Why can't I believe???

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So recently a few of my friends have converted to christianity (many of them were atheist, wiccan, etc). They have found this zeal towards their newfound religion and believe it beyond anything else. They say that they have been touched by the light of God. Their attitudes towards everything have completely changed. Though I’m happy about this, I can’t help but feel left out. How come, through my conversion of belief I have felt nothing but indifference? I don’t have zeal or the feeling of gratitude that I have found the light. All i feel is a skepticism, that my conversion was nothing but a dream. No matter how much I try, and this was true even before my “dry spell”, nothing seemed solid for me. My beliefs tend to go back and forth, my thoughts as well. Have I not found what they have? Why am I treating it differently? My friends tell me it is because I am a natural born skeptic. They also say that because I “lost my innocence” so young, I have a hard time believe things that aren’t concretely in front of me. I don’t want this anymore…

Please help…
 
Sarc, are you looking for instant faith (having that wave just come over you like some of your friends may have)? You’ll find that the wave, as well as their faith, often goes away just as quickly.

Keep searching. That’s step number 1. What are you doing to find the answers? Are you praying to God for guidance daily even when you feel He’s not listening? Have you read any good books about faith? Try something that’s not too deep “Scott Hahn’s, A Father Who Keeps His Promises” is a book that helps bring to light the Old Testament. These are stories you’re already very familiar with, but do not appreciate the full meaning of. Edward Sri’s “Mystery of the Kingdom” really fleshes out the stories in the Gospel of Matthew. What these books did for me was ignite a fire in my soul that made me want to learn more about God’s Love for us.

My conversion took about two years. I was looking for that wave to crash over me like many of my friends. What I didn’t realize, that instead of a wave, it was a slow rising tide. Before I knew it, the tide had risen over my head and I realized it had been growing steadily in my heart the whole time. I hope it’s help grow the roots in fertile soil for me.

Sarc, look at Abraham, Moses, and others in the Bible. Understand that God is patient and that he expects patience from us, so just keep trying.

God Bless,

NotWorthy
 
Faith is a gift. Continue to ask God for that gift.
God bless you.
Deacon Tony
 
Thanks guys…it just seemed to me, with the experiences of my friends, that I was going about it wrong. I’ve been trying to pray and I’m reading C.S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity” as well. It just seems like its been so long (3 years) and I’m getting nothing out of it…but I will keep trying!!
 
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sarcophagus:
Thanks guys…it just seemed to me, with the experiences of my friends, that I was going about it wrong. I’ve been trying to pray and I’m reading C.S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity” as well. It just seems like its been so long (3 years) and I’m getting nothing out of it…but I will keep trying!!
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May i ask you to describe a typical week with regard to christianity and what you do and then maybe we can help a little more?
 
Dear friend

What you desire, so there is your treasure.

If you desire God with all your heart, mind and spirit, you will find Him. You will find Him because He draws you to Himself; He seeks you first, loves you first and so therefore you seek and love Him. No-one who truly seeks God does not find Him.

Make Jesus your treasure; indeed He is the only treasure. He is Truth, in humanity and Divinity, the Truth of everything. Jesus wasn’t just a wise man with a bunch of good ideas sent down from heaven to tell us how to lead a better life for the rewards to be seen here and now in this life.

Jesus is the face of the Father, Jesus is Almighty God and so He is Truth Incarnate and His rewards are eternal Love. Not a concept to be toyed with, nor something to be played with.

You have met Jesus by His grace and He has graced your heart with the Holy Spirit. Do you think the meek and humble of Heart Jesus, is going to act anything other than this? No, He doesn’t, Jesus is so gentle we have to be very still and very silent to even notice His Presence.

This is the first flush of Love of God and so your friends are as babies, fed from the breast with many consolations and excitements. This is indeed a beautiful period, but this period will end and we have to stand in faith and by faith with or without these excitements and consolations, which is an even more beautiful period.

I can assure you, when you think God has left you ( I say ‘think’ because it is never true, God never leaves us) and you feel weak and trembling in faith, God is ever more closer to you than you can ever imagine. As St Paul says ‘it is when I am weak that I am truly strong’ because this is precisely when God is ever closer to you, upholding you in His gift of faith.

Your friends are being fed on milk and you friend are being put down from the breast and asked to stand in faith.

Pray. Beside your daily work and loving others…Pray! That is all you should do now, just pray and persevere. Keep the Sacraments and Pray. Ask for the gift of perseverance. So many give up, precisely when they should fight the good fight all the harder, that is the race friend, that is what it is all about, embracing the gift of faith at all times despite ourselves and all other surrounding events. The Father grants the gift of faith to all men and so many ignore it, so many embrace it only to fall away when the going gets tough, some go on for awhile but get weary and some go on and on and persevere despite everything to the end. Jesus’ parable of the sower shows this. God has no favourites, He gives so generously to all never giving up on His children, it is they who forsake Him, it is ourselves that lose will to follow His Will.

True zest for God is persevering in faith despite all emotions and surrounding circumstances.

You must pray more and ardently, surrendering will , spirit, soul and heart to your Divine lover , who loves you to such an extent you cannot endure it in this life, it is so encompassing.

Pray!

I will remember you before the Blessed Sacrament in prayer

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa
 
Dear friend

Constantly ask the Lord …

'What do You want of me now Lord? Give me Your will to accept it and give me Your grace to do it…Amen

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa
 
You remind me a little of myself when I was starting to take my faith journey seriously. I needed to realize one thing first: that my ingratitude was the root of my difficulty. I was looking for the easy way… the bells, whistles, the instant results. I felt indifferent at times because I was hurt and I needed God to come and fix things… NOW.

The I realized with the help of a great friend, that I was looking at my faith with dark covered glasses (ingratitude). It was suggested to me that I begin to see the world with gratitude for the good things I have, even if it meant to make a list to remember it when I couldn’t. I needed to think about how much I was loved by God. I think back on it now and realize God was handing me a precious gift, and my indiference was an attitude that was hurtful to myself and to God. imagine handing a gift to a friend and have them turn away with indifference. But god was handing me MY gift, not anyone elses. Try not to compare yourself to your friends, this is your journey with God.

After I looked at my ingratitude and saw how it was showing in my life in a profound way, I realized it was my pride. I wanted to be in charge. I wanted God to do it my way. One day while praying, I felt this understanding. It was about 2 years since my conversion began. I began asking the right questions. Rather than demand God make Himself present and give me good feelings, I began to ask if He would show me what was keeping me distant from Him. I asked him to show me ways that I could grow. I would sit in silence to hear what I could. It came slow, but it was sure.

I think the first step for you dear person, it to look at your ingratitude and indifference and try to replace those feeling with gratitude. Like I said, I had to make a list because I was so ungrateful, I could never remember the good things (friends, work, church, flowers… whatever)

Next research the sin of pride. It is where ingratitude comes from. Identify how pride seeps into your life and rid yourself of it by making other choices. Pride is one of the seven deadly sins and is so common to our human nature.

Remember always that God is nearer to you than you think. Don’t give up. You are brave to adress this because good fruit will come if you are willing to do the work, and since you say you don’t want this anymore, I am guessing you are willing to do the work. It will come - when you believe there will be a better day.

It is hard now because God is asking you to grow - to move to another level of relationship. God bless you.

“Lord I believe, help my unbelief”
 
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sarcophagus:
Thanks guys…it just seemed to me, with the experiences of my friends, that I was going about it wrong. I’ve been trying to pray and I’m reading C.S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity” as well. It just seems like its been so long (3 years) and I’m getting nothing out of it…but I will keep trying!!
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Do you pray the Rosary everyday? I highly recommend this. Make sure you really concentrate as best you can on meditating on the mysteries. There’s a reason Mary says her “soul doth magnify the Lord.” I was shaky until I began praying the Rosary everyday. Things began to become so much clearer (magnified!) after that and my belief and faith have been soldified and are unshakeable now. Give it a try. And of course keep praying for faith.

You obviously want to believe so you must know there is something there to believe in, you just need to get over the hump. Maybe our Lady can give you that little push you need.

Oh, and don’t get down on yourself!
 
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Genesis315:
Do you pray the Rosary everyday? I highly recommend this. Make sure you really concentrate as best you can on meditating on the mysteries. There’s a reason Mary says her “soul doth magnify the Lord.” I was shaky until I began praying the Rosary everyday. Things began to become so much clearer (magnified!) after that and my belief and faith have been soldified and are unshakeable now. Give it a try. And of course keep praying for faith.

You obviously want to believe so you must know there is something there to believe in, you just need to get over the hump. Maybe our Lady can give you that little puch you need.
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I could not agree more. Starting a daily rosary was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. It may take some getting used to at first, and feel awkward, but persevere in studying the mysteries and if you keep on trying God will certainly notice your effort. I guarantee you won’t be sorry! 🙂

(p.s. This is such a refreshing change from talking to certain stubborn Muslims over in the “Islam” forum… :banghead: )
 
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sarcophagus:
Thanks guys…it just seemed to me, with the experiences of my friends, that I was going about it wrong. I’ve been trying to pray and I’m reading C.S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity” as well. It just seems like its been so long (3 years) and I’m getting nothing out of it…but I will keep trying!!
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Do keep seeking. Your perseverance in pursuit of truth will be rewarded with the faith you desire. I find your spirit refreshing. I haven’t seen any of your other posts, but based on your posts in this thread alone I see you as a person of faith who is on a unique journey with the Lord. Prayer is never futile. Don’t be concerned about getting nothing out of “Mere Christianity” as related to a time frame. C.S. Lewis’ writings are valuable and though it may take a read or two you may be getting more out of it than you know at present. May God continue to bless your openness to Him.
 
a teacher once told me " so many people are asking God to help them find him, when the far easier approach is to ask God to find you"
 
FONT=Courier New]I had travelled far from the church-though I am a cradle catholic. When Jesus started to call me back I hardly noticed it was happening. I resumed going to for mass, first with indifference, then with a growing sence of devotion, but my faith remained stagnant and I was like you deep in doubt untill I made a strenous effort to change the way I lived. I was, as many persons do, who believe what is good for them is what is right, in a wayward life style. I did manage to set my life straight, but it was a struggle, with myself , with some of my dearest friends who could not accept what I was doing. I believe once you totally accept Jesus he takes you over, and you *have * to change, or in time he leaves you to you own devices . It is a choice that has to be made. there will be no serious conversion if major sin is left in your life. And I do mean very serious sin. But He helps, He makes it easy. His yoke *is * light.
 
Belief, like love, is a choice of your Will. We choose to believe, just as we choose to love.

You can say “yes” with your “Will,” but sometimes it may take time for your mind to catch up.

Modern society programs us not to believe. What may help your mind is to some de-programming techniques, such as, turning off the TV and radio. Perhaps you could go camping. Immerse yourself in God’s creation, and see the miracle around you, that all of these things did not come about by chance. Every small thing in nature is made (perhaps except for spiders, scorpions, mosquitoes and snakes) for our enjoyment. God gave us the gift of His Creation to enjoy, so go enjoy it for awhile. Perhaps in the silence, amongst the chirping of birds and the singing of crickets, you’ll find the answer you seek: faith.

You may need to peel away at the person the world has made you before you can find your faith, so perhaps getting away from the world for awhile may help. Think of yourself as an onion. To get to the core of the onion without damaging it, you need to peel away at it, layer by layer. You could take a knife, cut the onion in half and get to the core quickly, but you’d end up damaging the core of your soul, for it too, would be cut. Don’t force it.

Also, don’t beat yourself up over it. When I first became a Christian, I was in the same place. I wanted to believe, but my mind couldn’t. It took about three months for my mind to catch up to my desire to believe. Be patient. It’ll come.

In the mean time, pick up a small beginner’s catechism and simply start reading. Maybe take it with you camping.

God bless you!
 
Wow, i never knew it was so hard for Christians themselves to actually believe. Why do you guys put yourselves through this mental torture?

Also, if faith is a gift from God, then it’s God’s fault you don’t have it.
 
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atheos_sum:
Wow, i never knew it was so hard for Christians themselves to actually believe.
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Yeah, I think we all have moments (sometimes long strings of moments) when it’s very hard to believe.
Why do you guys put yourselves through this mental torture?
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Well, for me, my faith is more than an intellectual exercise (although I do believe that it is a reasonable faith). It’s a relationship. It comes down to trust. I know that in the past, God’s led me through discouragement, dryness, and months of sadness, and I’ve discovered that He worked through the difficulties to bring an even greater blessing. My experience tells me to trust Him this time, too. It’s kind of like a friend–if I have a friend who always comes through for me, even if he seems to be busy with other things, I’ll trust that he’ll come through for me again.
Also, if faith is a gift from God, then it’s God’s fault you don’t have it.
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Well, yes and no. I do believe that there are some people God gives the gift of faith to in an extraordinary way, and others who He allows to experience more doubts. I believe that He knows what’s best. Perhaps the people who experience more doubts actually develop a stronger faith in the end because it’s not based in emotionalism but in an act of will, and the people for whom faith comes relatively easy develop in other ways.
On the other hand, God offers us gifts, but we have to be receptive to them. Sometimes, we might think we are open to His gifts, but we really have something we are putting in the way of it. We need to allow Him to remove whatever is keeping us from Him in order to be truly receptive to what He wants to give us.
 
Hi,

Sorry to hear about your dry patch. Faith is not a feeling though. You don’t have to be feeling good to be sure you have faith. It’s great if you do, but unnecessary.
There are many proofs you can look into which may increase your faith. These are besides all the historical and intellectual evidence that shows the Catholic Church to be the true Church and that God exists. And that Christianity is different from all other religions in that it claims to be able to prove it was directly founded by God himself - Jesus Christ.
Try looking into these sisns from God which he has given to prove his existence and the truth of the Church. Of course you need an open mind and faith to accept them. But they are compelling-
  1. Eucharistic miracles- the Caatholic Church is the only one to have these and they date back several centuries and can still be viewed today. These are signs from God to us of the truth of the real presence.
  2. The incorruptible Saints- The first one died in 177 AD and there have been over 400 of them. No other religion can offer such phenomena as these miraculously preserved Saints. They have been scientifically examined and many can be viewed today. There has been no tampering and they are exclusively Catholic.
  3. No other religion incl. other Christians has places like Fatima, Lourdes etc where genuine and scientifically verified miracles have been happenning to this day. And these are genuine miracles. Ones that science can test and not explain.
  4. There are miraculous images like the shroud of Turin and our Lady of Guadalupe. Check them out too.
    5.There is more evidence in the lives of 1000’s of Saints. Many had special gifts from God and performed many miracles. And many of these miracles and gifts like stigmata have been tested by science and proven to be genuinely miraculous. Not like Benny Hinn where the people are back in wheel chairs the next day.
I hope you find this useful.
 
Hi,

Sorry to hear about your dry patch. Faith is not a feeling though. You don’t have to be feeling good to be sure you have faith. It’s great if you do, but unnecessary.
There are many proofs you can look into which may increase your faith. These are besides all the historical and intellectual evidence that shows the Catholic Church to be the true Church and that God exists. And that Christianity is different from all other religions in that it claims to be able to prove it was directly founded by God himself - Jesus Christ.
Try looking into these sisns from God which he has given to prove his existence and the truth of the Church. Of course you need an open mind and faith to accept them. But they are compelling-
  1. Eucharistic miracles- the Caatholic Church is the only one to have these and they date back several centuries and can still be viewed today. These are signs from God to us of the truth of the real presence.
  2. The incorruptible Saints- The first one died in 177 AD and there have been over 400 of them. No other religion can offer such phenomena as these miraculously preserved Saints. They have been scientifically examined and many can be viewed today. There has been no tampering and they are exclusively Catholic.
  3. No other religion incl. other Christians has places like Fatima, Lourdes etc where genuine and scientifically verified miracles have been happenning to this day. And these are genuine miracles. Ones that science can test and not explain.
  4. There are miraculous images like the shroud of Turin and our Lady of Guadalupe. Check them out too.
    5.There is more evidence in the lives of 1000’s of Saints. Many had special gifts from God and performed many miracles. And many of these miracles and gifts like stigmata have been tested by science and proven to be genuinely miraculous. Not like Benny Hinn where the people are back in wheel chairs the next day.
I hope you find this useful.
 
Thanks to all who replied. I can tell you that since I quit drugs, I haven’t been able to pray or much less think of God. I don’t know why that is. I want to but it never happens. It weird to explain it this way but I have yet to set foot in a church because I feel as if I will defile it in some way. That I am not at all worthy of being in the building. I sometimes walk past it thinking “I’m gonna do it this time, I’ll go in and pray” but once I get there, this feeling comes over me that I am not allowed in there and it’s such a strong feeling that I end up not bothering. I don’t know where this comes from or why it is happening. My friends tell me it’s the devil trying to toy with my mind, but I don’t know.
 
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