Why Celibacy if Marriage is So Glorious?

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Antonius_Lupus

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To my brethren,

I am a 20 year old Catholic college student who is seriously trying to discern whether I have a vocation to the priesthood (Roman rite). I am in regular contact with my diocese (as well as various orders) and I regularly receive spiritual guidance from my mentor (one of my deacons, although I do not yet have an official spiritual director, something I am waiting for my contact in the diocese to talk to me about).

Anyway, for the past 4-5 months I have been helping my deacon teach Adult Education in our parish, and the topic this year was “Liturgy and Sacraments.”

A about two weeks ago we discussed the Sacrament of Matrimony and the diaconessa taught that class. She explained the Sacrament in a way that magnified the dignity, beauty, and vocational glory of Marriage…so much so that I felt overwhelmed by an intense feeling of “sadness” (for lack of a better term) over the fact that my own vocational discernment revolves around the notion that I might be called to live a life of celibacy.

So, I wanted to ask here the same question I asked the LORD:

If Marriage is such a beautiful and majestic vocation according to Church teaching, why then must those who feel called to the priesthood (at least in the Roman rite) be denied such a wonderful sacrament?

I guess what I am really asking is why God calls Roman priests to be unmarried? After all, He calls married men to the priesthood in the Eastern Catholic Churches…why then does He still choose a different discipline for His Church at Rome (and thus my Church).

I understand the fact that even in the Catholic East if God calls a single man to Holy Orders, that man cannot become a married man…but still, even then, what’s so bad about being able to be married AFTER Ordination?

Something else: the diaconessa stated at the end of her lecture that “nothing is better than that [marriage]…except of course the priesthood, but that’s next week.”

Well, when next week rolled around the deacon did not (at least for me) explain HOW the priesthood is better than something which seems so majestic!

That’s what I don’t understand…why must I be forced to choose between such glorious realities: being a husband and father, or being a steward of the Holy Mysteries?

I am going to ask these questions of my contact in the diocese (I am meeting him in March), as well as my mentor, but I wanted to get some feedback here too.

I greatly appreciate any thoughts.
 
Whoops…the title should read: “Why Celibacy if Marriage is So Glorious?”
 
I heard a priest asked this question on one of the Catholic Radio shows. His response was, we are all called to give up things for the glory of God. If the joys of marriage were not so glorious, it wouldn’t be much of a sacrafice, would it?
 
I am not an expert on sacraments. However, (without taking anything away from the value of matrimony), I’ve always considered Holy Orders to be many times more glorious than Marriage. Following this call…serving God and his people in such a manner, seems to me to be one of the highest aspirations…out of all professions, out of all sacraments…that a person can strive for!

Perhaps the person doing the presentation on marriage, being married themselves, naturally chose more “inspiring” language while describing it as opposed to describing Holy Orders, which they might not personally understand as well. This might be why it seems to shine so brightly in your mind, and seem like such a strange thing to forgo.

But, that’s just my layman’s thoughts on the subject.
 
Antonius_Lupus said:
A about two weeks ago we discussed the Sacrament of Matrimony and the diaconessa taught that class. She explained the Sacrament in a way that magnified the dignity, beauty, and vocational glory of Marriage…
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"diaconessa "? What is that?
 
Chatter163 said:
"diaconessa "? What is that?
Click to expand...
LOL, sorry, it is an ancient title to refer to the wife of a deacon. I picked it up from the Melkite Catholics (who still use it), Latinized it, and applied it to my own Roman rite.

I personally think it is a beautiful way to express the dignity of Holy Orders, and the importance women have always played in the Church, even though they cannot be ordained.
 
We need vocation (I’m not sure if this is the right term, I’m not a native speaker) both for priesthood and matrimony. For example, I know perfectly well that I couldn’t be a nun. Well, never, if the Lord didn’t call me, of course.
I’ve often talked about this issue with my priest friends. To say it in a simple way, you can’t serve two masters. You’ve got to choose. As a common Catholic I see it this way: I have many Protestant friends, some of them are pastors. When I compare their activities with those of Catholic priests, they simply can’t be at the Lord’s and their parishers’ disposal. Because there’s the wife and children to think about. They have to spend a lot of time with their family just like other people. How can they spend so much time with the Lord, then? Who si in the first place then?
It’s very very difficult to choose, I believe. I just know that ALL my priest friends - young or old - have said they prefer celibacy.
God bless you and may he show you the right way, whichever it is.
one more thing, which was very interesting for me. A friend of mine, a priest, told me that his heart is so full of love to God that he couldn’t find a place for a wife in his heart.
 
I think there was an excellent pictorial example given by the Pre-Vatican 2 era Baltimore Catechism (an older friend of mine told me about this, so sorry if I get anything wrong):

You had two pictures:
  1. A picture of a bride and groom with the caption: THIS IS GOOD
  2. A picture of a woman in a nun’s habit and a man in a cassock with the caption: THIS IS BETTER
It was something like that anyway. Perhaps the way to look it is not that Holy Orders are good and Matrimony is bad, it is that Matrimony is a good thing, but Holy Orders is even better. They are both important though.
 
You might ask yourself this: Why would anybody ever be a monk…or, for that matter, a nun? What on earth can a monk or a nun do that a mother or a father cannot?

Christian marriage is an intrinsically holy state of life, but this does not imply that it alone is the next best thing to the priesthood. It is a very holy thing to be a consecrated virgin or a religious brother or sister, too. I suspect that, if you scratched beneath the surface, what your lecturer meant by “there is nothing better than that” was not that marriage is the best thing for every Christian, but rather that of all kinds of marriage, none touches the beauty of Christian marriage. By the Sacrament of Marriage, Christian couples may reach the glorious heights God intends for the married state. It is not that God desires all Christians to be married couples, then, but that God intends all married couples to live their married lives within the glory of the Sacrament of Marriage. God has other glories and ways of perfection in mind for the other souls devoted to him.

If this were not true, then religious life would be nothing more than a refuge for spinsters. Nothing could be further from the truth! Even the Christian who lives the single vocation, whether or not married life or professed religious life seems a possibility, has the “best thing”, compared to unmarried people who think nothing of what God wants of them. That is the way we need to look at this.

“Now in regard to the matters about which you wrote: “It is a good thing for a man not to touch a woman,” but because of cases of immorality every man should have his own wife, and every woman her own husband…This I say by way of concession, however, not as a command. Indeed, I wish everyone to be as I am, but each has a particular gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. Now to the unmarried and to widows, I say: it is a good thing for them to remain as they are, as I do, but if they cannot exercise self-control they should marry, for it is better to marry than to be on fire…If you marry, however, you do not sin, nor does an unmarried woman sin if she marries; but such people will experience affliction in their earthly life, and I would like to spare you that. I should like you to be free of anxieties. An unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. But a married man is anxious about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and he is divided. An unmarried woman or a virgin is anxious about the things of the Lord, so that she may be holy in both body and spirit. A married woman, on the other hand, is anxious about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. I am telling you this for your own benefit, not to impose a restraint upon you, but for the sake of propriety and adherence to the Lord without distraction.” Exerpts from 1 Cor 7:1-35

The Church has imposed the discipline of celibacy on her clergy so that these men may be undivided, and so that wives and families may have fathers that may be anxious on their behalf. I have talked to more than one deacon’s wife about this, and with regards to being the wife of a pastor, the unanimous opinion has been this: No. Way. Thank. You. Very. Much. (Let’s not get started on the trials of being the pastor’s child…)
 
Antonius_Lupus said:
LOL, sorry, it is an ancient title to refer to the wife of a deacon. I picked it up from the Melkite Catholics (who still use it), Latinized it, and applied it to my own Roman rite.

I personally think it is a beautiful way to express the dignity of Holy Orders, and the importance women have always played in the Church, even though they cannot be ordained.
Click to expand...
This reminds me of military wives especially the wives of the Master Chiefs and officers wives who do so much to help other wives and their families while the men are on patrol. Their work is invaluable but they do not take on the title of their husbands. I can’t imagine calling the Master Chief’s wife a Master Chieftess.
 
nsper7 said:
I think there was an excellent pictorial example given by the Pre-Vatican 2 era Baltimore Catechism (an older friend of mine told me about this, so sorry if I get anything wrong):

You had two pictures:
  1. A picture of a bride and groom with the caption: THIS IS GOOD
  2. A picture of a woman in a nun’s habit and a man in a cassock with the caption: THIS IS BETTER
It was something like that anyway. Perhaps the way to look it is not that Holy Orders are good and Matrimony is bad, it is that Matrimony is a good thing, but Holy Orders is even better. They are both important though.
Click to expand...
I remember that picture!
 
The OP might get more replies from men in his position if he were to move this to the Vocations Forum…
 
Remember the story of the Pearl of Great Price? A man discovers a priceless pearl. He goes and sells all that he has, and buys the pearl. Another story tells of finding a treasure in a field. The man buries the treasure again, sells all he has and buys the field.

Now, what they sold must have included some very valuable things - things that were magnificent in themselves. But that pearl - that wondrous pearl - and that treasure - were worth more than all the good things the men had put together. Selling all those good things was the only thing they wanted to do and the best thing they could do.

They didn’t think they were being denied the goods - their eyes were on the thing that was so much more valuable.

As you learn more about Holy Orders, you may come to see its magnificence, too. If you sense that selling all you have, including the possibility of that wonderful state of marriage, is what you want to do to have Holy Orders, that’s a good sign for your vocation. If you continue to see giving up marriage as being unfairly “denied” something, that’s an important thing to work through before you continue. Resentment is not a good foundation for anything, even the slightest hint of it.

God bless you as you discern.

Betsy
 
The Catechism has a beautiful explanation of this, and unfortunately I can’t find what I’m looking for. In short, yes marriage is a beautiful and wonderful thing, but it is more beautiful and wonderful to live a life consecrated to the Lord. A consecrated life is not a good life because the married life is not a good life, one thing can not be said to be “good” if it only looks that way compared to something which is not good.

Rather the chaste consecrated life and married life complement each other. Married life is good, but that makes the virgin life even better.

That’s my paraphrasing of the beautifully worded passage in the CCC.
 
From the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
**
Marriage in the Lord**

1612 The nuptial covenant between God and his people Israel had prepared the way for the new and everlasting covenant in which the Son of God, by becoming incarnate and giving his life, has united to himself in a certain way all mankind saved by him, thus preparing for "the wedding-feast of the Lamb."104

1613 On the threshold of his public life Jesus performs his first sign - at his mother’s request - during a wedding feast.105 The Church attaches great importance to Jesus’ presence at the wedding at Cana. She sees in it the confirmation of the goodness of marriage and the proclamation that thenceforth marriage will be an efficacious sign of Christ’s presence.

1614 In his preaching Jesus unequivocally taught the original meaning of the union of man and woman as the Creator willed it from the beginning permission given by Moses to divorce one’s wife was a concession to the hardness of hearts.106 The matrimonial union of man and woman is indissoluble: God himself has determined it "what therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder."107

1615 This unequivocal insistence on the indissolubility of the marriage bond may have left some perplexed and could seem to be a demand impossible to realize. However, Jesus has not placed on spouses a burden impossible to bear, or too heavy - heavier than the Law of Moses.108 By coming to restore the original order of creation disturbed by sin, he himself gives the strength and grace to live marriage in the new dimension of the Reign of God. It is by following Christ, renouncing themselves, and taking up their crosses that spouses will be able to “receive” the original meaning of marriage and live it with the help of Christ.109 This grace of Christian marriage is a fruit of Christ’s cross, the source of all Christian life.

1616 This is what the Apostle Paul makes clear when he says: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her,” adding at once: "'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one. This is a great mystery, and I mean in reference to Christ and the Church."110

1617 The entire Christian life bears the mark of the spousal love of Christ and the Church. Already Baptism, the entry into the People of God, is a nuptial mystery; it is so to speak the nuptial bath.111 which precedes the wedding feast, the Eucharist. Christian marriage in its turn becomes an efficacious sign, the sacrament of the covenant of Christ and the Church. Since it signifies and communicates grace, marriage between baptized persons is a true sacrament of the New Covenant…112
**
Virginity for the sake of the Kingdom**

1618 Christ is the center of all Christian life. The bond with him takes precedence over all other bonds, familial or social.113 From the very beginning of the Church there have been men and women who have renounced the great good of marriage to follow the Lamb wherever he goes, to be intent on the things of the Lord, to seek to please him, and to go out to meet the Bridegroom who is coming.114 Christ himself has invited certain persons to follow him in this way of life, of which he remains the model:
Code: 
"For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to receive this, let him receive it."115
1619 Virginity for the sake of the kingdom of heaven is an unfolding of baptismal grace, a powerful sign of the supremacy of the bond with Christ and of the ardent expectation of his return, a sign which also recalls that marriage is a reality of this present age which is passing away.116

1620 Both the sacrament of Matrimony and virginity for the Kingdom of God come from the Lord himself. It is he who gives them meaning and grants them the grace which is indispensable for living them out in conformity with his will.117 Esteem of virginity for the sake of the kingdom118 and the Christian understanding of marriage are inseparable, and they reinforce each other:
Code: 
Whoever denigrates marriage also diminishes the glory of virginity. Whoever praises it makes virginity more admirable and resplendent. What appears good only in comparison with evil would not be truly good. The most excellent good is something even better than what is admitted to be good.119
vatican.va/archive/catechism/p2s2c3a7.htm#I
 
Corki said:
I heard a priest asked this question on one of the Catholic Radio shows. His response was, we are all called to give up things for the glory of God. If the joys of marriage were not so glorious, it wouldn’t be much of a sacrafice, would it?
Click to expand...
I have thought about that as well…and yet, my real question revolves around the understanding that the human person is designed to, at least in the family, be an image of the Divine Life, and thus, through married life, share in God’s creative aspect.

This is why I think it bothers me so. I hear so much lately about how glorious marriage is and how pure and holy it should be, and yet (comparatively) I hear less about the theological depth inherent in celibacy.

When such an emphasis is placed on one and not the other by those around me I feel great ease in ascribing more emphasis on one than the other.
 
baltobetsy said:
Remember the story of the Pearl of Great Price? A man discovers a priceless pearl. He goes and sells all that he has, and buys the pearl. Another story tells of finding a treasure in a field. The man buries the treasure again, sells all he has and buys the field.

Now, what they sold must have included some very valuable things - things that were magnificent in themselves. But that pearl - that wondrous pearl - and that treasure - were worth more than all the good things the men had put together. Selling all those good things was the only thing they wanted to do and the best thing they could do.

They didn’t think they were being denied the goods - their eyes were on the thing that was so much more valuable.

As you learn more about Holy Orders, you may come to see its magnificence, too. If you sense that selling all you have, including the possibility of that wonderful state of marriage, is what you want to do to have Holy Orders, that’s a good sign for your vocation. If you continue to see giving up marriage as being unfairly “denied” something, that’s an important thing to work through before you continue. Resentment is not a good foundation for anything, even the slightest hint of it.

God bless you as you discern.

Betsy
Click to expand...
Ah, the pearl of great price…this is something that I have found extremely powerful in my discernment.

I cannot express to you how strong the notion of sacrificing my own human sexuality to the Will of God is…indeed, this is what drives me in many respects.

Yet, for some reason, I feel as though I have hit some sort of road-block. Please do not make the mistake that I feel resentment at the discipline…on the contrary, I support the discipline of celibacy and have vigorously defended it.

However, I feel as though my glimpse into the theological depth inherent in Matrimony has “knocked me off kilter” a bit. That is to say, I cannot by myself formulate what I feel is an equally profound set of reasons why celibate Orders is more valuable…all I can say is that I know and believe that it is.

I want to be able to know and be able to formulate the “why” part.

I already know the significance of giving up everything for the Kingdom…especially giving up the deep human desire for nuptial expression of the Divine reality in the sacrament of Matrimony. That is not the issue here.

What I am looking for, I think, is a theological explanation which delves into “why” giving up such a wonderous theological jewel like marriage is of greater value than the aformentioned.

It is so hard for me to express what I am looking for here…
 
Another point:

I have said before, and will and can freely say again, that I am willing to give anything I have to give in order to be deemed worthy to be graced with the Sacred Orders of Apostolic ministry.

That is not what is bothering me…I firmly believe that even the beauty of marriage is worth sacrificing in order to gain the “pearl of great price” that is the priesthood and the privilege of being used to consummate the love of God made manifest in the Holy Sacraments.

What is bothering me is really more of an intellectual issue…the desire for an explanation.

(I may be re-phrasing what I have already said) What I want to know is if man is designed for the nuptial mystery, made to be an icon of the Divine Life in the family, and capable of co-creating rational persons made in the image of God with God: why then is clerical celibacy “better.” (I use the word “better” in reference to how it has always been explained to me).

What is the theological reason why the Faith often allows for one or the other and not both, since both are such clearly good and edifying realities.
 
zab said:
This reminds me of military wives especially the wives of the Master Chiefs and officers wives who do so much to help other wives and their families while the men are on patrol. Their work is invaluable but they do not take on the title of their husbands. I can’t imagine calling the Master Chief’s wife a Master Chieftess.
Click to expand...
But I’m aware of a Base where officers’ wives wore their husbands’ rank pins on their lapels and had a ‘promotion’ when their husbands did. Gag me! I wouldn’t even tell the our kids their father’s rank because I figured it had nothing to do with them.
 
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