Why can't i marry my protestant fiance?

  • Thread starter Thread starter rubenzillo
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
R

rubenzillo

Guest
God bless every one, thanks for taking the time to read my question. I am a catholic and love my faith, I am in love with the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and she loves me as well, we have a great desire to get married, the problem is that she is a Protestant, raised Baptist but now considers her self a Non denominational Christian, she holds Christ to the highest point of her life, she loves God very much, unfortunally she greatly disagrees on a lot of the catholic believes, she knows how important it is for me to be able to take the Eucharist, and therefore she accepted to marry me in the catholic church, every thing was fine UNTIL we were told by the priest of my parish that our kids needed to be raised catholic other wise we could not marry in the catholic church. This was devastating for my Fiancé because she wants her children to have her same beliefs. and raising her children catholic is a absolute NOT negotiable.

so it all came down for me to choose between being able to take the Eucharist by ending our relationship or marring the woman I love more than my own life in her non denominational church.

Our hearts are broken because we feel God has separated us !!!
I will not give up the Eucharist for it is the source of my faith. but leaving the love of my life is the worst thing that has ever happened to me!

My Question is:
Can my Children be Raised in love with Christ but with out the Catholic title ??? I have prayed non stop for an answer !!! I want to be in peace with God by being able to take the Eucharist all my life but and with the woman I love as my wife…

she is really strong on her beliefs, we have read many apologetic books in the topics she disagrees, so she is aware of the catholic beliefs but she won’t accept them to be true.

can I still marry thru the catholic church with out the compromise of raising our kids catholic, yet they will be raised loving Christ ?

thanks
Ruben :confused:
 
Ruben: As long as she is a Christian, that is what matters. SHE IS a believer–praise God. Go ahead and marry your sweetheart!!!

With your example, and if she goes to Mass with you, you can eventually convince her the Catholic Faith is The TRUE ONE! Praise God!!!

You should however, discuss these things like where you will go to church, and where you will put your kids in school however, prior to marriage. If you can compromise–awesome!!!

Blessings Rueben!!!
 
While it is hard, if she will not agree to live up to the vow you MUST take (to raise your children as Catholic) - you must wait. Perhaps when she sees the depth of your faith, she will reconsider. Perhaps not - however, you would not want to begin marriage based on a broken vow. Prayers that you will find peace.
 
My question to you is why would you want your children to be raised something other than Catholic? Do you want them going without the Eucharist? If you believe the Catholic faith is true, why would you want your children to be raised in a faith lacking the fullness of that Truth? Maybe you can raise your kids Catholic and your whole family can go to Mass on Saturday evenings and then to your wife’s service on Sunday. If your fiance truly loves you she will understand how important you believe the sacraments are and she will allow your children to receive them.
 
40.png
rubenzillo:
because she wants her children to have her same beliefs. and raising her children catholic is a absolute NOT negotiable.
Click to expand...
Just curious. Why do you refer to your future kids as her kids not ours?
 
Well, here’s the official answer, straight from the Code of Canon Law:
Can. 1125 The local ordinary can grant a permission of this kind if there is a just and reasonable cause. He is not to grant it unless the following conditions have been fulfilled:
1.) the Catholic party is to declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power so that all offspring are baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church;
Click to expand...
2.) the other party is to be informed at an appropriate time about the promises which the Catholic party is to make, in such a way that it is certain that he or she is truly aware of the promise and obligation of the Catholic party;
Click to expand...
3.) both parties are to be instructed about the purposes and essential properties of marriage which neither of the contracting parties is to exclude.
Click to expand...
So it appears you have the choice, at the moment, of marrying your fiance or following God. I say “at the moment” because it is not unreasonable to believe she might change her mind and consent to letting your children be raised Catholic.

You say she wants them to have the same beliefs as her, and that she is a non-denominational Christian. Does she realize that the Catholic faith has many similar beliefs? That we hold Scripture in the highest regard, that we believe in the saving power of Jesus Christ, and encourage personal relationship with Him? Have you ever taken her to Mass with you?

It sounds like perhaps her reaction is out of fear that, if she agrees, she and her children will be separated on a deep, spiritual level. Perhaps she simply needs to know more about your faith before you will be ready to marry.

One other suggestion…perhaps you could suggest that she come to these forums and ask any questions she has about the Church.
 
Let me get this straight.

You are Catholic. Therefore, you believe that the Christian faith as lived and taught by the Catholic Church is the fullness of the faith, the fullness of truth, and that her Sacraments impart grace for sanctification.

And you’re OK with NOT having your children receive that?

If you do not make raising your children in the faith a condition of your marriage, your fiancee will know that you lack conviction, that your faith can be compromised. The husband is the spiritual leader of the Christian home. Do duh math.
 
My question to you is Ruben is why would you even consider refusing your children the Eucharist? If it is that important to you then you must want them to be able to partake in the fullness of the Eucharist!

I married a Lutheran, I signed the paper promising to do my best to raise my children Catholic and I lived up to that promise and I am the woman (one only “obeys” a husband in the things that are right as in if he were to tell me to kill someone I surely would not as I could not raise my children anything but Catholic!)

My advise to you though is to take a step back, pray, and think about what you are saying. “This is the love of my life, I can not imagine living the rest of my life without her” are good sentiments and definitely strong feelings but then on the other side is your desire to partake of the Eucharist, you say it is your life!

If your fiancee can not accept that you must do your best to raise your children Catholic then you should seriously reconsider getting married. It would only be fair to both of you to not get married!

Brenda V.
 
Dr. Colossus:
It sounds like perhaps her reaction is out of fear that, if she agrees, she and her children will be separated on a deep, spiritual level. Perhaps she simply needs to know more about your faith before you will be ready to marry.
Click to expand...
This is my thought exactly.

Ruben, why not ask her to come to some RCIA classes with you and learn more about the faith? Who knows? That’s how my husband converted. 😉
 
…hey bub,

i married my staunch southern baptist wife in 1978… still haven’t converted her… shows you what i know…

… i will say this however… if you don’t think it will make a difference in your life you are mistaken… sit down, talk about it and be as sure as you can be…

…we thought we were sophisticated way more than our extremely biased parents… that they didn’t know what they were talking about, but as the years went by, they became more and more clairvoiant, and smarter all the time…

…oh, by the way, the children (4) were all raised catholic and still are today… and hopefully will stay that way… thanks to the agreement we had prior to the marriage… she stuck to her committment, not sure i could have done the same if the roles were reversed…

…not trying to scare you, but hey, that’s my part time job…

so boo to you and good luck…

Peace:thumbsup: 大发3分彩-官网
 
, “she knows how important it is for me to be able to take the Eucharist, and therefore she accepted to marry me in the catholic church, every thing was fine UNTIL we were told by the priest of my parish that our kids needed to be raised catholic other wise we could not marry in the catholic church. This was devastating for my Fiancé because she wants her children to have her same beliefs. and raising her children catholic is a absolute NOT negotiable.”
All of us who were married by a Priest in the Church did promise to raise our children Catholic…all of us. Why should you get a pass? Why should the Catholic Churchg change for you?

Didn’t you know this before you started to make plans. You should have discissed this before you saw the Priest…before you propose marriage.

You will most likely be married to that girl in some Protestant church where they have no rules - anything go over there. Right? Then your kids will grow up Protestant until they reach about 15 then they will be nothings. How will you like that? I speak from years of observation and experience. Go take a cold shower - then think.
 
So sorry Rueben I misunderstood some of your post!

IF your fiancee is totally against raising your kids in the Catholic Faith, I would ask you well: how important is your faith to you? This sounds like your fiancee is “ANTI-CATHOLIC” saying it is Non-Negotiable!!! Watch out!!!

Sometimes we must give up even those we love for the sake of Christ. It says this in Holy Scripture.

If you both can compromise, like one person said too, one week, Mass, the next Protestant Church, or Sat. nite you go to Mass, Sundays alternate, then I think this would be acceptable, but if she is not willing to do any compromising—I would pray, seek the Lord and what he wants for your life.

I was a weak Christian Prot. when I married. We didn’t even discuss our faith, etc. If I was a strong Christian or a Catholic, I NEVER would have even dated a Non-Catholic or a weak Christian at all! But we live and learn.
 
40.png
Exporter:
, “she knows how important it is for me to be able to take the Eucharist, and therefore she accepted to marry me in the catholic church, every thing was fine UNTIL we were told by the priest of my parish that our kids needed to be raised catholic other wise we could not marry in the catholic church. This was devastating for my Fiancé because she wants her children to have her same beliefs. and raising her children catholic is a absolute NOT negotiable.”
All of us who were married by a Priest in the Church did promise to raise our children Catholic…all of us. Why should you get a pass? Why should the Catholic Churchg change for you?

Didn’t you know this before you started to make plans. You should have discissed this before you saw the Priest…before you propose marriage.

You will most likely be married to that girl in some Protestant church where they have no rules - anything go over there. Right? Then your kids will grow up Protestant until they reach about 15 then they will be nothings. How will you like that? I speak from years of observation and experience. Go take a cold shower - then think.
Click to expand...
…sheese exporter… don’t hold back give it to him with both barrells…😃
 
I married my Protestant fiancee. I received a dispensation from the bishop (not even my bishop, as we married in what would have been her Mom’s parish, though my then local parish signified no complaint).

I was made to promise that the children would be raised Catholic. No problem there, as when I proposed, the next words out of my mouth were “this is conditional on you agreeing that we marry in a Catholic Church and the children will be raised Catholic.” (I am a real romantic)
 
40.png
rubenzillo:
she is really strong on her beliefs, we have read many apologetic books in the topics she disagrees, so she is aware of the catholic beliefs but she won’t accept them to be true.
can I still marry thru the catholic church with out the compromise of raising our kids catholic, yet they will be raised loving Christ ?
Click to expand...
I married a Baptist 17 years ago in the Catholic Church, with a dispensation.
HOWEVER … we were both lukewarm. But we loved Christ.
We didn’t follow Him, but we believed we still loved Him.
We went through the motions for my mom, not for us or the Church or Christ.

BUT . . . God has made us keep the promise of raising our kids Catholic.
When our son was born, we were still lukewarm, but we did have him baptized in the Methodist church - my husband didn’t like having to go through the baptism classes required to have him baptised in the Catholic church. So we compromised.

When our son was three, God called me back to the Catholic faith. DH felt maybe he should go to a church too, so he went to various churches in our area. Two years later, after his father’s death, and the offensive preaching of a Baptist minister at the funeral, he went through RCIA and was Confirmed in the Catholic faith. Our son has attended CCD classes since.

Point here . . . you both seem to be strong in your faith. Had I been strong in the Catholic faith, and my husband strong in the Baptist faith, we would not have married.

I believe with all my heart, mind and soul that the Catholic Church is THE church Christ started. To leave would be to turn my back on Christ and to turn my back on Christ is to prefer Hell over Heaven.

I see now how foolish we were to think we really loved Christ while refusing to follow him. Loving Christ is nice, but it is following Him that is important.

Are you willing to tell Christ that the love of your life is preferable to HIM?

MC
 
Let her go for God Himself. There are plenty of good Catholic women out there. Sure it will be tough but with God you’ll get through it. As a Catholic you are required to raise your children Catholic, they are to go to Mass only, not other denominations either. If she doesn’t not agree show her the door. Whom do you want to please God or her? Put your priorities straight, a lifetime with her or an eternity with God?
 
If the Catholic Church has the fullness of truth (and by implication, the church your wife is attending has the truth, but not the fullness of truth), then you have a couple of questions to ask yourself.

Is that important to you, that the Church has the fullness of truth? If it isn’t, then it isn’t going to make much difference what the Church teaches, you are going to do what you want to do.

If it does matter to you, then does it matter to you that your children learn the fullness of truth, or just some of it? If it doesn’t matter to you whether or not your children learn the fullness of truth, then what kind of parent are you going to be? One that teaches them some of the truth, and some of what is not the truth? Suppose you have daughters, are you going to teach them why modesty is important? Or will that just not matter so much? What else will you compromise on? If you have a son, will you teach him that Christ is truly present, biody, blood, soul and divinity in the Eucharist, and not in the Communion ceremony your wife’s church has? Or won’t that be important?

And if that is not important, how long will it be important to you?

God hasn’t seperated you; human weakness and sinfullness has seperated you. All the human weakness and sinfulness that has lead to the multiplicity of Protestant churches (interesting how authority is one of the main issue with all of them) is what seperates you.

Do you want peace in your family, or a constant, low-grade source of heartache, which will occasionally fair up into something no longer low grade? Are you going to continue to go to Mass, or is that going to fall off? How will you feel when you are the only Catholic in the family?

A close friend of mine married a Baptist, and his daughters are not being raised Catholic (they are now teenagers) and I can see some of the heartache he endures constantly. Is that really what you want? Or is it just a matter that your faith, and your relationship with God, is less important than your relaitionship with this woman?

With luck, if you marry, you might stay married until death takes one of you (the statistics are that it is more likely you will stay mearried if she were Catholic); but you have eternity with God. Or without God. Does that make any difference? Or do you just think that it doesn’t really matter to God, so long as you love her?
 
I know how you feel. 5 months ago I broke up with the love of my life for the very reasons that are tormenting you now. My ex-boyfriend was raised as a Southern Baptist, although he attended a Presbyterian Church while he was here. He would go to Mass and even Inquiry classes with me, and I would attend Sunday service and fellowship with him to try to learn and understand the similarities and differences of each other’s beliefs. We went round and round for 3 years trying to find a “compromise” but to no avail. As much as it hurts losing him, I would never abandon the Catholic faith. God first, man second. I still pray daily that God will open his heart and soul to see and accept the truth of the Catholic Church. But if this doesn’t happen, I have faith that God will lead me to man with whom I will grow in faith and love for Him. I will keep you in my prayers.
 
My wife was raised in a Baptist and Protestant church. When we got engaged she was not very active in church at all and I was somewhat involved. Her Grandparents absolutly refused to have her convert. They all told me I should convert to thier faith since no one in her family is a non-catholic christian and my family consist of both non catholics and Catholics. I refused, I felt that if she was to take my name she should take my life! My last name as far as my dad’s branch has always been Catholic. I was not going to be the one to change that! We ended up getting married in a civil court. After about 10 years of happiness we got our marriage blessed by the Church. On that same day my wife was Baptized, received her 1st Holy Comunnion, was Confirmed, and married all within 1.25 hours. She still has protastant beliefs, but that is one reason I read these boards now. So I can guide her to see how the Catholic Church is the church Jeses built. I still get some grief from her Grandparents but I give them quotes from here and other places to back up my beliefs. Our kids go to a Catholic School and we go to mass every Sun. When we got engaged it was my wife who said she wanted our kids raised Catholic. She said this because she saw how nice of a man I was and my parents raised us in the Catholic Church in Catholic Schools. I say, if she is taking you name you must do as the Bible says, and that is to live your lives as one person! What God joins (marriage), no man shall divide!!! You need to be one with your wife! Good luck and I will pray for your fiancee to see the truth and you can get both her and your faith! God Bless.
 
Now you know why inter-faith marriages are tough. Guess what, though, all marriages are tough.

Your experience should be a good example to all the young people out there who are dating without considering that one day you will marry some one you date. If you date outside your faith, then this issue is one that you may face.

You two will survive it, or not. Better to know now than latter. But do not blame God. He existed and the Church existed before you started dating, as did the precepts of the Church.

Suggestion - Go to a convent or monastery. Not to join, but to seek help in prayer. It is always helped me and I think we often overlook that our greatest asset should not be a last resort. Pray, pray, pray.

BTW- Wow, MKV! What a great testimony to putting God first in your life. May God bless both you and this young man.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top