Why can't i marry my protestant fiance?

[TheGarg]

rubenzillo:

God bless every one, thanks for taking the time to read my question. I am a catholic and love my faith, I am in love with the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and she loves me as well, we have a great desire to get married, the problem is that she is a Protestant, raised Baptist but now considers her self a Non denominational Christian, she holds Christ to the highest point of her life, she loves God very much, unfortunally she greatly disagrees on a lot of the catholic believes, she knows how important it is for me to be able to take the Eucharist, and therefore she accepted to marry me in the catholic church, every thing was fine UNTIL we were told by the priest of my parish that our kids needed to be raised catholic other wise we could not marry in the catholic church. This was devastating for my Fiancé because she wants her children to have her same beliefs. and raising her children catholic is a absolute NOT negotiable.

so it all came down for me to choose between being able to take the Eucharist by ending our relationship or marring the woman I love more than my own life in her non denominational church.

Our hearts are broken because we feel God has separated us !!!
I will not give up the Eucharist for it is the source of my faith. but leaving the love of my life is the worst thing that has ever happened to me!

My Question is:
Can my Children be Raised in love with Christ but with out the Catholic title ??? I have prayed non stop for an answer !!! I want to be in peace with God by being able to take the Eucharist all my life but and with the woman I love as my wife…

she is really strong on her beliefs, we have read many apologetic books in the topics she disagrees, so she is aware of the catholic beliefs but she won’t accept them to be true.

can I still marry thru the catholic church with out the compromise of raising our kids catholic, yet they will be raised loving Christ ?

thanks
Ruben

Men are the spiritual leaders of thier households, and your fiath is the True faith…i suggest that she go through RCIA and do some indepth study. This is why I always say nay to an interfaith marriage…to let my kids believe anything other than the truth means my Faith is a Lie, and it is not. I will NOT personally argue or debate my core beliefs with my spouse. She is either a devout Catholic or not my wife Peoriod.

Harsh you say?..Christ comes First!..then spouse then Children. I wouldn’t even consider dating someone who didn’t believe in the Eucharist, as Christ’s Church has taught what it is for almost two thousand years.

You either are devoted to Chirst, or devoted to her, or your desire for her…you can’t serve two masters.

I know this post was very forward, but it is also very true, and worth contemplating.

Peace of the Lord be with you!

 

[MistyF]

TheGarg:

I will NOT personally argue or debate my core beliefs with my spouse. She is either a devout Catholic or not my wife Peoriod.

You are talking in context of who you date must be Catholic? Once you are married, even if she turns away from the Catholic faith, she’s still your wife…right?

 

[jimmy]

The preist was correct. You must raise them in the [Catholic] Church. It is the fullness of the truth. You have an obligation to teach them the full truth.

Remember, God is above your relationship with your girlfriend. If she is asking you to compromise your faith in God, then you must follow God.

 

[TheGarg]

MistyF:

You are talking in context of who you date must be Catholic? Once you are married, even if she turns away from the Catholic faith, she’s still your wife…right?

yes, then it will be up to prayer. I would have our children, if we had any join me in prayer daily for her also.

This is why I will see how she lives and not go by her words before I marry her…I am very selective this go around. I will never compromise my faith.

 

[GregoryPalamas]

Jesus said it and therefore it is true “If you love me keep my commandments” John 15. Why O why would a Catholic who by definition loves the Lord ever marry someone who refused to be a Catholic and refuses to raise ones children in obedience to Christ? Please, do not move impulsively on this matter. You will regret it.

Dan L

 

[amcalabrese]

jimmy:

The preist was correct. You must raise them in the [Catholic] Church. It is the fullness of the truth. You have an obligation to teach them the full truth.

In my case, this was stressed to me by the priest. And I made it clear that I intended to raise the children Catholic and only Catholic.

Interestingly, her father was a Catholic. He did baptised her Catholic, but never followed up.

 

[SaintlySinner]

Didnt jesus only have TWO commandments? And since when does one need to be a Catholic to follow those 2 perfectly? One doesnt even need to be Catholic to follow all TEN. Just Christian.

 

[amcalabrese]

SaintlySinner:

Didnt jesus only have TWO commandments? And since when does one need to be a Catholic to follow those 2 perfectly? One doesnt even need to be Catholic to follow all TEN. Just Christian.

And frankly, you do not even need to be Christian to follow the Ten!

Look, I take my responsibilities to raise my son (and my coming baby) Catholic very seriously. I am starting to take him to Church (he is only 17 months old, so sometimes he cannot come) and once he is able to speak, we start on his prayers.

He has gotten the dipping his hands into the water on entering the church down well.

I also look forward to teaching him his prayers and the like as a time for me to renew my Catholic faith.

 

[GregoryPalamas]

SaintlySinner:

Didnt jesus only have TWO commandments? And since when does one need to be a Catholic to follow those 2 perfectly? One doesnt even need to be Catholic to follow all TEN. Just Christian.

I suggest that you miss the meaning of loving Christ and keeping His commandments. If you love Him you will be or are Catholic and you will do what He commands.

Dan L

 

[mercygate]

SaintlySinner:

Didnt jesus only have TWO commandments? And since when does one need to be a Catholic to follow those 2 perfectly? One doesnt even need to be Catholic to follow all TEN. Just Christian.

'Scuse me, Saint. You don’t even need to be Christian to follow the 10 Commandments. They were given to the Jews.

 

[Catholic2003]

The CLSA commentary on canon 1125 explains this in more detail:

The Catholic party must also promise “to do all in his or her power so that all offspring are baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church.” Marriage is ordered to the procreation and education of children (c. 1055, §1). “Since they have given life to their children, parents have a most grave obligation and possess the right to educate them” (c. 226, §2). This right and obligation of parents extends to the physical, social, cultural, moral, and religious upbringing of their children (c. 1136). Catholic parents have a particular duty to see that their children are baptized soon after birth (c. 867, §1), that they are prepared for the sacraments of confirmation and Holy Eucharist and approach these sacraments at the appropriate time (cc. 890 and 914), and that they receive appropriate catechesis at home (c. 744, §2) and have access to the available opportunities for further Catholic formation outside the home (c. 793, §1). As a condition for permission for a mixed marriage, the Catholic must promise to make a sincere effort to fulfill these obligations.

The promise extends to all children who will be born of the marriage. Thus, it is not permissible to agree in advance to raise any male children in one church and the female children in the other or to baptize or raise the children in both churches (or neither) and allow them to choose for themselves when they are of age. (See footnote 291 below.) In its strict sense, the promise refers only to children to be born after the proposed marriage. It does not extend to children already born out of wedlock or in an invalid union that is to be convalidated or in a previous marriage of either of the parties. However, Catholics should be reminded of their moral obligation to see to the religious formation of these children.

The revised code has omitted the 1917 code’s requirement that, before permission for a mixed marriage was granted, the competent authority have moral certainty that the promises would be fulfilled. Instead, the Catholic must promise to “do all in his or her power” to see to the Catholic baptism and rearing of the children, not to guarantee that these efforts will be successful. In fact, he or she may foresee that his or her efforts will probably be ineffective because of the strongly held convictions of his or her non-Catholic fiance. The canonical and pastoral problems are whether a Catholic can, in good faith, promise to do all that he or she can to see to the Catholic baptism and formation of children while realizing the likely futility of these efforts and whether his or her promise in these circumstances is sufficient basis for granting permission for the mixed marriage.

The phrase “to do all in his or her power” is derived from Matrimonia mixta. Various episcopal conference norms implementing this motu proprio have specified the manner in which the Catholic’s promise is to be made, but they have shed little light on the meaning of the phrase. More helpful are CDF responses in cases referred to it pursuant to the instruction Matrimonii sacramentum when one or both parties refused to make the required promises. These replies indicate tha tthe phrase “to do all in his or her power” is to be understood literally. Permission for a mixed marriage can be granted even when it is forseen that the Catholic’s efforts to pass on the Catholic faith will probably be fruitless because of the resistance of the non-Catholic spouse. In these circumstances, the Catholic party can fulfill his or her obligation, at least in part,
by playing an active part in contributing to the Christian atmosphere of the home; doing all that is possible by word and example to enable the other members of the family to appreciate the specific values of the Catholic tradition; taking whatever steps are necessary to be informed about his/her own faith so as to be able to explain and discuss it with them; praying with the family for the grace of Christian unity as the Lord wills it. (Ecum Dir 151)
Doing all that one can does not include so insisting on the Catholic formation of children that the stability of the marriage is threatened. What is necessary is a sincere promise by the Catholic to do all in his or her power to assure the Catholic formation of children. The sincerity of that promise is to be presumed, unless there is evidence to the contrary.

 

[Catholic2003]

Footnote:

(footnote 291): Canon 1366 threatens penal sanctions for Catholic parents who allow their children to be baptized or raised in a non-Catholic religion. However, Ecum Dir 151 notes: “If, notwithstanding the Catholic’s best efforts, the children are not baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church, the Catholic parent does not fall subject to the censure of Canon Law. At the same time, his/her obligation to share the Catholic faith with the children does not cease.”

 

[cwby-flyer]

First let me say that this situation is exactly why I decided to only date Catholic ladies (I met a wonderful one and we’re getting married on May 28th, thanks be to God)

As to your question, I’m going to suggest lengthening the engagement, maybe make it open ended. Then go to a retreat or 2 and pray about the whole situation **together. **God can and will provide the answers if you are both sincere about listening to His will. Now, it may not be the answer both of you (or one of you) is looking for, but sometimes it works out that way.

Good luck and both you wil be in my prayers.

Mike

 

[rubenzillo]

THANKS EVERYONE for all your responses !
specially for those who offered to keep me in your prayers,

I know what I must do ! and that is to end the relationship, this is absolutely the worst suffering I have ever experienced in my life, my heart is broken in thousands pieces to let go of the woman I’m in love with and that I think of every single minute of my existence !

yet I’m confident that God will heal me in my suffering, at this moment I cant see my future with out the woman I love, it’s really hard to accept Gods Call, but I believe in my faith and I will try to move on with out her !

Please please please say a prayer for me right now so that God sends peace to my heart, because it hurts very much ! and I need your Christian support in prayer !

God bless you all today and always !
Ruben

 

[mercygate]

rubenzillo:

THANKS EVERYONE for all your responses !
specially for those who offered to keep me in your prayers,

I know what I must do ! and that is to end the relationship, this is absolutely the worst suffering I have ever experienced in my life, my heart is broken in thousands pieces to let go of the woman I’m in love with and that I think of every single minute of my existence !

yet I’m confident that God will heal me in my suffering, at this moment I cant see my future with out the woman I love, it’s really hard to accept Gods Call, but I believe in my faith and I will try to move on with out her !

Please please please say a prayer for me right now so that God sends peace to my heart, because it hurts very much ! and I need your Christian support in prayer !

God bless you all today and always !
Ruben

If she is the Christian you say she is, she will value your strength of character, and who knows . . . she might have greater respect for the Faith that can prompt such a heroic stance, and who knows . . . .

 

[Mom_of_one]

mercygate:

If she is the Christian you say she is, she will value your strength of character, and who knows . . . she might have greater respect for the Faith that can prompt such a heroic stance, and who knows . . . .

That’s just what I was thinking, just before I read this reply to the OP!

 

[sparkle]

otm:

If the Catholic Church has the fullness of truth (and by implication, the church your wife is attending has the truth, but not the fullness of truth), then you have a couple of questions to ask yourself.
Is that important to you, that the Church has the fullness of truth? If it isn’t, then it isn’t going to make much difference what the Church teaches, you are going to do what you want to do.
If it does matter to you, then does it matter to you that your children learn the fullness of truth, or just some of it? If it doesn’t matter to you whether or not your children learn the fullness of truth, then what kind of parent are you going to be? One that teaches them some of the truth, and some of what is not the truth? Suppose you have daughters, are you going to teach them why modesty is important? Or will that just not matter so much? What else will you compromise on? If you have a son, will you teach him that Christ is truly present, biody, blood, soul and divinity in the Eucharist, and not in the Communion ceremony your wife’s church has? Or won’t that be important?
And if that is not important, how long will it be important to you?
God hasn’t seperated you; human weakness and sinfullness has seperated you. All the human weakness and sinfulness that has lead to the multiplicity of Protestant churches (interesting how authority is one of the main issue with all of them) is what seperates you.
Do you want peace in your family, or a constant, low-grade source of heartache, which will occasionally fair up into something no longer low grade? Are you going to continue to go to Mass, or is that going to fall off? How will you feel when you are the only Catholic in the family?
A close friend of mine married a Baptist, and his daughters are not being raised Catholic (they are now teenagers) and I can see some of the heartache he endures constantly. Is that really what you want? Or is it just a matter that your faith, and your relationship with God, is less important than your relaitionship with this woman?
With luck, if you marry, you might stay married until death takes one of you (the statistics are that it is more likely you will stay mearried if she were Catholic); but you have eternity with God. Or without God. Does that make any difference? Or do you just think that it doesn’t really matter to God, so long as you love her?

WOW OTM! What an awesome post. You are indeed wise my friend! Truly a gift of the Spirit–“Wisdom” Bless you.

P.S. What is your suggestion in a family (mine) where I am a convert and hubby is a nominal Prot? He’d rather sleep on Sunday or watch football. If I did not drag him out of bed–him and kids would stay home. He goes to a Prot. Church just to see a couple friends. This is puzzling indeed. I say if he’s just a fence sitter, then let me sign kids up for confirmation classes!!!

 

[sparkle]

Momofone:

That’s just what I was thinking, just before I read this reply to the OP!

YEP. Ditto. You definately need MORE TIME Rueben before marriage --to seek God and His Will. God Loves You and has an awesome plan for you. Don’t forget Jeremiah 29:11:

"For I know well the plans I have in mind for you , says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope."…

---

All The Best~~

 

[BLB_Oregon]

If she’s not Catholic and the kids won’t be educated in the Catholic faith, why do you want to be married by a priest? If the Catholic faith is just going to be your affair in your marriage… why drag your fiance into a Catholic ceremony when that is the last she will be wanting to see of us?

May I warn you, too… you are not going to be okay with keeping your mouth closed to your own kids about your faith. It will undo you. You can’t guarantee to the Church that your kids will be Catholics. Two Catholics can’t guarantee that. You are only asked to promise that you will share your full faith with them and that your spouse will allow you to do it. Isn’t that the least that can be asked of someone wanting a Catholic marriage?

May I add that if you two can’t model ecumenism, you need to get ready for your children wanting to have nothing to do with either of your “religions.”

 

[otm]

rubenzillo:

THANKS EVERYONE for all your responses !
specially for those who offered to keep me in your prayers,

I know what I must do ! and that is to end the relationship, this is absolutely the worst suffering I have ever experienced in my life, my heart is broken in thousands pieces to let go of the woman I’m in love with and that I think of every single minute of my existence !

yet I’m confident that God will heal me in my suffering, at this moment I cant see my future with out the woman I love, it’s really hard to accept Gods Call, but I believe in my faith and I will try to move on with out her !

Please please please say a prayer for me right now so that God sends peace to my heart, because it hurts very much ! and I need your Christian support in prayer !

God bless you all today and always !
Ruben

Yes, you are right, it does break your heart. As my grandmother would say and i mean it sincerely), offer it up - for her, for yourself, or for whatever you choose.

Stay in prayer.

It may seem the most devastating thing you have ever gone through, and it probably is. Pray that you will not be faced with even more devastating issues in the future.