Why can't I get past the hopelessness?

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kristina40

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Sorry to “dump” this here, but I don’t have anywhere else to turn. Due to my family’s financial circumstances, I feel like we are very soon going to be homeless, penniless and unemployed. (Unemployed because of no home, no money for gas, etc) I can’t turn to my family for even emotional support, because we just lost my dad a month ago, and everyone is still reeling from that, nor can any of them help financially, as in this economy they are struggling too. We certainly can’t turn to my husband’s family, as they are contributing to the situation we are in…to say the least they are the “straw that broke the camel’s back…” We were just on the way to re-establishing our foothold, my husband has just been hired for a good job (after being underemployed for 10 years and unemployed for the last 1 1/2 years.) Now the relatives have hit us with a huge bill for back rent and utilities (we have been living in my MIL’s vacant house for the last few months while my husband has been looking for work) They wanted the money immediately and demanded we sign a lease (as soon as they get it drawn up) if we are late/short on the rent they will begin eviction immediately (if not sooner). We have been living on credit cards, charge accounts, etc for quite a while, as I have only been working part-time (because I can’t find full-time work) and spending as much time as I could with my father before he passed away. The proceeds from the sale of our house, was supposed to go to paying some of these expenses back, but my husband’s family are going to make sure they get theirs first! (His three brothers have all had very good paying jobs for years - they all own their own homes, etc.; my FIL is deceased and my MIL in a nursing home). This is going to force us into bankruptcy and because of a business arrangement between my husband and his mother, he will probably default on that - in turn making the BIL’s even more angry (they’re angry because we have been living in my MIL’s home) and they will evict us for “just cause”.

I am to the end of my rope, my husband’s family (extended and immediate) are responsible for part of our current situation (going back 10+ years - loooong story!) I don’t claim that we aren’t responsible too (stupidity isn’t an excuse) and the country’s economic situation sure doesn’t help! I have been praying to just make it through this situation and for my in-laws to have some understanding and compassion, but obviously the answer is “NO!” I don’t know where to turn anymore, I have become so depressed I just want to curl up in a corner and sob. Somehow we will make it through this (I hope & pray) but I sure can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel at this point.

Sorry this is soooo long, I just needed to get it out. There are so many factors to this story, that I don’t have space to explain the whole situation, but I am really, really doubting the mercy of our Lord right now. There seems to be no end to the onslaught of “body blows” we continue to receive day after day, week after week…

I suppose if it is God’s will, I should quit whining and start praising, but how do you praise being homeless, penniless, and unemployed? I haven’t reached a point yet where I can do that…my faith is still too immature!
 
I’m so sorry 😦

I will keep you in my prayers if it’s alright!

(hugs)

I just wanted to say that it’s alright to cry out to God sometimes. Don’t feel like He’s only expecting you to praise Him and never cry. It’s alright… He understands, He shares in our pain. Try to trust that He does. Maybe you can thank Him for this 🙂 just for being there… try to stay hopeful anyway, I know it must be so hard, but don’t give in to despair. THis is a trial and a cross to carry… unite it to the Cross of Christ and offer it to the Father. Try to remember, He has given us life, He has a plan for us all, He is always there, and someday all suffering will be gone.

God bless
 
Today is St. Maria Goretti’s Feast Day.

Dear St Maria Goretti,

You are a shining example of steadfastness, courage, forgiveness, and doing God’s Will along with purity. You came from circumstances of poverty. What you suffered by this world’s standards was not fair. What kristina40 is suffering does not sound fair. You know how hard it can get when the people who live close to you betray and hurt you. Please assist kristina40 by your prayers so that in the end the peace of Christ triumphs.
 
Kristina, I am so sorry and prayers are going up here, too.:crossrc::crossrc:

There will be light at the end of the tunnel for you! There will - He may have decided that it’s not to be quite yet, tho’. You’re still grieving and that is a good and normal thing (and some people do things while they are grieving that they’d never do otherwise - I’m thinking of your relatives). I will include your deceased Father and your Mother in my prayers.

Don’t feel bad about “dumping” on us - we’re your family.
 
kristina40 said:
Sorry to “dump” this here, but I don’t have anywhere else to turn. Due to my family’s financial circumstances, I feel like we are very soon going to be homeless, penniless and unemployed. (Unemployed because of no home, no money for gas, etc) I can’t turn to my family for even emotional support, because we just lost my dad a month ago, and everyone is still reeling from that, nor can any of them help financially, as in this economy they are struggling too. We certainly can’t turn to my husband’s family, as they are contributing to the situation we are in…to say the least they are the “straw that broke the camel’s back…” We were just on the way to re-establishing our foothold, my husband has just been hired for a good job (after being underemployed for 10 years and unemployed for the last 1 1/2 years.) Now the relatives have hit us with a huge bill for back rent and utilities (we have been living in my MIL’s vacant house for the last few months while my husband has been looking for work) They wanted the money immediately and demanded we sign a lease (as soon as they get it drawn up) if we are late/short on the rent they will begin eviction immediately (if not sooner). We have been living on credit cards, charge accounts, etc for quite a while, as I have only been working part-time (because I can’t find full-time work) and spending as much time as I could with my father before he passed away. The proceeds from the sale of our house, was supposed to go to paying some of these expenses back, but my husband’s family are going to make sure they get theirs first! (His three brothers have all had very good paying jobs for years - they all own their own homes, etc.; my FIL is deceased and my MIL in a nursing home). This is going to force us into bankruptcy and because of a business arrangement between my husband and his mother, he will probably default on that - in turn making the BIL’s even more angry (they’re angry because we have been living in my MIL’s home) and they will evict us for “just cause”.

I am to the end of my rope, my husband’s family (extended and immediate) are responsible for part of our current situation (going back 10+ years - loooong story!) I don’t claim that we aren’t responsible too (stupidity isn’t an excuse) and the country’s economic situation sure doesn’t help! I have been praying to just make it through this situation and for my in-laws to have some understanding and compassion, but obviously the answer is “NO!” I don’t know where to turn anymore, I have become so depressed I just want to curl up in a corner and sob. Somehow we will make it through this (I hope & pray) but I sure can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel at this point.

Sorry this is soooo long, I just needed to get it out. There are so many factors to this story, that I don’t have space to explain the whole situation, but I am really, really doubting the mercy of our Lord right now. There seems to be no end to the onslaught of “body blows” we continue to receive day after day, week after week…

I suppose if it is God’s will, I should quit whining and start praising, but how do you praise being homeless, penniless, and unemployed? I haven’t reached a point yet where I can do that…my faith is still too immature!
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Doubt any doubts that you have. This is a real good time to read and pray. A great old book is “New Seeds of Contemplation”, by Thomas Merton. I find I pick it up a few times a week and open it to any page at all and read again…
 
Kristina, no wonder you feel as you do. You aren’t whining, just stating the sad facts.
It isn’t God who caused the situation, maybe some mistaken choices, but also the lack of charity in some of your relatives.

Do they actually understand your position?..though I’ve noticed that sometimes it is the case that better off people can simply not gasp the real poverty of others, just genuinely don’t understand how desperate it is. Many do, but some simply can’t as it’s something they’ve never experienced. Has your husband calmly and reasonably explained to them that his family’s actions and expectations will ruin you both, cause you to lose everything?

Words are easy, but you’re dealing with hard facts. So, no platitudes. I know how frustrating platitudes are when you’re dealing with hard reality.

We didn’t ask family help and it wasn’t because anyone was grieving, and we lost our home. So what can I say? Do consider, though. Right now, if one of your family was in your situation at this time, would you be upset if they didn’t let you know and ask your help? Maybe they can’t, like you said, but at least they can give you love and support.

I hope and pray you and your husband obtain good employment.

I’m sorry you’ve lost your Dad, and that on top of your grieving you have heavy burdens.
Ill keep you and your family in my prayers
 
My dear friend Kristina

I went through a similiar trial up until recently. The business I worked for went broke May last yr and I was flat broke. I couldn’t get work. Health problems too. Couldn’t pay the rent so others helped me. I didn’t have $10 for petrol to get home once. I was really broke. Credit cards maxed out and couldn’t pay back a loan. My car got smashed but luckily I eventually got insurance. People complained to me about hard times and they had a half million dollars in assets. I just smiled. My mother would cringe when she saw me because I may ask for money. I thought I was going to end up on the street and should have. All during this until recently there were many young men related to customers who’d lost money from the business that went broke. It was not my business but they blamed me and followed me and rang me all the time threatening to harm me and kill me if they never got their money back. They were serious too. Even followed me into church. I thought I was going to be homeless and these people would be easily able to kill me then. I had no money to give them and I refused to be terrorised in the end. I decided I’d rather die. I felt like Job. It was a terrible time. I managed to get through although it was a very severe trial. Then it ended and things started to turn around. I seemed to be in the favour of God again. Everything turned out not brilliant but good and getting better. I found that God was testing me by letting me live on the edge I suppose. I learnt a bit about trusting in God and abandoning myself to Him. I didn’t like being on the edge like that, but I could see God was in complete control. What you need is to do your best but don’t worry. Trust in God no matter what happens. Do everything as if it depends on you, and pray as if everyhting depends on God. Surrender your will to God, abandon yourself into the arms of your loving Father. He will take care of you. Later at some time you’ll see the loving hand of God in all this. Good things will come eventually. Just trust God. God is in complete control no matter what happens and He loves you.

I’ll pray hard for you too.
May God bless you and keep you:thumbsup:🙂
John
 
Wow, John. I’d no idea you went through anything like that. Your faith will surely be an encouraging witness to Kristina
 
I think the best thing for you and your husband to do is to meet with his brothers either one on one or in a group. Let them know your situation in detail. It may be that they do not really know your true situation. Maybe they think you are trying to take advantage of your father in law or mother in laws past generousity.

People do not usually kick folks when they are down on their luck. BUT they do get upset if they think they are being used or taken advantage of.

Personally I would lay your finances at their feet and ask for their advice or help in how to help you manage. Maybe then they will realize that you and your husband are trying your best to get back on your feet. It may be that they think you have money stashed away while you are taking advantage of your in laws place and getting a free ride.

IF they see that you really are in debt and can’t afford to pay them rent or back rent, then they may back off and give you the relief or reprieve that you need. If they had any heart at all they would help you out and not come down on you like wolves.

In the unlikely case that they are just mean spirited then at least you know you tried to let them know of your situation. I can’t imagine folks would treat family so cruelly, but it takes all kinds to make this world.

I think most people would be fair and charitable IF they are approached with sincerity and respect.

We had a similar situation where a nephew and his wife lived for a few years in my parents house (after they had passed away) rent free. (they were both employed) We felt he and his wife were taking advantage of the situation. They had already stayed a couple of years beyond when they said they were.

IF they had approached us either individually or as a group and said they could not afford to live elsewhere, then we may have relented. But we felt we were being taken advantage of, and we asked then to pay rent or move out (we didn’t threaten or force an eviction).

We have many other nieces and nephews and we didn’t think it was fair to let them continue to have a free ride while others didn’t have that option. The situation cause some friction with my brother and my other siblings but that happens in many families. The nephew moved out eventually. Renting to family can be a hassle both ways. I can’t see forcefully evicting family members, but it happens.

I hope your family sees your situation and backs off, but I think you need to plead your case to them first hand.
 
kristina40 said:
Sorry to “dump” this here, but I don’t have anywhere else to turn. Due to my family’s financial circumstances, I feel like we are very soon going to be homeless, penniless and unemployed. (Unemployed because of no home, no money for gas, etc) I can’t turn to my family for even emotional support, because we just lost my dad a month ago, and everyone is still reeling from that, nor can any of them help financially, as in this economy they are struggling too. We certainly can’t turn to my husband’s family, as they are contributing to the situation we are in…to say the least they are the “straw that broke the camel’s back…” We were just on the way to re-establishing our foothold, my husband has just been hired for a good job (after being underemployed for 10 years and unemployed for the last 1 1/2 years.) Now the relatives have hit us with a huge bill for back rent and utilities (we have been living in my MIL’s vacant house for the last few months while my husband has been looking for work) They wanted the money immediately and demanded we sign a lease (as soon as they get it drawn up) if we are late/short on the rent they will begin eviction immediately (if not sooner). We have been living on credit cards, charge accounts, etc for quite a while, as I have only been working part-time (because I can’t find full-time work) and spending as much time as I could with my father before he passed away. The proceeds from the sale of our house, was supposed to go to paying some of these expenses back, but my husband’s family are going to make sure they get theirs first! (His three brothers have all had very good paying jobs for years - they all own their own homes, etc.; my FIL is deceased and my MIL in a nursing home). This is going to force us into bankruptcy and because of a business arrangement between my husband and his mother, he will probably default on that - in turn making the BIL’s even more angry (they’re angry because we have been living in my MIL’s home) and they will evict us for “just cause”.

I am to the end of my rope, my husband’s family (extended and immediate) are responsible for part of our current situation (going back 10+ years - loooong story!) I don’t claim that we aren’t responsible too (stupidity isn’t an excuse) and the country’s economic situation sure doesn’t help! I have been praying to just make it through this situation and for my in-laws to have some understanding and compassion, but obviously the answer is “NO!” I don’t know where to turn anymore, I have become so depressed I just want to curl up in a corner and sob. Somehow we will make it through this (I hope & pray) but I sure can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel at this point.

Sorry this is soooo long, I just needed to get it out. There are so many factors to this story, that I don’t have space to explain the whole situation, but I am really, really doubting the mercy of our Lord right now. There seems to be no end to the onslaught of “body blows” we continue to receive day after day, week after week…

I suppose if it is God’s will, I should quit whining and start praising, but how do you praise being homeless, penniless, and unemployed? I haven’t reached a point yet where I can do that…my faith is still too immature!
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You praise God in the very act of asking Him for help and trusting in His Providence.

Pray, hope, and don’t worry. Anxiety is useless.
 
Hope is a precious commodity. I’ll be praying that you can find some again.

You’re in a very tough place, and it’s a crowded place too. I work in the reverse mortgage industry, and every day I talk to someone who’s about to lose his home. These are folks who worked hard all their lives and now have lost most of their retirement savings. And women whose incomes have plummetted when the husband died, taking his income with him!

Have you talked to anyone at Catholic Charities, or even your parish? They may have ways to help you. I know it hard to reach out for help. We do have our pride, but we also worry about being rejected. I think that talking to your inlaws is a good suggestion. It can be very hard to see another person’s situation, but maybe if you present your circumstances in a calm, business like manner, they’ll be able to help you. Your own family is grieving, but they would probably feel hurt if they could have helped you and you didn’t give them the chance.

Have you heard the story about the man sitting on his roof during a flood? A boat came by, and he said, “No thanks, God will provide.” A little while later a helicopter tried to rescue him, but he said, “No thanks, God will provide.” Well, he drowned. When he got to heaven he said, “God, I thought You were going to provide!” God said, “I sent a boat and a helicopter. What were you waiting for?” Maybe your families are your boat and helicopter and you just need to reach out to them.
 
Trishie said:
Wow, John. I’d no idea you went through anything like that. Your faith will surely be an encouraging witness to Kristina
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My dear friend Trishie

She is having a tough time . Often when we have serious problems it gives us relief to think of others. I’m hoping she will be able to get outside of her head and into someone elses head because that gives us much relief in tough times. She should see a free financial counsellor asap too.

May God bless you and keep you:thumbsup:🙂
John
 
Thank you all so much for your responses…John thank you for sharing your story, it helps to keep trudging through day by day when you know that someone else has “come through the other side”.

My husband has set down with 2 of his 3 brothers, but like you say, they can’t (or rather won’t) grasp our situation. All they can see are the dollar signs! One of the brothers was able to petition for and receive guardianship and be named conservator for my MIL, with only one doctor’s statement that she had MILD cognitive issues which appeared to be the onset of dementia; so his response to everything is “I don’t really like doing this, but I have to answer to the court - and I have to make Mom’s assets profitable.” My MIL has enough retirement and other income (related to her farm) plus nursing home insurance which will pay for her confinement to the nursing home. I see it as the brother’s trying to amass all the income they can to build their own inheritance…of course, I can only see one side of this issue. That’s what makes it all so hard! WE CAN’T SEE THE WHOLE PICTURE! So frustrating. This BIL, who is so concerned for his mother’s welfare and concerned about retaining the integrity of her assets has not spent one holiday, special occasion with my MIL since he installed her in the nursing home - he only lives 45 miles away from the nursing home - we lived that same distance and “sprang” her from the nursing home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and several other short weekends at our home. (We now live within 20 miles from the nursing home.) Doesn’t being guardian obligate you to include your ward in your holidays? Do adoptive/foster parents leave it up to other relatives to entertain their minor children for the holidays? Not that we don’t want my MIL for the holidays, but shouldn’t we have to “petition” my BIL for the pleasure of having her? If we hadn’t taken my MIL for those holidays he would have gladly left her sit in the nursing home. She is a bit forgetful and will ask the same questions over and over and over - but is generally in good health. It is not as if it is a hardship to have her - she can still clothe herself, feed herself, take care of her own hygiene related issues, etc.

I keep trying to convince myself that though it is my family that is struggling, the test may be for those around me. If so, I would say that you all - my online family - have passed this test with flying colors! :D, and I am so touched by your support and prayers. As for my perspective on my husband’s family…the jury is still out!

The thing that really hurts is that my husband’s (paternal) side of the family, who we don’t see/interact with much, reached out to us when my father passed away. Two of my three BIL’ s did not even acknowledge his passing - one was at the “set down” meeting with my husband at our house this past weekend! And other relatives (on the maternal side) - many of whom live in the same small community we do - also did not even acknowledge…even though we see them at church, the grocery store, etc. That’s just the way these people are…the maternal side of my husband’s family are only out for themselves - don’t really care who they step on to get where they think they should be (at the top of the “heap”). We have been conned and manipulated by several members of this family…and most of them are Eucharistic ministers, lectures, etc in our parish (we only have one in town - other members of this family are members of the only other parish within 30 miles of our home.)

Oh well, they are not my worry. I pray for them as much as I can, but it is SO hard to pray for those who have wronged you (SO hard to mean it from your heart!) I just need to keep my eyes looking at the Lord, and let him guide my feet. If he is telling me to “shake the dirt of this town from my sandals” then I pray I will hear him.

Well, once again, this was going to be a short response to say “Thank You” but I have gone and blown the short part.
 
Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen
 
Bless you Kristina, and I’ll keep you in my prayers as well. I was just having one of “those” days where I was looking at my life and whining to myself and feeling sorry for myself… again. But then reading about your situation–and I’ve only been a Catholic Answers member for a few days and your’s just happened to be the first one I read today-- has put my life into perspective. I thank you. From the very deepest recesses of soul I thank you.

I have hit that rock bottom point in my life too but somehow I keep forgetting that. While I have no inspirational thoughts or any sort of advice to give you all I can offer is my prayers. I (try to) say a rosary every night but I’ll add you into my prayers that things start to go better. Whatever happens, trust in God and he will not lead you astray, no matter how awful everything looks.

God Bless you and your family, Always! Tamara:gopray2:

P.S. While Prayer can be the answer to everything, sometimes there is a truly real need for medication. If this does not fit your situation, PLEASE don’t take offense. All I know is when I hit that homeless, helpless, hopeless desperate & pregnant point in my life, the only thing that helped me even be able to PRAY was the anti-depressants that I was put on. Without the meds, I couldn’t even see enough light to even attempt to offer my struggles up and pray. Again, Please don’t take any offence if that isn’t you but stress does a bang up job destroying all the chemicals in your brain that help emotions and if anyone has stress its you! God Bless again!
 
Sorry to hear your in-laws have no compassion for your situation. Greed can keep us blind to people in need. It’s a real shame when those folks happen to be family. My prayers are with you and you family to get through this.

I also pray for your in-laws to have a change of heart, for their sakes and for yours. They should feel more than just a little bit guilty in making things worse. They should be pitching in to help but they are making it tougher. When money becomes more important than family or friends then we have really fallen off the deep end. May God have mercy on us all.
 
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