought that was good to remind the teens. I don’t know. Seems a lot of “bloated” activity and not enough learning about the Church and/or not enough time spent on valuable lessons.

My daughter said the magazine project was fun, but she didn’t learn anything from it. “No one wants to be there. They all go because their parents make them. I don’t learn anything. It’s boring. I learned everything when I went to Catholic school. There should be a ‘fast track’ for people like me.”

My wife said the magazine project seems like a 6th grade activity, not something for high schoolers. (You figure in 3-4 years, they will be old enough to legally marry and have their own kids.)

A lot of the kids in confirmation don’t go to mass at all. Their parents simply don’t go. It seems that going mass should be a requirement to make confirmation. Get them used to going on Sundays, expose them to the parish community and perhaps become part of it. Maybe have them meet a “partner family” before mass, that partner family being a dedicated regular Sunday mass-goer. If the parents won’t go—I bet it’d happen—have them drop off the teen.

I like the idea of getting out and bonding with their peers through service. Soup kitchen. Parish rummage sale. Whatever.

There are multiple aspects to developing a teen into an adult practicing Catholic: feeling part of a community (peers and parish), understanding the Church (some apologetics and ‘what’s a monstrance?’), personal spiritual development. Maybe more?

 

[runningdude]

…
My wife said the magazine project seems like a 6th grade activity, not something for high schoolers. (You figure in 3-4 years, they will be old enough to legally marry and have their own kids.)

A lot of the kids in confirmation don’t go to mass at all. Their parents simply don’t go. It seems that going mass should be a requirement to make confirmation. Get them used to going on Sundays, expose them to the parish community and perhaps become part of it. Maybe have them meet a “partner family” before mass, that partner family being a dedicated regular Sunday mass-goer. If the parents won’t go—I bet it’d happen—have them drop off the teen.

I like the idea of getting out and bonding with their peers through service. Soup kitchen. Parish rummage sale. Whatever.

There are multiple aspects to developing a teen into an adult practicing Catholic: feeling part of a community (peers and parish), understanding the Church (some apologetics and ‘what’s a monstrance?’), personal spiritual development. Maybe more?

I remember some confirmation lessons (about 8 years ago for me) being really effective, particularly in small groups, and some painfully inane large group lessons similar to the collage you describe. It can be a tough balance, although a few large group session included Prolife and other compelling lessons.

A few years ago, my parish implemented a requirement that confirmation students regularly attend mass. The church is now regularly standing room only with so many young people. I do wish that there parents would come to help reinforce the importance of coming to mass, but as a point of fact… there is no physical room for them!

Such requirements do seem to have some impact. All through college, I was greatly encouraged that the evening masses were packed with students. It seems that getting into the habit of attending mass does endure for many.

 

[Phemie]

We make the kids jump through hoops to get ‘confirmed’ and we don’t even know what the sacrament is about. It’s not about the kids confirming their faith. It’s not something they do, it’s something that is done TO them. It’s a completion of their baptism.

If we simply presented confirmation as a completion of their baptism, something that is not optional, that results in receiving the gifts of the Holy Spirit and deepening Grace, you’d probably see more being confirmed. The minute you make it about them confirming their faith it opens it up to doubts. They can’t even decide what socks to wear in the morning and you are telling them that this is how they commit to their faith - which they are often starting to question at that age.

Oh, if only more bishops would return that sacrament to before First Communion! You don’t see any 7 year olds opting to not be confirmed. They go to the classes, soak everything up like little sponges and come to Confirmation and First Communion with great appreciation and love for Jesus.

 

[twf]

We make the kids jump through hoops to get ‘confirmed’ and we don’t even know what the sacrament is about. It’s not about the kids confirming their faith. It’s not something they do, it’s something that is done TO them. It’s a completion of their baptism.

If we simply presented confirmation as a completion of their baptism, something that is not optional, that results in receiving the gifts of the Holy Spirit and deepening Grace, you’d probably see more being confirmed. The minute you make it about them confirming their faith it opens it up to doubts. They can’t even decide what socks to wear in the morning and you are telling them that this is how they commit to their faith - which they are often starting to question at that age.

Oh, if only more bishops would return that sacrament to before First Communion! You don’t see any 7 year olds opting to not be confirmed. They go to the classes, soak everything up like little sponges and come to Confirmation and First Communion with great appreciation and love for Jesus.

Yes, some bishops have restored the traditional order of baptism, confirmation, and THEN first communion. The Pope has lauded this move. To my mind, it is a tragedy that the order has been reversed in so many places - there is a reason why converts, at the Easter Vigil, receive baptism, confirmation, and first communion all at once and in that order! One should not be receiving the body of the Lord until one has been perfectly incorporated into the kingship, priesthood, and prophethood of Christ through the anointing of the Holy Spirit.

 

[Karen107]

We make the kids jump through hoops to get ‘confirmed’ and we don’t even know what the sacrament is about. It’s not about the kids confirming their faith. It’s not something they do, it’s something that is done TO them. It’s a completion of their baptism.

If we simply presented confirmation as a completion of their baptism, something that is not optional, that results in receiving the gifts of the Holy Spirit and deepening Grace, you’d probably see more being confirmed. The minute you make it about them confirming their faith it opens it up to doubts. They can’t even decide what socks to wear in the morning and you are telling them that this is how they commit to their faith - which they are often starting to question at that age.

Oh, if only more bishops would return that sacrament to before First Communion! You don’t see any 7 year olds opting to not be confirmed. They go to the classes, soak everything up like little sponges and come to Confirmation and First Communion with great appreciation and love for Jesus.

Okay lets look at that. Shouldn’t our youth decide for themselves whether they should be confirmed or not? If they were confirmed too early, they just might ‘accept’ it and not really understand it. I know 3rd graders who just had their first communion who still don’t quite understand the real presence of Jesus in the eucharist, and even much older than that. When we accept a sacrament, any sacrament it should be with proper discernment or it may just fly by the one only to be left up to the person to figure out later, often much later. You said yourself many adults don’t even understand it. Lets teach our children about it. Don’t we have enough adults who are not properly catechized out there? Make the sacrament meaningful and don’t do it because now we can ‘catch’ them and get them confirmed. Part of discernment for a sacrament is to doubt and question ones faith, and that’s what makes us grow in our faith. Grace comes from God but Faith and trust come from us. Children shouldn’t have to wait till they’ve gone through so many hardships in their life because of dead faith, that it takes them till their old to figure out that the path with God is the right path. Anyway that’s my opinion on it.

And I’m not a priest but waiting for confirmation similarly to what the Jews do and why they do it when a child is 13. Following the JudeoChristian traditions. They should be carefully taught.

 

[dconklin]

I would make them go to a silent retreat at a monastery in the week or two leading up to their confirmation. No cell phone, no internet, no street clothes, just robes,

Make them go??? Robes??? Comically classic! Unfortunately the world and our Church does not and cannot operate this way.

I am Asst DRE of a program that leads about 150 children towards their Confirmation every year. Very rarely do we have one that drops out. When we have, the underlying issues these kids face outside of the Church are the cause.

While not Canonically accurate, you can tell the kids they will not be able to get married in a Catholic Church without Conformation. May parishes follow this “rule”.

 

[Phemie]

Okay lets look at that. Shouldn’t our youth decide for themselves whether they should be confirmed or not? If they were confirmed too early, they just might ‘accept’ it and not really understand it. I know 3rd graders who just had their first communion who still don’t quite understand the real presence of Jesus in the eucharist, and even much older than that. When we accept a sacrament, any sacrament it should be with proper discernment or it may just fly by the one only to be left up to the person to figure out later, often much later. You said yourself many adults don’t even understand it. Lets teach our children about it. Don’t we have enough adults who are not properly catechized out there? Make the sacrament meaningful and don’t do it because now we can ‘catch’ them and get them confirmed. Part of discernment for a sacrament is to doubt and question ones faith, and that’s what makes us grow in our faith. Grace comes from God but Faith and trust come from us. Children shouldn’t have to wait till they’ve gone through so many hardships in their life because of dead faith, that it takes them till their old to figure out that the path with God is the right path. Anyway that’s my opinion on it.

And I’m not a priest but waiting for confirmation similarly to what the Jews do and why they do it when a child is 13. Following the JudeoChristian traditions. They should be carefully taught.

Comparing it to a Bar/Bat Mitzvah just shows a misunderstanding of the sacrament Confirmation. It is not a sacrament of maturity in the faith or a coming of age. It’s simply completion of Baptism. It’s conferred on infants who are baptized when in danger of dying so it requires no “understanding” of the sacrament.

The reason it was separated from Baptism in the West in the first place was because the bishops wanted to retain its imposition for themselves. The East left it up to the priests. It’s really only in the last 4 decades or so that its reception has been push back to the teen years. I was confirmed at the age of 7, when the bishop came to our village. All those who had received their First Communion since the last time he’d been there were prepared for it. We knew what it meant, we knew the gifts of the Holy Spirit, we knew what it meant to receive Communion. I’ve prepared both 7 year old kids and teens for Confirmation. The 7 year olds understood and accepted much more than the teens who wanted to be anywhere but there.

 

[Karen107]

Oh you mean you can get married without being confirmed? Someone shoulda told me that…

 

[Karen107]

Comparing it to a Bar/Bat Mitzvah just shows a misunderstanding of the sacrament Confirmation. It is not a sacrament of maturity in the faith or a coming of age. It’s simply completion of Baptism. It’s conferred on infants who are baptized when in danger of dying so it requires no “understanding” of the sacrament.

The reason it was separated from Baptism in the West in the first place was because the bishops wanted to retain its imposition for themselves. The East left it up to the priests. It’s really only in the last 4 decades or so that its reception has been push back to the teen years. I was confirmed at the age of 7, when the bishop came to our village. All those who had received their First Communion since the last time he’d been there were prepared for it. We knew what it meant, we knew the gifts of the Holy Spirit, we knew what it meant to receive Communion. I’ve prepared both 7 year old kids and teens for Confirmation. The 7 year olds understood and accepted much more than the teens who wanted to be anywhere but there.

I still see the similarity to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah as the confirmand makes an affirmation of faith (maturity of faith). I have to ask you though, why you understood at 7 years old things that adults don’t understand as we have seen here in this post. Of course 7 year old understands things better because they take things on faith so much better than a teen would, but when you ask many adults about their confirmation when they were a child they can’t really tell you much about it or why they were confirmed. They’ll probably give you an answer like they just did it back then. I konw I had mine when I was in 8th grade I think and I picked a name that I liked rather than a name of a Saint. I don’t even remember talking about saints. But I was confirmed.

 

[Karen107]

There is another part of this. Often children end their religious education when they are confirmed. That’s the danger of confirming them too early. So they’re limited in the amount of religious education they get in their youth. And it is important to make a firm foundation of their faith in order to keep their faith growing throughout their lives. because…

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not depart from it.

 

[babochka]

Okay lets look at that. Shouldn’t our youth decide for themselves whether they should be confirmed or not? If they were confirmed too early, they just might ‘accept’ it and not really understand it. I know 3rd graders who just had their first communion who still don’t quite understand the real presence of Jesus in the eucharist, and even much older than that. When we accept a sacrament, any sacrament it should be with proper discernment or it may just fly by the one only to be left up to the person to figure out later, often much later. You said yourself many adults don’t even understand it. Lets teach our children about it. Don’t we have enough adults who are not properly catechized out there? Make the sacrament meaningful and don’t do it because now we can ‘catch’ them and get them confirmed. Part of discernment for a sacrament is to doubt and question ones faith, and that’s what makes us grow in our faith. Grace comes from God but Faith and trust come from us. Children shouldn’t have to wait till they’ve gone through so many hardships in their life because of dead faith, that it takes them till their old to figure out that the path with God is the right path. Anyway that’s my opinion on it.

And I’m not a priest but waiting for confirmation similarly to what the Jews do and why they do it when a child is 13. Following the JudeoChristian traditions. They should be carefully taught.

Your argument that a person needs to fully understand the sacrament before receiving it could be applied to Baptism as well, and is by many Protestants. If a Candidate for Confirmation is an infant, then no personal understanding of the Sacrament is necessary. If he is 7, then he needs to have an understanding of the Sacrament (and the faith) consistent with his abilities at age 7. Likewise a 13 year old needs to have a deeper understanding than a 7 year old. An adult Candidate would be required to have an even deeper understanding than any of the previous Candidate. None of these people (nor I) will completely understand any of these great Mysteries this side of heaven.