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Xantippe
Guest
Right. I have lots of people in my friendzone. I call them “friends.”If she is not interested in dating you, why wouldn’t the friendzone be permanent?
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Lost_Wanderer
Guest
Noooot exactly what I was talking about.
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Xantippe
Guest
That’s pretty much the only thing you can do when you’re talking dating. There’s no real advice to be shared.(Yep, I say this even for those dating advice blogs. They’re just as much rant-y and ramble-y.)
**Try Dr. Nerdlove.
And Captain Awkward.
They specialize in the awkward.
**
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Lost_Wanderer
Guest
Look I did. They’re nice but that doesn’t mean the tone of the blogs were any much different.
And really, if you want awkward, try me when I used to believe in more orthodox, religiously informed approaches to women.
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underacloud
Guest
Now you are rambling and ranting on TURBO.That’s pretty much the only thing you can do when you’re talking dating. There’s no real advice to be shared.
Your help is appreciated but not necessary. Quite frankly my bitterness, negativity, and lack of luck is due to (at least partly) taking your sort of help instead of just helping myself. I’ve let people like you present to me how women think and I only ended up the worse for it. Once again, you act like you know how people react in my real, personal life when I’ve had more support for my new approaches as compared to what you’re suggesting.
Remember the weaponization of the creep factor I just talked about it? You’re doing it right now. Maybe where you’re from it’s done a lot of good. But where I am, it’s emasculating people’s initiatives and demonizes men for asserting themselves as human beings and not just because they’re men.
Honestly, I really don’t understand why a lot of you waste your time trying to counter and oppose the things I say on this matter when really, anything we say isn’t nearly as effective as the words of people personally closer to you.
Heck, here’s my only real advice to the OP and anybody who wants to further talk dating on these forums: Don’t bother.
Talk to your spiritual director. Parents. Don’t involve online strangers into your drama any more than you have to. Stick to discussing it privately with people because it’s easier to hold each of yourselves accountable for whatever happens.
Anyway, the best general advice re dating can often be gained from those who have had success at it. There’s an old saying - “success leaves clues”. We are here to help.
Or you can just dismiss us and try your own approaches and see how you go. But that being your choice, I have no idea why you continue to interject into these threads. Why not take your own advice and “don’t bother”?
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Xantippe
Guest
From what I hear from reading Dear Wendy (dearwendy.com–it’s dating and relationship advice primarily for women), blocking is very popular.
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Xantippe
Guest
Lost Wanderer,
In my limited (but successful) experience of dating, you fail and fail and fail and fail–until you succeed. When the right person is there, things click and everything suddenly gets really easy and simple.
(But that’s not to encourage indefinitely continuing to do things that don’t work.)
In my limited (but successful) experience of dating, you fail and fail and fail and fail–until you succeed. When the right person is there, things click and everything suddenly gets really easy and simple.
(But that’s not to encourage indefinitely continuing to do things that don’t work.)
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Lost_Wanderer
Guest
Pretty much because the success you’re talking about is best taken from people who are capable of directly intervening on the inquirer’s behalf. The same goes for anything else that has to do with the volatile subject that is romantic relationships.Or you can just dismiss us and try your own approaches and see how you go. But that being your choice, I have no idea why you continue to interject into these threads. Why not take your own advice and “don’t bother”?
In case you haven’t noticed, I present myself as someone from a very, very different cultural context. Why? Because it’s to prove that point. Whatever advice you have is just a bunch of words on an online board that isn’t guaranteed to be 100% applicable to every reader’s situation. You seem to be quite personally biased against me because I hardly even post on threads like this or make them myself. (Go ahead, do a historical search of the thread if you think I “continue to interject.”)
And for the record? I get as much advice from people who’ve had similar success and they recommend opposite approaches to yours. So really, thanks but no thanks. I’m gonna just stick watching out for yours truly and not take everything at face-value (online and otherwise).
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Lost_Wanderer
Guest
And then you hear feel-good success stories of Mr. Loser who suddenly experiences the dating miracle right when he was about to give up on what he thought ‘didn’t work.’
(Not that I completely disagree with you but I’m just pointing out that this whole subject is really the proverbial powder keg with an unstable ticker.
)
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Xantippe
Guest
I think that’s basically right.
People despair way too early in love. I did it, probably half the people on the board did it at some point.
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underacloud
Guest
Yes, you’ve made your cultural differences clear. But to be equally clear, some advice offered directly addresses such concerns - eg the advice has been repeatedly offered that if you have trouble with women, you should ask people close to you to comment on how you come across. So in fact, your comment that you’ll trust the advice of people who know you is directly mirrored here.
As for “continuing to interject”, what do you think you are doing now if not exactly that? Why participate in this pointless thread?
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flyonthewall86
Guest
That’s a rather vague charge. I’ve been around here for awhile and never saw such posts. If these posts were so common I think I would have seen at least 1. To say this is a huge epidemic is inaccurate at best. I don’t condone such behavior by anyone, but this is the first thread I’ve heard anything about these Dalrock folks and its not coming from a dude
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LoveMorrissey
Guest
They probably should say it more often. Right now I’m going through a nasty breakup because I made clear that the Catholic Church says No to sex before marriage, I wish I had said earlier that “I’m not interested”.
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Sarcelle
Guest
Just look at the first post of this thread. Estevao basically accuses all women of being too full of themselves. He does not say some or most women, just says women.
Honestly, when you come in here basically accusing strangers of some flaw just because they share the same sex as the one who did him wrong, you get defensive answers.
What do you expect? We should all just say, “Yeah we women are all scum.”?
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Xantippe
Guest
They don’t, when they appear on CAF, say “Hey, I’m using a throway account, one of several, I post CAF threads on Dalrock and make crude sexual remarks about CAF posters, and I come to CAF not in good faith, but to post fake stuff and troll.”
But, you will find all of that if you look over at Dalrock. The guys aren’t at all shy about what they are doing here when they talk amongst themselves there.
As I said, just google CAF and Dalrock. It’s all there.
Again, Dalrock is a really lousy hobby for a theoretically super duper Christian man to be engaging in.
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Xantippe
Guest
And the sad thing is, there’s a small contingent of purportedly “Christian” men (the Christian red pill community, as represented at Dalrock) that believes that any woman that doesn’t do essentially that is some sort godless feminist.
It’s so repulsive and wrong.
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pensmama87
Guest
I googled. Probably against my better judgment. I’d never heard of Dalrock until this thread and now wish I still didn’t know about it.
Sad, sad stuff.
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Xantippe
Guest
I know you are sick of advice, and this may be totally irrelevant to your social and cultural conditions, but here are some ideas:And then you hear feel-good success stories of Mr. Loser who suddenly experiences the dating miracle right when he was about to give up on what he thought ‘didn’t work.’
(Not that I completely disagree with you but I’m just pointing out that this whole subject is really the proverbial powder keg with an unstable ticker.
–smaller groups (maybe double-dating would work?)
–more specific interest oriented groups (if available)
–somewhat older women (a lot of what you mention sounds like it might not be an issue if you paid more attention to women just a little older than yourself, rather than to women just a little younger than yourself). Older women are much more likely to cut you some slack, take the lead, be compassionate, and make up for your social deficiencies, if any.
–non-Filipinas
Regarding older women, here’s a letter from Ben Franklin to a friend:
swarthmore.edu/SocSci/bdorsey1/41docs/51-fra.html
You can remove the actively sinful advice (he’s advising his friend on the choice of a mistress) and keep the more relevant stuff, namely that older women may be 1) more interesting to talk to 2) more compassionate and more helpful than younger women.
It’s a very funny letter.
And come to think of it, for any of our single guys that are struggling, at least part of the problem may be that they are aiming too young.
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Xantippe
Guest
Sorry about that!
And the sad and ironic thing is that those guys don’t understand that their ideal woman wouldn’t touch them with a ten foot pole if she knew where they spent their time on the internet or how they and their friends talk about women.
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Sarcelle
Guest
Hmm, If they claim to be Christian, than they should know that they will be facing Jesus sooner or later and would have to give an accounting of the words they have said, in speech or writing. Will they still claim that they were merely following His example?
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