Why can't I feel something for Mary?

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SBryndy729

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I’m starting to get really frustrated. I’m a recent revert, but I’ve always had an undoubting love for God. As I have been nourishing and strengthening my spiritual life, my love for Christ has grown exponentially, but I just can’t seem to feel something towards the Mother of God. I almost get angry when I hear people mention her.

I pray the Angelus and at least one decade of the rosary everyday; and yet I just don’t understand. I want to love her deeply, obviously not as much as the Holy Trinity, but I hear people speak such wonderful words about her and I wish I had that. I went to a talk last week about the perpetual virginity of Mary and why it was so important to our faith; the talk was really interesting and I learned a lot. Afterward the people I went with kept saying how they have a deeper appreciation for Mary and I felt nothing, still!! I guess where I feel this hostility is in the fact that Mary was perfect, she was sinless. An angel came to her and told her she was to be the Mother of God, and she was all willing, but of course she was! God made her for that purpose! I just can’t relate to a woman who was without sin.

During this talk, they also mentioned how Mary suffered no pain during childbirth. I actually found this part to be quite fascinating, but once again, unrelateable. I know she still suffered from the judgment of others, and I know seeing her son crucified had to be excruciating, but I was told that her perpetual virginity helped her endure the pain because she realized it was for salvation.

I guess what I’m getting at is that the closer you are to God, and the less sinful you are, the closer you are to being free. Mary was the freest of us all. I’m sure it’s my sinful nature that can’t understand that, and I’m sure what I’m feeling is almost a jealousy thing, but I really want to turn it into a positive.

Please help, if anyone can relate or if you have any advice, I would really appreciate hearing it. Thank you and God be with you!
 
This is just my opinion.

I think sometimes, in trying to emphasize the holiness of a particular saint, and especially the Mother of God, Catholics unintentionally but effectively de-humanize the person. Of course this makes it difficult to relate. St. Therese said that she disliked it when priests made up stories about the Virgin’s life - they didn’t seem to real to her.

Try reading some of the Biblical passages about Mary… when she and Joseph found Jesus in the Temple, she said, “Son, why have you done this to us?” That’s a very human question. It is a question any good, loving mother might be expected to ask her son after she had lost him, but there is also an element of the human being contemplating the mysterious action of the incomprehensible God … who in this case happens to be the human’s son.
 
SBryndy729 said:
II guess where I feel this hostility is in the fact that Mary was perfect, she was sinless. An angel came to her and told her she was to be the Mother of God, and she was all willing, but of course she was! God made her for that purpose!
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Ah, but God did not in any way infringe on her free will. She was made to be the Mother of God, BUT she had a perfectly free choice. We make the mistake sometimes of thinking that being sinless means we never experience feelings of fear, anxiety, sadness, etc. but I have read several saints saying that God gave them a vision of what they were to suffer in the future, and they accepted it, but with terror of the suffering they knew they would have to endure. If it had been easy for Mary to agree to the task God had given her, there would have been less merit in it.

Consider: Eve was also created free of original sin. But she sinned. Mary could have sinned as Eve did, but did not. That’s why she is considered to be the “second Eve.”
 
SBryndy729 said:
I’m starting to get really frustrated. I’m a recent revert, but I’ve always had an undoubting love for God. As I have been nourishing and strengthening my spiritual life, my love for Christ has grown exponentially, but I just can’t seem to feel something towards the Mother of God. I almost get angry when I hear people mention her.

I pray the Angelus and at least one decade of the rosary everyday; and yet I just don’t understand. I want to love her deeply, obviously not as much as the Holy Trinity, but I hear people speak such wonderful words about her and I wish I had that. I went to a talk last week about the perpetual virginity of Mary and why it was so important to our faith; the talk was really interesting and I learned a lot. Afterward the people I went with kept saying how they have a deeper appreciation for Mary and I felt nothing, still!! I guess where I feel this hostility is in the fact that Mary was perfect, she was sinless. An angel came to her and told her she was to be the Mother of God, and she was all willing, but of course she was! God made her for that purpose! I just can’t relate to a woman who was without sin.

During this talk, they also mentioned how Mary suffered no pain during childbirth. I actually found this part to be quite fascinating, but once again, unrelateable. I know she still suffered from the judgment of others, and I know seeing her son crucified had to be excruciating, but I was told that her perpetual virginity helped her endure the pain because she realized it was for salvation.

I guess what I’m getting at is that the closer you are to God, and the less sinful you are, the closer you are to being free. Mary was the freest of us all. I’m sure it’s my sinful nature that can’t understand that, and I’m sure what I’m feeling is almost a jealousy thing, but I really want to turn it into a positive.

Please help, if anyone can relate or if you have any advice, I would really appreciate hearing it. Thank you and God be with you!
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Hi…I’m in the same boat. I am not much of one for Marian Devotions. Not that I don’t say the Hail Mary, but I just find meditating on the Lord and the Blessed Sacrament to be enough (and challenging enough) for me. My view is whatever works. Worship in whatever Orthodox way seems most natural to you. 👍
 
Hi, I think you will do just fine if you keep up the Rosary. You obviously have a desire to know Mary and love her, and that’s enough for now. There is no reason to force yourself to feel anything. Feelings of affection will come later. You don’t need to go out of your way to relate to Mary, because she is the one that has first loved us and God is the one that chose to give her to us as Mother (Jesus gave her to the beloved disciple as Mother when he was on the cross).

The fact that you have desired to love her and that you are saying your Rosary shows that you are called by God to have a relationship with her. No matter how you feel, every “Hail Mary” you have said has been received by Mary and appreciated by her. She has you in her heart, and she will repay you when the time is right for the attention you have given to her by saying the Rosary. I have no doubt about that.

My suggestion is to keep saying the Rosary everyday. Have peace and let God and Mary herself reveal her to you. She will come to you in peace and perhaps when you least expect it. She is our Mother and she is here for our benefit not for her own glorification. Don’t give up the Rosary. Mary will come through for you when you need her. I’m pretty sure Mary will not mind even if you have jealousy or unfounded fear of her. She will see to it that you have what you need in your spiritual journey.
 
Mary is the most perfect human being God has ever created. She is the queen of all saints. She is the mother of Christ, and Christ is a Person with both human and divine natures. If you “feel nothing” for Mary, how can you “feel something” for God?
 
I understand where you are coming from because I have felt the same in the past. I read a book that really helped me to understand and come close to Christ’s mother- the book is called “The Secrets of Mary” by Janice T. Connell. I can’t say enough how much this book helped me! Its about ancient and recent visitations of Mary, and about how she loves us and helps us grow in Christ. I found my copy at Barnes and Noble, so you might be able to find it there. You should read it! hint hint, nudge nudge 🙂
 
Geremia said:
Mary is the most perfect human being God has ever created.
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Careful, that’s almost Blasphemy. Our Lord was a Human Being! And Our Lord was the most perfect human being. Mary’s perfection was worked via Our Lord’s perfection.
 
I used to struggle with Mary also. I think that was because of the soft and sappy character of many of the Marian devotions. Luke 1:46-55 gives me the best picture of Mary; a strong,
yet humble woman who realized her place in salvation history.
 
BuphiloCatholic said:
Careful, that’s almost Blasphemy. Our Lord was a Human Being! And Our Lord was the most perfect human being. Mary’s perfection was worked via Our Lord’s perfection.
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Jesus was perfect as a man because He was God incarnate. That gave Him the authority to stand in place for our sins (sacrifice without blemish). Think of it as 100% pure Jesus soap washes away your sin. Jesus is not 99.44% perfect He’s 100%.
 
rep140 said:
I used to struggle with Mary also. I think that was because of the soft and sappy character of many of the Marian devotions. Luke 1:46-55 gives me the best picture of Mary; a strong,
yet humble woman who realized her place in salvation history.
Click to expand...
That makes perfect sense to Protestants
 
SBryndy729 said:
I’m starting to get really frustrated. I’m a recent revert, but I’ve always had an undoubting love for God. As I have been nourishing and strengthening my spiritual life, my love for Christ has grown exponentially, but I just can’t seem to feel something towards the Mother of God. I almost get angry when I hear people mention her.

I pray the Angelus and at least one decade of the rosary everyday; and yet I just don’t understand. I want to love her deeply, obviously not as much as the Holy Trinity, but I hear people speak such wonderful words about her and I wish I had that. I went to a talk last week about the perpetual virginity of Mary and why it was so important to our faith; the talk was really interesting and I learned a lot. Afterward the people I went with kept saying how they have a deeper appreciation for Mary and I felt nothing, still!! I guess where I feel this hostility is in the fact that Mary was perfect, she was sinless. An angel came to her and told her she was to be the Mother of God, and she was all willing, but of course she was! God made her for that purpose! I just can’t relate to a woman who was without sin.

During this talk, they also mentioned how Mary suffered no pain during childbirth. I actually found this part to be quite fascinating, but once again, unrelateable. I know she still suffered from the judgment of others, and I know seeing her son crucified had to be excruciating, but I was told that her perpetual virginity helped her endure the pain because she realized it was for salvation.

I guess what I’m getting at is that the closer you are to God, and the less sinful you are, the closer you are to being free. Mary was the freest of us all. I’m sure it’s my sinful nature that can’t understand that, and I’m sure what I’m feeling is almost a jealousy thing, but I really want to turn it into a positive.

Please help, if anyone can relate or if you have any advice, I would really appreciate hearing it. Thank you and God be with you!
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Were you ever Protestant? It is normal for us to see Mary as a strong and humble normal woman who was obedient to God.
 
I think your love and appreciation for the Blessed Mother will grow in due time. Something will happen in your life that draws you to her or Jesus will bring her into your life.

I don’t think it is something you need to worry about or push yourself to feel some mushy emotion. These things usually work out for themselves over time.

So just keep your mind open, continue to love God, stick with the Rosary because it is the prayer of the Gospel and the right thing to do for yourself and others. It brings many graces to help you in this life and the next. I’ll bet over time things will change. And even if they don’t you can always continue to do proper acts as you currently do.

Hang in there and our dear Blessed Mother will make herself known to you. Take care.
 
SBryndy729 said:
I’m starting to get really frustrated. I’m a recent revert, but I’ve always had an undoubting love for God. As I have been nourishing and strengthening my spiritual life, my love for Christ has grown exponentially, but I just can’t seem to feel something towards the Mother of God. I almost get angry when I hear people mention her.
I just can’t relate to a woman who is without sin.

I guess what I’m getting at is that the closer you are to God, and the less sinful you are, the closer you are to being free. Mary was the freest of us all. I’m sure it’s my sinful nature that can’t understand that, and I’m sure what I’m feeling is almost a jealousy thing, but I really want to turn it into a positive.

Please help, if anyone can relate or if you have any advice, I would really appreciate hearing it. Thank you and God be with you!
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I understand you SBryndy.
I think many are slow to share the love we have for Christ and the love he has for us, with His Mother Mary, and to acknowledge His great love for her.
It is not easy to admit to ourselves the great love God has for the Mother of his Son, the great honor he gave just the one woman above all others, and how far short we all fall from her in our sin.

Somehow I think it would be so much harder for our separated brethren, who have never been taught how to love and honor and revere the Holy Family, Jesus , Mary and Joesph,
as Catholic children were growing up,to accept her as their heavenly Mother.
God bless you in your love for him SBryndy, and keep asking Mary to show you that she is your Mother also and wants you to share your love with her.:)Carlan
 
SBryndy729 said:
I’m starting to get really frustrated. I’m a recent revert, but I’ve always had an undoubting love for God. As I have been nourishing and strengthening my spiritual life, my love for Christ has grown exponentially, but I just can’t seem to feel something towards the Mother of God. I almost get angry when I hear people mention her.

I pray the Angelus and at least one decade of the rosary everyday; and yet I just don’t understand. I want to love her deeply, obviously not as much as the Holy Trinity, but I hear people speak such wonderful words about her and I wish I had that. I went to a talk last week about the perpetual virginity of Mary and why it was so important to our faith; the talk was really interesting and I learned a lot. Afterward the people I went with kept saying how they have a deeper appreciation for Mary and I felt nothing, still!! I guess where I feel this hostility is in the fact that Mary was perfect, she was sinless. An angel came to her and told her she was to be the Mother of God, and she was all willing, but of course she was! God made her for that purpose! I just can’t relate to a woman who was without sin.

During this talk, they also mentioned how Mary suffered no pain during childbirth. I actually found this part to be quite fascinating, but once again, unrelateable. I know she still suffered from the judgment of others, and I know seeing her son crucified had to be excruciating, but I was told that her perpetual virginity helped her endure the pain because she realized it was for salvation.

I guess what I’m getting at is that the closer you are to God, and the less sinful you are, the closer you are to being free. Mary was the freest of us all. I’m sure it’s my sinful nature that can’t understand that, and I’m sure what I’m feeling is almost a jealousy thing, but I really want to turn it into a positive.

Please help, if anyone can relate or if you have any advice, I would really appreciate hearing it. Thank you and God be with you!
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My dear friend

Mary is your spiritual mother. She is the mother of the church. Perhaps you don’t know what she’s done for you personally. Without her we have no Jesus or salvation. And Mary suffered a spiritual martyrdom at the foot of the cross that none of us could bear. She suffered this for you, loves you as her child and without her you have no salvation. She is your personal mother. There is only one who turns people from Mary in all cases and it is satan. Pray to your Blessed Mother to crush the head of the serpent for you. She is your mommy. Don’t be jealous of your own mom. Pray and satan will go away. Hope this helps.

God bless you and may your Blessed Mother place you under Her mantle and protect you:thumbsup:🙂

John
 
Hi Bryndy,

I’ve been reading the forums for a long time, but I’ve never posted until today because I wanted you to know that I understand exactly how you feel. Mary is even my patron saint, and I say the rosary every day. But, I do not “feel” a strong attachment to her. In fact I struggle in my relationship with her quite a bit. I even talked with my priest once about it and I wanted to share what he said.

One that we live on faith, and not on feelings. Feelings are rather fickle, and can come and go. Love is revealed through things like commitment, and perseverence. The feelings are a consolation, and sometimes God gives us trials instead to strengthen us. It doesn’t necesarily mean that we’re doing something wrong.

Two our relationships with our own mothers can sometimes be hard too. I remember when I was a teenager, and my mother was encouraging me to make good choices, it was not always easy to hear what she had to say. And so we should try to accept what our heavenly mother gives us even if we percieve it as distance, and persevere in our prayer and devotion. We must accept in faith that Jesus has given us Mary to be our Mother, and Jesus can not lie. Therefore we can trust that Mary does accept us and pray for us even if we don’t “feel” it.

I hope this helps you Bryndy. Please pray for me! I will pray for you.
 
SBryndy729 said:
I’m starting to get really frustrated. I’m a recent revert, but I’ve always had an undoubting love for God. As I have been nourishing and strengthening my spiritual life, my love for Christ has grown exponentially, but I just can’t seem to feel something towards the Mother of God. I almost get angry when I hear people mention her.
I pray the Angelus and at least one decade of the rosary everyday; and yet I just don’t understand. I want to love her deeply, obviously not as much as the Holy Trinity, but I hear people speak such wonderful words about her and I wish I had that. I went to a talk last week about the perpetual virginity of Mary and why it was so important to our faith; the talk was really interesting and I learned a lot. Afterward the people I went with kept saying how they have a deeper appreciation for Mary and I felt nothing, still!! I guess where I feel this hostility is in the fact that Mary was perfect, she was sinless. An angel came to her and told her she was to be the Mother of God, and she was all willing, but of course she was! God made her for that purpose! I just can’t relate to a woman who was without sin.

During this talk, they also mentioned how Mary suffered no pain during childbirth. I actually found this part to be quite fascinating, but once again, unrelateable. I know she still suffered from the judgment of others, and I know seeing her son crucified had to be excruciating, but I was told that her perpetual virginity helped her endure the pain because she realized it was for salvation.

I guess what I’m getting at is that the closer you are to God, and the less sinful you are, the closer you are to being free. Mary was the freest of us all. I’m sure it’s my sinful nature that can’t understand that, and I’m sure what I’m feeling is almost a jealousy thing, but I really want to turn it into a positive.

Please help, if anyone can relate or if you have any advice, I would really appreciate hearing it. Thank you and God be with you!
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How good is your knowledge of Mary? It’s hard to truly love someone you don’t know.

There is a lot of good material and books out there - and here’s even a good link to get you started on some free readings: (with excerpts from Montforts consecration ) familyland.be/family_consecration/2009/11/day-20.html
(click the Day 21 . . . Day22 . . .etc at top to progress).
 
there could be a lot of reasons why you don’t feel the emotional connection to Mary and they are probably personal to you. I got some insight from a fellow prayer group member some years ago, who although a cradle Catholic, did not like the rosary or Marian prayer in general. She told us that when she explored her troubled relationship with her own mother, and sought counselling and spiritual healing and reconciliation in that area, she had a new-found and lovely relationship with Mary as mother. Anyhow that led me to do the same, and I was lucky to get closer to my own mother before she died, which in turn finally helped me relate much more to Mary as mother. I guess my own notion of “mother” was warped and that was standing in my way.
 
My opinion is to listen to what the church teaches about Mary, you don’t necessarily have to “feel” anything. Feelings are not anything to base our faith around. I also struggled with my relationship with Mary. My brother is so close to Mary, and I hear numerous others talk about her in such a way that I am not able to comprehend because I have not expierenced it. I believe that Jesus is calling me to a relationship with his Mother. I started praying for this a few years ago, and my relationship with her is growing. Saint Augustine once said “I do not understand so that I may believe, but I believe so that I may understand.” This is the approach I took, I believe Jesus wants me to have a relationship with his mother, as if she were my own mother, which she is. I may not “feel” the same way or be able to relate to what others expierence with her, but I know she loves me and I love her. As for being able to “feel” this love, I don’t base my relationship with her off of feelings, but rather off of faith.
 
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