Why do catholics leave the Catholic Church

[Tantum_ergo]

As a Catholic who left the Church and returned, I put my 2 cents in here

After reading some of the responses in this thread, I must say that I am very happy that I am secure in my faith, and not someone who may have drifted away and is longing to “come home”.
Maybe I am being overly sensitive, but had I heard someone say I was “lazy” or just didn’t “care enough” about my faith, it would not have made me feel very welcomed, and probably would have pushed me away further. :sad_yes:
In looking at this verse from Hebrews again, and again taking the word enlightened, I will say again the answer to why people leave is right here.

Merriam Webster defines enlightened as

Based on that understanding, I know from experience, and from the experience of many that I have talked with, that much of what they were taught, as well-meaning as it was, was not always free from ignorance and misinformation.

Someone said it earlier, ‘You don’t know what you don’t know.” And if you don’t “really know”, it becomes very easy to seek “truth” somewhere else.

Very well said, obviously from the heart AND from the brain. God bless you for sharing this.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

As a Catholic who left the Church and returned, I put my 2 cents in here

After reading some of the responses in this thread, I must say that I am very happy that I am secure in my faith, and not someone who may have drifted away and is longing to “come home”.
Maybe I am being overly sensitive, but had I heard someone say I was “lazy” or just didn’t “care enough” about my faith, it would not have made me feel very welcomed, and probably would have pushed me away further. :sad_yes:
In looking at this verse from Hebrews again, and again taking the word enlightened, I will say again the answer to why people leave is right here.

Merriam Webster defines enlightened as

Based on that understanding, I know from experience, and from the experience of many that I have talked with, that much of what they were taught, as well-meaning as it was, was not always free from ignorance and misinformation.

Someone said it earlier, ‘You don’t know what you don’t know.” And if you don’t “really know”, it becomes very easy to seek “truth” somewhere else.

Thank you! Many people seem like…let them go…they were just lazy or uneducated. Well…there are so many different stories or circumstances.

When I was a child…I was never taught about the real presence…so to me I wasn’t walking away from that. I really wasn’t taught about any of my faith. What I saw was people around me not living the gospel life…but it was ok…they were in Mass on Sunday…but looking down their nose at everyone else.

Having come back…I help with a Catholics Can Come Home program in our parish. And I can tell you from experience…those people can turn around to be living their faith so much more then the cradle Catholic that never left. But at first…they are fragil…and many of them hurt…and yet there is something that pulls at them. To treat them with judgement and harsh words at first would be to lose them forever.

How do we help the lost sheep to come home? Or are we angry because we are part of the 99 that Jesus never went out looking for? Let’s not act like the other son in the prodigal son story. For many of us that left…we are all to aware of the time we missed out on…but rejoice in being home now. I just want to bring that joy to others.

 

[nicolakirwan]

I praise God that Jesus is the true Good Shepherd who knows how to tend to, seek and find His sheep. He, as Hebrews tells us, also understands our weaknesses and sympathizes with us because He, too, was tempted in the same way, even though He was without sin. (Heb. 4:15) Some, who are themselves sinful, act as if it is such an impossible thing to sympathize with the weaknesses of others. How our Lord ever remains more humble than we are! He remains our supreme example and is truly worthy of our praise and adoration.

 

[BellsMom]

I would imagine that some people leave because they simply stop believing, either in the church as the teacher of gods truth or in christianity in general.

 

[PJM]

=Oneofthewomen;10330521]I left the Church as a young adult and was gone for over 15 years and spent most of those years identifying as “spiritual but not religious”.

I did not have a strong religious upbringing. I was baptized because it was expected. We went to Mass occasionally, Christmas & Easter mostly, and sometimes with my grandparents. I learned the Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be & the Sign of the Cross from my Italian great-grandmother, in both Italian & English. I also prayed the Rosary with her, but that was really the extent of my catechesis until I was about 10 when I was enrolled in “CCD” and spent 2 hours every Saturday reading cheesy “textbooks” and doing crafts.
I received First Communion, First Penance & Confirmation (yes, in that order ) all by the time I was 14 and then I ‘graduated’ and was know an ‘adult member of the Church’ yet there was nothing to help me grow in my faith.

To complicate matters, my father was Episcopalian. My grandfather’s family had strong ties to the Episcopal Church and although he himself was basically “non-practicing” and my grandmother had never been baptized, my father & his siblings were baptized/confirmed so we attended church functions with my aunts, uncles & cousins at their church often. I even witnessed my grandmother’s baptism on her 60th birthday!
We received communion and were told it was “OK”, because it was basically the same thing as Catholic, Episcopalian’s just didn’t believe in the Pope, and he’s just a man, not God, so what difference did it make…”:sad_yes

I also had some run-ins with some rather unpleasant, very un-pastoral and unprofessional clergy and laity who worked for the Church, as well as many run-ins with some of the “more Catholic than the Pope” crowd, which to be honest, just left a “bad taste in my mouth”. If this is what it means to be “religious”, I’ll pass, thank you very much, was pretty much my attitude.

Now, how & why I came back are not important for this discussion, but I should mention, that when I came back, I was still most definitely a “cafeteria Catholic” who leaned very far into heterodoxy/borderline heresy.
By the grace of God, a couple wonderful spiritual directors/confessors and the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius, as well as my studies for my Master’s degree in Sacramental & Pastoral Ministry, I have experienced a metanoia, and have started to embrace a more orthodox spirituality, using St. Ignatius’ wisdom as a guide for discernment.
The question I always try to ask myself is
*“Am I doing/saying this for my glory or for HIS?” *I don’t always choose the “better part” but with His grace, I am getting better. :getholy

To wrap up, you quote Hebrews, and in verse 4, I believe you answer your own question-
I truly believe that those who leave are, for the most part like me, raised “culturally Catholic”, with no real catechesis, so therefore they have never been “enlightened”.

ETA: for a time-frame reference, I am the same age as the Missal of Paul VI!

WOW!

Once again God proves HE IS IN CHARGE and Loves us unconditionally!

WELCOME HOME dear friend:thumbsup:

THANKS for sharing,
Pat

 

[Schism_hater]

I “left” to join Orthodoxy. I put “left” in quotes because I do not believe I have really left the Catholic Church.

 

[ExCatholicGuy]

I would imagine that some people leave because they simply stop believing, either in the church as the teacher of gods truth or in christianity in general.

That certainly was my reason.

 

[PJM]

=PaulinVA;10333685]A priest friend once told me this story:

He was called to a hospital in the city to minister to police officer who had been shot. He arrived to find the officer sitting up and asking for the “last rites”. The priest told him they hadn’t been called that for a while, and wondered how long it had been since he had been to Mass. The officer told him it had been twenty years.

Priest: “20 years. Wow. Why so long?”
Officer: “One Sunday, the priest at St XXXXX had an entire homily about the police and talked about police brutality and how we are terrible people. I got up and left and never came back”
Priest: “Wow. I’m sorry”
Officer: “Yeah, he was an IDIOT”
Priest: “Obviously. So, do you miss not going to Mass?”
Officer: “Absolutely. I miss the Eucharist more that I can tell you.”
Priest: “Wait, you believe in the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist?”
Officer: “Absolutely! And the Eucharist is only available in the Catholic Church, the one Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church”
Priest: “So, you believe in the Eucharist and the Church, but you haven’t been to Mass in 20 years?”
Officer: “Yes”
Priest: “And it’s because of something a priest said 20 years ago in a homily?”
**Officer: ** “Yes”
Priest: “Wow, Now, who’s the IDIOT?”

Yes, this priest is rather blunt. And, to be honest, Idiot is not the word he used… Anyway, I think some people are hurt, leave in a huff, and don’t know how to come back.

AMEN

 

[BobCatholic]

Exactly my point. Anecdotes. Stories. I think your absolute characterizations do not hold up to scrutiny.

I see, so people’s own testimonies are just lies in your eyes.

Time to shut down the secular court system, after all so many cases are based on eyewitness testimony, which is of zero value according to you.

And if those who leave are lying then that proves they were not practicing the Christian faith as it prohibits lying.

 

[90cacjdm]

nicolakirwan;10333414:

Nicol,

These kids left the Church, not for a greater truth, for that cannot be…they left because of a greater truth and that truth is that they exerted no effort in learing what it was they were to learn. We are responsible for Catechesis. The materials are there.

It is easier to say a sinners prayer than read and study the Catechism…yippee…saved, now start attending Bible study Wednesday, Potluck Friday, Sunday Service and Oh we have Saturday service too…until every waking moment is spent in Protestant Catechesis using a translation of a Book…called the Bible…Catechesis is done in service on Sunday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, mens groups…where Sola are taught over and over again until you believe them…Spoon fed Catechesis…no effort needed…

Please explain to me how you know that these kids “exerted no effort in learning what it was they were to learn.” Did you know each kid that Scott Hahn converted? Maybe they did not know what they needed to learn? Maybe they were taught incorrect Catholic Teachings and had a hard time believing something that they were told was Catholic Teaching. I agree that some people leave the Church because they are lazy, but saying or implying that everyone leaves the Church because they “exerted no effort in learning what it was they were to learn” is not true. I did not know, what I did not know. I thought I understood Catholic teachings, but I began everything I thought I understood appeared to be false. I may have needed to leave the Church in order to understand that I was being taught incorrect Catholic Teachings. Had I stayed in my parish, my priest, who was thought that living a homosexual lifestyle was in line with Church Teaching (he said that he was a homosexual several times during homilies). I told him that I thought that the sexual act of sodomy was a sin, he would read to me the Sermon on the Mount. He said I was full of hate. I wrote a letter to my bishop and never received a response. This priest is still a pastor at the Church I used to attend. He will spin every Catholic teaching around you thought you understood. I was confused, but NOT lazy. Also, the parishioners taught we he taught. Had I stayed I would have accepted this as Catholic teaching. I believe that God had a plan for me and I needed to leave. I did pay a price. My x-wife still attends this Church. She left me because I told her that I found out that this is not the teachings of the Catholic Church. She said I can have her back anytime, I just need to accept the incorrect teachings of Father XXXXXXXXX as Catholic doctrine. I lost my house, savings, wife and most of my friends. However, I gained a beautiful love the Church. I would not trade the beauty of Church for the world. Please pray for me as I am for you.

 

[yahsure]

Ex-catholics 4 Christ
As I journey through my seventh decade, I can and do give thanks to God for the double blessings of health and spiritual wealth, that He has graciously bestowed upon me.

So I feel the task of a personal testimonial, must be brief.
For fourteen years, I was the Co-ordinator for the Justice and Peace in the Deanery, Vice Chairman of the Deanery Pastoral Council, occasional speaker for the presentation of Papal Encyclicals, regular mass reader, was commissioned by the diocese to author a book about my church, a member of the liturgy committee and was also part of the “Churches Together,” which involved ecumenism and inter-faith.
Yet, today I am ashamed to think that in all of those years when I performed numerous charitable works, attended mass seven days a week, observed and promoted the teachings of the Catholic church, I never knew Jesus personally.

Had I died, I would have perished forever. Only when I repented and trusted in Him alone as my Lord and Saviour, was I truly and eternally saved!

How sad and tragic. Jesus just didn’t enter into my limited equation. After all, the rich fabric of the church calendar sustained me, or so I thought.

Jesus, the Saviour of the World, just didn’t get a look in or a mention into my little isolated world.

I had never really considered just who Jesus is or why He had to die for my sins. I was cocooned in a church that was very much a surrogate Christ.
But only after you have decided to trust Jesus as your personal Saviour, are you starting out on that rewarding road to redemption.

You must be born again, warned Jesus to Nicodemus, not once but three times; don’t you think He is telling us something? I do!

So accept His eternal gift, it’s free and it might be the wisest thing you ever do! Refuse it, then you do so at your own peril!

 

[CopticChristian]

Ex-catholics 4 Christ
As I journey through my seventh decade, I can and do give thanks to God for the double blessings of health and spiritual wealth, that He has graciously bestowed upon me.

So I feel the task of a personal testimonial, must be brief.
For fourteen years, I was the Co-ordinator for the Justice and Peace in the Deanery, Vice Chairman of the Deanery Pastoral Council, occasional speaker for the presentation of Papal Encyclicals, regular mass reader, was commissioned by the diocese to author a book about my church, a member of the liturgy committee and was also part of the “Churches Together,” which involved ecumenism and inter-faith.
Yet, today I am ashamed to think that in all of those years when I performed numerous charitable works, attended mass seven days a week, observed and promoted the teachings of the Catholic church, I never knew Jesus personally.

Had I died, I would have perished forever. Only when I repented and trusted in Him alone as my Lord and Saviour, was I truly and eternally saved!

How sad and tragic. Jesus just didn’t enter into my limited equation. After all, the rich fabric of the church calendar sustained me, or so I thought.

Jesus, the Saviour of the World, just didn’t get a look in or a mention into my little isolated world.

I had never really considered just who Jesus is or why He had to die for my sins. I was cocooned in a church that was very much a surrogate Christ.
But only after you have decided to trust Jesus as your personal Saviour, are you starting out on that rewarding road to redemption.

You must be born again, warned Jesus to Nicodemus, not once but three times; don’t you think He is telling us something? I do!

So accept His eternal gift, it’s free and it might be the wisest thing you ever do! Refuse it, then you do so at your own peril!

Yahsure,

I agree. Every Catholic in the world, every Catholic on this forum, recite the following…

Lord I am a sinner,

Lord come into my heart,

Lord be my personal Lord and Savior

Ok, now lets get on with it, continue to know

and

Profess the Faith
Live the Sacramental Life
Model Christ
Pray

Continue to go to mass, read the bible, attend the Sacraments, know you are born again, pray the rosary, ask God for help and pray regularly…all is well…

Now we can all be one…I am with you…

 

[just_came_back]

Ahh…the heretical sinners prayer, something never mentioned in Sacred Scripture. If protestants were right, there wouldn’t be the need for oh, I don’t know, 38,000 different interpretations of scripture and you’re talking to a man that left the one true church TWICE before FINALLY realizing Rome was home.

You know when you’re defending Catholicism in a Lutheran setting, it’s time to get right again, but that’s my walk.

Protestanism is just too confusing. They say Scripture only, yet it was the Catholic Church that gave the scriptures to the world. So who is right? luther, zwigli, calvin, knox, wesley, ellen g. white, billy graham, etc.

 

[JackieMom]

Short story - a lot of people just don’t believe a religion should be so fraught with rules and laws.
The priest sexual abuse scandal was huge in our area and is still in the papers every day (Los Angeles.) They just released the personnel files out here and the evidence of a massive coverup is damning and heartbreaking. It was not one or two priests or one or two mistakes - it was huge and systemic. A lot of people have a hard time separating their faith from the institution of the Church. Their trust has not been earned back, and they are ashamed to be seen walking into Mass. Even I have to admit that I have a hard time answering people that ask, “How can you be a part of that? They are obviously not Holy, but corrupt?!” I know men fail and God does not, and that our faith has nothing to do with the terrible choices of these abusive priests, but I still feel shame and like I am betraying the victims when I attend Mass.

And I know many others who stimply couldn’t stand the idea of a bunch of criminal sexual deviants preaching to them, so they left. Especially ones who had personally been subjected to an abusive priest or whose children had. In our area, that’s a lot of us.

 

[cmodrmac]

The reasons are many and appear in all the Threads -they are personal and some communal -in Europe one almost views it as they are “tired of Christianity” -being a faithful Roman Catholic is not easy-

Those who leave are not all looking for lives of debauchery or disobediance-they are not bad people -they have disagreements that no one has answered satisfactorally in their opinion-or they are just tired of the rigors of being a faithful catholic-

1 out of 10 Americans is an ex Catholic-the Church would do well to retain those who still come-instead of intermittently encouraging them to leave which they do in my opinion

 

[CopticChristian]

Ahh…the heretical sinners prayer, something never mentioned in Sacred Scripture. If protestants were right, there wouldn’t be the need for oh, I don’t know, 38,000 different interpretations of scripture and you’re talking to a man that left the one true church TWICE before FINALLY realizing Rome was home.

You know when you’re defending Catholicism in a Lutheran setting, it’s time to get right again, but that’s my walk.

Protestanism is just too confusing. They say Scripture only, yet it was the Catholic Church that gave the scriptures to the world. So who is right? luther, zwigli, calvin, knox, wesley, ellen g. white, billy graham, etc.

Just,

Does this mean you won’t join me in this…

I agree. Every Catholic in the world, every Catholic on this forum, recite the following…

Lord I am a sinner,

Lord come into my heart,

Lord be my personal Lord and Savior

Ok, now lets get on with it, continue to know

and

Profess the Faith
Live the Sacramental Life
Model Christ
Pray

Continue to go to mass, read the bible, attend the Sacraments, know you are born again, pray the rosary, ask God for help and pray regularly…all is well…

Now we can all be one…I am with you…

 

[Gwendolen]

Well, I can tell you why we didn’t make it through RICA,

I came to the Catholic Church with a full time job, a full time family, and the time commitments of a practicing Christian. I could make time for RICA class, but on top of that, my kids would have had to go to their own classes, and we would have had to go to mass every week, without being allowed to take communion. This meant I was running between Anglican mass, where I could confess, and have communion, and the Catholic mass, where it felt like I was making an appearance. I genuinely could not fit it all in. I tried going without the Eucharist, and that was too hard.

Reason two, lack of pastoral care. There are plenty of clergy in the Anglican Church. The Catholic Churches here are huge, and the priests are few and spread very very thin. Many many people in the congregation are not even served the Eucharist by a priest, but by a lay person.

The Eucharist itself – in the Anglican Church, we receive at the alter, on our knees, and again by the priest, with some type of clergy administering the precious blood. The Catholic churches seem to have this huge assembly line with lay people, and for reasons I cannot articulate, it makes me uncomfortable. Also, it is a very long established tradition for young children, and those not receiving to come forward for a blessing, which I pretty much grew up with. They do that now in the Catholic church as well, but there seems to be an odd resentment among some this has been added (the topic of which was a whole 'nother thread here, so no one need repeat the reasons why some feel strongly they don’t want this “added”, I already know) but the upshot is I would rather any children attending with me be blessed without an animosity towards the blessing. Also, it is awkward and doesn’t feel right for the blessing to be administered by a lay person, which is usually the line we end up in.

My children: The services (Anglican and Catholic) are actually so similar, so I don’t know why they were so uncomfortable, but they were. They had been raised with explanations of the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist, but for some reason the very literal explanation of wine becoming blood from the Catholic Church was disturbing to my son in particular, who didn’t want to even approach the alter. I can’t completely explain this to you all, it seems like hair splitting to me, but for them one explanation meant “the bread and wine become Christ, you take this in, and He lives in you” and the other made them feel like some sort of cannibal vampire.

So we have left the Episcopal Church, and couldn’t quite make it to Catholic. We are trying to figure out between a low Anglican church, and a couple of Anglo-Catholic churches. The former makes us feel far more welcome, the latter lines up more with my theology.

 

[JackieMom]

Well, I can tell you why we didn’t make it through RICA,

I came to the Catholic Church with a full time job, a full time family, and the time commitments of a practicing Christian. I could make time for RICA class, but on top of that, my kids would have had to go to their own classes, and we would have had to go to mass every week, without being allowed to take communion. This meant I was running between Anglican mass, where I could confess, and have communion, and the Catholic mass, where it felt like I was making an appearance. I genuinely could not fit it all in. I tried going without the Eucharist, and that was too hard.

Reason two, lack of pastoral care. There are plenty of clergy in the Anglican Church. The Catholic Churches here are huge, and the priests are few and spread very very thin. Many many people in the congregation are not even served the Eucharist by a priest, but by a lay person.

The Eucharist itself – in the Anglican Church, we receive at the alter, on our knees, and again by the priest, with some type of clergy administering the precious blood. The Catholic churches seem to have this huge assembly line with lay people, and for reasons I cannot articulate, it makes me uncomfortable. Also, it is a very long established tradition for young children, and those not receiving to come forward for a blessing, which I pretty much grew up with. They do that now in the Catholic church as well, but there seems to be an odd resentment among some this has been added (the topic of which was a whole 'nother thread here, so no one need repeat the reasons why some feel strongly they don’t want this “added”, I already know) but the upshot is I would rather any children attending with me be blessed without an animosity towards the blessing. Also, it is awkward and doesn’t feel right for the blessing to be administered by a lay person, which is usually the line we end up in.

My children: The services (Anglican and Catholic) are actually so similar, so I don’t know why they were so uncomfortable, but they were. They had been raised with explanations of the Real Presence of Christ in the Eucharist, but for some reason the very literal explanation of wine becoming blood from the Catholic Church was disturbing to my son in particular, who didn’t want to even approach the alter. I can’t completely explain this to you all, it seems like hair splitting to me, but for them one explanation meant “the bread and wine become Christ, you take this in, and He lives in you” and the other made them feel like some sort of cannibal vampire.

So we have left the Episcopal Church, and couldn’t quite make it to Catholic. We are trying to figure out between a low Anglican church, and a couple of Anglo-Catholic churches. The former makes us feel far more welcome, the latter lines up more with my theology.

Lack of pastoral care, for sure. Ten years at the same parish and our priest would have no idea if we dropped off the face of the Earth. Too busy and the parish is huge. Couldn’t get a hold of him if I wanted to.

People will say that shouldn’t matter. You don’t go to Mass for the preist, or the fellow parishioners, or the environment. But in this world we do want a place to call “home” - many large Catholic parishes with only one priest are more like Costco than the mom and pop shop down the road.

 

[Tigg]

Short story - a lot of people just don’t believe a religion should be so fraught with rules and laws.

Then they are missing something huge - why concentrate on what they consider negative rather than the joy and spiritual richness of a church which clearly and concisely holds a deposit of faith leading to salvation!

The priest sexual abuse scandal was huge in our area and is still in the papers every day (Los Angeles.) They just released the personnel files out here and the evidence of a massive coverup is damning and heartbreaking. It was not one or two priests or one or two mistakes - it was huge and systemic. A lot of people have a hard time separating their faith from the institution of the Church. Their trust has not been earned back, and they are ashamed to be seen walking into Mass. Even I have to admit that I have a hard time answering people that ask, “How can you be a part of that? They are obviously not Holy, but corrupt?!” I know men fail and God does not, and that our faith has nothing to do with the terrible choices of these abusive priests, but I still feel shame and like I am betraying the victims when I attend Mass.

And I know many others who stimply couldn’t stand the idea of a bunch of criminal sexual deviants preaching to them, so they left. Especially ones who had personally been subjected to an abusive priest or whose children had. In our area, that’s a lot of us.

A former neighbor actually left the church over this and further blamed the Pope; of course, she never attended Mass on a regular basis, nor was very serious about living a truly sacramental life. In addition, she had some very strange ideas about what the Church teaches and what it does not. I don’t pretend to understand all the individual nuances of why people justify this as a means to leave their religious life, but do believe it boils down to simple F-A-I-T-H! Do we believe that all struggle against sin and that there are two elements - both human and divine? Would we negate the Divine due to human weakness? It was/is horrific and happened, but my faith encompasses trust and belief in One to whom I must keep my gaze firmly attached.

 

[Gwendolen]

Then they are missing something huge - why concentrate on what they consider negative rather than the joy and spiritual richness of a church which clearly and concisely holds a deposit of faith leading to salvation!

A former neighbor actually left the church over this and further blamed the Pope; of course, she never attended Mass on a regular basis, nor was very serious about living a truly sacramental life. In addition, she had some very strange ideas about what the Church teaches and what it does not. I don’t pretend to understand all the individual nuances of why people justify this as a means to leave their religious life, but do believe it boils down to simple F-A-I-T-H! Do we believe that all struggle against sin and that there are two elements - both human and divine? Would we negate the Divine due to human weakness? It was/is horrific and happened, but my faith encompasses trust and belief in One to whom I must keep my gaze firmly attached.

From a practical view point, some people don’t want to bring their children to a church where they may be sexually molested while the leadership turns a blind eye. Leaving a church because you do not feel that it may be a safe place to be doesn’t mean you are leaving God. It is hard to belong to a church when you have no faith in its leadership. It is hard for a priest to have credibility over matters such as pre-marital relations or same gender marriage when there is a perception they may be preaching out against these things from the pulpit, and molesting children or even adult parishioners behind closed doors. This particular sin was so deeply offensive and widespread, happening over and over again over a period of many decades, it is really hard for the church to overcome. Trust in God does not translate into trust in men that are supposed to be leading people to God.