Why can't women simply say "I'm not interested." to men?

[Xantippe]

My first experience with feminism was essentially “oh that makes a lot more sense.” Flipping through Dalrock, none of it would surprise me from the church I grew up in.

My initial serious exposure to feminism was in grad school (as a newlywed, but before we had kids) when we had to read a lot of stuff that I didn’t really connect with at the time. It just didn’t feel very relevant to me.

15+ years later, having had a husband and kids for a number of years, having read a lot of CAF and family blogs and Captain Awkward and Dr. Nerdlove, listened to a lot of Dave Ramsey, as well as having studied the manosphere thoroughly (but hopefully from a safe distance), my feelings have changed a lot. Like you, I’ve had a lot of “oh, that makes so much sense!” moments the last few years. I feel like there are a lot of feminist ideas that deserve to be stolen.

For starters:

–Women ought to be able to feel safe
–Women should not be guilted into doing stuff that makes them feel or be unsafe
–Women should not be treated with disrespect and contempt just for being women
–Both mothers and fathers should contribute to the best of their abilities to their families, in whatever form is most sensible
–There needs to be a collaborative process with regard to budgets, rather than either spouse bringing down a budget carved on stone tablets from Mt. Sinai, or (alternately) just spending willy nilly
–Husbands and wives ought to have roughly equal amounts of spending money and leisure (assuming no major disability is present)

 

[ack]

I never thought of myself as a feminist until after saying that am man asked me If I thought I women were equally important to men. After that I became more aware of “women’s issues” and how valid they are at times. I think I was so used to certain situations like pervy comments from men (particularly in my early twenties in the work place) being intimidated, and the feeling of fear when being approached and a guy not taking ‘no’ for an answer.realizing my date feels entitled to sex or at least some messing around, and a bit of panic because I’m in his car and nowhere near home.Hearing guys talk about other women in a degrading way.
I have also seen an attitude toward a mom who coaches 9 year old girls rec basket ball
She is attractive, confident, very competitive, and is a really good coach. She really understands the sport. She is also loud, but none of the things she said is negative and I can say by watching her she is fair with playing times. I see people getting bent out of shape, particularly when she speaks up. She is not rude but direct. When a dad is like that, he’s a great coach. When it’s a mom, people bristle at it. It’s pretty subtle.

A similar situation arises in business when people (mostly men, but maybe women also?) expect female bosses to be “nice”, and get resentful when they find that this isn’t always the case.

 

[ack]

Again, Dalrock is a really lousy hobby for a theoretically super duper married Christian man to be engaging in.

Fixed that for you.

Seriously, I’ve been reading CAF for 10 years, and this is among weirder threads that I’ve ever seen on here (unfortunately, though, by no means is it the weirdest.)

My advice for the single men out there (I feel entitled to give such advice, because I am one) is that if you’re so unhappy about the way that a particular woman handles situations, then you should be glad that you’re not dating her. If her decisions upset you, then surely it would be far worse to be married, obligating you to include her in your own decisions for the rest of your life.

 

[Xantippe]

F

My advice for the single men out there (I feel entitled to give such advice, because I am one) is that if you’re so unhappy about the way that a particular woman handles situations, then you should be glad that you’re not dating her. If her decisions upset you, then surely it would be far worse to be married, obligating you to include her in your own decisions for the rest of your life.

Right.

I don’t understand the sentiment, “She’s so mean and selfish! Why doesn’t she give me a chance?”

 

[petitfleur]

Right.

I don’t understand the sentiment, “She’s so mean and selfish! Why doesn’t she give me a chance?”

where is the like button?

 

[DarkLight]

Right.

I don’t understand the sentiment, “She’s so mean and selfish! Why doesn’t she give me a chance?”

I suspect the sentiment originated with guys who really want a woman who would shut up and provide sex on demand. Who cares about her personality if what you want is to get laid?

 

[petitfleur]

I suspect the sentiment originated with guys who really want a woman who would shut up and provide sex on demand. Who cares about her personality if what you want is to get laid?

A lot of these Christian bloggers don’t believe there is such a thing as marital rape. There was a blogger named Cabinet Man who insisted his wife have sex with him at least every other day, no matter what. He then decided he did not like her attitude and insisted she must be enthusiastic about it. I am not making this up. His justification for this was the bible sais that they become one and you cannot rape yourself.He eventually got so much pressure he made it private. it is amanhiswifethebible@wordpress.com I think he really liked the attention. he goes public, gets lots of negative flak the puts it private.

 

[multitude]

Somehow I suspected that discusson about the manosphere was going to be brought up in this thread.

Fixed that for you.

Seriously, I’ve been reading CAF for 10 years, and this is among weirder threads that I’ve ever seen on here (unfortunately, though, by no means is it the weirdest.)

My advice for the single men out there (I feel entitled to give such advice, because I am one) is that if you’re so unhappy about the way that a particular woman handles situations, then you should be glad that you’re not dating her. If her decisions upset you, then surely it would be far worse to be married, obligating you to include her in your own decisions for the rest of your life.

Very likely because they read too many of these manosphere blogs, like the one petitfleur mentioned. All they ever do is rage about women. It’s ridiculous. It’s too easy for them to shelter themselves and cocoon themselves and their viewpoints that way. I know because I was one of them. This stuff isn’t that weird if you’ve been on the dark corner of the Interwebz long enough.

It’s unfortunate that being young, naive, single and wanting to be part of something could take out a good chunk of your life like this. Sucks for me. But really now. If single men are upset at “badly behaving women”, then remember what St. Paul taught to the Corinthians, that it is better not to marry, because your attention is undivided, and you are more concerned about pleasing God. That is, if you indeed take your religious faith seriously at all.

 

[Xantippe]

Somehow I suspected that discusson about the manosphere was going to be brought up in this thread. Very likely because they read too many of these manosphere blogs, like the one petitfleur mentioned. All they ever do is rage about women. It’s ridiculous. It’s too easy for them to shelter themselves and cocoon themselves and their viewpoints that way. I know because I was one of them. This stuff isn’t that weird if you’ve been on the dark corner of the Interwebz long enough.

**I think it would be really helpful if you posted even a short version of your story on the main family life page as a new post. We’re 42 pages in to this one, and I think the story that you have to tell deserves attention. How did you fall into the manosphere, what did it do to you, and how did you get out?

I think it would be a fantastic service to the CAF community.
**
It’s unfortunate that being young, naive, single and wanting to be part of something could take out a good chunk of your life like this. Sucks for me. But really now. If single men are upset at “badly behaving women”, then remember what St. Paul taught to the Corinthians, that it is better not to marry, because your attention is undivided, and you are more concerned about pleasing God. That is, if you indeed take your religious faith seriously at all.

Yes.

Best wishes!

 

[Walking_Home]

A lot of these Christian bloggers don’t believe there is such a thing as marital rape. There was a blogger named Cabinet Man who insisted his wife have sex with him at least every other day, no matter what. He then decided he did not like her attitude and insisted she must be enthusiastic about it. I am not making this up. His justification for this was the bible sais that they become one and you cannot rape yourself.He eventually got so much pressure he made it private. it is amanhiswifethebible@wordpress.com I think he really liked the attention. he goes public, gets lots of negative flak the puts it private.

---

It is really sickening – to use God/Scripture/the Church – to justify abuse/rape of a wife.

 

[Naskor]

Why can’t women simply say “I’m not interested.” to men?

Women do are not interested. It’s girls who aren’t straight forward.

 

[nothingclever]

Coming from a man who has turned down men, It’s because a large percent have such fragile egos that they will flip out, act creepy, or be an *** once they know you’re not interested. I’m about as straight forward as possible, but thank God practicing Catholics can’t date the same sex. It has saved me so much trouble. Not that there aren’t sweet, nice, and honest men. I’m just saying there are so many bad apples you develop defense mechanisms out of personal experience.