Why courtship?

[Larowyn]

Then why did you just now post?

 

[ABello]

Boys! Enough already!

I think we can all put our penises back in our pants now. They’re both the same size, so you can stop getting your panties in a bunch

Now that that’s been said, I’m going to derail the topic a little more. Sorry. This is not directly a response to OnlyAmbrose’s question, but I’ll proceed anyways. First off, the concept of “courting” is completely new to me, and I’ve never heard the word used outside of period-piece movies and this forum. For that reason, I’m basing my opinions chiefly on what others have said it means.

It seems that, at least from where I sit, “courting” does not afford the same flexibility that dating does, and for that reason it feels that those who court might be less prepared, or be at a disadvantage, to those who date.

The early part about courting, as KCT put it, the going out with one guy and then another, seems to be mostly present in dating. Especially amongst teenagers, prior to dating someone, they normally know them through something like school, and probably even share the same circle of friends. So in this respect, I see the two forms being “equal”.

The final parts of dating and courtship seem to be pretty much the same, too. At the end of a courtship and at the end of a relationship, you begin to talk seriously about marriage, and all the fun messy stuff that comes along with it. At this point, I also think that dating and courting are equal.

Then there’s the middle, where I feel like things get a little bit confusing. The middle of dating is a serious, monogamous relationship – I understand that. But what’s in the middle of a courtship? For those that believe that there is a difference between dating and courtship, it’s clearly got to be something else.

Here’s one thing about dating that Corki mentioned was a concern of his.
“2) It teaches people how to break up. With each subsequent failed relationship, each party learns to be a little more careful and reserved in order to protect him/herself from future hurt. It does nothing to model or prepare one for a lifetime committment.”

I don’t share Corki’s concern, and here’s why: I think there’s merit in serious relationships between teenagers. Maybe it does teach them how to break up, but I also think it teaches them other important things, like how to communicate, compromise, and deal closely with someone who may not always agree with you. I think serious monogamous relationships are a good learning experience.

Another thing that Corki mentioned:
“1) It is treated almost as a sport. Young peoples hearts are sometimes crushed and yet both parties are expected to move on.”
Heartbreak happens, and it’s not the end of the world. It may feel like it at 16, but then again, everything feels like the end of the world at 16, right down to minor things like your curfew being earlier than everyone else’s (“Mom! You’re so totally unfair and you’re totally ruining my life!”) In my opinion, this really shouldn’t be much to worry about. I think most adults can look back on their teenage heartbreaks and safely say “it made me stronger”.

 

[Larowyn]

Boys! Enough already!

I think we can all put our penises back in our pants now. They’re both the same size, so you can stop getting your panties in a bunch

You are… disgusting.

 

[ABello]

You are… disgusting.

Why thank you. I aim to please.

 

[Belgarion]

Why thank you. I aim to please.

Well, at least it caught people off guard and dimished the posts to a single sentence.

 

[Larowyn]

Well, at least it caught people off guard and dimished the posts to a single sentence.

I was done posting here until he volunteered that disgusting and nauseatingly graphic mental image.

 

[ABello]

I was done posting here until he volunteered that disgusting and nauseatingly graphic mental image.

Until she did.

It seems that there’s not much left of this thread anymore. Sorry OnlyAmbrose.

 

[Belgarion]

I was done posting here until he volunteered that disgusting and nauseatingly graphic mental image.

Not surprising.

 

[chevalier]

I agree. When my mom was young, a girl could go to a movie w/ one guy on Friday and bowling w/ another on Saturday. No big deal.

Absolutely. I also firmly believe it’s no one’s business who I have a coffee with. I believe if something isn’t decidedly romantic, it shouldn’t be exclusive. I only have a problem - but in turn a big one - with non-exclusive romance, defined period relationships and the like.

I have been trying to explain to my 17 yr old why there is nothing wrong with doing the same thing. Just because you go out w/ someone once, does not mean you’re exclusive. (when my dd was telling a co-worker about this practice, the girl said, “Your mom wants you to be a slut??”)

Depends what you do when you go out. If you sit there and talk or walk or bowl or dance or play pool or whatever, it’s stupid to think it’s any reason to make it exclusive. Now if there’s something romantic, like kissing, holding hands, exchanging love letters, excessive flirting, any implication of love or a romantic relationship, that should be exclusive.

I think dating to have fun and then breaking up when you’re bored is not the way to treat people.

Exactly. It’s objectifying. I see nothing wrong in having a coffee or two just for the talk and the company - or even going to a dance and behaving like a lady and a gentleman - even if nothing is going to come out of that. But romantic relationships should not be had for fun. Free enjoyment stops at the friendship level.
"Feanaro's Wife:

It is hard to find a guy who would even be open to only going on one date (unless it’s just a “hook up”) and would not want a second one if he knew you were with a different guy the next night.

I would definitely not date a non-exclusive kisser, but if it’s just spending time together, it’s pretty much free game. Obviously things work both ways, so whatever she can do, I can.

1. It teaches people how to break up. With each subsequent failed relationship, each party learns to be a little more careful and reserved in order to protect him/herself from future hurt. It does nothing to model or prepare one for a lifetime committment.

Neither do non-exclusive relationship (sharing a coffee isn’t a relationship).

1. Exclusive dating can (and almost always does) lead to a feeling that sex is inevitable.

Untrue. Also, non-exclusive dating leads to a feeling that monogamy is fine so long as sex is not had. I would also like to see some statistics, if any existed, to check “failure to temptation” ratio between people who are in non-exclusive relationships (I mean full-blown, kissing and the like) and those who are in exclusive relationships when it comes to such things.

 

[JadensMom]

I’d still like to hear an actual definition of “courting” as opposed to “dating.” So far it appears that “courting” is the practice of taking your family with you on dates(?!)

If that’s the case, then I’m really glad I dated DH instead of “courting” him, because if I’d had to take my family with us on dates, I’d still be single!

I know what would have happened. My father would have talked interminably on about football and baseball statistics. When my dad was up getting another beer, my mother would have introduced the topic of how much housework she had to do and how my older sister and I never helped, whereupon she would have gotten into a big old bickering match with my older sister. My brother would have found the whole thing totally boring and read a book the entire time. My three younger sisters would have run around screaming and fighting over the same toy.

Real romantic, innit. Don’t you all find yourselves longing to marry me now?

No offense to the courtship advocates, but dating worked just fine for me.

 

[Belgarion]

I’d still like to hear an actual definition of “courting” as opposed to “dating.” So far it appears that “courting” is the practice of taking your family with you on dates(?!)

If that’s the case, then I’m really glad I dated DH instead of “courting” him, because if I’d had to take my family with us on dates, I’d still be single!

I know what would have happened. My father would have talked interminably on about football and baseball statistics. When my dad was up getting another beer, my mother would have introduced the topic of how much housework she had to do and how my older sister and I never helped, whereupon she would have gotten into a big old bickering match with my older sister. My brother would have found the whole thing totally boring and read a book the entire time. My three younger sisters would have run around screaming and fighting over the same toy.

Real romantic, innit. Don’t you all find yourselves longing to marry me after a date with the above folks?

No offense to the courtship advocates, but dating worked just fine for me.

Dating just works out better for other people

I’ll try to find a good definition somewhere…

But I’d say the only problem with courting for me is that in my particular case, courting would mean NO private time…I would love some semi-private time at leas, or the ability to ACTUALLY court the girl I fell for…lol

But that’s a different topic entirelly.

Anyways, my point is that courting works well for some, just like Dating for others.

 

[Calliso]

I’d still like to hear an actual definition of “courting” as opposed to “dating.” So far it appears that “courting” is the practice of taking your family with you on dates(?!)

If that’s the case, then I’m really glad I dated DH instead of “courting” him, because if I’d had to take my family with us on dates, I’d still be single!

I know what would have happened. My father would have talked interminably on about football and baseball statistics. When my dad was up getting another beer, my mother would have introduced the topic of how much housework she had to do and how my older sister and I never helped, whereupon she would have gotten into a big old bickering match with my older sister. My brother would have found the whole thing totally boring and read a book the entire time. My three younger sisters would have run around screaming and fighting over the same toy.

Real romantic, innit. Don’t you all find yourselves longing to marry me now?

No offense to the courtship advocates, but dating worked just fine for me.

Yeah courting definately wouldn;t have worked with my parents either…especiallty my mom I think. Course my husband and I didn;t really date either I mean we kinda did but not in the conventional sense. It;s a long story lol.