Why Boys Are Failing

[Annie]

There is an epidemic of “failure to launch” (for lack of a better term, but I think it’s actually much worse than that) among boys today. And the odd thing about it is that’s it’s a worldwide phenomenon.

Might the US/UN focus on educating girls and women over men and boys have something to do with this?

There are two arguments for this focus: women are more responsible since they are the ones who have children; when women are educated, they have fewer children.

And moving along from that, one might speculate that when women no longer “need” men as husbands and fathers for their children, men have no particular reason to launch.

 

[JimG]

Anecdotally, I’ve notice a few cases of “failure to launch” among several young people, including even a few girls. For the boys, it seems to me to be an attitude of “well, I’ve done college, and I don’t see anything that interests me out there, so I think I’ll just stay home.”

 

[TC3033]

Wait…

Too much “sports time”, but “boxing” (a sport) is OK and a backup…?

So too much “sports” unless it’s the sport you think “makes men”? Do I have that right?

 

[Rozellelily]

No offense but Treasure Island and Anne of Green Gables?
This guy seems very out of touch with today’s times and kids.
Both boys and girls are more interested in computers and YouTube videos then old fashioned literature.

Also, he seems to think that men are smarter then women.
Being smart as a woman is in no way the same as being a feminist.
Many of us women are blessed to have the priviledge of higher education that our migrant parents didn’t have, including us from Slavic countries and Indian backgrounds etc so we honour our parents when achieve this.

 

[Peeps]

My brother and I had what I would consider an idyllic childhood–both parents, Dad worked hard at the factory and the farm, and was strong and handsome, Mom worked in the home, made great meals, read more than more professors, and after school, encouraged us to play outside with friends in all weather, and all day on weekends (except Sundays when our family did “visiting” of older relatives, most of whom lived out on farms, which meant we were allowed to play outside there!)

My brother and I ranged all over our neighborhood, which was (and still is) about 20 city blocks square, filled with older homes, and back then, a delightful neighborhood store where dozens of bikes were parked and children swarmed the store buying soda, penny candy, and occasionally real food for Mom’s shopping list!

The older we got, the further away from home we ranged on our bikes, exploring parks, playing with kids we didn’t know, talking to grownups who were outside doing chores, occasionally helping out the grownups, going to stores at shopping centers on the “main drag,” playing on the playgrounds at the neighborhood stores, building forts with other kids in their yards, exploring the sewers when we figured out how to get into them!, wading in creeks and bringing home turtles and frogs for our mother (who loved animals).

The problem is–today that childhood would probably get our parents in trouble with the law! Unsupervised children outside?! Unthinkable! Talking to strangers (aka as grownups)–dangerous! Playing on playground equipment?! Concussion hazard! Riding bikes on the street with dozens of other kids? We’'re lucky we weren’t killed! Penny candy and soda?!! Weight gain, hyperactivity, rotting teeth!

Nope, nowadays, there are ordinances against allowing kids to play outside unsupervised. At the very least, DCFS would come calling, and probably remove my brother and me and take us to a “foster home” with responsible care-givers.

 

[TC3033]

Learn what “club” teams are doing to youth and to families, and then “you’ll have it right”. It’s unbelievable.

Um…my oldest kid is 11 and has been playing “club” sports since he was four or five. I was also part of club sports from the time I was 10 through college. Please educate me on what this is doing to us.

Maybe if boys were given a bit of boxing practice, they’d grow in physical and moral courage

Oh…sounds like it’s more of an interest in putting them in a position to learn how to hit.

 

[Inquiry]

As I recall the red pill movement was about specific areas of law and society where men are treated badly (battered men’s shelters, paternal rights, bodily integrity, etc). Because there were specific complaints there were specific solutions presented.

Admittedly it’s been a fair few years since I’ve seen the phrase used outside of these forums. The movement could have drifted in that time.

 

[TC3033]

I can see how that can happen, but, to me that’s more of a parenting issue than a sport issue. But maybe that’s just me. I would think most parents now-a-days know what they’re getting into when signing up for sports.

The priest at the wife’s parish blamed sports for low attendance in a homily once… It’s not a sports problem, it’s people. If it wasn’t for sports, they’d find another reason not to attend.

No. It’s giving boys the skills and confidence to take care of themselves as men, and not whine when they get hit. How to stand up when their friends are bullied, or threatened.

And that can only be done by them boxing…learning to hit people?

Confidence for life.

That can 100% be done without being put in a position where you’re tought to hit people. I never boxed…

 

[Jen95]

40% of American babies born to single moms.

What could go wrong?

When was the last time you heard a bishop speak about sexual morality?

 

[TC3033]

Family meals become few and far between;

Eh, we miss a couple here and there. I’d hardly call it “few and far between”

Evidence of repeated small acts of arrogance, selfishness, self-focus in your “superstar” child-athlete;

You’ll see that in boxing too…

Over focus on one’s possessions, one’s statistics, one’s reputation;

Same as above… Is it bad to want good stats?

Sunday practices or games

Don’t see the issue there.

Family plans being driven largely by the overlapping sports schedules

That’s why it’s nice to have schedules in advance. You know where the holes are. Just did this a couple times in Feb.

Dinner conversations become focused mostly on sports, or the next sporting event;

Maybe with some people. We’re more interested in school than talking about hockey or baseball when at the table.

Family entertainment devolves into merely watching sports on TV;

LOL, we did that WAY before our oldest started sports. To be fair, that is hardly our only form of family entertainment.

You find yourself living a bit vicariously through your children’s sporting activities/process. You compare your sports accomplishments with your children’s, either interiorly or aloud to them;

LOL, guilty. But it’s more pride than anything. He’s 10x the athlete I was a his age.

Parental bribes: you find yourself promising certain consequences if your child practices, plays well, scores at a game, goes to practice without complaint;

Never

Family prayer time suffers

Sounds like a parenting issue.

No time for family reading and get togethers;

Same as above

Family outings – other than sports – decline;

We must just be really good time managers.

• Making comparisons between sibling’s sports performance.

Not us, but to be fair our middle child isn’t into sports and the youngest is still a toss up yet.

The list reads like parents who are more obsessded about sports than being a parent and letting their kid just play…that’s not the sport’s fault.

 

[TC3033]

You made a general, wide sweeping statement about sports and the horrors of what it does to a family. I disagree with that statement that it’s the “club sport”. Our family can be an n=1 that it’s not true, or even the opposite…that’s the experience I have. I would also note: boxing, martial arts, etc… can be just as involved (if not more).

 

[RepetantCatholic]

I think young man are falling behind for a couple of reasons and none of it is the fault of women.

I’m 38 and when I was a kid there was major outreach for young ladies to enter the work force in areas like business, finance, medicine and law. So, that outreach worked as more and more women grew into these careers. In the last five years I’ve seen further outreach for women to enter the technical or science based industries including computer science. So, again, the outreach continues and with great success.

However, I see no similar outreach towards young boys and I think that is why in part many boys are falling far behind. So, the Democrats or the Republicans really need to reach young men and engage them on the skill sets and manners necessary for success. I lift weights and exercise and have been part of boxing clubs in the past but I am not macho. I learned from a young age growing up in a working class community machismo is a recipe for disaster in the work force and in personal life. I see far too many young men get into bro culture and machismo and I know that they are going to struggle in life.

The skill sets necessary to succeed I find are consistent with Catholicism and Catholic teaching. A sense of humility, gratitude, charity, placing oneself last, the golden rule, honor thy mother and father. All this along with a strong work ethic allows almost anyone to make it to the middle class. But in the secular world away from the religious world too many boys are being raised with the strongest survives. That’s fine if you are in a military situation but life is not a battle and should not be seen as one especially in the civilian world. Instead, young boys have to learn cooperation along with etiquette and a sense of hard work.

Again, this applies to all positions that take place in an office and even the skilled trades which have their own cultures. I’m disabled but before developing my disability I worked in Finance and went to Law School. I’ve never believed in bare bones competition or battling my way to the top. For me it was listen to Catholic doctrine, “the first shall be the last and the last shall be the first,” and hard work and I was able to comfortably get places. Again, I developed my disability so life took a turn but had it not I would be middle class.

So, again Democrats or Republicans have to reach young boys of all races and really give them a lesson in the basics: etiquette, empathy, cooperation, professionalism.

 

[Legend]

I was mainly speaking of the movie ‘The Red Pill’ released in 2017, and, currently, available for watching on YouTube, for free with ads.

One of the things addressed are the fact that men are more encouraged to take life-threatening jobs (fireman, police officer, soldier) than are women. Which seems to be true, but both Men, and women seem to be pretty much in charge of what jobs they take. Those inside the movement never seem to present solutions to these problems. As I said before, they just say that women should count themselves lucky.

The most emotional moment, imo, is a story that’s truth is never actually backed up; one of the louder activists tells the tale of a so-called happily married man, whose son is in an accident, and he finds he can’t be a blood donor for his son, as tests prove he’s not the real father! Further testing shows that none of his five children are his; an unnamed ‘neighbor up the street’ is found to be the father of all his so-called Kids!

A powerful story, but not backed up with facts…I can’t think of any justification for the wife/mother. But, because no facts are provided, we can’t even prove this one case is true.

As I recall, some fathers, whose child mamas don’t want to raise kids, had hard times keeping any of their kids from being adopted. But, in every case cited, these fathers prevailed in court, and now have their kids. I suppose this was shown to show how much easier it is for a woman to keep a child? But, these were women who didn’t want kids!

It’s kind of uneven, and uses the ‘female?’ way of emotionally showing a set of factoids. It was made by a woman…a former feminist who was trying to discredit this movement, but ends up joining it-as far as a woman can.

Oh, I know that ‘Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche’ is an old saying…just trying to show the idea isn’t so new. But it isn’t so old, either. Hope I didn’t derail this conversation. Just saying what I saw. Most sites today seem to just want to bash feminism.

Back to the scheduled discussion. I won’t be debating anyone here, so this, most likely, is my last post on this thread.

 

[Neithan]

It’s essentially a failure of motivation for boys. It’s difficult to ascertain what the root cause is. There is a cultural momentum for women now that includes a vague message that there is something very “wrong” with men, and women are the solution, if men would get out of their way and leave them alone. Even I feel it and I’m in my 30s, so I can imagine the impression it has on children. Reversing this and pointing the finger at women as the problem is hypocritical. At the same time there is a gender diversity movement that proclaims the differences between men and women are superficial, which contradicts feminism. So boys are receiving a mixed cultural message that there is something wrong with maleness and nothing particularly valuable about masculinity.

 

[Rozellelily]

Obviously there’s more acceptance of men becoming like women and women becoming like men in western worlds, but I don’t think this has any connection to boys being educated primarily by women and inside in classrooms.

This is how kids are educated for much of Europe too, and have been for many years, and men are still masculine and women are still feminine there.

Really, schools should ban phones nationwide while kids are at school, and encourage outdoor play.

Schools are part of the problem, because they have now conditioned kids to use IPads for school work instead of books, so no wonder why kids are more interested in TikTok and YouTube instead of climbing trees etc…

I can’t speak for USA, but I live in Australia of migrant background, and here the Uni’s are roughly 50/50 % gender so if there is some “lack of motivation” going on in USA males, it is not happening in Australian males so perhaps the author should ask why that is?

 

[Rozellelily]

And then the daughters unwittingly repeat the pattern by seeking a “bad boy” because they are subconsciously looking for dads love and then this bf often leaves/cheats so they end up single mums themselves.
The son, likewise sometimes repeat the pattern of dad and becomes the player/unreliable etc.
So when there is no strong male role models, end result of all bad for society.

 

[meltzerboy2]

In fact, there has been the reverse argument, namely, that we are failing girls by their having to be in the same classroom with boys. Hence, the preference in girls’ education for same-sex girls’ schools: elementary through college, with women teachers.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Boys are failing because they are not artificially being propped up based on gender. IOW, some boys are failing, others are excelling, and everything in between.

 

[MamaJewel]

Both boys and girls are more interested in computers and YouTube videos then old fashioned literature.

You’re on to something.
I heard something a few months ago that kids would rather be social media stars than be an astronaut.
So, it isn’t just old fashioned literature that kids aren’t interested in.

Playing on playground equipment?! Concussion hazard!

Or needle hazard due to the opioid epidemic.

 

[JimG]

Literature studies will be moved to the archeology department?