Why Did You Have So Many Kids?

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motherofnine9

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The very existence of a joyful mother of nine children seems to confound people.

When the words The Joy Of Mothering popped into my head as a title for my short stories it was like an epiphany for me because those few words verbalized my experience living with little people. The very existence of a joyful mother of nine children seems to confound people. However, it has been far from easy, rather it has been a long journey through confusion, guilt and public condemnation to reach the point where I can now shout loudly,

“This is my call, this is my vocation, this is my witness to the world.”

After the birth of our fourth child, Michael and I struggled to understand exactly how we were meant to live our lives. We were discussing an article by an author whose main premise was that letting go of control and trusting in God was not some abstract principle but a day-to-day practical call that included the surrender of our fertility. Of course we practised natural family planning but I was one of those rare people who could conceive long before ovulation.

As my doctor said once, “Ah, I remember reading about a woman in New Zealand, two years ago, who conceived five days before ovulation.”

I raised my hand and chirped, “Well, you can add me to that list!”

Although we could not imagine how large our family would become, the words of that article resonated within both my husband and I. Guilt lifted off us and a surge of excitement, a sense of purpose welled up from within. Although it took time to really believe that none of our children were simply a failure of the natural family planning method. Many small experiences kept reinforcing the truth the for us that God called each of our children into being with our co-operation. We’d stumbled blindly at times and then a burst of clarity would shine light on our purpose.

For example, twenty-five years ago, I once again slipped into panic mode, worrying if I was pregnant with my fifth child. Suddenly a wave of peace enveloped me and my whole body relaxed.

I heard these words within me,

“This is your call. This is your vocation. This is your witness to the world.”

All sorts of objections rushed into my head,

" What on earth do you mean a witness, a witness to what?- stupidityy? People don’t understand. They just think we are irresponsible or idiots…"

Then unexpected joy bubbled within me and I sensed these words in my spirit, “I am with you.”

Once again a blanket of peace wrapped like a blanket around me. It was an actual physical sensation and I was at peace, my mind calm and my spirit felt strong.

That was it for me; I understood and I said “yes”.

Though I still cringed under disapproval from society, I always understood that my children were saving me by compelling me to dive deeper into my spirit. They challenged me to dig deeper, discovering the power of eternal Love at my very core. A love that can stand strong against all opposition.
 
One very good answer to “Why did you have so many children?” is, of course, “I beg your pardon?” You might also try, “Why did I have so many children? What’s your follow-up question? How did I find someone nutty enough to marry me?”

Since you have written that people are “confounded” by your life, it also brings to mind this passage:

*The message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written: “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and the learning of the learned I will set aside”…

For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength. Consider your own calling, brothers. Not many of you were wise by human standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. Rather, God chose the foolish of the world to shame the wise, and God chose the weak of the world to shame the strong, and God chose the lowly and despised of the world, those who count for nothing, to reduce to nothing those who are something, so that no human being might boast before God*. 1 Cor. 1:18-19,25-29

People who “get” the Cross will “get” nine kids, and people who do not get the former will not get the latter.

There is no way you can spend your life that someone out there won’t think they have a better idea for you. My parents’ gravestone reads:* Loving Parents of Eight*. Is there anything better that you would want on yours, something that could beat Loving Parents of Nine? There are worse things to have people read about you in 200 years. Really, if that is what your children choose to put on your stone for your grandchildren and great grandchildren and great great grandchildren to read, there aren’t many things that are better.
 
Easter Joy wonderful insights and scripture, thank-you. the words on your parents headstone literally brings tears to my eyes…I can think of nothing better for my own
 
What a beautiful life story you have, I always even as a child had visions of a family of four children, but after our third son, my wife at the time said the shop is shut,
Well… Won’t go further there, anyway, I am envious of you, you are obviously a happy family,
Well, I guess I did get that fourth child, a step daughter,
 
Easter Joy wonderful insights and scripture, thank-you. the words on your parents headstone literally brings tears to my eyes…I can think of nothing better for my own
As a #7, I am very glad to hear it! 👍

(I am very pleased when I wear my mom’s “mother’s ring”. Mine only has two stones; hers has eight. One of my very best friends at church has eight on hers, too. Those rings will be nothing next to your crowns, faithful mothers and fathers who guided many souls!)
 
You can always tell them that you pray for the “underachievers” who have only two or three children.
 
I hope one day I am blessed enough to have someone ask me this question!
 
Congratulations motherofnine9!

We too have been open to life and I am so glad we chose to follow what the Church teaches.

Pithy responses? Your joy at your motherhood is more than enough.

Some people will always look at LIFE and view it as a “stinky fragrance”. That tells you more about them, then they might admit. Be sure to pray for them frequently.

2nd CORINTHIANS 2:14-15 14 But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumph, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. 15 For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, 16 to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things?

Thank you for your Catholic Christian witness.

God bless.

Cathoholic
 
Children and big families are a blessing to all involved. I’m speaking of intact 2 parent (one man, one woman) families of course, not single moms who crank out 6 kids by 6 different men with the primary goal of increasing their welfare benefits. A child in a big intact family is never without a friend. He is never bullied at school beyond perhaps just one day. He always has prayer partners for spiritual matters, tutors for homework, and teammates for sand lot sports. You almost never hear of a child from an intact big family going bad.

By contrast an only child can be come so self absorbed he develops narcissistic, sociopathic traits. Several mass killers have been only-children. Our current president is an only child. He openly authorized the assassination of American citizens deemed to be terrorists.

God bless you for having a big family where the kids can all grow up in God’s love expressed through you and your husband, and each of his or her brothers and sisters.
 
Lovely story. I would love to have a large family & I leave that in Gods hands 🙂
 
Prior to being married, my husband-to-be and myself both shared that we wanted a large family. He came from a family of seven and I, having only two sisters, came from a large extended family. My grandmother on my mother’s side had seven living children, six girls and one boy, and what with all the uncles, aunts, cousins all living nearby we had such wonderful weekends and holidays! Most of my friends growing up came from families of one child, two, or the most three.

My friends enjoyed seeing this tribe converge on my grandparents four-family apartment house every weekend. (Not all of them at once, but different aunts and uncles on various weekends.)

It was such a happy time for me, I wanted the same thing! We were blessed with eight children, and my husband is now deceased almost 15 years. Our children are in different areas of the U.S., and two live near me that I see often. The others I see once or twice a year, and we also keep in touch via e-mail and telephone.

Many ups and downs, but more ups! 🙂

Thanks be to God!
 
Easter Joy that is a new thought for me…thank-you
I am a Mother of nine also. Two babies in Heaven and 7 living. I am thankful God picked me to be their Mother. They held me up during some very sad times in our lives. My first husband died very young, we had 5 sons, (one already in Heaven waiting for him.). My boys were my life, what kept me going. Later I remarried and had 4 more sons, (one in Heaven also) My second husband died at age 47. Again my kids kept me going. They were the reason I had to get up every day and put one foot in front of the other. We are a very close family. They are all adults and doing very well. I have 9 grandchildren. One friend said to my oldest son awhile back, Is David your step brother? and he answered. Thanks to my Mom there is no such word in our family. We’re all brothers and that’s it.

I thank GOD for my Faith and for all those that helped me especially the priests. I was blessed to have wonderful priests in my life. Including Fr. Bill, my uncle. Both my husbands were converts. I had a wonderful Mother , a saint now I’m sure, and had 10 siblings. We grew up on a farm and. We always had someone to play with and had our own softball team. My father was an alcoholic and left our family when I was 14. My older brother took over the responsibility of providing for us, God Bless, him. In later years I met my father again and he had quit drinking. I got to know him as a much different person and I am thankful. He returned to the Faith and died with a priest by his side. I know my Mom had never stopped praying for him as she always told us to pray for our Dad. Families are precious. Cars rust, houses fall in but Love never dies. God Bless, Memaw
 
By contrast an only child can be come so self absorbed he develops narcissistic, sociopathic traits. Several mass killers have been only-children. Our current president is an only child. He openly authorized the assassination of American citizens deemed to be terrorists.
There are so many wrong and hurtful things about this statement that I do not even know where to begin.
Being an only child does not doom a person to become an enemy of the human race. What about Isaac, Jesus, Mary? All were only children!
Furthermore, I have personal experience with a severely-personality disordered person, likely a sociopath, who is a middle child. Birth order does not indicate mental illness.
 
wow mother of nine and all you other amazing mothers! I only have 4-makes me broody thinking about the possibility of more little ones. It’s not the best time for any more just yet for us and I just posted something about nfp earlier. Then I read your post and am now hoping more than ever that our grave reasons for postponing will be resolved asap. You’re so lucky to have a spouse who is so open to life too. It makes a huge difference. My husband struggles with it sometimes and so have I in the past to be honest but our kids are our best teachers.
 
Children and big families are a blessing to all involved. I’m speaking of intact 2 parent (one man, one woman) families of course, not single moms who crank out 6 kids by 6 different men with the primary goal of increasing their welfare benefits.
children ,no matter the why and how they came to be are blessings
 
My neighbors were married 60 plus years, in their 80’s when the dad got cancer. They had 8 children, who married and had children. He spent his last years in the home they had for decades while family cut grass, shoveled snow, brought food over. I loved to visit there. The phone was always ringing, someone was always stopping by. There was always fresh flowers on the table. The last few days of this amazing dad was filled with love and family, and he got to die at home. The mother now, as a widow, continues to enjoy the same love and attention, and even more that she’s alone. She’s staying in the house, and an adult grand daughter, who is single and well employed, has moved in, to ‘keep an eye on things’.

If only I could show people what this life is like for this couple in their last years, no one would ever criticize a couple having more than 2 children.

Thank you for your beautiful story. You and your beautiful family are indeed, a light in this dark world. God bless and strengthen you in your vocation today.
 
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