Why can't i marry my protestant fiance?

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otm:
Stay in prayer.
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As should we all for this brother in the Lord. Following Jesus is often not easy and we need to support one another.
 
My dear friend:

There is good reasons why the church teaches this. Let me tell you some of the hearaches I have seen.

You see, right now it may seem to you to be a little disagreement. She refuses to come towards the Catholic church, and you state that her allowing the children to be raised catholic is out of the question. I have seen and talked to many couples in this situation before their marriages, during their marriages, and in six out of the eight times, after their divorce.

The reason for their divorces have all settled on their faith. Right now this may seem a small issue since she has such a divotion for Christ. However, what happens when you visit your family, and the attend mass in which your children can not recieve communion. Or, when they reach the age of first communion? How will you answer them why you and your wife attend different churches, or when they ask you why “you worship Mary”.

These things are why the church takes the stand she does. I have seen many families think that “this is not great issue”, but in the end it ALWAYS has become a great issue. As the saying goes…“Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday.”

Just my thoughts and experiences. God be with you.
 
I would just like to remind that the Church sets the rules for the celebration of the sacraments. This is the norm for a mixed marriage. The Catholic in a mixed marriage has the same obligation to raise his kids in the Faith as a two Catholic marriage. The statement just reminds the Catholic and alerts the non-Catholic that we are serious. If you are Catholic you follow the rules. If you would marry her in a non-denominational service I would tell HER to not marry you. You could always bail later and save your Catholic wedding for the second marriage. If you say you are Catholic live it even when not convenient.

I am in an 11 year mixed marriage and it has been one annoyance after another. I would not recommend it to anyone. My wife is very nice and moral but not spiritual. Worship is a nice idea but a goal for her weekend not an expectation. Since last fall she has been to two Masses and her church 4 times. While your love is more devout you will fight over theology, guarenteed. Look what the wedding service opened up. What about Lenten fasting and abstinence? What about family planning?
 
I am in a mixed marriage. We get along wonderfully, but do not share a faith life. There is no way I could have known how important this would be until children came. You CANNOT KNOW how IMPORTANT your faith will become to you when your children come UNTIL THEY COME!

It’s hard advice. Don’t marry this woman unless she agrees to HELP YOU raise them Catholic, even if she’s not a Catholic herself. Even then, that is not a wonderful arrangement. Two Catholic spouses are God’s intention.

God Bless you. I pray you find some peace.
 
Ruben. It is you who sounds like you are willing to give up so much for her. Why isn’t she able to give up her opinion (which compared to yours means nothing)? Why must you do it all? Is she really a supporter of you, if you have to give it up?
Stay strong, don’t risk you life after death…(WHICH IS ETERNITY) for a woman (WHICH AT MOST IS 100 YEARS!)
God will take care of you, I promise. If this destroys your relationship, it was for the best. You will be rewarded in heaven.
 
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sparkle:
WOW OTM! What an awesome post. You are indeed wise my friend! Truly a gift of the Spirit–“Wisdom” Bless you.

P.S. What is your suggestion in a family (mine) where I am a convert and hubby is a nominal Prot? He’d rather sleep on Sunday or watch football. If I did not drag him out of bed–him and kids would stay home. He goes to a Prot. Church just to see a couple friends. This is puzzling indeed. I say if he’s just a fence sitter, then let me sign kids up for confirmation classes!!!
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Pray, and keep praying.

If you can, ask questions. But be careful that they are not done in a nagging, or whining tone (not that you would, but it sure is easy), but rather in a really curious way. In other words, probe what he really believes. Curiosity does wonders, if it is genuine, to get someone else to open up - to others, and in doing so, to themselves.

Aks him if he would be open to attending an RCIA class, if for no other reason than to find out more about this church you have joined; he can go with or without you.

Then pray some more. And realize that as much as we may care about another individual, they are autonomous beings, and ultimately responsible for their choices.

It sounds as if he either has a very weak faith, or a “cultural” faith; church being something that you do socially, and there is some nagging belief way back there that there is some sort of divine power to which we have some sort of responsiblity and duty. That is hard to work on.

Another thought would be to see if he would be willing to go on a men’s retreat; an Emmaeus retreat if that is available, or a cursillo if that format is available (they are a bit similar). Even a Protestant retreat would be better than approaching church as a social institution.
 
I almost agree with all of this - except about going to her church on Sunday. If she wants you she will come - home to Rome. Maybe she needs to be educated first?
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Genesis315:
My question to you is why would you want your children to be raised something other than Catholic? Do you want them going without the Eucharist? If you believe the Catholic faith is true, why would you want your children to be raised in a faith lacking the fullness of that Truth? Maybe you can raise your kids Catholic and your whole family can go to Mass on Saturday evenings and then to your wife’s service on Sunday. If your fiance truly loves you she will understand how important you believe the sacraments are and she will allow your children to receive them.
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Have you gone mad?
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sparkle:
Ruben: As long as she is a Christian, that is what matters. SHE IS a believer–praise God. Go ahead and marry your sweetheart!!!

With your example, and if she goes to Mass with you, you can eventually convince her the Catholic Faith is The TRUE ONE! Praise God!!!

You should however, discuss these things like where you will go to church, and where you will put your kids in school however, prior to marriage. If you can compromise–awesome!!!

Blessings Rueben!!!
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Welcome to the club! Comming to this site was the best thing you could have done. I congratulate you for taking another step toward loving your potential wife and the Holy Catholic Church. I am sure with your practice of virtue for the two loves of your life God in His wisdom will make strait your path.

YBIC bobby
 
Brother…
I really feel sorry for you… two Christian people should not have to ever split up when they truly love each other… and such love that you describe does not hang on every tree…
I hope you get your beloved and that you guys work it out… she probably has some misconceptions about Catholic teaching… I suppose you should take it easy and just take her along to some good Catholic preaching, teaching, worship and testimony (good testimony from Catholics is an awesome tool)
Lets recognize that your girlfriend is heroic… she wants to serve the Truth. So you have to make sure she knows what the Catholic Church actually teaches… thats the first step. And understand her as well…
Don’t give up on love. Fight for it…
God bless you and Jesus help you 🙂
 
ATTENTION:

This thread is over 2 years old. Please do not try to give the original poster additional advice – he will never read it.
 
ack said:
ATTENTION:

This thread is over 2 years old. Please do not try to give the original poster additional advice – he will never read it.
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I’m thinking the same thing…how did this even get resurrected?:confused:
 
kage_ar said:
While it is hard, if she will not agree to live up to the vow you MUST take (to raise your children as Catholic) - you must wait. Perhaps when she sees the depth of your faith, she will reconsider. Perhaps not - however, you would not want to begin marriage based on a broken vow. Prayers that you will find peace.
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I totally agree with this. I married my non-Catholic fiancee over 28 years ago. Our children were raised Catholic because I made the promise. I objected to having to do so because two Catholic couples don’t make that promise and I still in a way feel they should. Anyway, if she won’t allow you to raise them Catholic then you must put God ahead of her. My husband and I were reminiscing and talking about how difficult it can be to be married to someone of a different faith, he remembered me telling him that if it came right down to it I would call off the wedding if he didn’t agree to this (he didn’t have to sign any papers though), he knew up front that my Faith meant far more to me than anything else.

Keep this in mind, your priorities should be God, Spouse, Children, Self and then others, in that order. If your future Spouse can not allow God to be first in your life then for the sake of your immortal soul you should not marry her/him.

Oops, I did not realize this was such an old thread! Hopefully someone else in this situation will get some good info. from these subsequent posts.

Brenda V.
 
Ok thank you, and I would like to know how to communicate on the site properly?

how do I start a thread?

bobby
 
ps brenda thank you for the priority list I did not realize I go after the kids. wow!!

also I joind the single club on this site I made a few replys lets see if I can get the hang of this stuff.

bobby;)
 
Hi Bobby,

Start out by looking at the top of the page…about 4 lines from the top, you’ll see something that looks like “Catholic Answers Forums > Forums > Catholic Living > Family Life”

Click on the words “Family Life”

Then you’ll see a list of all the current threads on the forum.

Feel free to participate in any of the current threads or hit the button that says “New thread” in the middle of that page.
 
glad I finished reading this before I had hit send… I had no idea that this was written 2 years ago…
whew…

Caeryl
 
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