Why can't I feel remorse for my sins?

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I’ve watched pornography and masturbated for 2 years. I finally quit, but I cant feel remorse. I try most everyday to repent for a month and it’s just a sobbing fast with sorrow in my mind and in my heart. My heart is separated from my mind. It’s not me and just isn’t there. I educated myself on my sins and I’m aware of the effects it has on me and how it hurt God, but my heart doesn’t get it, but my mind does. I turned away from these sins for a month now and it’s going well. I have no intentions of relapsing and when I have the temptation, I run to God. It’s just that I’m not sure if I’m forgiven. Before when I used to masturbate and pray for forgiveness, I felt awful, my heart was broken, and immediately after I’d feel God’s presence. Now, I can’t repent like that but I’m able to stop relapsing unlike before, but my heart is solid and I can’t feel God’s presence. I quit out of knowledge and dedication to God, but why can’t I feel his presence or make my heart feel the gravity of the situation once again? How can I be forgiven? I desperately want to be forgiven, my mind wants it, my heart is just solid. What’s going on? How can I receive my forgiveness?
 
You are expressing remorse. You don’t want to do it as it offends God.
Have you not confessed this to your priest? If you say it’s been a month you haven’t done it. If you’ve already confessed, you’re already forgiven
 
I have confessed before, but I couldn’t speak of my old masturbation habits and pornography habits. Therefore my confession was invalid. The next God gave me the great opportunity of a surprise confession when I chose to go to Sunday school instead of skipping the day. I chose to confession where I confessed my sins of pornography. It was face to face unlike last time, so it was terribly awkward,“I watched x rated movies… and… you know…” but I don’t think he understood that and after confession was over I cried in the bathroom and prayed again for forgiveness because my confession was invalid. My heart doesn’t seem to understand by I desperately want to be forgiven by God and I know that I hurt him and want to make it right. I prayed to make my heart understand and feel the gravity it should, but I’m left in my own tears and my heart never understands.
 
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If you forget your sins it is still valid.

Your second confession doesn’t seem invalid.
 
In regards to you thinking he didn’t understand what you meant, a Priest will probably ask you to elaborate if he requires more information. Obviously I wasn’t there, but to me it doesn’t sound like you were intentionally omitting a sin or trying to mislead him. Still, it’s always best to be clear about the kind and (when possible) number of sins. I know it can be hard; I’ve had my troubles expressing myself in the confessional at times, as well. Just do the best you can; God isn’t a computer looking for cold statistics or waiting to say “gotcha!”

If you really feel you need to make another confession (and be careful here; you sound a little scrupulous, and please don’t take that as an insult, because I’m scrupulous too), just go to the Priest and lay it all out for him. Schedule an appointment if necessary, so that you’re not rushed in the confessional or taking too much time from others waiting in line. There’s nothing to be afraid of; the Priest isn’t going to yell at you or think you’re disgusting for doing whatever. They’re there to forgive, not judge!

Now, as for the issue of remorse, I have heard that remorse, like love, is not just a feeling, but a choice. If you know you have done wrong and gravely offended God, confess it and firmly resolve to never do it again. The resolve to never sin again is in itself a sign of remorse, I believe.
 
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kaity said:
because my confession was invalid.
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Don’t think you haven’t been forgiven because you failed to confess something. That is only the case, when you deliberately don’t confess something!!! For example: If you confess truly, with pain of heart, and by chance forget about something, that little something does not invalidate you contrition (only if you deliberately didn’t confess). It’s all about repentance and sincere will, and intention, to change.

Then, when confessing sins of sexual nature, there is no need to be excessively explicit. Say the facts exactly: porn, masturbation, dwelling on it (no need to include details, those are for you to repent with God - nothing is gained by going into excessive detail.)

Conversion and cleansing is a process, there will be many other things in your heart and spirit besides lust…
 
Flipson I appreciate your response. I do plan on attending confession again this Saturday- and I’m going to make it right. I felt as if my last one wasn’t valid because the priest didn’t understand what i meant or probably didn’t hear the last part because he never mentioned it when he was giving me advice at the end of it. How must I go about no feeling God’s presence? I’ve felt his strong love and presence for a while but it went away the last time I masturbated and watched pornography. Even now. I get small feelings when I pray and listen or sing some christian music that God loves me, but it wasn’t the same as when I experienced it out of the blue when he relieved himself to me in a time of despair and I wasn’t a believer so it was strong love. Am I fooling myself by thinking the weak feeling is God? Or is he slowly cleansing me or trying to?
 
Someone could probably answer this better than I could, but as I understand it, it’s never wise to rely solely on feelings. Yes, there are times when God’s presence is absolutely, undeniably felt, but that doesn’t mean He’s abandoned us when we don’t feel that way. In times like that, we have to rely on our intellect: God loves us so much that he came to Earth as man and died for each every one of our sins. As long as we breathe, we can repent and return to His welcoming arms. No thought or feeling can change that. Just know that He’s still there, because trust me, He is.
 
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So is my sin keeping us apart or am I just going through a dry season or God is testing my faith? Probably my faith. I’m changing my sinful ways so the more I confess the less I think it is my sin keeping us apart. I became catholic 2 years ago from one experience and God basically coddled me and wrapped me up in a blanket of his love everyday until recently. Maybe it’s time for a test after I repented for my sins?
 
Maybe you should read the pertinent catechism sections and ponder them before our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. Know the reasons for the teachings, as it seems you are controlled by feelings - and feelings lie.
 
Mortal sin always separates us from God, but that doesn’t mean God is separated from us. If you’re feeling the need to confess, that’s the prompting of the Holy Spirit, and that’s a good thing. You have to be careful though, because if you lean towards scrupulosity, it’s easy to confuse those promptings with your own anxiety. That’s where an examination of conscience and your own intellect comes in.

That said, I’d hesitate to say you’re really being “kept apart” from God; to me, it seems that your eagerness to stay out of sin and instead live by His Word says just the opposite!

As for a testing of your faith, we all go through tests of faith. It comes with the territory!
 
kaity said:
So is my sin keeping us apart or am I just going through a dry season or God is testing my faith? Probably my faith. I’m changing my sinful ways so the more I confess the less I think it is my sin keeping us apart. I became catholic 2 years ago from one experience and God basically coddled me and wrapped me up in a blanket of his love everyday until recently. Maybe it’s time for a test after I repented for my sins?
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As others have said, feelings come and go. Spiritual consolations come and go. Go to confession on a very regular basis (every week or two). Even if you have not committed any grave sins since your last confession, tell the priest that you are asking for the grace to overcome the temptations of your past sins, and then confess those sins again. It may seem humiliating and extremely difficult to do this at first, but after a couple of times humility overcomes pride. When pride gets pushed down, physical pleasures are not as appealing as they once were. It is a work in progress that will take time. A new heart usually doesn’t happen overnight.
 
Don’t worry about feelings.

Contrition isn’t a feeling…but a firm (even if momentary) decision by the will and the intellect not to do that sin again.

Feelings bark, often out of control. Ignore them.

If God needs you to have feelings in order to get closer to Him through the Sacrament of Confession, He will give them to your either before or after the Confession.

But don’t wait or depend on them.

A priest I know says “feelings are like dogs. They are good because God made them…but like dogs they need an owner, otherwise they will make a mess wherever they go.”

That’s lifetime-good advice from a solid priest.
 
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kaity, from what you have written about your repentance (stopping the bad habits) and remorse, I think you are on the right track. Rejoice and be glad! Don’t be deceived by the lack of warm and cuddly feelings. It’s great when that happens, but you can be sure that God loves you incredibly much, right now, just like when you had those feelings.

It sounds like you are worried about what you didn’t say in confession. Maybe that is what’s holding back your feeling of reconciliation and love. The next time you go to confession, just say it. Blurt it out. The priest has heard stuff like that, probably every day that he offers confession. Ask and receive God’s forgiveness.

I am praying for you. May the Holy Spirit assist and guide you always toward faith, hope, and love.

And have a Blessed Christmas!
 
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Sometimes God let’s us feel periods of desolation so that we may come to understand that without Him, we will not be happy. If it’s emptiness you feel, just know that God is allowing it so that it may encourage you to grow and seek Him more.

I think it would be helpful if you read some of St. John of the Cross’s works as well as St. Ignatius’s. St. Ignatius describes a certain spiritual desolation that can occur when we slip up.

The greatest moment I have ever had was when I had gone to confession after a three or four year hiatus. The feeling of joy I felt afterward overflowed; it was incomparable to anything I had ever felt before. I couldn’t stop thanking God. But I was too confident. I didn’t realize that it was just the beginning and I relied on myself too much. It is absolutely crucial to pray very much. Pray the rosary daily so that you may overcome temptation. Mental prayer is also very important. I think it would be a good idea to write down your sins in number and kind, read them aloud in confession, then burn it afterward. Don’t let scruples get to you.
 
kaity said:
My heart is separated from my mind. It’s not me and just isn’t there… but my heart doesn’t get it, but my mind does. I have no intentions of relapsing and when I have the temptation, I run to God. It’s just that I’m not sure if I’m forgiven.
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Actually this is not uncommon when we try to purify ourselves before God and move forward into sanctity. It is important not to go on feelings, but on faith. Our Spirit is opposed to our flesh, and the key is to obey, not necessarily to feel anything in particular about it.

With regard to assurance of forgiveness, just trust what God has said. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive them. Believe what the priest told you in absolution, that you are forgiven. Don’t let the devil make you doubt, because that is what causes relapse!
 
It may be hard to notice, but the fact that this concerns you is remorse. If you felt no remorse then you wouldn’t have stopped, much less mentioned it here.
 
kaity said:
I have confessed before, but I couldn’t speak of my old masturbation habits and pornography habits. Therefore my confession was invalid.
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Whilst not excusing or endorsing it, you need to be a bit more rational. Are you seriously suggesting that you think the Priest is going to be surprised to hear a young man masturbated? You can speak it and should.

There’s a reason pornography is addictive, again it doesn’t justify it but through fluke of nature your brain is predisposed to get huge amounts of dopamine from it. Well actually it’s the other way around in the sense that porn is designed to appeal to patterns in your brain that quickly release dopmaine but i’m sure you get my point. Anyway, i don’t say that to excuse it, but you understanding the nature of the temptation can help to avoid it.
 
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