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At this point I'm contemplating going to Saudi Arabia, to preach the gospel at Mecca and Medina. Muslims will slice my throat and I will be FINALLY able to make God happy since I am dying for the faith.
If you believe that God is calling you to do that, then you should, but it is more likely He is calling you to die right where you are. Die to your ambition, desire, arrogance and everything else that separates you from him. Especially the fear of not being able to support yourself.
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Spiritually yes. Jesus took care of that. Temporally no. Read Romans 8:23. We have not been redeemed yet nor have we been adopted as children of God yet. Our souls yes. Our bodies NO. There is no temporal mercy.
Both things are true. We are adopted and redeemed now, and we have yet to experience the full completion of our adoption. Refusing the fact that you have already been adopted and that your body, and everything you are and will be in this life belongs aleady to God is spurning the Truth.
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How is that? I don't know what gifts I have. God won't tell me. Nobody else would either.
We begin to learn about our gifts when we accept our identity in Him. The first Gift is that you are adopted as a son, that you are of much more value than many sparrows, and that He has a plan for your welfare. If you don’t accept these gifts, how can you find out more?
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How am I pushing HIM away? I try to get closer to him and I get rewarded with pain and unemployment. That's my reward for trying to have a personal relationship with God. Slapped hard. If I approach someone and they slap me hard, that's not ME pushing them away.
Yes. You are approaching Him with anger, blame, and demands. That does not make for a healthy relationship. When your relationship with Him finally becomes more important that a job, and anything else in this life, then you will be grow.
He is not guiding. He is not providing. THAT is my point. I get silence and unemployment.
Apparently you don’t like what He has provided. It is your place to give thanks in all things.
Yes. And God expects me to be a masochist. That’s why the devil is permitted by God to hurt others. God wants masochists.
This kind of warped thinking is only holding you back. Have you considered forgiving God?
I just want to be able to have a conversation with God, and not a monologue.
Then you need to accept the things He has already told you in Scripture and through the Church.
I am hopeless because I am a mere mortal. Subject to all the laws of nature and one of them is the laws of economics.
Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world.
Rom 8:32-9:1
ho did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, will he not also give us all things with him? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies; 34 who is to condemn? Is it Christ Jesus, who died, yes, who was raised from the dead, who is at the right hand of God, who indeed intercedes for us? 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36 As it is written,
“For thy sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
The Truth is that you are loved by God, and that you are “more than conquerer” because of Him who loves you. You have chosen to believe the lie that you have been separated from God’s love. Give it up!
I will be in prayer for you my brother.