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motherofnine9
Guest
well said- an atmoshere of mutual respect means we can relax and share differring views in peace, it is really helpful when others can help me clarify my wording
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Tablefor9
Guest
Great thread. And i will apologize in advance for a long response. As a mom of 7, ages 4-14, it is very encouraging and appreciated. I almost never get asked about WHY I have so many children–people do occasionally ask if it’s because I’m a. Catholic, b. Mormom, or c. Mennonite, but they always assume it’s a religious/openness to life thing. Then, we get the comment, “well, you don’t look like you have seven children”. 
I always (at least 3 x a week) get asked HOW I have such a large family. The family dynamic is different until you get to 3-4; I call it going from man-to-man to zone defense. This knowledge, coupled with a genuine enjoyment and love for your children, will get you through 90% of things still having a blast. GRIT and deep, keening intercession, will get you through the rest. The fact is parenting, no matter the family size, is the crucible of our lives. This is our path to Godliness (not meaning it as a slight to those not called to walk the same path).
True joy doesn’t come from material success and controlling your resources by limiting family size, but knowing God and fulfilling His purposes in our generations. This is what has kept me through my husband’s battle with porn, the deaths of my parents and three siblings, and the daily challenge of teaching a child profoundly changed by pervasive developmental delays. Joy has kept me when I couldn’t understand why my husband who loved Jesus so much couldn’t see the truth of the Church Jesus founded, and didn’t speak to me for days after I came home to the Church.
So, sometimes it’s not why that people want to know, but how. And what they really mean is, I see something in you (Joy) that I want, no, need, but I don’t know how to be what you are-do what you do-go where you are going- and also I’m a bit freaked out but the testimony of your trust in God lets me know this is true.
Btw, this is also true of my open-to-life friends with one child. They accepted God’s will and never had a second, never working outside the Church’s teaching on ART. Their transparency as they trusted God and walked out their faith was an amazing testament to the faithfulness of a loving God who sometimes answers prayer with “no” or “not yet”.
So, thanks again for a great post, OP. my main take-away was to keep up the JOYFUL, FAITHFUL attention to my family, for their good and God’s glory.
I always (at least 3 x a week) get asked HOW I have such a large family. The family dynamic is different until you get to 3-4; I call it going from man-to-man to zone defense. This knowledge, coupled with a genuine enjoyment and love for your children, will get you through 90% of things still having a blast. GRIT and deep, keening intercession, will get you through the rest. The fact is parenting, no matter the family size, is the crucible of our lives. This is our path to Godliness (not meaning it as a slight to those not called to walk the same path).
True joy doesn’t come from material success and controlling your resources by limiting family size, but knowing God and fulfilling His purposes in our generations. This is what has kept me through my husband’s battle with porn, the deaths of my parents and three siblings, and the daily challenge of teaching a child profoundly changed by pervasive developmental delays. Joy has kept me when I couldn’t understand why my husband who loved Jesus so much couldn’t see the truth of the Church Jesus founded, and didn’t speak to me for days after I came home to the Church.
So, sometimes it’s not why that people want to know, but how. And what they really mean is, I see something in you (Joy) that I want, no, need, but I don’t know how to be what you are-do what you do-go where you are going- and also I’m a bit freaked out but the testimony of your trust in God lets me know this is true.
Btw, this is also true of my open-to-life friends with one child. They accepted God’s will and never had a second, never working outside the Church’s teaching on ART. Their transparency as they trusted God and walked out their faith was an amazing testament to the faithfulness of a loving God who sometimes answers prayer with “no” or “not yet”.
So, thanks again for a great post, OP. my main take-away was to keep up the JOYFUL, FAITHFUL attention to my family, for their good and God’s glory.
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motherofnine9
Guest
wow- it is the how, isn’t it?
how can we have joy when there are so many things in our lives that should weigh us down from the world’s perspective -
whether is is because we are single and alone, have only one child and wanted more or are invalids I…
how can we be so joyful? that is the witness to life, new life in Him
how can we have joy when there are so many things in our lives that should weigh us down from the world’s perspective -
whether is is because we are single and alone, have only one child and wanted more or are invalids I…
how can we be so joyful? that is the witness to life, new life in Him
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EasterJoy
Guest
Don’t worry about it…the main thing is that some poor mother out there not wonder “why aren’t my six (or eight or ten) kids like that?”
I only got two children, but one of my happiest moments is when they saw this mother taking her four or five children under five years old across the street in the crosswalk in front of us, and one of them piped up with: Wow! Look at her! What a LUCKY MOM!! We have a small family, but they get it, and that makes me very pleased.
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Tablefor9
Guest
Yes!! This, exactly! It’s my hope that beyond all else, our children leave our care loving God with all their beings and with that same outlook on family. If they can do that, and think intelligently for themselves, it will go in the “w” column.
Don’t worry about it…the main thing is that some poor mother out there not wonder “why aren’t my six (or eight or ten) kids like that?”
I only got two children, but one of my happiest moments is when they saw this mother taking her four or five children under five years old across the street in the crosswalk in front of us, and one of them piped up with: Wow! Look at her! What a LUCKY MOM!! We have a small family, but they get it, and that makes me very pleased.
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becca77345
Guest
I’m really enjoying reading this thread. Motherhood is amazing-exhausting sometimes, but amazing all the same. I get funny looks sometimes from people when I have all four kids with me so I wonder what the reaction would be with more. Mine are young and close together in age so I think people are trying to work out if we have twins. Most people I’ve come across so far smile when they see us out and about though and most of our friends ,while not Catholic, have actually been very interested in how we manage without artificial birth control. Good way to plant seeds in their hearts…
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motherofnine9
Guest
becca77345 yes, great way to plant a seed of joy. I couldn’t agree more
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HoneyBea
Guest
I will take whatever God blesses with me. For awhile I was dealing with regret, guilt and fear for waiting so long to have children, but I have forgiven myself and I trust in God. I would love to have 10 children lol but I no longer think in terms of …I want 3 boy 2 girls spaced 1 year apart born on this date etc. I have finally learned to patiently wait on Gods plan for me. I wait trusting and confident in that and omgosh best feeling ever. I feel true peace and freedom. I am however excited to see and live the plans he unfolds for me.
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motherofnine9
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HoneyBea- you got it!! let the fun begin!
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HoneyBea
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severus68
Guest
Agreed.
I do understand a child wanting at least one sibling. Sometimes however, the first child remains an only child because of circumstances.
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severus68
Guest
Your explanation confirms what you meant. If “kids from large families can sometimes turn out bad”, that means kids from large families are generally good. If “kids from small families can sometimes turn out good”, that means kids from small families are generally bad.
I do not see how “vice versa” changes that stated position.
Perhaps that is not what you meant and you typed hastily?
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severus68
Guest
My apologies, I responded to your earlier post before I read this post.
I would like to say that most are not looking to find offence. It is importance to be careful about how we phrase things (that applies to me too).
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misscharlene85
Guest
We currently have three little ones, but are early into our marriage (5 years). We are open to how ever many God chooses to bless us with, and this is a big change from what we previously planned on…
From the start of our marriage we knew we would use NFP and “be open” to God’s will, but in our hearts we planned to use it with a contraceptive mentality. We wanted to have 3-4 kids, well spaced, and PROVE to others that NFP works at preventing pregnancy, and that you didn’t have to end up with 11 kids… but something strange happened to us. Only by the grace of God, and through the beautiful witness of our children, we no longer feel a need to prove anything to others. We want only what God wills for us, because that is our path to holiness. I now see that children are an immense blessing… far greater than I could have imagined before having children, and they are also a method of sanctification for me, requiring self-sacrifice and an increase in virtues (patience, charity, etc!).
I still sometimes struggle with the fact that others will think we are nuts, but I remind myself that we should rejoice when persecuted for the sake of Christ!
From the start of our marriage we knew we would use NFP and “be open” to God’s will, but in our hearts we planned to use it with a contraceptive mentality. We wanted to have 3-4 kids, well spaced, and PROVE to others that NFP works at preventing pregnancy, and that you didn’t have to end up with 11 kids… but something strange happened to us. Only by the grace of God, and through the beautiful witness of our children, we no longer feel a need to prove anything to others. We want only what God wills for us, because that is our path to holiness. I now see that children are an immense blessing… far greater than I could have imagined before having children, and they are also a method of sanctification for me, requiring self-sacrifice and an increase in virtues (patience, charity, etc!).
I still sometimes struggle with the fact that others will think we are nuts, but I remind myself that we should rejoice when persecuted for the sake of Christ!
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Walking_Home
Guest
A reminder of the Catholic teaching on motherhood.
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severus68
Guest
Thanks.
The Children does not say couples should have as many children as possible. Those who want and have many children, their children are a blessing. Those who have decided to limit the number of children, the children they have are a blessing.
I do wish that those who want large families and can support all their children, like the Duggars, would adopt a couple or more orphans. Such additional blessings they would have.
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